Tag Archives: friendship

Real friendships.

Absolutely!

For the past 6 or so months, I’d been beating myself up about some friendships that I thought meant a lot to me.

I feel like I had been a good, honest, reliable and trustworthy friend to these people. Turns out the friendship hasn’t been reciprocated.

As a friend I go above and beyond to make the effort to see my ‘friends’. I drive over and hour sometimes to see them and have time with them. Over the past few months no matter how much I try to organise a catch up, I’m being either ignored or pushed aside. Deliberately or not, it has hurt my feelings and made me question if these people are actually true friends?

My husband tells me to ‘let it go’ that they clearly don’t ‘respect my friendship’ but it’s hurt me. True friends make an effort and time for those who are important in their lives, or who they value in their lives.

Why can’t people just be honest?

If our friendship has found it’s ‘use by date’ please be honest. Dont let me feel like a fool when I extend an invitation to see you. You say a ‘yes’ but it never comes into fruition. Please, tell me that you would rather not. Don’t ignore me or cancel last minute or ‘forget’ to respond for months on end. That’s shitty behaviour and not fair.

I was taught to treat others the way that you wish to be treated.

It may take me an hour or perhaps a day to respond to communications. BUT I always will. I dont make excuses. If I don’t want to see you or spend time with you. You will know in the most polite way that I can deliver the answer. I won’t ‘fake’ the friendship.

I don’t have time or the energy to be hurt or hurt others.

The Kind Of Friends Moms Need

Why moms are heros – by Rachel – Finding Joy.

To you, the mother.
To you, perhaps the tired mother who wants to throw her hands in the air and have a good cry over the frustration of the day but can’t even figure out what exactly made it so frustrating. To you the mother with littles who need you 25 hours in a 24 hour day. To you the mother, in whatever season of motherhood you may be in who needs a reminder about motherhood. To you, the mother, who might wonder if all of this mothering stuff really does make a difference.

Well, it does. And here is a small reminder of why.

You see, you are an amazing being. You get up before dawn and go to sleep well past the setting sun. And often, you stay awake through out the nights – waking to the cry of an infant or the whimper of a toddler with a bad dream or up watching for the teenager to return home. You, even though you’re tired, wake in the morning and put a smile on your face and look at those little ones who kept you up through the night and whisper to them I love you. It’s a love that isn’t dependent on sleep or looks or agendas. It’s a mother’s love.

You cook and bake and clean and do it all again. And again. And again. So often when there’s nothing in the pantry you can work your magic and pull a meal together that gets the cheers and hoorays of those sitting around your table. But you have thick skin – often the meals are met with noses turned and sighs and little ones telling you they really don’t like whatever you lovingly prepared. And then, dear mother, you negotiate and barter and set limits and hope that they eat at least two bites before they wash it down with the diluted half milk half chocolate milk mixture.

You are the chief problem solver. You can handle any argument – whose turn it is to unload or load or if one kid is bothering the other way too much. You have limits on name calling, yelling, fibbing, and teasing. You have mastered the art of counting to ten – in a row. You know when to step back and climb the stairs and sit on the floor in the bathroom and count to one hundred and then come out with a renewed sense of energy. And even if you don’t have you just push through. And sometimes, it means pbjs or pancakes for dinner – and then your kids think you’re even cooler.

You budget and drive and clean. And laundry? You breathe it. Day in and day out and day in and day out. Those mystery and long lost socks are no match for you the sorter, folder, and organizer. And even when you get behind you still joke about taming Mount Washmore even though really, really you wish for just one week where you didn’t have to fold all of those clothes. But, deep down, hidden in there, you know that this is a season – a sweet season – where the onesies, blankets, size 2T socks, soccer shorts, and leotards get to be in your wash. So you breathe deep and try to remember the value and sweetness of these fleeting years while you fold the stack of wrinkled t-shirts.

You, dear mother, are amazing. So often you look at all others are doing and then you measure yourself with a stick that is much too short. You’ll look at all they do and miss the amazing things you do. No one knows your kids the way you do – their quirks, sense of humor, and how to finally get them to stay in bed. You know when to just ignore the noise and keep on talking. You know them. You go to bed exhausted and wake up tired and yet you still give and do it the next day because you love the ones who call you mom.

You need a reminder today, a reminder of your greatness. And so today, to you the chief budget keeper, problem solver, sock folder, rocking chair rocker, temperature taker, sitter up till the teen gets home, sweeper, toy sorter for the tenth time in a day, listener, driver to and fro, cooker, cleaner, medicine giver, tamer of the laundry, repeated reader of books, and giver of self you need to remember that what you are doing today makes a difference.

It matters.

Motherhood matters greatly. The littles or middles or bigs in your home look at you. Their mom. They see the good – the way you give, the sweet things you do, the meals you make – and they love you. You deserve to be loved. And sometimes, sometimes they forget to tell you. Sometimes they yell at you or don’t obey or say things like I hate you and all of that. Those things don’t define you. Instead of quitting you just keep going. You go through sleepless nights, tight budgets, crabby kids, worry about tomorrow, homework being lost, times being sick, more sleepless nights, and all of the above plus more. Those tender hugs from years passed matter just as much today as do those moments where you want to whisper I quit but instead keep going.

That is my definition of a hero.

You are a hero.

Every single day. When you get up and rise and love on those kids and give of self. Don’t ever listen to the lies of the world that tell you that you are only a good mom if you do x, y, and z. Motherhood isn’t graded by the number of pinterest projects completed, or clever facebook status updates, or perfectly executed birthday parties, or the number on the scale. Motherhood isn’t this quantifiable thing – it’s not graded by everything you accomplish, but rather is a beautiful example of giving of self and loving even when the reserve tank is empty.

Your heart gives everyday.

So you, sweet mother, today I want you to move through your day – no matter how your day is – and remember that you are making a difference. Those kids who seem forever young will grow. And you, you are the one blessed with today and the time to walk that growing up journey with them. In all the bumps, twists, turns, and ups and downs no matter what you are their mother.

And that is something to be absolutely celebrated today.

Carry on hero.

~Rachel

Friendships and Social Media.

When social media overtakes friendships.

I recently had an emotional week where I found myself questioning many aspects of my life. Toying with the idea of starting a business and also had a few events happen that have made me question certain friendships.

I’m quite open with my feelings and some would say that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I had a very dear friend sit me down and give me a reality check, which I must say was much needed.

We were chatting about certain things that had upset me and her honesty was exactly what I needed. She said that I do share a lot on my facebook and instagram pages about what I’m up to and things I’m doing with my two little ones. Her suggestion was to stop. She said I’m too open and that may make people feel as though they don’t need to contact me. They already see it posted, so why the need to contact me?

This gorgeous friend also said that I put too much effort into a lot of my friendships and I should hold myself back. I interpreted that as I may be a ‘needy’ friend but she assured me that’s not what she meant.

She said that I’m the thoughtful one who contacts my friends to ‘check in’ basically. Ask them how they are doing, what they have been up to, and of course, it’s me organising a catch up. My dear friend suggested that I stop doing this also. She said that people just wait for my contact and feel they do not need to contact me or ask how I’m doing as they assume that I will contact them, or they will see on my social media what I’m up to which then allows them to not ‘have’ to contact me. She said many of my friendships are one way. Me putting the effort in and them just taking and not making any effort with or for me.

My feelings were hurt but it made perfect sense. She said that this will show me who actually is a true friend by those who take the time to contact me.

It made me realise, that perhaps social media does allow friends to drift apart?

If it’s all out there to see, why should you contact anyone to see how they are?

I’m an old fashioned person. I like to hear in my friends voices that they are ok. I like to physically see them, have the interaction with them and know that they are ok.

Maybe I’m just a weirdo? Is this weird?

I’ve had a few situations arise where I have been excluded and it has hurt my feelings. Maybe I should just get over it, but then again, why can’t I feel hurt by being excluded? I’ve seen things posted on social media that I was not invited too (not that I need to be included in everything) but certain occasions it’s nice to feel included.

I know that people and friendships change. Gosh I’ve experienced this first hand. When we moved out of our ‘area’ and into a new suburb 45 minutes away, I knew that it would show who I would keep as part of my life and who would no longer need my friendship.

That of course hurt.

I’m the friend who travels to the kids birthday parties in peak hour that are hours away, but I don’t get that in return. I’m the friend who drives an hour to help you settle your newborn baby with my newborn baby on board as you are struggling. I’m the friend who is there at who cares what hour, to listen to your word and comfort you when you feel like your works is about to end. And I’m the friend who offers to look after your toddler and give you rest as you are not feeling well or have morning sickness.

But I wouldn’t change it for the world as I know, that I’ve helped my friends when they have needed to rely on me.

I’ve had friends say 45mins is too far to drive to my daughters 1st birthday party, I’ve had friends cancel on me last minute. I’ve had friends organise outings with mutual friends but deliberately exclude me. It’s those friends who don’t return calls, or texts, or blatantly ignore you, that have hurt me. I’ve felt excluded from many situations. I’m the one who drives the distance with 2 little ones in toe, to visit my friends. Those who are important to me. I make the effort. Is effort to much to ask these days?

So are they friends or are they acquaintances?
Or are they just people who were once part of my life?

I’m trying to understand why some people treat others so distant when they are happy to receive but not put out?

Why are some friendships so one sided?

As I get older and after a few reality checks by my honest and true friends, I’m realising that those who I have called dear friends, are not actually that.

And it hurts, but as the old saying goes, it’s not the quantity but the quality.

I have a handful of good and honest friends who do spontaneously contact me. Just to see how I am, and they don’t want or need anything but to see how I am feeling.

For this I am grateful.

So for the next few months, I will be pulling back. I won’t be posting anything about where I am or what I’m up to. I also won’t go out of my way to contact ‘friends’. This will be my test, to see who actually does care enough about me to contact me. Who thinks about me?

It may be an even harsher reality check for me, but it will definitely show me those who I mean anything to and those who I no longer need to feel that I should be contacting or making an effort for.

Maybe social media does take over our lives?
Maybe I do post too much.

Let’s see how this plays out.

Stay tuned….

Life’s lessons.

What I’ve learned.

My husband and I often sit and chat about everyday stuff. We also chat about what we have learnt from each other and how we have grown as both individuals and as a partnership / marriage / couple.

Ive learnt quite a lot from him, I’m happy to admit. I think he brings out the best and perhaps sometimes the worst in me. We have been together 10 years and married for 5, so I guess something seems to be going right for us.

What he has taught me.

Take time for me – hubby says I’m selfless that I do so much for everyone but tend to do things for myself. I don’t see this as a negative ad I enjoy helping and being there for those who are deserving.

Don’t be ashamed of anything – I used to be embarrassed that I never went to university. He says I am successful in my own right. I guess so? I had my own business which was quite successful for approx 5 years. I purchased my own property in bondi when I was only 26 with no help from anyone. Saved my own deposit, paid my own mortgage and successfully renovated it and sold for a good profit. I often get the question about education, I’m not sure why so many people care what school I went too? Anyway I used to be embarrassed to say I never went to uni but it hasn’t stopped me from being successful.

Be proud of who I am – I can be emotional, I know I’m stubborn, I can be arrogant, I know I’m outspoken, I can be overbearing but I also know I’m honest, trustworthy, reliable and loyal. Hubby says I being outspoken can sometimes get me into trouble, but I’d rather speak up than be no voice, hubby also says I have the heart of Pharlap. 😉

We defiantly come from different worlds and I used to question what made him fall in love with me.

My husband comes from an affluent family, he is an academic, he almost as many letters as the alphabet in university degrees beside his name, he went to a private school then SYDNEY university and graduated with honours, has always had a steady and successful career in company management and leadership roles.

I am a girl who grew up in the country in a very small town. I left the small town at 17 and moved to Sydney alone knowing 1 person and got myself a good job, set myself up and was independant. After 2 years in Sydney moved to Perth, was there approx 3 years then moved back to Sydney. Went back to study to further educate myself, worked hard to get my own business, bought my first apartment, had a few various ‘jobs’. I say jobs loosely as I knew they were not a career. I was working towards that. Still studying whilst working full time to allow myself financial freedom and the ability to achieve my goals.

I eventually met my husband whom although we came from different worlds and some would say have nothing in common, we mesh. We work well as a couple, he has my back, makes me laugh and we have created a beautiful family together.

Although we seem like the ‘Unlikely’ couple – they do say opposites attract.

He is my best friend and I’m grateful for the life we have created and thankful for all we share together.

I have made friends and lost friends, we all have different wants and different needs. Those that want to make an effort for you will, those that don’t make the effort never will and possibly have never been a good or true friend anyway. I have a handful of the most wonderful friends whom I will always cherish, some have been in my life for 10+ years, others fewer however I still would do anything for those whom I consider my true friends no matter how long we have known each other.

We all have Aspirations. Some choose to follow them, some choose to ignore them.

We all make our own choices and for every choice there will always be a consequence. It may be a fabulous consequence, it may not be. However every action will always get a reaction good or bad, for better or for worse. We must live our lives, learn our lessons and be happy with who we are.

People will form whatever opinion of you that they want. This is out of your control. You can’t change people’s thoughts and if they have their mind set on something, or believe a situation to be a certain way, just accept it. Right or wrong we all want to believe something.

I have learnt some things the easy way, others the hard way. I guess that’s what has helped to ‘shape’ me the person that I am today?

I’m still learning, but I’m open to learning. Life has lessons both good and bad. I will make mistakes but I will also learn from them.

Life is a journey and no one knows what is next or around your corner. All I know is that I’m pretty happy and have been blessed with my life thus far. Thanks to those who have shared my path with me.

Hibernating

Hibernating.

We have all been that person who when we get a ‘new partner’ we hibernate with them. We spend all our ‘spare’ time with the new person and seem to ‘forget’ about our other friends.

What we forget though, is that our friends miss us.

I have only a handful of single friends left. Most of the people I share my time with are in similar situations as myself. Married with children or in long term relationships. The friends that are not married or in long term relationships seem to have such busy lives and perhaps forget that although we are still the same person, perhaps we just may be doing different things?

I love my friends dearly. I have only a few ‘great’ friends and one best friend and that’s fine with me. Those who I share my time with are important to me. I love them like family and will do anything to protect them and be there for them.

Recently I caught up with a really good friend of mine whom I hadn’t seen in almost 2 years. Yes we have swapped the occasional text message and I see all her photos and status updates on social media. However, we hadn’t physically seen each other in almost 2 years. Sad but true.

Was it any different when we caught up?

Nope – it felt as though we had only seen each other last week. That’s what I consider a true friendship. One that doesn’t require high maintenance yet still stands the test of time.

There had been many factors for the reasons that we hadn’t caught up. Her busy schedule – she is in a quite demanding professional role, me being a busy mum on 2 little ones, the distance between where we each live, and our relationships.

My friend has been the eternal single gal – god love her. She has had a few long term relationships, however hasn’t had a ‘serious’ relationship for many years. Not for any fault if her own, she is an amazing woman, she just hadn’t found someone whom she wanted to be an important part of her life and share her valuable time with. So when I hadn’t seen her or actually heard from her in a few months, I got suspicious. As I do 😉 and yup – I was right, she had found herself a man!

So why is it that we kind of ‘loose’ ourselves in a new relationship?

I get that our friends – well true friends, will always be there for us.

Do we feel like we need to have every waking moment with the new person so that they don’t escape or change their minds about us?

Or are we so engrossed in having a relationship that we push everything else aside to focus solely on the new person?

Or do we feel like we need to put extra effort in on the new partner?

Or perhaps we just feel so happy when we are with them that we forget how much time we are spending with them?

So many thoughts….

What are your thoughts?

Relationships – defining them?

Relationships.

Well let me firstly start by saying – every relationship is hard! Be it a friendship, partnership or marriage. As most of my loyal readers know, I love sex and the city. I watch the episodes over and over along with the movies – never have enough. Sad but true. I recently watched the episode where Carrie is trying to define relationships. I think it’s the final episode where she comes back from Paris with big and it’s right at the end where she meets up with the girls in their favourite cafe and as the walk out it quotes – “most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.’ Carrie – I love this quote.

Anyway – I recently spoke with a friend whom has recently broken up from a long term relationship. They were talking marriage, children, sharing the rest of their lives together. Now they have gone separate ways.

When I asked what was the reasoning behind the break up, as I thought that they seemed so in love, the response was that they were no longer physically attracted to their partner.

I then thought to myself, perhaps the relationship was doomed from the beginning? Yes it would be nice to have a physically attractive partner but looks are only ‘skin deep’. Looks fade and over time what we find physically attractive changes.

I personally believe that you should always be attracted to the personality over looks. Be with someone who makes you laugh, who you can be your true self with and be comfortable enough in their company to sit in silence and just ‘be together’. A friend.

Not that I’ve always taken my own advice.

So what are relationships based on if it’s only physical?

We all eventually age and wrinkle. Some of us even gain weight and get bad skin. How can we sustain a relationship long term if we are only basing our relationships on physical attraction? Are people or couples honestly up for ‘sex’ 100% of the time? Do you not get tired, get too busy, feel emotionally drained, be physically drained, become stressed, feel less attractive yourself or just not be ‘in the mood’? Perhaps I’m the only one?

Relationships take work. They are not easy and they are certainly a compromise.

I’ve always said and will continue to say. At any given stage within a relationship, one of the partners will be more in love than the other. This I think is just a true hard fact.

I believe that you cannot possibly be 100% in love and attracted physically, emotionally and mentally to the same person 100% of the time. I’m the first to admit that I’m not 100%, 100% of the time.

Having ‘things’ in common or having common ground and likes are a good start but what happens when your hobbies or likes evolve. We all evolve as people and change. I know I don’t like the same things as I did 10 years ago. Perhaps not even 5 years ago? So how are we supposed to be happy with the same person for the rest of our lives?

Well we compromise.

We compromise our likes and wants to help make a relationship work.

What happens though if one partner gives more and compromises more than the other? Is this fair and why should they be the only one to compromise or make sacrifices?

I personally don’t believe that in say a 20, 30, 40 or 50 year marriage that both partners are 100% in love 100% of the time. Most relationships have hurdles and hard times and I believe that by having differences you grow as a partnership. You overcome differences and learn more about each other.

So I gave my advice to my friend and I hope that they are thinking wisely about their future choices. Physical attraction will always ‘grow old’. Mental and emotional attraction will change but I think you can build more on mental and emotional attraction.

I ask, what made you fall in love with your partner?

Do you agree that relationships are work?

Do you think that it’s compromise?

How much would you compromise?

noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Defining success

Defining success

How do you define your success?

Success can be measured on many levels and depending on your personality, I believe success is also measured by what you personally feel is important to you and makes you feel successful.

I personally measure my success on my happiness and my little family. Including my husband, little man and soon to be little princess.

I am happy in my life, I may not have much but seeing my little guys smile each and every day lightens my world.

Also having a supportive husband who appreciates me being home and being the ‘keeper of the house’ and ‘stay at home mum’ is important to me. I would struggle if I had to leave my little man each and every day. I love being hands on with him and being able to watch him explore and grow each and every day.

I know many people who measure their happiness on other things. These things can include –

Money / wealth
How much they earn, if they are not earning a certain annual amount they don’t feel successful. Recently a comment was passed at my husband towards his salary and that it wasn’t in the ‘commenters’ eyes, a passable salary. The persons comment basically insinuated that what my husband earns is pittance and therefore he isn’t successful. I personally find this shallow but again each person measures success differently.

Happiness
I measure my success on how happy my family are and as long as we have each other, I feel successful and complete.

Assets
I have always said to my husband that I could live in a shoe box as long as I had him and my little man. I don’t need fancy cars or fancy clothes or a big home to feel successful. Again many people do feel that the bigger the home or fancier car they have or perhaps living in a particular suburb – the more successful they feel. We do live in a material world but it’s sad that some peoples mindset is that unless they have the big home they are not as worthy as the next person.

Family
Along with happiness my success is family orientated. I don’t need my family to be successful financially. As long as they are happy I feel happy. I personally don’t believe that you need a successful family to be successful yourself. Your parents money or family money doesn’t make you a better person nor does it make you more successful, I believe in working hard yourself and achieving things for yourself makes you more appreciative.

Materialistic belongings
Living in SYDNEY, a lot of people are designer obsessed and feel they need certain designer pieces to feel successful. Spending thousands of dollars on a particular item to make them feel good about themselves or boost their personal confidence is fine, however having materialist items does not make you a good person. I know this person who is always in designer things and frowns upon chain store clothing. They wear lots of designer jewellery and pass comments on the size of others engagement rings etc. I find this shallow and feel these people have insecurities which is why they measure their success on materialistic belongings. Just because you don’t have a 10 carat diamond ring doesn’t mean that you don’t have a 10 carat heart.

I believe that being a good person is so much more than being focussed on assets, finances and material belongings.

You can’t take your diamond rings and fancy cars with you when you die right?

What I’m not saying is – don’t strive to be successful but measure your successes by things that are worthy.

If you feel you need the big salary to feel competent, or the fast car or latest designer thing. Sure go get those. However I think that you can also measure your success if you are humble and happy in other things.

Majority of the world live in poverty and are happy. They base their successes on other things that the fortunate don’t always understand.

Endometriosis

Endometriosis.

This is a female disorder that is believed can affect fertility.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a serious medical condition, Severe endometriosis with extensive scarring and organ damage may affect fertility. It is considered one of the three major causes of female infertility; about 30 percent to 40 percent of women with endometriosis are infertile. However it is also very treatable.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endometriosis

http://www.idph.state.il.us/about/womenshealth/factsheets/endo.htm

I had a girlfriend telling me about this woman she knows who claimed to have this terrible medical condition in order to convince her then partner that she needed to have a baby sooner rather than later. She was also getting older so possibly had the ‘time is a ticking’ mentality also.

She led her then partner to believe that by having a baby it can ‘cure’ her endometriosis. Medical studies have actually proven this is incorrect.

This had many effects on the relationship because at that stage of their relationship they were not ‘solid’ or in a good place. My friend believes she trapped him into staying with her by feeling sorry for her. She also believes that she ‘used’ the baby as a bargaining tool.

I personally don’t think that having a baby when your relationship isn’t strong is a wise idea as children need a family structure around them and love and support. They don’t ask to be bought into the world so why should they be used as a ‘band aid’ so to speak to try and ‘keep’ the partner or ‘fix’ the relationship?

This is not fair to the partner but most of all the innocent child.

This is sad in so many ways.

They have since broke up and did so when the child was only a baby. 🙁 she is still struggling to move on with her life and find a new partner, perhaps they sense her deceptiveness? And the worst part is, according to my friend she does not make her child a priority?

Why do women do this?

I don’t understand.

Children are not ‘bargaining tools’ they are not something you have to try and fix a relationship. If you think that a child will ‘fix’ your relationship your wrong!

Having children is the most wonderful and rewarding thing I have ever done and yes it can be stressful when they don’t sleep, or are sick and will defiantly strain your patience and possibly put strain and pressure on your relationship but I think they are absolutely worth it and if your relationship isn’t strong enough to get you through these sleepless nights and learning phases of being a new parent, it will break you. Hence why I believe you need to be in a solid relationship prior to having a baby.

Unless you are wanting to be a single parent and know you have the strength and ability to raise your precious innocent child alone. If this is your choice I applaud your strength.

All I ask is that you think before you have a child. Many people struggle to fall and others use medical conditions as excuses to fall pregnant.

In my point of view, this woman is clearly deceitful and vicious. She lied to get what she wanted and doesn’t deserve to have the child that she has never made her priority.

Children should be put first. Loved and adored. Not used to ‘fix’ your relationship so please don’t lie about serious conditions to try and fix your relationship.

Friends or Foes?

Friends or Foes?

I think we all get to an age where we start to define our friendships. Who is a real friend and who isn’t?

So what defines a real friend?

I guess it depends on what you classify ‘real’?

For me a ‘real’ friend is someone who I can call upon at any time. They don’t judge me even when I’m being ridicules. They are always ready to listen to my woes and the keep it ‘real’. They tell me the truth even when it’s probably not what I want to hear. That’s how I define a ‘real’ friend.

A foe to me is someone who ‘pretends’ to be my friend. They cancel catch ups at the last minute with excuses that you know are not truthful. They only talk about themselves. They don’t ask how you are and if they do, they don’t listen or pay attention to what you say. They talk about you behind your back and they never actually have your back.

A few years ago I did a ‘clean out’ (so to speak) of my friends. I had this one friend in particular who I thought I could trust with my deepest secrets. We had only known each other about 2 years but I honestly thought she was a great trustworthy person.

My eyes were opened when at my wedding she swapped numbers with my then boss. Something I would never do. I personally think this compromised my employment. Bare in mind my boss was – for lack of a better explanation ‘a player’.

He was the type of guy who always had a few girls on the go at once but they never know about each other. He was also the type of boss who took all the guys from the office out for lunch but never included the girls. I later found out that their lunches were at strip clubs. So enough said about him. Being my friend at the time I had confided in her about him and his antics.

This foe friend then proceeded to date my then boss. It made things awkward for me as she thought she was smitten with him. They had sleep overs and he spoilt her (whilst spoiling others) with wonderful gifts and diners at fancy restaurants.

He also spoke very openly about his dates and recreational activities with these girls including my friend in an open office. I had enough one day and told him it was not appropriate to speak of girls that way as it is disrespectful especially about my friend – disrespectful to her and to me.

So I hear you asking why was it awkward? Because she told him everything I had confided in her with. Including his player ways.

This then proved her as a foe when she told him everything I had told her. She never thought of the implications that this would cause me in my work place and she never respected my privacy.

This impacted very badly on my employment. He turned against me very quickly and nastily. I was excluded even more and almost forced to resign. Of course I ended up resigning but I feel he pushed me to do it and if they had not have ‘hooked up’ I possibly could have still been working there.

I asked her to meet me to catch up as we had grown distant since they started dating and we used to catch up for dinner weekly but speak every day. Once they started dating our contact was sporadic. I would text and call her but she would hardly respond as her time was with him and he didn’t like her being in get phone around him.

So in our catch up I told her I was worried about her falling for him as he was ‘a player’ and I also told her what I heard him saying about her and what things he got her to do in the bedroom. Private stuff that he shouldn’t have spoken about.

She was upset by it but then proceeded to turn the whole situation around and accuse me of being secretly in love with him. Keeping in mind I had just got back from my honeymoon…

Is this a real friend I thought?

I’m telling this girl what is being said about her behind her back and her only response is to attack me?

This is not someone I would classify a friend.

She accused me of being deceitful.
She accused me of lying about what I heard him discussing about her – even though she blushed and got very defensive about it.
She stopped answering my contact when they started dating.
She told him my secrets.
She didn’t appreciate me telling her what if her about her.
She didn’t appreciate me standing up for her.

It then had me asking myself, was she only befriending me to get to my boss?

How do you define a friend from a foe?

It made me question a lot of my friendships and realize that not everybody I thought was a friend was a true friend.

I guess what I’m trying to say is a lot of people come in and out of your life and not every friendship is based on how long you have known someone.

I certainly don’t have a thousand friends but I do know who are my friends.

Those who are my friends I will defend to the end and always be available for at any given time.

My husband says I have the heart of Pharlap. For those who are unsure who Pharlap is. Pharlap is a very famous race horse who when passed away it was found that he had a huge heart. Bigger than the normal horse heart 🙂

For more on Pharlap click the link below.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phar_Lap