Why yelling doesn’t work?
I was in a situation over the weekend where my 3 year old was over tired, recovering from tonsillitis and a respiratory infection and being out of his comfort zone. We were away for the weekend visiting family staying in rented accommodation. Very unfamiliar grounds for him which also took its toll with Sleepless nights therefore resulting in a not so happy little man.
As a result he lost his ‘cool’ and threw a tantrum late Saturday afternoon after a day that started at 5:15am, was filled with playing in the park and swimming.
To me a tantrum is something that most 3 year olds do on a regular basis, however in this case there was another adult there who also threw a tantrum yelling and ‘breaking toys’. I’m not saying it’s ok to throw tantrums, however children generally throw them when they feel like they have ‘lost control’ of a situation. It’s a way that they express themselves as most toddler cannot yet communicate with their vocabulary. Which is normal behaviour for toddler’s and young children.
The tantrum started when my 3 yo was building with blocks that are similar to ‘Duplo’ however they were not duplo and kept failing to stay together. As a result my 3 yo got frustrated and threw his attempt at an aeroplane on the ground, stomped his foot and yelled ‘I can’t do it, it keeps broken’. The adult in the vacuity who was playing with the blocks along side him pulled apart everything else that my 3yo had built and yelled ‘see this is what happens when you be silly!’ I was appalled packed up my 3yo and my 10 month old and we left.
I was then accused of not allowing my 3 yo to be disciplined properly told he was naughty and was also told that by taking him out of the situation I wasn’t helping matters as he should have had consequences for his behaviour. What I reminded that person was that;
1 he is 3 years old.
2 he was unwell.
3 he was over tired.
4 he was over stimulated.
5 he was out if his familiar surroundings.
6 he was frustrated and couldn’t communicate with his words.
O took my children and I left that situation as I didn’t want my 3 yo in the company of this juvenile behaviour.
If we are trying to teach children to ‘not worry’ about ‘small things’ how are we expected to have them appreciate and respect our knowledge, if adults are behaving in the same manner as toddlers?
It was a very uncomfortable situation and I believe the adult should have known and acted better.
This type of behaviour by an adult is not a good role model in my eyes, for my toddler to be around. I don’t want my 3 yo to think it’s ok to tell at people especially when frustrated. I feel a better reaction by the adult would have been talking in a civilised voice and try to help my 3yo to understand that accidents can happen and that becoming frustrated is ok but don’t allow it to overcome and upset you.
What he saw instead was an adult behaving like a toddler and throwing his own tantrum instead of acting like an adult and teaching a ‘better way’ to deal with feelings.
The article below, is a very informative read on why yelling at teenagers isn’t appropriate or doesn’t work. I personally don’t believe yelling is the answer in any case. It just shows me, aggression, frustration and lack of self control. I don’t feel that yelling or raising your voice is the answer. It may make your voice loud and heard, however I feel there are many other more intelligent ways to communicate other than raising your voice.
How do you feel when being yelled at?
Does it make you listen? I know it frustrates me and I generally ‘tune out’ to that type of behaviour. If you need to yell to get your point across, perhaps re think your point?
How else can you deliver your thoughts and or feelings without having to yell?
Do yourself a favour, click this link, have a read and let me know your thoughts.