I just wanted arched the most amazing, informing and touching documentary called Embrace.
It’s so interesting to me what other people, women especially think about their bodies. I have in the past been on a journey of self hate. I thought I needed bigger breasts, smaller thoughts, smaller nose, needed to be taller, needed a perlite bottom, you name it, I possibly wanted it.
Over the years I’ve learned to embrace and love my body. It has served me well. I’m a 37 year old mother of 2 beautiful children. A 4 year old boy and 2 year old girl. My body housed and fed these little people inside me whilst they grew and were nourished by me until they were ready and able to enter this world.
I’m blessed that I am healthy, sure I get the occasional ache and pain, possibly self caused? But I’m healthy.
I understand the mind set with body dismorphia. I am a qualified personal trainer (not practicing) I’m also a qualified counsellor, so I get it. I also have many friends and family who have some sort of unloving relationship with their bodies.
When I was in my teens I had an eating disorder. I was scared of being ‘fat’. I remember really clearly when I was 15 years old shopping with my mother and older sister for shorts for myself. We were in a shop and I was trying some on, I remember distinctly I tried on a size 8 and my mum suggested I get a size 10 as she thought they needed to be bigger. I remember having a ‘melt down’ crying and being really upset because in my mind, a size 10 was ‘fat’ and I never wanted to be ‘double digits’. I refused to buy them and remember being so set on ‘loosing weight’ and being ‘skinny’. My mum has dieted all of her life and she struggled with her weight most of her adult life and I remember her doing many different ‘diets’ whilst I was young. Some worked and some didn’t, this stuck with me and instead of having a healthy loving relationship with food, I began monitoring everything that I ate. I got so bad that if I was served a steak or sausage I would get paper towel and basically get all the ‘moisture’ which I thought was getting the ‘fat’ out of it. I never ate fried food and banned butter or margarine from my menu and cut out most carbs. If I are a carb it would be ‘brown’ because in my head, white was the evil. I was really miserable because I would ‘starve’ myself of a cookie or an icecream because I thought it would make me ‘fat’.
I’m my older teenage years I was a personal trainer. I was a PT for about 4 years and my mindset went from the need to be ‘super skinny’ to the need to be ‘strong’ and muscular. Which possibly wasn’t a bad mindset, but with most things that I did as a teenager, I did full throttle. I became really quite muscular and lost my breasts, (or what there was of them) and from behind I was often mistaken for a male. This was pretty tough on my self esteem so from that I would be extremely strict on my diet, and yes you guessed it, I became super skinny again weighing about 40kg. I’m 162cm tall and quite a petite build, but with protruding hips and collar bones, it was not a healthy look.
Throughout my years I’ve learned to love my body no matter what shape or size it is. Our bodies are basically our motors. They keep us ‘running’ and keep us alive.
It took me a good 10-15 years to love and appreciate what I have and how I treat my body, but I can finally say I’m in a ‘good mindset’ with my body. Sure I have cellulite and stretch marks. I have 2 beautiful and healthy children and I have my health. I still go through phases where I do want to change things about my appearance, but all in all I’m pretty happy.
This documentary, really resonated with me. Being comfortable in your own body and loving it for what it is and can do for you is the most important thing I think we should remember.
Please do yourself a favour, watch it.
Being a ‘walking skeleton’ is not admirable by most. This documentary speaks with many women from all walks of life. Inspiring and brave. Speaking about their body love and how they have had challenges yet overcome and now value and appreciate their bodies.
Love your body for what it can do for you. Not for what shape it is. Different shapes make us unique. We are all individuals.
Body shakers should be exactly that, ashamed that they feel they can belittle someone because of their appearance.
Thank you Renee Airya and Jade Beall for making this film.