Tag Archives: Why

The Wife Drought.

The wife drought!

So for Christmas my husband bought me this book, The Wife Drought by Annabel Crabb. At first I was a little taken aback but then read the introduction only to realise it wasn’t an insult as Id originally thought but in fact a compliment.

As most of my readers are aware I gave up my corporate role in April 2014 to be a full time mother to my adorable 2year old and also help with the running around if my husbands 12 year old. We are also expecting bub number 2 in May 2015.

I originally struggled with this as it was not only a shock to my system of loosing my financial independence but also taking on all the household duties which were once shared. Gradually I’m learning more about myself and although I absolutely love my little guy more than anything, I sometimes think about returning to work again and having him in care, however no disrespect to anyone with children in care, I find myself struggling with the thought of having someone else look after him. – another issue I need to deal with in my own head πŸ™‚ and so my conundrum continues.

This book is a great read about ‘wives’ not nessasarily being women but being people who stay at home and run the house or work part time in order to run the house which includes everything from cooking, cleaning, washing, school runs, homework, waiting on the plumber, raising children, after school activities and much more.

It also goes into detail about how many successful men including CEO’s have ‘wives’ which allows them to work late unexpectedly, travel when required, have the ability to sit quietly and read the morning paper without disturbance as they are generally on their way to work in the peace and quite of public transport or perhaps have gone into the office early. They have been able to enjoy a meal without disruption and being able to eat with both hands and not having being pulled in multiple directions or been vomited upon.

Again not that I would change my situation but I sometimes envy a 30minute ‘break’ time to myself to go to the toilet alone, or shower alone, gosh I can’t remember the last time that happened?

So this book puts things into perspective. It states that 1 in 4 women with children under the age of 15 do not work full time. 76% of working men have stay at home ‘wives’ to run the household that allows them the freedom of working late, gym sessions, work travel, unexpected business meetings and come home to a clean house of well respected, well mannered, polite, clean children ready for bed with the wife waiting all day for the plumber or phone guy in between collecting mail, doing washing or groceries and all before the 2:45pm school pick up which leads to after school sports and other activities.

To me it’s saying that men wouldn’t be as successful if women worked as much as men and that most men wouldn’t cope with being the stay at home parent raising children and doing household jobs like women do.

Take a read of the random house review then perhaps grab yourself a copy!

‘I need a wife’

It’s a common joke among women juggling work and family. But it’s not actually a joke. Having a spouse who takes care of things at home is a Godsend on the domestic front. It’s a potent economic asset on the work front. And it’s an advantage enjoyed – even in our modern society – by vastly more men than women.

Working women are in an advanced, sustained, and chronically under-reported state of wife drought, and there is no sign of rain.

But why is the work-and-family debate always about women? Why don’t men get the same flexibility that women do? In our fixation on the barriers that face women on the way into the workplace, do we forget about the barriers that – for men – still block the exits?

The Wife Drought is about women, men, family and work. Written in Annabel Crabb’s inimitable style, it’s full of candid and funny stories from the author’s work in and around politics and the media, historical nuggets about the role of β€˜The Wife’ in Australia, and intriguing research about the attitudes that pulse beneath the surface of egalitarian Australia.

Crabb’s call is for a ceasefire in the gender wars. Rather than a shout of rage, The Wife Drought is the thoughtful, engaging catalyst for a conversation that’s long overdue.

– See more at: http://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/annabel-crabb/the-wife-drought-9780857984265.aspx#sthash.kaNA8q4b.dpuf

Expectations on looking good.

We all want to look our best right?

So why do we set ourselves such high standards?

A lot of women ‘aspire’ to look like models, lately I’ve read articles on how ‘amazing’ a certain ex supermodel still looks and she is 50. What I wonder is, why do we worry about what they look like and why are we comparing ourselves to them?

Models are paid to look good it’s their job. Just as we are paid to go to work, whatever our employment may be, looking good is their employment. If they didn’t look good they wouldn’t get the ‘job’ as such and therefore would be unemployed.

What a lot of us also forget is, majority of the time their salaries exceed ours and they often have personal trainers on a daily basis, nutritionists, chefs to prepare their meals ensuring it’s to their standard and possibly calorie controlled or part of a particular eating plan which allows them to just eat and not have to plan like majority of us.

If we all had help like models have we could all look that way.

Which also brings me to another point, do we all want to look like a model? It seems like a lot of hard work to me.

Why are we not happy with the way we are?

Why do we put pressure on ourselves to look like someone who is paid to look a certain way?

Natural therapies, alternative medicines? Natural IVF?

Alternative therapies and IVF?

Some of you may or may not be aware that we had some difficulties falling pregnant with my now gorgeous 20 month old healthy, happy, busy, boy!

I was told that I had no ‘eggs’ and that I would need to have hormone replacement therapy (HRT) along with IVF.

When I was given this news I was devastated. I thought it was the worst thing I could have ever heard. Such a blow to the ego, why are so women able to have babies so easily and I can’t I was asking myself?

Then anger set in and I was thinking of all the women who neglect their children or fall pregnant to keep or trap a partner. I has all these emotions were running through me. I was 33 years old. Married, trying to start a family with the guy I had been with for at the time 6 years. Why me?

I wasn’t going to let it defeat me. I am a stubborn and defiant personality and I certainly don’t like to loose nor be beat by something. To give up certainly wasn’t in me. I was willing to try anything prior to HRT and IVF.

Not because I am against it, but I wanted to try alternatives as I’d heard how straining on your body and mind both HRT and IVF are and with their costs and risks your still not guaranteed to fall pregnant, therefore is wanted to try other ‘possibilities’ first.

So I went to visit a Chinese Herbalist. He was so lovely, his English was broken but he understood my struggle. He tested my hormone levels via feeling my energies. No needles, no blood samples simply held his hands approx 15cm away from the outline of my arms and head and felt my bodies energies.

At first I thought this was Bizzar but i kept telling myself, whatever works! I really wanted a family with my husband and was willing to try anything!

He made up some specialised herbs for me to take as a tea and suggested I also take other vitamin supplements such as magnesium, iron, calcium, vitamin B and a few others. He also suggested acupuncture, a cleaner diet and meditation. I had used acupuncture previously for a sports injury but never meditated. I am a high energy person and the thought of meditation was a little overwhelming. I had to at least try though. Remembering everyone’s needs are different and these were what my body needed, no necessarily what everyone will need.

I read a few articles and books on self meditation, taking myself to a quiet place abc allowing my thoughts to ‘quieten’. This was very foreign to me and it took many attempts – about 10, before I actually succeeded in meditation. Blocking out sounds and not being distracted I found very challenging. I would meditate every evening. Sitting on my bed or laying. No TV on just me in the dark with my body still and listening to my heart beat. I would slowly tell each part of my body to relax, staring at my toes and working my way up to my brain, with each breath I would feel more calm and at ease with meditation and eventually I could lay alone meditating for an hour.

No I didn’t fall asleep but I would certainly feel relaxed. πŸ™‚

My cleaner diet was, no alcohol, nothing with preservatives or as little as preservatives as possible, (basically nothing from a packet) more fruit, veg and meat. Less processed foods and lower starchy carbohydrates.

I was seeing SYDNEY IVF acupuncture in George street Sydney twice a week for acupuncture, meditating at home daily, eating clean and healthy and took a lot of stresses from my life. Including quitting my job which I loved but my boss was making my role difficult. (If you have been following my previous posts, this is the boss that pursued my friends, ended up dating one and spoke about her in a condescending and revolting manner.) – I quit as I could no longer stand his behaviour. I was unemployed approx a month before I was contacted by my most recent boss doing the same role but with a lot less stress involved , it’s a much larger and more professional organisation with wonderful supporting management and staff.

So with my new lifestyle I fell pregnant. I will admit it still took 7 months but I fell naturally. No chemical HRT no IVF naturally! I felt on top of the world.

So my advice is. If you are struggling to fall pregnant naturally don’t discount HRT and IVF however also don’t be dis heartened. If like me you are open to alternative medicine, go speak to a natural therapist or even an acupuncture specialist. They will be able to help put you in contact with the people who can hopefully help you bring a baby to this world.

I now have my wonderful little man whom I adore more than anything for and am extremely thankful and fragile to have him in my life. If I do encounter these hurdles again I will most certainly try alternative therapies again. πŸ™‚