Tag Archives: Violence

Emotions.

Emotions and crying when angry.

Emotions are funny aren’t they?

They make us laugh, cry, smile, happy, frustrated, angry, irritated and much more.

I was going back through some of my old study note’s from when I was studying to become a counsellor. A topic that I came across was emotions and how we deal with them. I remember finding this subject quite interesting and one that I actually got great marks in my assessment for. (Quiet pat on my own back )

Emotions can get the better of us and in some cases can cause people to react or act irrationally.

I started reading through these notes and thinking about my personality and how I react to different situations. I know that when I’m extremely angry I cry. I find it hard to control. It’s almost like I get wild sensation come over me and tears come pouring out.

Some may say this is a sweet softer side of me, I’m also known to be quite hot headed and protective. (Yes I can loose it but I’m mainly ‘ticked’ and will become extremely protective, especially of my children or those close to me. I become a Mumma bear and hath have no fury like a Mumma pushed too far! 😉)

As I have aged I have learnt to ‘wind in’ my hot head and be more diplomatic but in some situations my tears still stream with anger. I suppose tears are better than yelling at someone or becoming violent right? I suppose it’s the more mature reaction but, I sometimes feel as though my tears are not seen for what they are (anger) and could be seen as sadness, defeat or fear?

Sometimes children cry with frustration when they can’t describe or control their emotions. They get sad when they don’t get their own way and cry right?

I cry with anger. With my anger, it’s generally because I feel as though my thoughts and values have been attacked, everyone is entitled to their own feelings and thoughts and no ones are right or wrong. We are all different therefore have different values. Who says your interpretation of something is right and mine is wrong? Or vice versa?

The physical sensations when I feel personally attacked or angry are similar to anxiety, which for me include a racing heart and tightness in the body. I loose my appetite, feel hot, feel like my face is sunburnt and feel a pressure in my chest, almost like someone is pushing against me. It’s weird but that’s how my body deals with it.

I have tried for many years to control the tears when I’m angry, but sometimes this emotion overcomes my control.

What I have learnt from negative emotions though is that if we dwell on it or allow it to manifest in us. They will overtake our lives and make us miserable.

Negative emotions stop us from thinking and behaving rationally and seeing situations in their true perspective. When this occurs, we tend to see only we want to see and remember only what we want to remember. This only prolongs the anger or grief and prevents us from enjoying life.

The longer this goes on, the more entrenched the problem becomes. Dealing with negative emotions inappropriately can also be harmful – for example, expressing anger with violence.

Some people can be overly emotional or sensitive, which is fine everybody is different. For me learning about emotions whilst studying to be a counsellor has helped me to understand other people’s personalities a little more. Reading their body language and reacting appropriately to their feelings.

I think the biggest factor for me personally, and what stands out from my studies is that negative emotions also can manifest in personal insecurities, general unhappiness, stress and anxiety which can lead to depression.

I know a few people who suffer depression and are on medication for it. Depression for some is described as a disease. I won’t go into depression as that’s a whole other topic and I could blog about it all day, a subject close to my heart. However emotions are natural, we cannot control them fully and we will never fully understand them.

Emotions are psychological (our thoughts) and biological (our feelings). Our brain responds to our thoughts by releasing various hormones and chemicals into our blood stream which send us into a state of arousal. All emotions come about this way, be it positive or negative. It’s complex and can be overwhelming which can also make it hard to overcome.

What we need to learn to do more is, let go of what has made you angry or emotional – constantly going over negative events preoccupies you and stops you from living in the ‘present’ and will manifest in making you feel sad and unhappy.

Domestic violence.

Domestic violence

Domestic violence comes in many difference forms. It’s not always physical with having a black eye or broken ribs. It can be emotional abuse on any level and can happen at any age.

Recently Rose Batty won Australian of the year 2015 for her part in bringing more awareness into communities. Such a wonderful woman. Rose Batty lost her only child, her 11 year old son to the violent hands of her ex partner, her sons father.

The father who supposedly loved his son beat him with a cricket bat until he died in a public place in 2014. This is domestic violence.

I also recently watched a 60 minutes program on Jessica Silva. This strong, brave woman was in a horrible abusive relationship with an emotionally and physically abusive man did baby years and at one stage, they decide to face a child to help the relationship but as Jessica found out, it didn’t help at all. Not saying that she shouldn’t have had her child, however I personally don’t believe that abusive people can change easily.

This woman was in a relationship with a monster, he was also an illegal drug user and also used steroids which caused him to have ‘roid rage’ not that this is ever an excuse.

Jessica eventually ended the relationship only to have him make threats to kill her, their son and her family. Terrible behaviour by someone who again supposedly loves and cares for you.

Eventually when he tried, Jessica fought back and she ended up stabbing him to death.

Is this self defence or murder?

Jessica was jailed for 8 months and charged with murder. The charges were then dropped to manslaughter and the jury have handed her a lesser sentence as they had evidence of the abusive relationship and also his death threats.

Jessica’s phone had also been tapped by NSW police which also showed her fearful for her life and this lead to her self defence.

The psychologists on this case also called Jessica’s situation ‘battered wife syndrome’.

Definition –
Battered person syndrome is a physical and psychological condition of a person who has suffered (usually persistent) emotional, physical, or sexual abuse from another person.[1] It is classified as ICD-9 code 99
Battered person syndrome” not elsewhere classified (NEC).
The condition is the basis for the battered spouse defense that has been used in cases of physically and psychologically abused spouses who have killed their abusers. The condition was first researched extensively by Lenore E. Walker, who used Martin Seligman’s learned helplessness theory to explain why abused spouses stayed in destructive relationships.

When Battered Person Syndrome (BPS) manifests as PTSD, it consists of the following symptoms: (a) re-experiencing the battering as if it were recurring even when it is not, (b) attempts to avoid the psychological impact of battering by avoiding activities, people, and emotions, (c) hyperarousal or hypervigilance, (d) disrupted interpersonal relationships, (e) body image distortion or other somatic concerns, and (f) sexuality and intimacy issues.

Additionally, repeated cycles of violence and reconciliation can result in the following beliefs and attitudes:[8]

The abused thinks that the violence was his or her fault.
The abused has an inability to place the responsibility for the violence elsewhere.
The abused fears for her/his life, and/or, the lives of loved ones whom the abuser might or has threatened to harm (e.g., children-in-common, close relatives or friends).
The abused has an irrational belief that the abuser is omnipresent and omniscient.

Domestic violence is also not just stereotyped into lower socioeconomic areas or the uneducated. Domestic abuse / violence can happen in the most affluent homes and be inflicted by the most charming and intelligent of people.

It can start with name calling or bickering, then lead to a grab or a push.

There are many different forms of domestic violence and in most cases the abuser or person whom is the violent one, is suffering from a mental illness which has them feel or believe that what they are doing is fine and bit wrong in anyway.

When I say mental illness, I mean it can be self inflicted by taking illicit drugs or can be schizophrenic, bipolar, someone with anger management issues, low self esteem or even depression.

I’m absolutely not saying this gives them the right to behave this way as I personally condone domestic violence in all forms, I’m just saying that these people are generally not right themselves which in some occasions have them believe that they are actually not doing any wrong.

Domestic violence can also be called intimate partner violence.

It does not have to be within the home either to be classified as domestic violence. It can be a form of violence that can occur within any relationship (family or intimate partner). Domestic violence is about power and control and there are many ways this control can be expressed.

If someone is hurting you it can be very scary and it may be hard to know how you can stop it. It is important to remember that no one has the right to be violent towards you and there are people out there who can help.

When I was younger I was in a horrible relationship where my boyfriend at the time would emotionally abuse me telling me that I was fat, unattractive and he felt sorry for me which is why he continued our relationship as no one else would want me. I was 20 at the time and still quite vulnerable and insecure. He would constantly put me down and tell me to diet and exercise and nothing that I ever did was acceptable for him.

It wasn’t until the night that he slapped my face so hard tears rolled from my eyes like rain and he grabbed my throat that I fought back. I also don’t condemn violence but I kicked him in the face so that he would let me go. Needless to say he didn’t take that well and we ended up going out separate ways not long after but I also vowed that no man would ever belittle me or be violent towards me either emotionally or physically again.

Every day in Australia and across the world, abuse is happening. In Australia alone over 22 women have died at the hands of abuse this year alone – we are only the 4th month in.

This equates to approx 6 women per month or one per week, are loosing their life’s to domestic violence.

Such a high statistic that we don’t really hear about nor is it well publicised. Why?
Shouldn’t this be well reported?
Drug offences are recorded as is sport, why not domestic violence?

Below is a link that I happened to stumble across. Very sad and very recent.

http://m.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/nsw/woman-dead-after-horrific-domestic-assault-injuries-in-quakers-hill/story-fni0cx12-1227326073181

“Over 12 months, on average, one woman is killed every week as a result of intimate partner violence. A woman is most likely to be killed by her male partner in her home. Domestic and family violence is the principle cause of homelessness for women and their children.”

Some types of abuse are:

Physical – If someone is hurting you, or threatening to hurt you, a loved one or a pet, then you will need to take some action.

Emotional – This form of violence is often unrecognised and can be very hurtful.

Economic – Having money and being able to make decisions about it, is one means of being independent. If someone is controlling your money, keeping you financially dependent, or making you ask for money unreasonably, then this is a form of violence.

Social – Social violence occurs in relationships that often include other forms of violence. If someone is insulting you or teasing you in front of other people, keeping you isolated from family and friends, controlling what you do and where you go, then they are being violent and you may need to take some action.

Spiritual – This type of violence involves a situation where you are not allowed to have your own opinions about religion, cultural beliefs, and values, or your spirituality is manipulated to keep you feeling powerless.

If you or someone you know is in a situation or relationship that is abusive in any way, shape or form. There is help.

Never feel alone.

I know it can be scary and overwhelming but there is always help and you do not have to put up with it nor stay in that situation.

I’ve copied some links below that you may find helpful.

Remember to be strong and know that you don’t deserve to be treated that way, no one does.

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm

http://au.reachout.com/what-is-domestic-violence

http://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/subjects/domestic-and-family-violence

http://www.dvrcv.org.au/support-services/national-services

http://m.whiteribbon.org.au/finding-help

http://lukebattyfoundation.com.au

Domestic Violence.

Domestic violence.

We all know someone or are related to someone who is or has been a victim domestic violence.

After watching 60 minutes tonight I feel I need to write about domestic violence. I’ve been watching the Gerard Baden-Clay story and I’m reeling with anger.

Weather or not you believe he murdered his wife Alison. Or weather or not you believe it was an abusive relationship and marriage domestic violence is very much a part of today’s society and it needs to stop.

Some super scary statistics show that just under half a million Australian women reported that they had experienced physical or sexual violence or sexual assault in 2005.

38% of these women who had been assaulted either sexually or physically report it was by a partner.

It’s been confirmed that one woman dies every week from domestic violence within Australia.

In NSW alone, 24 women were killed last year (2013) in domestic-related incidents.

Of all homicides in NSW, 42 per cent are domestic.

One woman is hospitalised every three hours across the country
from domestic violence.

Please remember as horrifying as these statistics are, they are the sad truth that could possibly be higher.

Unfortunately not all domestic violence cases are reported and many men and women are silent victims. They may be too scared or ashamed to speak up. To tell the truth. Perhaps fear of judgement by their peers or perhaps fear of revenge by their assaulter.

This needs to stop!

Too many women are dieing from domestic violence and it doesn’t stop there. Children are also victims which is terribly sad. Innocent and unsuspecting children at the hands of these violent disgusting people.

I’m not saying it is only men being abusive. There are many women in this world who are just as abusive both physically and mentally. Manipulating and belittling their partners. Perhaps as an act of jealously perhaps an act of low self esteem? Who really knows why these people behave in such a manner. What I know is, it should not be tolerated.

Changing laws to ensure the world is a safer place will require the courage of those victims to stand up and be brave. To speak about their abuse. We as a nation need to stop allowing abusive men to make lame excuses such as ‘Im sorry, I promise it won’t happen again’. Or ‘ I’m so stressed and anger took over, it won’t happen again’. Whatever the excuse violence is a low and criminal act.

Abusive doesn’t always mean being hit or punched or kicked, it can also be being yelled at, belittled or spoken to in a demeaning way. Sometimes the verbal abuse can be more scaring and hurtful than the physical.

Scars and bruises can be covered up with make up. Some people can be extremely mentally strong and are able to hide the emotional scaring or block out these feelings of hurt to the outside world ignoring them and pushing the aside.

It’s the emotional scaring that is so intense that it can remain for forever more haunting it’s victims. This emotional scaring is always in the minds of these victims and will always remain, no matter how hard you try to block it out or push it away, it’s happened and as a victim it can’t be change.

Australians used to regard drunken abusive behaviour by husbands as the normal. For many centuries, men have grown up in families that functioned in these violent circumstances, keeping it secret from their neighbours, friends and peers yet many remain deeply affected.

Sadly, though, many of these abusive people have claimed to be suffering mental abuse, often driven by a jealousy or low self-esteem. They try to destroy the confidence of their victim to the point where they feel like a prisoner and become dependent on the abusive person at hand.

We need to stand as a nation and stop domestic violence.

If you are a victim of domestic violence please stand up. There is help out there and you need not live in fear.

I have pasted some links below where you can get help.

If you would like to talk more to me about domestic violence, please feel free to email me on –
Noordinarymummy@gmail.com

 

http://m.police.nsw.gov.au
https://www.1800respect.org.au/workers/fact-sheets/mandatory-reporting-requirements/
http://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/subjects/domestic-and-family-violence
http://www.domesticviolence.nsw.gov.au
http://www.domesticviolence.com.au/pages/domestic-violence-statistics.php