Tag Archives: truthful

Real friendships.

Absolutely!

For the past 6 or so months, I’d been beating myself up about some friendships that I thought meant a lot to me.

I feel like I had been a good, honest, reliable and trustworthy friend to these people. Turns out the friendship hasn’t been reciprocated.

As a friend I go above and beyond to make the effort to see my ‘friends’. I drive over and hour sometimes to see them and have time with them. Over the past few months no matter how much I try to organise a catch up, I’m being either ignored or pushed aside. Deliberately or not, it has hurt my feelings and made me question if these people are actually true friends?

My husband tells me to ‘let it go’ that they clearly don’t ‘respect my friendship’ but it’s hurt me. True friends make an effort and time for those who are important in their lives, or who they value in their lives.

Why can’t people just be honest?

If our friendship has found it’s ‘use by date’ please be honest. Dont let me feel like a fool when I extend an invitation to see you. You say a ‘yes’ but it never comes into fruition. Please, tell me that you would rather not. Don’t ignore me or cancel last minute or ‘forget’ to respond for months on end. That’s shitty behaviour and not fair.

I was taught to treat others the way that you wish to be treated.

It may take me an hour or perhaps a day to respond to communications. BUT I always will. I dont make excuses. If I don’t want to see you or spend time with you. You will know in the most polite way that I can deliver the answer. I won’t ‘fake’ the friendship.

I don’t have time or the energy to be hurt or hurt others.

The Kind Of Friends Moms Need

Relationships – defining them?

Relationships.

Well let me firstly start by saying – every relationship is hard! Be it a friendship, partnership or marriage. As most of my loyal readers know, I love sex and the city. I watch the episodes over and over along with the movies – never have enough. Sad but true. I recently watched the episode where Carrie is trying to define relationships. I think it’s the final episode where she comes back from Paris with big and it’s right at the end where she meets up with the girls in their favourite cafe and as the walk out it quotes – “most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.’ Carrie – I love this quote.

Anyway – I recently spoke with a friend whom has recently broken up from a long term relationship. They were talking marriage, children, sharing the rest of their lives together. Now they have gone separate ways.

When I asked what was the reasoning behind the break up, as I thought that they seemed so in love, the response was that they were no longer physically attracted to their partner.

I then thought to myself, perhaps the relationship was doomed from the beginning? Yes it would be nice to have a physically attractive partner but looks are only ‘skin deep’. Looks fade and over time what we find physically attractive changes.

I personally believe that you should always be attracted to the personality over looks. Be with someone who makes you laugh, who you can be your true self with and be comfortable enough in their company to sit in silence and just ‘be together’. A friend.

Not that I’ve always taken my own advice.

So what are relationships based on if it’s only physical?

We all eventually age and wrinkle. Some of us even gain weight and get bad skin. How can we sustain a relationship long term if we are only basing our relationships on physical attraction? Are people or couples honestly up for ‘sex’ 100% of the time? Do you not get tired, get too busy, feel emotionally drained, be physically drained, become stressed, feel less attractive yourself or just not be ‘in the mood’? Perhaps I’m the only one?

Relationships take work. They are not easy and they are certainly a compromise.

I’ve always said and will continue to say. At any given stage within a relationship, one of the partners will be more in love than the other. This I think is just a true hard fact.

I believe that you cannot possibly be 100% in love and attracted physically, emotionally and mentally to the same person 100% of the time. I’m the first to admit that I’m not 100%, 100% of the time.

Having ‘things’ in common or having common ground and likes are a good start but what happens when your hobbies or likes evolve. We all evolve as people and change. I know I don’t like the same things as I did 10 years ago. Perhaps not even 5 years ago? So how are we supposed to be happy with the same person for the rest of our lives?

Well we compromise.

We compromise our likes and wants to help make a relationship work.

What happens though if one partner gives more and compromises more than the other? Is this fair and why should they be the only one to compromise or make sacrifices?

I personally don’t believe that in say a 20, 30, 40 or 50 year marriage that both partners are 100% in love 100% of the time. Most relationships have hurdles and hard times and I believe that by having differences you grow as a partnership. You overcome differences and learn more about each other.

So I gave my advice to my friend and I hope that they are thinking wisely about their future choices. Physical attraction will always ‘grow old’. Mental and emotional attraction will change but I think you can build more on mental and emotional attraction.

I ask, what made you fall in love with your partner?

Do you agree that relationships are work?

Do you think that it’s compromise?

How much would you compromise?

noordinarymummy@gmail.com

2014

Reflecting 2014.

What a year!

An exciting yet busy year it was for me.

Where to start?

Hubby and I bought a house and did some minor renovations prior to moving in, I left my amazing corporate role to become a full time mummy, my mother had 2 heart attacks, we fell pregnant (planned) with bub number 2, my little guy turned 2 and let’s not forget I started this blog in February.

I met some amazing new friends, friends that I know will be life long. They are such wonderful women whom i admire and respect and although I’ve only known them since May – since our move, I know I can trust them with anything and rely on them for forever more.

Our children are of similar age and play well together and these people are wholesome and full of happiness and love.

Ive rekindled some lovely friendships that Id made back in either high school or my early 20’s – again with people I know are genuine and I can trust.

I think that as we get older we are more particular with whom we will and won’t share our lives with, this may be a maturity thing or it could be that we are more cautious. Either way, I know the people in my life now are my true friends with no ‘crap’ involved. Excuse the language. I’m grateful that they have re entered my life and our friendships are growing again.

Again these special people are wholesome and the type of people whom I know I can trust and rely on in whatever situation.

So in 2015 Im sure there will be many more exciting things happen which I’m looking forward to sharing with you including the birth of my 2nd bub due in May.

Stay tuned and I hope to hear your stories in 2015 also!