Tag Archives: truth

Six motherhood truths for those days when you want to quit.

Written by Rachel from Finding Joy.

Six motherhood truths for those days when you want to quit.

It’s overwhelming at times isn’t it?

Those days, those days longing to be a parent, they’re long gone and now, now you’ve found yourself here. In the midst of motherhood. At times feeling like you are drowning in things that once looked exciting, cute, and fun. Sure there are the fun moments, the moments that look like the Pampers commercial that you helped pay for with your years of purchasing diapers, but often, often motherhood, and motherhood in the midst, is a great deal of surviving through the day.

And sometimes we forget that those feelings of surviving are in fact moments of thriving.

Moments of discovering yourself, of getting stronger, and honestly, changing the world just a teeny bit day by day. So today, today I’m sharing with you six truths to remember on those days when you feel like throwing in the motherhood towel for a moment.

Here are six things you must remember during those motherhood days.

1. Throw the idea of failing out. (read Dear Mom Who Feels Like She is Failing)

So you had a bad day – that doesn’t mean you failed. It is a day. Or maybe a week. Or a season. But seriously, there is not all bad in everything. It’s perspective, truly. Maybe your birthday party was just ordinary with not one hand made item – not failing. You bought the juice boxes with the high fructose corn syrup and brought them to soccer – not failing. You forgot to sign them up for dance – not failing. Your child was the one screaming at the checkout line because you wouldn’t purchase the $3.99 Little Pet Shop that was placed at convenient preschool level – not failing. Normal, really.

Yet, you and I, we live in a world where all of these externals could so easily grade us as mothers. Seriously, now, sweet mom, do those things really matter? No. The grade of motherhood isn’t based on external perfection. True failure happens when one quits. You’re up now. Reading these words. And as you read them you, the mother, are a warrior – a silent diaper changing nose wiping picking up books folding socks driving to soccer making dinner with nothing in the pantry warrior. That’s not failing. That’s fighting.

2. Even if you’re not thanked what you are doing matters.

This. Again. You may not be thanked. You may feel that what you are doing doesn’t matter. You may feel that you are not valued. You may feel like those kids of yours hate you. You may feel like you’re in the midst of the most thankless job around. But, here’s the deal – what you do every single day matters even though often it feels like not much. So I’m telling you today – thank you. Thank you for getting up at night. Thank you for helping with math homework. Thank you for counting to ten when you wanted to scream. Thank you for saying I’m sorry after you got too mad. Thank you. I stand up and I applaud you and all the other mothers that read this site applaud you. You are amazing.

3. You will never be the same.

It is impossible to make it through motherhood without being the same. Impossible. Motherhood means giving of the heart and investing in the heart of others and in that process a beautiful metamorphosis takes place. You’re still you – with all of your beautiful gifts and dreams and desires and talents – but now you’ve adapted to take those gifts and to combine them with the beauty of motherhood. Yes, the beauty. Even though often it doesn’t feel beautiful. It still is. One painting, one hug, one chocolate chip cookie batch, one buckling up in the carseat, after another day.

Don’t lose the beautiful premotherhood part of you. Continue to cultivate it and let your children see you thrive as well. So you love art? Paint. Gardening? Garden. Reading books? Read. Running? Run. Teach them your skills, tell them about what you love, and explore life together. Motherhood isn’t about losing self instead it’s about growing self and sharing self with those children blessed to call you mom.

4. The ordinary moments are the most beautiful. (read Seeing Motherhood: Why the Little Things Matter)

Little things matter. If there was one thing I’d want to tattoo on my arm as a reminder to me it would be those words. Or, lol, maybe I should just get a shirt or a coffee mug instead. But, here’s the deal, sweet mother who needs a reminder today about the value of motherhood – the little moments matter. And often the most. Do you know what I remember about my mother? I remember a time where we sat in the kitchen after cutting corn off the ears because we were freezing it and she looked at my dad and smiled and loaded us all in the car and we went to Dairy Queen. And then once there, when I got ready to order my standard cherry dilly bar she looked at me and told me to get whatever I wanted. I remember – that peanut buster parfait was my favorite one ever. She probably doesn’t. But, I do. It was a little thing. A little moment. That has stuck with me all these years. As does the time she put a note in my second grade red Tupperware lunch box with the individual boxes that now would be incredibly cool even though I always wanted one of those tin ones. The note said I love you Rachel. Have a good day. And I remember it.

So savor those little things. They matter. The little notes. The hugs. The times spent resting in the grass looking at the clouds. The times in the car where you listen to their music and try to appreciate what they love. They matter.

5. Everyone’s motherhood story is different and yet all equally important.

Your story is different from my story which is different from my neighbor Maria’s story which is different from the mom at your preschool’s story and on and on. And that is beautiful. And important. Embrace each other’s stories – don’t compare – but instead learn to celebrate. Maybe you are a horrible cook but fabulous at gardening. Trade. Bless each other. You provide the veggies and she the meal. That’s doing life together. We can’t do everything perfectly. And honestly? Perfection would get old. There is beauty in imperfection.

Motherhood in reality is living in imperfection. There are spills, fights, lost homework, meals that are totally disliked, days where a shower seems like a gift, deadlines, and more. But there are also hugs, I love you’s, moments where you watch them sleep and just breathe, and times of bliss. Mine will look different than yours. But they’re both beautiful. Celebrate each other’s story. Don’t compete.

6. Moms are heroes. Real, everyday heroes.

A hero, according to Merriam-Webster, is one who shows great courage. When you stepped into motherhood you demonstrated great courage. No longer was your life centered on you, but now, your life is a beautiful example of giving. Of fighting for your children. I know you fight dear mother. Some of you fight for their health, for their hearts, for their time, for them to go to bed, but whatever you do you fight. And that matters. That’s part of being a hero.

You’re a hero when you get up when you’re exhausted. You’re a hero when you give of your food for them because they’re still hungry. You’re a hero when you try to do those pinterest crafts (for real). You’re a hero when you forget your agenda and sit on the couch and read. You’re a hero when you fold those clothes after they’re all dumped out again. You’re a hero when you want to quit and you keep fighting. You’re a hero. And when you feel otherwise, take a moment, and look at all you do in one day. And then remind yourself that you, as a mother, you are truly amazing.

Six truths.

For moms. In whatever stage of motherhood you find yourself today.

Onward, brave mother. Onward.

~Rachel

Life’s lessons.

What I’ve learned.

My husband and I often sit and chat about everyday stuff. We also chat about what we have learnt from each other and how we have grown as both individuals and as a partnership / marriage / couple.

Ive learnt quite a lot from him, I’m happy to admit. I think he brings out the best and perhaps sometimes the worst in me. We have been together 10 years and married for 5, so I guess something seems to be going right for us.

What he has taught me.

Take time for me – hubby says I’m selfless that I do so much for everyone but tend to do things for myself. I don’t see this as a negative ad I enjoy helping and being there for those who are deserving.

Don’t be ashamed of anything – I used to be embarrassed that I never went to university. He says I am successful in my own right. I guess so? I had my own business which was quite successful for approx 5 years. I purchased my own property in bondi when I was only 26 with no help from anyone. Saved my own deposit, paid my own mortgage and successfully renovated it and sold for a good profit. I often get the question about education, I’m not sure why so many people care what school I went too? Anyway I used to be embarrassed to say I never went to uni but it hasn’t stopped me from being successful.

Be proud of who I am – I can be emotional, I know I’m stubborn, I can be arrogant, I know I’m outspoken, I can be overbearing but I also know I’m honest, trustworthy, reliable and loyal. Hubby says I being outspoken can sometimes get me into trouble, but I’d rather speak up than be no voice, hubby also says I have the heart of Pharlap. 😉

We defiantly come from different worlds and I used to question what made him fall in love with me.

My husband comes from an affluent family, he is an academic, he almost as many letters as the alphabet in university degrees beside his name, he went to a private school then SYDNEY university and graduated with honours, has always had a steady and successful career in company management and leadership roles.

I am a girl who grew up in the country in a very small town. I left the small town at 17 and moved to Sydney alone knowing 1 person and got myself a good job, set myself up and was independant. After 2 years in Sydney moved to Perth, was there approx 3 years then moved back to Sydney. Went back to study to further educate myself, worked hard to get my own business, bought my first apartment, had a few various ‘jobs’. I say jobs loosely as I knew they were not a career. I was working towards that. Still studying whilst working full time to allow myself financial freedom and the ability to achieve my goals.

I eventually met my husband whom although we came from different worlds and some would say have nothing in common, we mesh. We work well as a couple, he has my back, makes me laugh and we have created a beautiful family together.

Although we seem like the ‘Unlikely’ couple – they do say opposites attract.

He is my best friend and I’m grateful for the life we have created and thankful for all we share together.

I have made friends and lost friends, we all have different wants and different needs. Those that want to make an effort for you will, those that don’t make the effort never will and possibly have never been a good or true friend anyway. I have a handful of the most wonderful friends whom I will always cherish, some have been in my life for 10+ years, others fewer however I still would do anything for those whom I consider my true friends no matter how long we have known each other.

We all have Aspirations. Some choose to follow them, some choose to ignore them.

We all make our own choices and for every choice there will always be a consequence. It may be a fabulous consequence, it may not be. However every action will always get a reaction good or bad, for better or for worse. We must live our lives, learn our lessons and be happy with who we are.

People will form whatever opinion of you that they want. This is out of your control. You can’t change people’s thoughts and if they have their mind set on something, or believe a situation to be a certain way, just accept it. Right or wrong we all want to believe something.

I have learnt some things the easy way, others the hard way. I guess that’s what has helped to ‘shape’ me the person that I am today?

I’m still learning, but I’m open to learning. Life has lessons both good and bad. I will make mistakes but I will also learn from them.

Life is a journey and no one knows what is next or around your corner. All I know is that I’m pretty happy and have been blessed with my life thus far. Thanks to those who have shared my path with me.

Cyber bullying

Cyber bullying!!

There are many types of cyber bullying.

Bullying is a huge problem world wide that can have huge repercussions. It is becoming more of an issue in schools, online, sporting groups and also behind closed doors.

I recently watched a movie called ‘Disconnected’. It talks about social media, online bullying, chat forum dangers and just what happens over the internet.

It’s alarming to watch these terrible things happen to every day people. This movie is based on a true story. I won’t spoil it and tell you too much about it however the online bullying that occurs on this movie by two young school boys towards another boy when they pretend to be a girl and post nude images then send his images to the whole school is horrible. The targeted boy hangs himself. Very sad. Unfortunately this happens every day and nothing is done about it.

More information on this movie is in the following link.

http://disconnectthemovie.com

I have in the past been victim to a ‘type’ of cyber bullying. This particular person was being nasty and negative also making demands and accusations towards me and towards my blogs and writing ability.

They felt that what was written is defamation or lies. It’s not, what I’m writing is experiences in either my life or someone who I know. I have facts and plenty of proof. These blogs are written about many people that I know, they have given their permission for me to express their experiences and are certainly not targeted against one person. I write about every day things that occur in most peoples lives and lots of personal experiences had by myself and those I know.

This particular person should perhaps stop reading the blog? Or stop following me on Twitter. They seem to think everything I’m writing about is about them. Maybe they are just so twisted in their own lives that they feel bad about themselves so fear that perhaps they relate to my blogs therefore believe it’s about them?

In most cases with bullying, these people are self entered and suffer low self esteem which is why they feel attacked and then react by attacking others caused by their own insecurities. These people have ‘issues’ which is why they bully others, to make themselves feel better about the person that they are.

What they are doing is actually bullying me, not the other way around.

I guess they feel as they are not directly contacting me as a person only via a blog or Twitter so they cannot get caught and that they are not directly bullying me, however it is classified cyber bullying.

Cyber bullying is terrible and can cause people to become insecure, reserved, shy, recluse and scared.

I have reached out and alerted Stop Bullying which is a government organisation who looks into all claims and then monitors the bully’s actions and correspondence.

There are ways to stop bullying.

Firstly report it.

You can report it to the police or to an organisation like I have. I have put contact links below for you.

Talk to someone about it.

You are not alone, there are reasons why these people are called ‘trolls’ it’s because they are not nice people who are generally unhappy within themselves and are pushing their own issues onto others.

Remember cyber bullying is a crime which you can be convicted for.

A criminal conviction that will have repercussions for the rest of your life. You may loose your job, you may loose access to your children, you may loose respect of your peers but most importantly you can go to jail for this.

It doesn’t matter who you are or who you think you are. Cyber bullying is not on and you will get caught and hopefully reprimanded.

There are too many incidences where this is not bought to the attention of others and sadly it can result in someone taking their own life.

I fortunately am not allowing this person to get to me. As much as they think it’s ok to try bully me through others. It’s not ok and you have been reported.

Did you know that social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter and YouTube all ban cyber bullying?

If you have been bullied online, have seen bullying online or are worried that you may have bullied someone else online and you don’t know what to do next, you can get free, confidential legal advice from Lawmail.

What is bullying?

Bullying is behaviour that is meant to be hurtful.
It targets a certain person or group of people.
It happens more than once; and
embarrasses, threatens or intimidates the person being bullied.

What is cyber bullying?

Cyber bullying is bullying carried out online or through mobile phones or computers.

This could include using SMS, email or social networking sites to harass or abuse someone.

Is cyber bullying a crime?

Cyber bullying can be a crime under either South Australian or national law when it involves:

Cyber bullying is using the internet or a phone in a threatening, harassing or offensive way.

Stalking (including messaging someone to harm or scare them)
Accessing internet accounts without permission

Defamation (spreading lies to intentionally hurt someone’s reputation)

Encouraging suicide

Menacing, harassing or offensive use of the internet or a mobile.

It is a crime to use a phone or the internet in threaten, harass or seriously offend somebody.

A message or post could be considered offensive if it is likely to cause serious anger, outrage, humiliation or disgust. The maximum penalty is 3 years in jail.

http://www.stopbullying.gov/cyberbullying/what-is-it/

http://m.cybersmart.gov.au

http://www.lawstuff.org.au/sa_law/topics/bullying/cyber-bullying

2014

Reflecting 2014.

What a year!

An exciting yet busy year it was for me.

Where to start?

Hubby and I bought a house and did some minor renovations prior to moving in, I left my amazing corporate role to become a full time mummy, my mother had 2 heart attacks, we fell pregnant (planned) with bub number 2, my little guy turned 2 and let’s not forget I started this blog in February.

I met some amazing new friends, friends that I know will be life long. They are such wonderful women whom i admire and respect and although I’ve only known them since May – since our move, I know I can trust them with anything and rely on them for forever more.

Our children are of similar age and play well together and these people are wholesome and full of happiness and love.

Ive rekindled some lovely friendships that Id made back in either high school or my early 20’s – again with people I know are genuine and I can trust.

I think that as we get older we are more particular with whom we will and won’t share our lives with, this may be a maturity thing or it could be that we are more cautious. Either way, I know the people in my life now are my true friends with no ‘crap’ involved. Excuse the language. I’m grateful that they have re entered my life and our friendships are growing again.

Again these special people are wholesome and the type of people whom I know I can trust and rely on in whatever situation.

So in 2015 Im sure there will be many more exciting things happen which I’m looking forward to sharing with you including the birth of my 2nd bub due in May.

Stay tuned and I hope to hear your stories in 2015 also!

Domestic Violence.

Domestic violence.

We all know someone or are related to someone who is or has been a victim domestic violence.

After watching 60 minutes tonight I feel I need to write about domestic violence. I’ve been watching the Gerard Baden-Clay story and I’m reeling with anger.

Weather or not you believe he murdered his wife Alison. Or weather or not you believe it was an abusive relationship and marriage domestic violence is very much a part of today’s society and it needs to stop.

Some super scary statistics show that just under half a million Australian women reported that they had experienced physical or sexual violence or sexual assault in 2005.

38% of these women who had been assaulted either sexually or physically report it was by a partner.

It’s been confirmed that one woman dies every week from domestic violence within Australia.

In NSW alone, 24 women were killed last year (2013) in domestic-related incidents.

Of all homicides in NSW, 42 per cent are domestic.

One woman is hospitalised every three hours across the country
from domestic violence.

Please remember as horrifying as these statistics are, they are the sad truth that could possibly be higher.

Unfortunately not all domestic violence cases are reported and many men and women are silent victims. They may be too scared or ashamed to speak up. To tell the truth. Perhaps fear of judgement by their peers or perhaps fear of revenge by their assaulter.

This needs to stop!

Too many women are dieing from domestic violence and it doesn’t stop there. Children are also victims which is terribly sad. Innocent and unsuspecting children at the hands of these violent disgusting people.

I’m not saying it is only men being abusive. There are many women in this world who are just as abusive both physically and mentally. Manipulating and belittling their partners. Perhaps as an act of jealously perhaps an act of low self esteem? Who really knows why these people behave in such a manner. What I know is, it should not be tolerated.

Changing laws to ensure the world is a safer place will require the courage of those victims to stand up and be brave. To speak about their abuse. We as a nation need to stop allowing abusive men to make lame excuses such as ‘Im sorry, I promise it won’t happen again’. Or ‘ I’m so stressed and anger took over, it won’t happen again’. Whatever the excuse violence is a low and criminal act.

Abusive doesn’t always mean being hit or punched or kicked, it can also be being yelled at, belittled or spoken to in a demeaning way. Sometimes the verbal abuse can be more scaring and hurtful than the physical.

Scars and bruises can be covered up with make up. Some people can be extremely mentally strong and are able to hide the emotional scaring or block out these feelings of hurt to the outside world ignoring them and pushing the aside.

It’s the emotional scaring that is so intense that it can remain for forever more haunting it’s victims. This emotional scaring is always in the minds of these victims and will always remain, no matter how hard you try to block it out or push it away, it’s happened and as a victim it can’t be change.

Australians used to regard drunken abusive behaviour by husbands as the normal. For many centuries, men have grown up in families that functioned in these violent circumstances, keeping it secret from their neighbours, friends and peers yet many remain deeply affected.

Sadly, though, many of these abusive people have claimed to be suffering mental abuse, often driven by a jealousy or low self-esteem. They try to destroy the confidence of their victim to the point where they feel like a prisoner and become dependent on the abusive person at hand.

We need to stand as a nation and stop domestic violence.

If you are a victim of domestic violence please stand up. There is help out there and you need not live in fear.

I have pasted some links below where you can get help.

If you would like to talk more to me about domestic violence, please feel free to email me on –
Noordinarymummy@gmail.com

 

http://m.police.nsw.gov.au
https://www.1800respect.org.au/workers/fact-sheets/mandatory-reporting-requirements/
http://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/subjects/domestic-and-family-violence
http://www.domesticviolence.nsw.gov.au
http://www.domesticviolence.com.au/pages/domestic-violence-statistics.php

Too old for a bikini?

Too old for a bikini?

At what age is it no longer appropriate to wear a bikini? I’m on an amazing sunny holiday with my two loves, my beautiful husband and my gorgeous little 19 month old boy – both are my world. I look around and see many women wearing bikini’s and some look ok others I wonder…

Am I being a prude? Is there an age were it’s no longer socially acceptable to wear a bikini? I’ve been reading other forums on this matter and have came up with some questions. Is it a self confidence thing? You wear it because you think you look great? Is it polite to stop embarrassing yourself and or your children? You may think you look great but what about others if your over exposing?

I have a friend whom is stunning and gorgeous! She is in her early 40’s and has 2 children but the body of a super model and she refuses to wear a bikini. When I questioned her on why when is looks amazing, her response was that it’s not age appropriate over 40.

I know this will cause some controversy but I tend to agree with her. You have all the younger years to flaunt what you have, why is it that you want to continue to flaunt it?

Are you that in love with yourself that you feel others need to see your body also?

Do you have the mentality of ‘who cares’ what others think?

Do you think ‘if you have it, flaunt it’?

Believe me, there are some very small bikinis out there which I really feel are inappropriate on older women.

Perhaps I am a prude, but there are many stunning full piece swim suits that would look a lot nicer on many women. I don’t care how thin or fit you are sometimes covering up is nicer to look at and less embarrassing to your children. They may not be telling you in fear of offending you but there is one very outspoken approx 6yo here asking his mother to put a dress over her bikini as it’s ’embarrassing’.

I know we all talk about body confidence but is there such a thing as age appropriate or too much body confidence?

Jessica Rowe – Strong and Truthful.

I saw this in the Sydney Morning Herald today and felt the need to share.

I love her statements and absolutely Agee, life is not perfect, no one us perfect so don’t be so hard on yourself.

On her 44th birthday, Jessica Rowe shares 44 of the lessons she’s learnt along her life’s journey.

“I need to have a good strong talk to myself” … Jessica Rowe.

My life is in dire need of a steam clean, and there’s no better time to clear away the crap and cobwebs than on a birthday. Tomorrow I turn 44 years old, and I figure it’s a good time to reflect on and celebrate the life lessons I have learnt, still haven’t learnt, should learn and will never learn.

I’ve put together a list of those lessons, but before you groan, this is not a bunch of smug, self-satisfied rules for living. Besides, lists have never been my strong point, as I exist permanently in a state of controlled chaos.

However, if the apocalypse is nigh, my family and I could live quite comfortably in my car. There would be enough to eat, with scraps of food left over from old school lunches, along with stagnant water from half-drunk Disney Snow Queen Elsa water bottles.

And my family would be well-clothed, since I have a mountain of clothes for big and little people in the boot. If you need something to help pass the time, there’s piles of reading material, with a month’s worth of newspapers stacked on the front seat and overdue school library books jammed under the driver’s seat. Plus there are some sparkly purple fairy wings to help you get the hell out of this place if it really is all too terrible …

The unlisty life continues inside our home, with piles of washing, explosions of toys, clean dishes, dirty dishes, books, two cats, four fish surviving in an algae-filled tank, and two tadpoles, named Lily and Rosebud, who are existing in a sludgy, slimy glass bowl. I need to have a good strong talk to myself and take some of the following pieces of advice:

• Don’t worry if your house is a pigsty; it’s a home, not a showroom.

• Never reveal the actual cost of your shoes. They were on sale and an absolute bargain. Besides they’re not new, anyway.

• Stop pretending life is perfect, it’s not; it can be messy, hard and heartbreaking.

• Be honest about the vile times – it gives other people permission to also fess up to their struggles.

• Don’t forget to tell the people closest to you that you love them.

• Return phone calls – but if you don’t, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your friends. (I do love you, really I do … )

• When you’re faced with boldness, be bolder. (I have to credit Napoleon Bonaparte for that cracker of a quote.)

• You are a good mother.

• You don’t have to have biological kids to be a mum; mothering comes in all shapes and sizes.

• It doesn’t matter if you pushed your baby out of your vagina or had it unzipped out of your stomach. All that matters is that you and your child are healthy.

• Breastfeeding can be hard: it hurts and your nipples can bleed.

• Using formula to bottle feed your babies doesn’t lower their IQ or make you any less of a mother.

• Sometimes you hate being a mum, but it doesn’t mean you hate your kids. They make your heart ache with love. It’s the unrelenting roles associated with the title of “mum” that can wear you down.

• Babies will go to sleep … eventually. (Although I’m still waiting for mine to sleep through the night!)

• Going to the park is boring.

• Playing with little kids all day is boring.

• Being with your kids all day can be blissful.

• Having a break from your children is heaven.

• You feel guilty enjoying time away from your family.

• You feel guilty for not being present, and in the moment with your family.

• You feel guilty for going to work.

• You feel guilty for not going to work.

• Your libido can go missing for a while, but don’t forget the raunchy and sexy woman you have been and still are.

• Nothing beats chocolate in bed and a Swedish crime thriller.

• Vibrators are very handy.

• Men do not notice stretch marks and cellulite; only other women notice the songlines of your body.

• Support other women and the choices they make, even if they’re not your choices.

• Go gently on yourself; you are enough.

• Tracksuits should not be worn outdoors.

• Leopard print is classic.

• You can never have enough sparkle on your clothes and in your life.

• Pink, purple and blue hair rocks.

• Floss your teeth.

• Laughter is the best medicine, but antidepressants come a close second.

• The only normal people in your life are the ones you don’t know very well.

• Be kind.

• Baked beans on toast is okay for dinner every now and then.

• Stay optimistic. It doesn’t mean being a Pollyanna, but cynicism is ugly.

• Don’t lead a safe life, take risks. It is far better to go down in flames than live a small, timid existence.

• Sometimes you have no control over what happens to you, but what you can control is how you choose to deal with it.

• Sugar is good for you.

• It’s not always about you. (But what do you really think about me???)

• Stop worrying about what other people think of you. (Are you listening, Jessica?)

• Ignore lists. Only you know what is best for you and your family.