Tag Archives: thoughts

School age debate.

School age debate.

I know this is a topic, often a spoken about, not always a positive topic, yet a topic that everyone seems to have an opinion on. So I thought that I would ‘chime in’ also as recently there was a ‘heated’ debate about it in the kindergarten playground.

I was faced with a confronting and unwelcome conversation last week by a woman that I don’t know. I was standing in the kindergarten playground chatting with other kindergarten mothers about nothing in particular when a mother that I had never met before starting making comments about our children.

See, we all have children who started kindergarten this year, and we also coincidentally have children that are turning 3 this year some boys, some girls. So when this woman passed comment that our ‘babies’ will also be going through school together, I said “that’s great will your daughter be going to kindergarten 2020?”. Not realising I had just unleashed her favourite topic!

She quickly responded with ‘no, my daughter is going 2021, why would you send your daughter early?, I mean sending a child too young has so many negative effects on them, why would you do that to her?”. I almost felt like I was being personally attacked, or that I was making a terrible decision and possibly ruining my dear daughters life.

I was taken aback – which rarely happens, and because of my silence, this woman thought it was her right to then lecture me on all the negative reasons as to why I should wait and send my daughter to kindergarten when she is 5 turning 6. You see, in her opinion sending my daughter 4 turning 5 in the May, is way too young and will undoubtedly end with teen pregnancy, under age drinking, lack of intelligence, slow learning, being left out of rep sporting teams, being easily influenced by others, difficulties with learning and socialising, and her extensive list went on. And on. And on. (Her words)

I was horrified at her response. I mean. This is the first time I’d ever met her. What a front she has to lecture anyone on their family decisions and what is best for someone else’s children. Too opinionated for my liking, that is for sure.

It really put me in a weird mindset, it made me question my husband and my decision and left me feeling quite angry and deflated. This was mind you, first thing in the morning so it played on my mind quite a lot that day. I spoke to a few friends throughout the day to vent and also get their opinions, of whom I value, and they, my friends much like myself, are of similar mindset with the school age decisions.

I also spoke to my little mans kindergarten teacher later that afternoon as this woman’s righteousness was confronting. I wanted to speak to a teacher who deals with children of varying ages on a daily basis and this teacher also, has over 13 years primary school teaching behind her. The kindergarten teacher is also of the same mindset as myself. That is, that each child is individual and ready at their own pace and in their own time.

I think I will have a better idea as to when we should start her in kindergarten once she starts preschool, however at the moment, my little miss who is not yet 3, knows her alphabet, can count to 20, dresses and undresses herself, copies and repeats her big brothers sight words, mock reads books, is extremely social, not shy, is really confident, will sit colour and draw by herself, can hold a pen or pencil with correct pen grip, will listen and take instruction and can sit through a whole movie, I think I will be ready but time will tell.

All kids are in my view, are individual and each to their own, however with this woman’s rant it got me thinking of all the negative effects that sending a child to school 5 turning 6 May encounter.

A few that really stand out to me are,
– Being an adult doing their HSC.
– Being 18, which is legal age to drink in Australia, which may mean the 18 year old who is still in high school, can and possibly will go out drinking. Is drinking whilst at school appropriate?
– Being older and holding a drivers license which at involve having other school children driving with them.
– Being older and influencing younger students mindsets.
– Wanting to ‘grow up’ too young.
– Will they get distracted or bored easily from being older?

Look, I get that this is a very personal topic, I think that either way, sending your child at 4 or 5, if you are raising your children in a way that you feel appropriate and comfortable with, your child will make the right decisions. They will know what is acceptable and hopefully make good decisions. It’s very individual based on each child differently.

I see valid points from both sides, however what I didn’t appreciate was being ‘force fed’ this woman’s opinion and how forthcoming she was with telling me how terrible I was as a parent for even considering sending my daughter to kindergarten at age 4 with her birthday in May.

What are your thoughts?

 

Personal Blogs.

Personal blogs.

A friend of mine was recently asking me how I started my blog and why.

Well I started it as something ‘on the side’ of being a SAHM. Don’t get me wrong being a SAHM keeps me very busy and I love it, but sometimes I enjoy interacting with others including other adults.😉 I know some may have the opinion of ‘mmmm your not interacting if it’s words on a page’ well I am, I may not get a verbal response that I can hear, but I do get loads of emails and a few are brave enough to write comments on either the FB page or webpage. I feel done are worried about commenting publicly as there are many people out there just waiting to ‘shut down’ other people’s thoughts and feelings. What we must remember is that everyone had thoughts and feeling so why shouldn’t they feel like they are now to express them without fear or scrutiny?

I explained to her that my blog is me expressing my stories and experiences and allowing others who have also experienced similar to relate. Quite often people are a ‘closed book’ and don’t always want to speak up or feel they can share personal experiences without being judged.

I write about many different things in order to capture a larger audience. I have readers who are not mothers, but enjoy my recipes and fitness posts (sorry I haven’t posted any of late, I promise I will again soon). I have readers who are male who possibly like the female perspective, and well yes I have female and other mothers read my blog.

My readers come from everywhere any anywhere. I currently have over 6000 readers / followed (whom I’m very grateful for) across many mediums including, Twitter, linked in, Facebook and my webpage and rest assured they are not all my friends. I personally don’t know that many people. 😉

Social media and blogging is a way of people communication on various topics, subjects and issues. It reaches a very broad and large audience. I read many blogs and I sure others do also.

I was googling ‘personal blogs’ and was reading on why others start their blogs.

Below is an interesting perspective on personal blogs and how and why some start.

12 Personal Blogging Tips

Organic v Chemical

Organic food but chemical life!

I dont understand all these people who only purchase and eat organic or rave about organic saying they are on the perfect diet etc however still continue to use deodorants or drink alcohol that is not organic. Are they hypocrites?

Eating organic but using deodorant, perfume, moisturiser, shampoo, conditioner, facial products etc that have chemicals in them kinda defeats the purpose of being organic in other areas of your life right?

Or do they feel like it’s compensating or equalling out? Eating organic but using chemicals?

The chemical still absorbs into your skin and therefore still travels through your blood stream.

Or drinking alcohol, it has preservatives and other ‘chemical’ in it that also goes through your blood stream.

I understand that eating organic can be great for your health but studies also show that by eating foods with preservatives etc it can build your immune system.

So is it a catch 22?

What are your thoughts?

Do you think that eating organic but still using chemicals is counter active?

 

Manipulation.

Manipulation and mind games.

So apparently all children can manipulate? I agree with this statement to an extent.

My little one certainly tries to manipulate me, he does this by being very cute, snugging up then asking me to play. Ok so this isn’t typical manipulation but it’s a form right?

This leads me to my next point. How many types of manipulation are there and what are they?

At what age do children start to manipulate?

Do they understand what they are doing? They may not know or understand the word, but I’m pretty damn sure a lot of children know what they are doing.

I know a lot of adults who manipulate on a regular basis, it often makes me wonder if they realise what they are doing, or are they simply that way inclined?

Is manipulation part if our personality?

Is it embedded in some of us?

Do these people enjoy manipulating?

Why do they feel they need to manipulate to get what they want?

Do that have that low of self esteem that they feel they have to manipulate?

Are they simply negative and nasty people who feel they deserve to be this way?

And my questions keep rolling…..

Manipulation is mainly know as ‘mind games’. These type of mind games I believe can be innocent or much more purposeful and deceiving. Most manipulation is used to ‘get what you want’ right? Why else would people play ‘mind games’?

As human beings, our emotions often take over our judgments therefore making it difficult for us to see the reality behind some certain hidden agendas or motives in different forms of behaviour. (Manipulation)

The controlling aspects or shrewdness can be linked to manipulation that are sometimes very subtle and may be easily overlooked, pushed aside, lost under feelings of obligation, love, or in fact our daily personal habits.

 
To understand the characteristics of a manipulative personality is not always easy as they may not always obvious. This can be because they play a silent game of building up obligations toward them. In the end it makes you feeling guilty, pressured, and obliged to carry out things for their sake even though you’re still wondering how things got to this point. How did they manage to get you to do this or behave that way?

I’ve found that the best way to judge a manipulative person is to observe their actions. Be a little patience with this and start with being polite and nice to them and saying thank you for letting me know this need to be done this way. Sooner you will come to know their reality. Actions speak louder than words.

Some manipulative people will guide people to do things in certain way. Telling them that doing do thing a particular way is for everyone’s good. In actual fact they don’t want to change themselves and want to stay in their own comfort zone. So these manipulative people will tell you stories about how someone else’s actions created problems for everyone. They might try scare tactics by also telling sad endings like he/she was asked to leave by everyone etc etc. Don’t fall victim to their stories. Just do what you think is right and essential. Of course considering others comfort also. But don’t sacrifice your rights and thoughts for them.

A martyr style personality behaves as if they are being considerate toward other people but is actually messing up considerateness with a need to be significant to you. By “martyring” themselves, they are doing things nobody has asked of them or wants them to do but in the process creates a ‘bind’ when they do them. In “doing you a favor”, their expectation increases that you have to return their favor. This type of person may also complain constantly about all the things they do for you and wonder rhetorically when you’re going to return this favor…

Excessively needy and dependent personalities tend to be people who feel uncomfortable in their own skin, this type of personality you will find often puts forward their own opinions and ideas which can quite often be hiding their manipulative behavior so that it seems as if you are responding on your own accord even though they’ve set up everything to have you respond directly to their neediness.

Narcissists. This is the archetypal manipulative personality and it’s very hard to deal with this master manipulator.

You. Seriously, at one time or other, every single one of us will practice manipulative behaviors in one form or other. It is just that for most people, manipulative actions tend to be one-off or only occasional instances rather than a purposeful map for daily living and interaction with others.

It’s interesting to note the possible types of ways in which people try to manipulate one another.

There are some key behaviors that can end up in manipulation, and it’s helpful to know how to spot them before walking right into them. Some are below.

The assumption statement – this manipulative tactic seeks to turn your behavior into what the beholder perceives it as, whether or not their interpretation is accurate. This soon leads to a guilt trip because no matter what happens, your rejection is proof of the assumption.

He said, she said – this manipulative ploy is pseudo-sociology in action. The manipulator takes it upon themselves to tell you what someone else said was the right thing to do. A third party perhaps your employer, partner or friend. It’s a handy way of pushing aside the responsibility from themselves while loading it all onto you.

The confronting statement is a manipulative approach set about to cause an argument. That way, the provoker will end up making you feel terrible over something you didn’t actually do or say but for which they believe you should feel guilty over anyway and they’ll get a huge chunk of sympathy from others with which they start to manipulate you all over again.

Self-pity manipulation, claiming to be unloved/sick/victimized, etc. At times each one of us has times when we’re really in need of some tender self-care but long-term manipulators can make a habit of being the victim or the one needing special attention. This often happens when you may be getting attention and they long for the attention. This can also be seen as ‘attention seeking’ quite often manipulators are also attention seekers.

The guilt trip – this manipulative behavior seeks to make you feel guilty and is aimed at sending you into the land of “should” rather than standing up for your own values.

Guilt trips are also really high on the list of manipulative personality tools. If you can get someone else to feel guilty, then you’re done! Only trouble is, people wear out after being made to suffer guilt trip after guilt trip and then the manipulator who thinks that he or she is on to a good thing here eventually will lose respect, friends, and will be distanced by those who can’t get away, such as family and co-workers. One of the key things to remember with ‘guilt trippers’ it’s hard to escape the guilt trip. The sooner you stop it the better, and that it’s their guilt trip, not yours.

No matter what age, we can all seem to ‘manipulate’ to some extent to get what we want at some point in our lives.

Fact is some people seem to do it more often to gain what they feel they deserve.

What are your thoughts on manipulation?

 

 

Through thick and through thin!

Through thick and through thin.

So the saying goes, you will stick by your partner through thick and through thin. Why is it that this saying doesn’t always ring true?

Marriage is supposed to made upon love, respect, trust and understanding. Why are something’s simply left misunderstood or unsaid?

One would assume that when standing face to face with your loved one, saying those special life combining vows, that your happily ever after will remain.

No one ever wants to hear the three little words ‘this isn’t working’ we all wish to hear ‘I love you’ or ‘we can work through this’.

Why is it so hard to always be on the same page?

Yes relationships are hard and they most always will certainly need work at some point. Weather you have been together 10 years or 10 days, no relationship is perfect and there will always be hardship right?

I think that having hardship and working together makes you stronger as a couple. For every battle there will be a make up and I think that every relationship needs some tough times, this shows the love and respect that you have for each other as a couple to get through the hard times.

No relationship is perfect 100% of the time and I personally believe that if your putting on a facade that your relationship is perfect, what are you really hiding?

Truth is and studies show that to have a 100% non fight and totally agreeable relationship one person will need to ‘bow down’ either hold their thoughts and options to themselves in order to keep the other person happy.

If this is in fact true, why are why changing our options for our partners and why shouldn’t we speak up and have our own thoughts and opinions? Why are we trying to please everyone? Are we scared of failure or scared to voice our opinion in fear of offending or hurting someone’s feelings?

Arguing can be seen as communicating and voicing or sharing issues. In a relationship where there is not even a heated conversation, it could be that one or both parties don’t feel safe enough to express themselves. They doubt whether they can be honest about their feelings and be heard, respected, and still loved.

A lack of argument can also signal a lack of commitment to each other or the relationship. If you just don’t care about the longevity of your relationship with someone, you might just keep your head down and ignore anything that comes up because, ultimately, it won’t matter in the end.

I know in my marriage vows I said ‘through good times and through bad’. Yes I occasionally don’t see eye to eye with my hubby and we do argue. I think this keeps our relationship real and I know he respects my opinions and likes that fact that if we don’t agree on a topic that I challenge him.

I’m not a shrinking person and I won’t agree in order to please or keep the peace.

We all have our own opinions and we are all very much entitled to have them. Any partner who scrutinises their significant other, for having opinion should have a look at themselves.
What are they hiding?
Are they controlling?
Do they feel insecure?
Is this why they don’t like you to speak up?
Or are they simply embarrassed or afraid that you may in fact challenge their thoughts?

If you’re arguing over small, petty day to day insignificant things just to get interaction, or to be validated, or in fact if your trying to push someone away out of fear or rejection it’s unhealthy for both you and your relationship. What you really need to do is take a good hard look at what you really want from the confrontations and find healthier ways to have your needs met.

Fact is that when blending your life with another person’s it isn’t always going to go smoothly. It takes work and there will be times when various differences come between you weather you think they are important or not.

The important thing is to learn to navigate these ‘arguments’ so that you can come out the other side feeling more secure, intimate and respected in the relationship.

No one gets taught how to argue with our significant other. There’s usually no standard instruction manual on how to deal with the possible arguments of day to day life that we might get into with someone whom we love, but knowing how to ‘argue’ well is one of the best tools for a long term relationship. It can close the divide between a love that is slowly disintegrating, and a love that is true, strong and more intimate with years gone by.

It’s very natural that you’re going to fight once in awhile. However, being frustrated or angry with your partner doesn’t have to be destructive and it doesn’t have to ‘end in tears’.

Working through issues teaches you about each other and by learning you can appreciate each other more and the love and respect can and will grow.

Talk to each other in a calm manner and never go to bed on an argument. All that will do is brew overnight and possibly neither person will sleep well. Therefore being overtired will only cause more destruction within the argument.

A great therapist once said;
“You can’t control anyone else’s behaviour. The only one in your charge is you.”

A great article on relationships and arguments is in the link below.

http://www.rachaellay.com/arguing-can-make-your-relationship-healthier/

Natural therapies, alternative medicines? Natural IVF?

Alternative therapies and IVF?

Some of you may or may not be aware that we had some difficulties falling pregnant with my now gorgeous 20 month old healthy, happy, busy, boy!

I was told that I had no ‘eggs’ and that I would need to have hormone replacement therapy (HRT) along with IVF.

When I was given this news I was devastated. I thought it was the worst thing I could have ever heard. Such a blow to the ego, why are so women able to have babies so easily and I can’t I was asking myself?

Then anger set in and I was thinking of all the women who neglect their children or fall pregnant to keep or trap a partner. I has all these emotions were running through me. I was 33 years old. Married, trying to start a family with the guy I had been with for at the time 6 years. Why me?

I wasn’t going to let it defeat me. I am a stubborn and defiant personality and I certainly don’t like to loose nor be beat by something. To give up certainly wasn’t in me. I was willing to try anything prior to HRT and IVF.

Not because I am against it, but I wanted to try alternatives as I’d heard how straining on your body and mind both HRT and IVF are and with their costs and risks your still not guaranteed to fall pregnant, therefore is wanted to try other ‘possibilities’ first.

So I went to visit a Chinese Herbalist. He was so lovely, his English was broken but he understood my struggle. He tested my hormone levels via feeling my energies. No needles, no blood samples simply held his hands approx 15cm away from the outline of my arms and head and felt my bodies energies.

At first I thought this was Bizzar but i kept telling myself, whatever works! I really wanted a family with my husband and was willing to try anything!

He made up some specialised herbs for me to take as a tea and suggested I also take other vitamin supplements such as magnesium, iron, calcium, vitamin B and a few others. He also suggested acupuncture, a cleaner diet and meditation. I had used acupuncture previously for a sports injury but never meditated. I am a high energy person and the thought of meditation was a little overwhelming. I had to at least try though. Remembering everyone’s needs are different and these were what my body needed, no necessarily what everyone will need.

I read a few articles and books on self meditation, taking myself to a quiet place abc allowing my thoughts to ‘quieten’. This was very foreign to me and it took many attempts – about 10, before I actually succeeded in meditation. Blocking out sounds and not being distracted I found very challenging. I would meditate every evening. Sitting on my bed or laying. No TV on just me in the dark with my body still and listening to my heart beat. I would slowly tell each part of my body to relax, staring at my toes and working my way up to my brain, with each breath I would feel more calm and at ease with meditation and eventually I could lay alone meditating for an hour.

No I didn’t fall asleep but I would certainly feel relaxed. 🙂

My cleaner diet was, no alcohol, nothing with preservatives or as little as preservatives as possible, (basically nothing from a packet) more fruit, veg and meat. Less processed foods and lower starchy carbohydrates.

I was seeing SYDNEY IVF acupuncture in George street Sydney twice a week for acupuncture, meditating at home daily, eating clean and healthy and took a lot of stresses from my life. Including quitting my job which I loved but my boss was making my role difficult. (If you have been following my previous posts, this is the boss that pursued my friends, ended up dating one and spoke about her in a condescending and revolting manner.) – I quit as I could no longer stand his behaviour. I was unemployed approx a month before I was contacted by my most recent boss doing the same role but with a lot less stress involved , it’s a much larger and more professional organisation with wonderful supporting management and staff.

So with my new lifestyle I fell pregnant. I will admit it still took 7 months but I fell naturally. No chemical HRT no IVF naturally! I felt on top of the world.

So my advice is. If you are struggling to fall pregnant naturally don’t discount HRT and IVF however also don’t be dis heartened. If like me you are open to alternative medicine, go speak to a natural therapist or even an acupuncture specialist. They will be able to help put you in contact with the people who can hopefully help you bring a baby to this world.

I now have my wonderful little man whom I adore more than anything for and am extremely thankful and fragile to have him in my life. If I do encounter these hurdles again I will most certainly try alternative therapies again. 🙂