Tag Archives: testing

Stress free toddler!

Being a parent is the hardest job I’ve ever had, however by far the most rewarding.

All the academic qualifications can never prepare you for being a parent. A new adventure and or challenges on a daily or sometimes hourly basis.

Hold tight though, they are only little once and these ‘testing’ times will pass and perhaps we will look back and wonder why we thought they were so hard?

http://www.yummymummyclub.ca/blogs/andrea-nair-connect-four-parenting/20150420/handling-stress-of-having-toddler

Relationships – defining them?

Relationships.

Well let me firstly start by saying – every relationship is hard! Be it a friendship, partnership or marriage. As most of my loyal readers know, I love sex and the city. I watch the episodes over and over along with the movies – never have enough. Sad but true. I recently watched the episode where Carrie is trying to define relationships. I think it’s the final episode where she comes back from Paris with big and it’s right at the end where she meets up with the girls in their favourite cafe and as the walk out it quotes – “most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.’ Carrie – I love this quote.

Anyway – I recently spoke with a friend whom has recently broken up from a long term relationship. They were talking marriage, children, sharing the rest of their lives together. Now they have gone separate ways.

When I asked what was the reasoning behind the break up, as I thought that they seemed so in love, the response was that they were no longer physically attracted to their partner.

I then thought to myself, perhaps the relationship was doomed from the beginning? Yes it would be nice to have a physically attractive partner but looks are only ‘skin deep’. Looks fade and over time what we find physically attractive changes.

I personally believe that you should always be attracted to the personality over looks. Be with someone who makes you laugh, who you can be your true self with and be comfortable enough in their company to sit in silence and just ‘be together’. A friend.

Not that I’ve always taken my own advice.

So what are relationships based on if it’s only physical?

We all eventually age and wrinkle. Some of us even gain weight and get bad skin. How can we sustain a relationship long term if we are only basing our relationships on physical attraction? Are people or couples honestly up for ‘sex’ 100% of the time? Do you not get tired, get too busy, feel emotionally drained, be physically drained, become stressed, feel less attractive yourself or just not be ‘in the mood’? Perhaps I’m the only one?

Relationships take work. They are not easy and they are certainly a compromise.

I’ve always said and will continue to say. At any given stage within a relationship, one of the partners will be more in love than the other. This I think is just a true hard fact.

I believe that you cannot possibly be 100% in love and attracted physically, emotionally and mentally to the same person 100% of the time. I’m the first to admit that I’m not 100%, 100% of the time.

Having ‘things’ in common or having common ground and likes are a good start but what happens when your hobbies or likes evolve. We all evolve as people and change. I know I don’t like the same things as I did 10 years ago. Perhaps not even 5 years ago? So how are we supposed to be happy with the same person for the rest of our lives?

Well we compromise.

We compromise our likes and wants to help make a relationship work.

What happens though if one partner gives more and compromises more than the other? Is this fair and why should they be the only one to compromise or make sacrifices?

I personally don’t believe that in say a 20, 30, 40 or 50 year marriage that both partners are 100% in love 100% of the time. Most relationships have hurdles and hard times and I believe that by having differences you grow as a partnership. You overcome differences and learn more about each other.

So I gave my advice to my friend and I hope that they are thinking wisely about their future choices. Physical attraction will always ‘grow old’. Mental and emotional attraction will change but I think you can build more on mental and emotional attraction.

I ask, what made you fall in love with your partner?

Do you agree that relationships are work?

Do you think that it’s compromise?

How much would you compromise?

noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Taming the toddler!

Taming the toddler!

Dressing my 2 year old of late feels like I’m wrestling a crocodile – not that I’ve wrestled a croc but it seems that since he started preschool, a whole new world has begun!

Simple tasks like dressing him is full on with him running around being cheeky and making it more of a game, I get one leg of his pants in then he runs off expecting me to chase him with the only contained leg falling out, back to square one.

Although this is cute and can be a fun game, I’m 6 months pregnant and get out of breath easily and also can’t move as quick as I normally can nor can I manoeuvre myself as well with my tummy! The simple task of dressing that once took 5 minutes now can take up to 20.

He only goes to preschool 1 day per week and has only been a handful of times. This is also his first time in any day care / preschool facility as I’m a stay at home mum and whilst I was working he had a nanny one day per week whom would come to our home and care for him there, therefore he was still in his comfort zone.

So since starting preschool – which I do believe is good for him and will get better, the drop offs are very hard with tears and tantrums from my lil guy and him shouting ‘me no likey preschool’. ‘I go home now’ and ‘peese mummy no go’. Breaks my heart every time! Perhaps I’m just a clingy mum or not tough enough? However I am re assured by the centre director and other staff that he does calm down and settle after approx 15 minutes of me leaving.

I also know that it’s not the preschools fault that he is behaving this way, he is only 2 and being put in a new environment can be challenging for anyone.

On pick up I get the best reception from him with a huge smile then him running towards me followed by huge hugs having both his innocent little arms tightly wrapped around my neck and have him almost climbing up on top of me to get closer then followed by a big kiss. Makes my whole day to get that love from him as I certainly do miss him.

That evening and next day though can be tiring as he becomes extremely clingy and needing with him following me everywhere I go and holding my hand even walking around our home.

This I love, but bed time becomes another challenge with him no wanting to go to bed alone and insisting that I stay in his bedroom with him. If i try to leave I get tears and heartbreak. I think to myself, be tough and just make him stay alone to sleep but then my softer side says, why not sit with him, he is two and he won’t want me to ‘hold him’ for too many more years. Yes he says in the sweetest little voice ‘peese mummy old me’ which means he would like my hand to rest on his heart whilst he falls asleep – bless him.

He has also learnt lots of new sentences, including him putting his finger across his lips and saying ‘shhh, stop it, sit down’ something I’m guessing his teachers must say? And another one ‘umm I dont think so’. Don’t get me wrong I’m glad his vocabulary is expanding and he is learning better sentences however not sure I like those particular sentences coming from my ‘just turned 2 little guy?.

Another wonderful side effect from day care is the lashing out. He has certainly been asserting himself, mainly with other boys and generally it’s a jealous thing, like them playing with his toys or even being too close to me. He has never been an aggressive or rough child but the past 2 weeks have shown me that he can be quite rough with pushing and throwing things.

From studying my counselling course I’ve learnt that it’s very normal for a toddler or child to lash out or behave aggressively when they have a major change in their young lives as they are stamping out their emotions, asserting themselves and also trying to work out how and where they fit into the change.

It’s almost like they are pushing boundaries to see how far they can get, asserting themselves and making their own path. This does settle down but it’s a big adjustment for them.

Should you try to tame a toddler?

My theory is to allow them to show their personality but set boundaries. I’m not going to raise a brat or disrespectful child. My little man already has boundaries and though I do discipline him I also explain why I’m disciplining him and try to help him understand what he has done wrong and how not to do it again.

I’m not huge on smacking but I do believe in time out. I sit my little guy on his bed, get down to his eye level, ask him to look at me whilst I’m talking to him and speak to him in an assertive but compassionate voice. I don’t like to raise my voice but he does recognise the difference in the tone in my voice and that he is in trouble. He then sits on his bed with the door closed for 2 minutes. I then go back to his room and explain again what he has done wrong and generally find that he is remorseful.

I’ve heard that 3 year olds are worse than 2 year olds? Gosh! I love my little guy more than the world but he certainly tests me and keeps me on my toes at times, here is for hoping 3 isn’t worse!

How do you tame your toddler?

What are your experiences?

Is it just us or is parenting an emotional rollercoaster?

Every day brings its highs and lows and unexpected loopty-loops.

There are moments of absolute joy that lift us up and take our breath away. And then there are trying moments such as those when the little one decides to draw all over your nice white walls with black permanent marker that bring us down and also take our breath away.

Yet through it all, there’s something in us that forgives our little ones need for attention and we forget, open our arms, scoop them up and love them all over again!

The uncomplicated love of a parent.

Working mums.

Can you be a working mum without guilt?

So I feel like I’ve been juggling / multi tasking what ever you want to call it.

I’m a wife, a mother, a step mother and until recently I also worked full time. Not full time in the essence of 5 days per week 8 hours per day in an office environment, but 4 days working from my home office averaging 6 hours per day and then in the office one day per week for 7 hours.

I have always worked full time and always supported myself. Even when I married. My husband has an 11 year old to his first wife so I have been step mum for the past 8 years. We now also have our own adorable, wonderful, amazing little guy who is 16 months old.

So that’s 2 boys and a husband in a very demanding role which requires him long hours in the office and stressful odd hour phone calls to international branches of the company he works for. Providing a stable environment for them including cooking healthy dinners every night for all of us, daily cleaning, packing lunches, doing the washing, ironing, vacuuming, groceries, dusting, mopping as we have floor boards, and many other house hold duties.

With this I still worked full time – 40 hours per week right up until a week prior to giving birth. I then proceeded to work from home averaging 35 hours per week since my bub was 5 days old. I was only in hospital 2 nights.

Yes this was a struggle as there was not a single day throughout my pregnancy where I wasn’t ill. I threw up minimal twice daily and was constantly tired and nauseous, however I loved my role and felt obliged to work as I had only been with the company / business 10 weeks when we found out we were expecting.

I told the CEO of the business straight away as I was also still within the probation period so thought it was the right thing to do. Give them the option of letting me go within the probation period. Although I was t through my 12 week safe zone, I felt I needed to be honest with the company. To my delight they decided to keep me on.

After bringing my bundle of love and joy home I worked 35 hours per week from our home office up until July where I started going into the city office on Tuesdays. I had a private Nannie for my bub as he also suffered severe reflux and had dairy intolerance which meant day care didn’t want the responsibility of him in there care at 6 months old. As he had reflux he refused his bottle and rightly so as it would be painful and burn him when swallowing the milk and reflux also causes acid burn within the trachea – quite painful. With his dairy intolerance it would mean also being very cautious as to not allow him access to any dairy.

I understand they didn’t want the responsibility so we chose the safe option of a private Nannie in our home.

This was also not a cheap option costing us $250 per day. It did however give peace of mind knowing the love of my life was safe and in his own surroundings.

I know it was a hard position for me to return to work as being a first time mum I didn’t want to leave my 6 month old son.

I also appreciate it was a hard position for my employer as they didn’t have me in the office full time. Being in the office full time provided team moral and as I am quite a bubbly, easy going, energetic, ‘up and at Em’ kind of girl I feel I provided a sense of energy in the office. I was also the only person within the company doing my niche role.

I know they wanted and needed me in the office full time however I just couldn’t do it. We didn’t have confirmed day care and we certainly couldn’t afford a private Nannie 5 days per week.

This played on my mind daily as I felt I was letting them down, especially after they were so good to me and understanding and supporting my position with my bub and also especially after keeping me employed when I announced my pregnancy.

But who was I really letting down?

The company?

My baby?

Or myself?

I loved working and felt lucky to work in the role I was in. I’m a qualified interior designer and worked for an art investment house. Quite niche and with only 5 competitors within Australia very fortunate to be employed within the industry. Id been working in this role for just over 4 years. I’d previously worked with another company doing the exact same thing for 2 years prior to being head hunted by this company. (Head hunted is where the company approaches you and offers you to work with them)

I have however sadly since resigned from this position.

There were many factors which equated to any decision, however I ask myself – have I don’t the right thing?

This is the first time ever in my life that I’ve never been employed. Well since I was 15 – I started waitressing and worked in a restaurant kitchen 4 nights per week after school at the tender age of 15 but prior to that was baby sitting on a regular basis from about 13 years old earning approx $50 per week (back then – think circa 1993 – this was a lot of money for a tween) This is also the first time ever that I’ve had to rely on someone else. I’ve always provided for myself.

So this is a bad thing you ask? It is as I’m very self sufficient and proud. At any point in my 20’s I would work 2 jobs and an very proud to say purchased my own first home at 26. With my own hard earned money with no hand outs or gifts or help from anyone. Just me and my savings account. 🙂

So I’ve had to learn, to ask my husband for money – this is a task to me as I’m a proud person to hates to ask for anything.

I’ve always been on a budget as I’ve also arrived to save and provide for myself so this isn’t new, but I’ve never been unemployed.

How will I fill my days?

Well I plan on spending every minute with my little guy. I’ve felt guilty working whilst he has been so young. I’ve been consumed with thoughts that I’ve missed out on precious moments with him.

Now it’s time for me to relish in being a mummy. Gosh we tried so hard to have him – that’s another story of daily Chinese herbs, acupuncture 3 times per week, daily meditation, a clean natural diet with no preservatives and weekly yoga!

So my time to be a mummy!

Tell me do you feel guilty?

Do you feel society puts pressure on you to work and be a mummy?

Do you feel judged for not wanting to be employed?

How do you juggle being employed and being a mummy?

Don’t get me wrong, I actually believe that being a mother is the most rewarding job ever. If I were to write a list of daily jobs that make up being a mother you may be shocked however I defiantly take my hat off to those mothers who can do it all.

I struggled not with time management but with guilt. I couldn’t get my head around leaving my little guy 5 days nor could I stop feeling guilty that I had a sense of owing the company that I worked for.

All in all a very tough decision for me.

Well I always have my blog!

Tell me your story. Do you work? How do you juggle? Do you feel guilt with regards to your company or your family?