Tag Archives: talk

Cheat? Cheater? Cheating?

Cheating!

Once a cheat always a cheat?

I’m A huge believer in monogamy. Call me old fashioned but I don’t believe that you take vows of forever, in sickness and in health and make promises to your partner to be faithful if that’s not what you intend on doing.

I also don’t quite understand the idea that cheating is ok? Then the ‘cheater’ blaming their partner? How is this normal?

I’ve once heard that the ‘cheater’ said they no longer felt wanted by the partner which is why they cheated. Perhaps instead of infidelity they should talk to their partner and try to resolve issues?

I guess I’m some cases it’s their ego that needs a boost? This still doesn’t make it right in my eyes or beliefs.

It also makes me think, will the ‘cheater’ ever be happy and content with the one partner?

Will they always have the inclination to stray and cheat? Are they simply deceitful people?

What would you do if you were cheated on?

I was cheated on by a long term partner and initially I blamed myself, thinking I wasn’t enough and why couldn’t I make him happy or please him?

What I soon realised is that he was the one with the issues not me. It took me a while to stop blaming myself and realise that I actually did nothing wrong and that it was him at fault.

Infidelity generally comes from the same inner emptiness as alcoholism, drug abuse, food addiction, gambling, over spending and so on. In case ‘s of infidelity, when the underlying reason is emptiness due to self-abandonment, the addiction is to attention, approval or sex , using another person to fill the inner emptiness and take away the inner aloneness. Instead of being the ‘bigger person’ and ending the current relationship, the ‘cheater’ takes their emptiness and aloneness with them into their next relationship. And so the cycle continues.

Someone who cheats in one relationship is almost certain to do it again unless they fulfil themselves and heal their inner brokenness.

You cannot expect to put your emptiness and aloneness into someone else. You need to fix your own problems prior to staring a new relationship.

I know that I would never date someone whom I know has previously cheated. Perhaps I have trust issues from my past or perhaps I simply wouldn’t want the continual thoughts of ‘what are they up to, or am I enough?’

My theory is simple and I’ve known many people who cheat on their partners and many who have been cheated on. In my eyes it’s a low act.

Hurting someone for your own fulfilment. I don’t think these people ever change and that there will always be the inclination there for them to repeat offend.

I’ve been with my now husband almost 9 years, married for over 3 years and I can wholeheartedly say that yes we argue and yes I get cranky and upset with him, I personally don’t believe any relationship is perfect but at no stage have I or would i ever contemplate seeking intimacy with someone else.

If I have an issue or feel insecure, low, upset or angry I talk it out and make things work. I think cheating is an easy option for weak people to escape reality.

It takes a stronger person to fix a problem than to cheat and betray for your own personal pleasure hurting those who you supposedly love and care for the most.

I understand that someone may pursue you, however you have the control to walk away and not accept. Take responsibility for your actions and know that for every action, there is a reaction and reputations are hard to change.

 

Do you have a fantasy?

Fantasies.

I’ve been reading a few books lately and they are mostly biographies however a couple have been fiction novels that have got me thinking.

A recent read is called ‘just one night’ by Kyra Davis. Kyra is a New York Times best selling author and this book certainly does not let her down.

It’s a great book about a women who has the successful corporate career, a long term boyfriend whom she believes she will marry and the ‘proper’ family whom have all the silver linings laid out for her. One night in Vegas with her best friend changes it all though.

The book goes into detail about fantasies and what is expected from certain people and families and what is and isn’t ‘appropriate’.

In one part of the book the lead character is speaking with her best friend about fantasises and the best friend describes why they are a fantasy and why not to act on fantasises, to keep them as a fantasy and the excitement of that to yourself. Sometimes when fantasy’s are played out the excitement isn’t quite the same.

Well different people will have different opinions on this but the book had me thinking about my fantasies and would I ever act on them?

Most fantasies are kept secret as the best friend in the novel suggests. Some are bought to life and some are keep deep inside of oneself.

Some may be sexual fantasies about tall, tanned, well built, defined, handsome men starring at you from across the bar, then slowly approaching you but never taking his almond shaped green eyes away from your’s, keeping the intensity and keeping you intrigued. His body is built like that of a professional athlete, strong, muscular and visible through his fitted business shirt. He finally riches your side and you know there are no words needed. You both know heard going to happen and neither of you want it to stop. The conversation is short, you reach for your clutch and follow him to get a taxi. He opens the door for you and no longer are you in the taxi but you are kissing each other passionately, like you have never felt such lust or want for anyone ever. Hands are fumbling, grabbing and pulling each other closer. You reach his place and make your way in….,

Or your fantasy could be about owning a wonderful home on the beach side. Having a fast car, fantasy zing about a wonderful office with water views…..

Whatever your fantasy they are neither wrong or right. We each have individual needs and wants it’s weather or not we choose to bring them to life that keeps them a fantasy or makes them real.
The encyclopaedia definition of fantasy is :

fantasy
ˈfantəsi,-zi/
noun
1.
the faculty or activity of imagining impossible or improbable things.
“his researches had moved into the realms of fantasy”
synonyms: imagination, creativity, fancy, invention, originality, vision, speculation, make-believe, daydreaming, reverie More
antonyms: truth, realism
a fanciful mental image, typically one on which a person often dwells and which reflects their conscious or unconscious wishes.
plural noun: fantasies
“the notion of being independent is a child’s ultimate fantasy”
synonyms: dream, daydream, pipe dream, flight of fancy, fanciful notion, wish, wishful thinking; More
an idea with no basis in reality.
“it is a misleading fantasy to suggest that the bill can be implemented”
a genre of imaginative fiction involving magic and adventure, especially in a setting other than the real world.
synonyms: myth, legend, fable, fairy tale, romance;
More
antonyms: realism
2.
a fantasia.
verbliterary
verb: fantasy; 3rd person present: fantasies; past tense: fantasied; past participle: fantasied; gerund or present participle: fantasying
1.
imagine the occurrence of; fantasize about.
“it is ludicrous to fantasy ‘disinventing’ the hydrogen bomb”

So I ask, do you have fantasy?

Are they a little ‘taboo’?

Would you act on them?

Drop me an email –

Noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Read more about this novel below.

http://www.kyradavis.com/p/just-one-night-series.html?m=1

Through thick and through thin!

Through thick and through thin.

So the saying goes, you will stick by your partner through thick and through thin. Why is it that this saying doesn’t always ring true?

Marriage is supposed to made upon love, respect, trust and understanding. Why are something’s simply left misunderstood or unsaid?

One would assume that when standing face to face with your loved one, saying those special life combining vows, that your happily ever after will remain.

No one ever wants to hear the three little words ‘this isn’t working’ we all wish to hear ‘I love you’ or ‘we can work through this’.

Why is it so hard to always be on the same page?

Yes relationships are hard and they most always will certainly need work at some point. Weather you have been together 10 years or 10 days, no relationship is perfect and there will always be hardship right?

I think that having hardship and working together makes you stronger as a couple. For every battle there will be a make up and I think that every relationship needs some tough times, this shows the love and respect that you have for each other as a couple to get through the hard times.

No relationship is perfect 100% of the time and I personally believe that if your putting on a facade that your relationship is perfect, what are you really hiding?

Truth is and studies show that to have a 100% non fight and totally agreeable relationship one person will need to ‘bow down’ either hold their thoughts and options to themselves in order to keep the other person happy.

If this is in fact true, why are why changing our options for our partners and why shouldn’t we speak up and have our own thoughts and opinions? Why are we trying to please everyone? Are we scared of failure or scared to voice our opinion in fear of offending or hurting someone’s feelings?

Arguing can be seen as communicating and voicing or sharing issues. In a relationship where there is not even a heated conversation, it could be that one or both parties don’t feel safe enough to express themselves. They doubt whether they can be honest about their feelings and be heard, respected, and still loved.

A lack of argument can also signal a lack of commitment to each other or the relationship. If you just don’t care about the longevity of your relationship with someone, you might just keep your head down and ignore anything that comes up because, ultimately, it won’t matter in the end.

I know in my marriage vows I said ‘through good times and through bad’. Yes I occasionally don’t see eye to eye with my hubby and we do argue. I think this keeps our relationship real and I know he respects my opinions and likes that fact that if we don’t agree on a topic that I challenge him.

I’m not a shrinking person and I won’t agree in order to please or keep the peace.

We all have our own opinions and we are all very much entitled to have them. Any partner who scrutinises their significant other, for having opinion should have a look at themselves.
What are they hiding?
Are they controlling?
Do they feel insecure?
Is this why they don’t like you to speak up?
Or are they simply embarrassed or afraid that you may in fact challenge their thoughts?

If you’re arguing over small, petty day to day insignificant things just to get interaction, or to be validated, or in fact if your trying to push someone away out of fear or rejection it’s unhealthy for both you and your relationship. What you really need to do is take a good hard look at what you really want from the confrontations and find healthier ways to have your needs met.

Fact is that when blending your life with another person’s it isn’t always going to go smoothly. It takes work and there will be times when various differences come between you weather you think they are important or not.

The important thing is to learn to navigate these ‘arguments’ so that you can come out the other side feeling more secure, intimate and respected in the relationship.

No one gets taught how to argue with our significant other. There’s usually no standard instruction manual on how to deal with the possible arguments of day to day life that we might get into with someone whom we love, but knowing how to ‘argue’ well is one of the best tools for a long term relationship. It can close the divide between a love that is slowly disintegrating, and a love that is true, strong and more intimate with years gone by.

It’s very natural that you’re going to fight once in awhile. However, being frustrated or angry with your partner doesn’t have to be destructive and it doesn’t have to ‘end in tears’.

Working through issues teaches you about each other and by learning you can appreciate each other more and the love and respect can and will grow.

Talk to each other in a calm manner and never go to bed on an argument. All that will do is brew overnight and possibly neither person will sleep well. Therefore being overtired will only cause more destruction within the argument.

A great therapist once said;
“You can’t control anyone else’s behaviour. The only one in your charge is you.”

A great article on relationships and arguments is in the link below.

http://www.rachaellay.com/arguing-can-make-your-relationship-healthier/

Too old for a bikini?

Too old for a bikini?

At what age is it no longer appropriate to wear a bikini? I’m on an amazing sunny holiday with my two loves, my beautiful husband and my gorgeous little 19 month old boy – both are my world. I look around and see many women wearing bikini’s and some look ok others I wonder…

Am I being a prude? Is there an age were it’s no longer socially acceptable to wear a bikini? I’ve been reading other forums on this matter and have came up with some questions. Is it a self confidence thing? You wear it because you think you look great? Is it polite to stop embarrassing yourself and or your children? You may think you look great but what about others if your over exposing?

I have a friend whom is stunning and gorgeous! She is in her early 40’s and has 2 children but the body of a super model and she refuses to wear a bikini. When I questioned her on why when is looks amazing, her response was that it’s not age appropriate over 40.

I know this will cause some controversy but I tend to agree with her. You have all the younger years to flaunt what you have, why is it that you want to continue to flaunt it?

Are you that in love with yourself that you feel others need to see your body also?

Do you have the mentality of ‘who cares’ what others think?

Do you think ‘if you have it, flaunt it’?

Believe me, there are some very small bikinis out there which I really feel are inappropriate on older women.

Perhaps I am a prude, but there are many stunning full piece swim suits that would look a lot nicer on many women. I don’t care how thin or fit you are sometimes covering up is nicer to look at and less embarrassing to your children. They may not be telling you in fear of offending you but there is one very outspoken approx 6yo here asking his mother to put a dress over her bikini as it’s ’embarrassing’.

I know we all talk about body confidence but is there such a thing as age appropriate or too much body confidence?

Suffering sinus!

So yet again sinus season has come around. I suffer terribly!

I have found this article on tips to help relieve these terrible symptoms and am willing to try anything.

I found this article on AWS – the wonderful app that is also a website. All Womens Talk

The writer on this subject seems to also be a sufferer to has tried everything!

Thought I’d post and help others 🙂

******************************************
If you suffer from chronic sinusitis, here are a few tips from guest contributor Shari to help you deal with it.

Fed up with constant sinus problems? Sick of stockpiling decongestants and antibiotics? Tell me about it. I’ve tried everything short of spraying Lysol up my nose. Nothing smells of desperation quite like risking permanent damage to one’s olfactory organ for the remote possibility of eliminating sinus pressure. Every year, before I know it, I’m back in the throes my annual six-month sinus infection. Oh, how I love a tall glass of pounding headache in the morning with a shot of facial pain…not. The good news is that I found a combination of remedies that finally kicked my chronic sinusitis to the curb.

1. Spray What?

No worries, I was only kidding about the Lysol. However, grapefruit seed extract (GSE) nasal spray is no joke. In fact, I believe this is the single most beneficial preventative and curative measure I have taken. GSE is a strong natural antioxidant and antibiotic. After using this for several days, all of a sudden—OH EM GEE—I can breathe!

2. Clear The Air

Keep in mind this simple equation: dried-out sinuses + inhalation of germs = chronic stuffy nose and headache. Multiply that by facial pain and you are now the product of a huge sum of nasty disposition. Invest in an air purifier, particularly for your bedroom, and make sure it contains a HEPA filter. (I also have a small unit which uses UV light to sanitize the air. It’s near my desk at work—can’t hurt, right?) A humidifier in your bedroom for dryer months is a must. Mix tea tree oil, lavender oil and eucalyptus oil with apple cider vinegar in a spray bottle to kill mold and germs in the air.

3. Boost Your Immune System

A good-quality probiotic should be an everyday staple for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that it aids your immune system. Make sure you put vitamin D in your daily pill organizer next to the multivitamin and vitamin C for the same reasons. Determined to win the battle against my chronic sinus infections, I now ingest many herbal supplements to help strengthen my immune system. After trial and error, I have come to rely on these, my new best friends: goldenseal, elderberry, garlic, oregano, elderberry and astragalus. Warning: buy only reputable brands. Otherwise, you might as well toss your money in the trash can alongside the insurmountable number of tissues you’ll undoubtedly use while in the midst of yet another sinus infection. However, do not begin taking any herbal or vitamin supplements without first consulting with your physician.

4. Natural anti-Inflammatories

Bromelain, an enzyme found in pineapple, is touted for its strong anti-inflammatory properties, particularly for the sinus. Many people are aware of the numerous health benefits of omega 3 fatty acids such as promoting healthy eyes, heart and joints. Add soothing inflamed sinus cavities to its long list of attributes. Research the benefits of turmeric and ginger. These have become essential regulars in my daily supplement regime. Bonus: ginger is purported to help prevent memory problems; if this is true, at least you won’t forget to take the rest of your supplements.

5. Food Basics

I have disciplined myself to drink a nutrient-rich super-green cocktail every day. Okay, it’s actually more like a river-silt flavored super-healthy drink which deceitfully boasts a pleasant berry taste. Nevertheless, it give me me energy and makes my skin look maaaaaahvelous. I now almost like the taste. Almost. Stay away from mucous-producing dairy products but be cognizant of getting enough calcium. Almond milk is a tasty alternative. It is high in calcium and vitamin E and low in sugar. Speaking of sugar, some experts suggest that eliminating it from your diet, along with grain products and caffeine, will cut down on mucous production. Quite frankly, there is no way I can possibly cut sugar, grain or caffeine out of my diet entirely; I just mention it in case your resolve is greater than mine. Try drinking 2T of apple cider vinegar in an 8 oz. glass of water at least 3 times a day at the first sign of symptoms. Apple cider vinegar thins the mucous and is antibacterial and antifungal. Honey and garlic also have antibacterial, antiseptic and antiviral properties.

6. Stick to The Basics

You need to keep up on the basic preventatives. It’s important to keep your sinuses moist with saline nasal spray. Warm compresses are comforting for facial pain and help open the passageways. I can’t say enough about the positive results I’ve gotten from NeilMed® SINUS RINSE™. This method is less awkward than the neti pot. Prescription steroid nasal sprays and daily allergy medications are helpful preventative aids if your chronic sinusitis is a result of allergies. Steaming the sinuses is soothing and helps relieve headaches. (I love the compact personal steamers sold in drug stores).

7. Allergy Proof Your Home

Not only frequent dusting and vacuuming but also regular cleanings of the HVAC system and wall unit air conditioners are super important. Keep your linens and mattress cover clean and dust-mite free. To be honest, I have little personal knowledge of whether regular and meticulous cleanings of my home would benefit my sinuses. If I miraculously develop the gumption to give it a try, I’ll report back.

Shared via allwomenstalk app

P.S – if you have any tips or knowledge on helping relieve sinus or any other allergies, please write me – I’d love to hear from you!

Shopping with a social toddler.

So this morning I popped my little one in the pram and we went for our usual walk.

It’s approx 9:30am and already 25 degrees but feels like 40, with high humidity! Walking and pushing the pram I can feel the sweat dripping down my back. I’m painting such a wonderful picture for you aren’t I?

So walking along my little one is very social, chatting away to not only himself but also to anyone we pass. Waving and saying ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ to everyone with a big smile gleaming across his face. I don’t mind him being social as I think it’s polite, however this morning something very weird happened.

We went into a shop – one of my favorites actually, and all the staff know us as we are regularly in there so they make conversation. As we are chatting my little boy – 15 months old – starts chatting to a stranger in the shop. An older woman approx 60yo, well dressed and with another woman of approx same age. Just light chat, simply saying hi and waving but not just once he spoke to her approx 4 times. Again I don’t see any issue with this however the woman he was chatting to did.

She looked at me sternly and asked ‘does he ever be quiet?’ I must say I was shocked by her comment and the shop assistances both looked at me awaiting my response. It took me a couple of seconds to not snap at her, then my response was ‘actually I don’t mind that he communicates and is social, id rather that than have him ignore people and be rude’. Needless to say she shot me a ‘look’ and walked out.

The shop assistance’ both congratulated me on my response, one saying the she had to bite her tongue and probably wouldn’t have been so polite.

Was I wrong to stand up for my social toddler?

Tell me do you think a chatty toddler is too much?

Should I try to contain my toddlers social skills?

With this incident aside, here are some yummy photos from this gorgeous shop!imageimageimageimage