Tag Archives: Step

Split families

Split Families.

I visited a friend recently who is in a similar position to myself. She had married a man who has children to his previous wife. 4 in fact.

Being that school holidays had just finished and a few more were just around the corner we were chatting about school holidays and how do they split them and also if she includes his children in in all their holidays.

Her response was very truthful and I agree.

She said they do split them but as her husband works full time and long hours, when his children are with them for the holidays he arranged for them to stay with his parents – the Childrens grandparents, half the time so that she doesn’t have to change her plans or do the running around after them. After all she said – quote – ‘they are not my children and they require a lot of work and it’s also important for them to see and spend time with their grandparents’.

I understand that this may offend some people but I think it’s a smart move. She has a 3 year old with her husband and is pregnant with their second child. She said their 3 year old is her main responsibility and that the other children are also old enough to be self sufficient.

Their ages are varied between 13 to 17. I agree that they are old enough to be self sufficient.

I also know that a toddler is busy and does require a lot of attention.

So when she said that her husband also believes that they should be doing things including ‘alone’ holidays with just them 2 (adults/parents/her and him/hubby and wife) and their child I was intrigued as I know my husband thinks that step children should be included in everything.

I asked why he says they need to do things with ‘just them’ and her response was ‘although he loves all his children it’s important for us to do things alone as our family, we do separate holidays with his children but he understands the importance of us having our time together. Me him and our son’.

I was impressed that her husband understands this as most split families are not as open minded and some have a sense of ‘guilt’ so therefore go over and beyond to try and make the step children or children to previous relationships feel super important and in most cases they get all the attention and are not self sufficient as they are mollycoddled. Or felt sorry for. (See previous post on step children which I write after meeting a family in fiji)

I get each family is different and everyone has different needs.

I also understand children to previous relationships still need to be included in some things but do they need to be included in everything?

Do you see importance of doing things as a family and not always having to include step children or children from previous relationships?

I think in most cases it will help the husband and wife’s relationship as my friend was saying that the 2 younger step children are quite jealous of the 3 year old and if her husband is playing with the 3 year old, the others interrupt and ask the father to do things that they know they 3 year old can do, that way the 3 year old is excluded.

What are your thoughts on this?

Do you think children to previous relationships should always be included in everything?

Should they get special treatment as the parents are no longer together?

Should there still be holidays for the new partner and their children?

Is it important to have separate holidays?

I’d love to hear from you – email me, noordinarymummy@gmail.com

 

15 minute work out!

10 Moves to Do Before Breakfast

Mornings are crazy busy!

Between late night deadlines busily working in the office, drinks with friends after work, dinner catch ups, waking children, snoring partners and early morning starts, it can sometimes be hard to prioritise your workout.

Here is a quick 15-minute workout that will energise you for the rest of your day!

Who says workouts need to be hourly??

1 – Drop and Pop
Step your right foot back into a reverse lunge and bend both knees to 90 degrees. Engage core muscles and push off your back foot, bringing your right knee up towards your chest as you straighten up. Step straight back into reverse lunge. Do 30 seconds on each side for a duration of 1 minute and 30 seconds. (Works: glutes, thighs, hip flexors, and core.)

2 – Plank Jacks
Start in an elevated plank position with your feet together. Keeping your hips low and abs in tight, open feet out and in like a jumping jack. Almost like a star jump but horizontal. If you need a break, hold your plank or try some pushups. Repeat for 1 minute and 30 seconds. (Works: chest, shoulders, core, and abductors.)

3 – Cycle Punch
Sitting on the floor, lean slightly back as if your doing a sit up, lift your legs up to 90 degree position, find your balance keeping your tummy in and tightened with your hands behind your head. Pull your right knee up and extend the left leg out whilst rotating your torso bringing your left shoulder toward the right knee then punch with the extended arm – ie left hand. Like riding a bike but sitting. Repeat for 1 minute and 30 seconds. (Works: obliques, deltoids, quads, and lower back.)

4 – Sumo Star Power
Start in a squat position, making sure your feet are facing forward and approx shoulder width apart. Press off both feet and jump, sending arms out into a high V and extending the legs out wide, creating a star shape with your body. (Basically a star jump but from a squat position) Do as many as you can; if you start to get fatigued move to traditional squats. Don’t quit! Repeat for 1 minute and 30 seconds. (Works: glutes, quads, hamstrings, inner thighs, and calves.)

5 – Killer Curtsey
Start with right foot crossed behind left, so inner thighs touch. Bend knees to a curtsy position, keeping upper body upright, tummy in, back straight and shoulders back. Then step out to the right into a side lunge, send hips back but keep chest lifted. Do 30 seconds on each side for duration of 1 minute and 30 seconds. (Work: glutes, abductors, inner thighs, and hamstrings.)

6 – Rear Ender
Start in a lunge position with right foot back and elevated on small box or step. Bend knees down to a 90/90 position. Take 2 counts up and 2 counts down, make sure torso stays upright with core tightened. Breath in on your way down then out on your way up. Do 30 seconds on one side then switch. Repeat for duration of 1 minute and 30 seconds. (Works: glutes, quads, hip flexors, and core.)

7 – Extender Bender
Start in plank position and pull right knee up toward right elbow. Almost like running on the spot horizontally or climbing along the ground. Then extend right leg back and raise it keeping both your back and legs straight then squeeze your gluts. Do 30 seconds on each side. Repeat for duration of 1 minute and 30 seconds. (Works: glutes, quads, hip flexors, and core.)

8 – V-up Body Shaper
Lying on your back with left knee bent and right leg straight. Extend both arms up over head, keeping lower back pressed down to the floor and tummy in. Raise your right leg up 45 degree off the ground keeping your leg straight, whilst slowly raising your upper body again approx 45 degrees off the ground. Keeping your head and neck straight then slowly lower. Do 15 reps. Switch and repeat for duration of 1 minute and 30 seconds. (Works: glutes, quads, hip flexors, and core.)

9 – High Knee Hike
Standing on your left leg, place right foot up on small box or step. Step up onto the box and drive left knee up toward chest, keeping your tummy in, shoulders back and upper body straight. Do 30 seconds on each side. Repeat for duration of 1 minute and 30 seconds. (Works: glutes, quads, hip flexors, and core.)

10 – Mountain Climber
Start in plank position and alternate bringing right and left knees up towards chest, like you are running. Keep hips down and try not to bounce. Climb for 20 seconds, do 10 seconds of pushups and repeat to complete the minute and 30 second set. (Works: glutes, quads, hip flexors, and core.)

Step children.

On my recent holiday to Fiji I met some lovely people. All different and from various countries but no the less similar.

It seems almost 1 in 3 family’s have step children. Given that the divorce rates here in Australia alone are high, statistics show that approx 48% of marriage ends in divorce.

This one woman I met was quite opinionated on her step child.

On day 4 of our holiday my toddler and I were swimming in one of the family friendly pools when she came with her 2 year old daughter to play with us. My little one had a dump truck, spade and rake in the pool which seemed to be a hit with other children.

So the usual conversation started, she asked me then I asked her the same questions,’how long have you been here, how long are you staying, is this your first Fiji trip, who are you with? Etc

Her response was she was with her husband, their two daughters and her husbands son.

Her husbands son I thought? She then elaborated that She and her husband had been together 13 years and they had 2 daughters together, a 5 year old and a 2 year old. The ‘husbands son’ was 19 and from his previous relationship. I didn’t divulge any deeper but she was more than happy to tell me all about the situation.

The husbands son seems to be the ‘favourite’ child, let’s face it when it comes to break ups, there is always pity on the ‘poor child’ who’s parents are no longer together.

She went on to tell me that she didn’t have much to do with him as he is bad mannered, disrespectful towards her, arrogant and expecting. He apparently ‘wants for nothing and receive’s all he asks for, she mentioned that they are certainly not wealthy but the father buys and does whatever the son asks. She also proceeded to tell me that he demands his fathers attention and because her husband doesn’t see the son too often as he lives with his mother he feels feels obliged to give him his undivided attention when he does see him. I asked how often does her husband see his son and she replied with ‘every second weekend’.

She said that she has no doubt that her hubby loves their two daughters but wishes he put as much effort into them as he does his 19 year old son. She said that when the son is around the daughters are often not included with the father and sons activities.

Quite sad really. I think that as the girls grow up they will see this behaviour and perhaps resent both the father and his son?

I asked her how it affects her marriage and she replied with ‘it’s great when the son isn’t around’. I guess I wasn’t surprised as there are many similar situations like this.

Which makes me wonder, do you have to like your step children?

This woman certainly gave me the impression that she doesn’t like her step son at all. She said a few other things which shocked me and I think that if I was in her position I wouldn’t like the husbands son either.

She says she tolerates her husbands son for his sake but cringes each time the son is over, as it generally means that she and her husband argue over his parenting style with the son and the lack of involvement he has with their daughters. She feels that her husband favours the son and has a sense of guilt which is why he allows the son to behave in such a disrespectful and arrogant manner.

I felt sorry for her, what a difficult situation.

I guess that her story is not the only one like this out there, there are so many split families around, however I guess it’s how you treat the situation as to how your next relationship / family will unfold.

She said it’s always been the same for the 13 years that they have been together but has gotten worse since they had their girls and she sometimes questions why she puts up with it.

I didn’t ask her but I am wondering ‘Do you think the father feels guilty that he has moved on and is happy with someone other than the sons mother which is why he feels obliged to put the son first and almost neglects his new family of wife and 2 girls when the son is around?’.