Tag Archives: Sad

Suicide.

Suicide.

– yes such a confronting word, however more confronting is the statistics associated with this word.

Did you know, In 2016, the suicide rate in Australia was 11.7 deaths per 100,000 people, up from 10.6 per 100,000 people in 2007. … In 2016, the standardised death rate for males was 17.8 deaths per 100,000 people, while for females it was 5.8 deaths per 100,000 people.

That’s more than eight people every single day. One person every three hours.
That’s quite a large number wouldn’t you agree?

So why is the suicide rate rising?

Suicide is a prominent concern. Over a five year period from 2012 to 2016, the average number of suicide deaths per year was 2,795.

Suicide rates reduced across many age groups, including a moderate reduction in suicide rates for males in the high risk age groups of 35-49 years. There were modest increases from 2015 to 2016 in suicide rates for other age groups however, including males 15-24 years and females 20-34 years.

For males: The highest age-specific suicide number in 2016 was observed in the 85+ age group (34.0 per 100,000) with 61 deaths. This number was considerably higher than the age-specific suicides observed in all other age groups, with the next highest age-specific suicide rates being in the 30-34, 40-44 and 35-39 year age groups (27.5, 27.2 and 24.8 per 100,000 respectively). Those of a younger age were associated with the lowest age-specific rates (0-14 year age group: 0.4per 100,000; 15-19 year age group: 13.4 per 100,000).

For females: The highest age-specific suicide in 2016 was observed in the 50-54 age group with 82 deaths (10.4 per 100,000), followed by the 40-44, 45-49 and 30-34 age groups (8.5, 8.3 and 8.3 per 100,000 respectively).

The lowest age-specific suicide for females was observed in the 0-14 age group with 7 deaths (0.3 per 100,000) followed by those aged between 65-69 and then 15-19 age group (4.1 and 5.0 100,000 respectively).

Social media can have either negative or positive effects, Tom Simon, an author of the report and associate director for science in the division of violence protection at the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has reported.

Cyberbullying and harmful content might push a vulnerable teen toward self-harm, yet “social media can help increase connections between people, and it’s an opportunity to correct myths about suicide and to allow people to access prevention resources and materials.”
Dorian A. Lamis, an assistant professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University School of Medicine/Grady Health System, theorized that use of social media and cyberbullying may affect teenage girls more than boys, resulting in rising suicide deaths among older teen girls.

“Some research has suggested that the timing of puberty in girls is a contributing factor for the increased suicide rate,” has also been reported. Puberty starts as early as 8 in some girls. The psychosocial and physical changes may leave girls “vulnerable to depression, anxiety and other psychiatric disorders earlier on in life.” These known risk factors for suicide may catch up with a girl as she grows older.

There is not one factor that is a cause for suicide. It is not a weakness nor is it because of mental health.

Suicide affects many people and it is sometimes seen as selfish but no one should be judging because it has many repercussions.

Sometimes suicide is a result of bullying or seen as a way for the person committing suicide to get away from a certain situation an escape if you may like to think of it that way. They may be feeling isolated, scared, weak, alone, unhappy, stressed, fearful or overwhelmed. There are no exact reasons as to why someone may contemplate suicide. It’s their decision and we unfortunately on most occasions cannot change it.

No one should ‘chime in’ on negativity about suicide, no one knows what the person has been though, is experiencing or dealing with.

What we do know is that the rate in which suicide is rising, is concerning. Unfortunately the above statistics are not current, and suicide is not often spoken about. There should be no embarrassment associated with the word. We should be more aware of circumstances and situations where our friends, family and loved ones may need us.

In today’s society, we all seem quite wrapped up in our own worlds. Disconnected some may say or selfish to our surroundings. I believe that we need to be more aware and connected with those closest to us. Take not of Friends and family behaviour. Offer to listen to those whom may need to talk. Often people will bottle up their thoughts and feelings in fear of judgment.

Who are we to judge?

One persons situation may change, just by having a listening ear. Or a hand to hold, or comfort in knowing that they are valued and not alone.

There is help if you need it.

Lifeline within Australia 13 11 14
https://www.lifeline.org.au/about-lifeline/contact-us

Wesley Mission Australia
https://www.wesleymission.org.au/find-a-service/mental-health-and-hospitals/counselling/lifeline-sydney-and-sutherland/

Or if you would like to email me confidentially, my email is – noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Remember ‘Every Life Matters’.

It doesn’t take much to ask ‘Are you ok?’
Or
‘How are you?’ These 2 questions may just change someone’s feelings and life.

Raising a ‘bad ass’ daughter.

I love this.

I think there are great boundaries that girls have to break in order to be equal in today’s society.

I hope that my daughter is ‘bad ass’.

I know I’m trying to instil traits within her that I feel are important.

I definitely encourage being independent, good communication, respect, choices and failures.

We play outside, we hold worms, we brush off dirt if we happen to fall. I make an effort not to mollycoddle her with small incidents that can be dismissed.

I want her to be strong willed, opinionated and be strong enough to stand up for herself. I want that for both my children.

I grew up in a small town and there was lots of ‘bullying’ happening. There was lots of disconnection within many environments. I think having my parents divorce at such a young age helped me to be more resilient and self sufficient perhaps a little ‘bad ass’.

I’m not saying we need heartache or sadness or ‘bad’ things to happen to us to help us evolve and grow. I do believe that experiences help to open our minds and teach us lessons.

http://www.scarymommy.com/tips-raising-empowered-daughter/?utm_source=FB

My little big boy.

My sweet boy will be turning 4 in approx 6 weeks.

Where has the time gone?

It breaks my heart to think he is ‘growing up’. He is my first born and my only boy. (I only have 2 children my baby is a girl)

I’m so proud that he is growing up but and feel torn that I’m loosing my ‘baby boy’.

I’m excited for all his adventures ahead and enjoy watching him, explore, learn and develop. It’s surreal how his personality is developing and how each week his language, thought process and maturity evolves.

This bought tears to my eyes. Happiness and sad. I call him my little big boy. He is growing ‘big’ but no matter how ‘big’ he gets, he will always be ‘my little boy’. ❤️

http://www.scarymommy.com/problem-4-year-olds/?utm_source=FB

Emotions.

Emotions and crying when angry.

Emotions are funny aren’t they?

They make us laugh, cry, smile, happy, frustrated, angry, irritated and much more.

I was going back through some of my old study note’s from when I was studying to become a counsellor. A topic that I came across was emotions and how we deal with them. I remember finding this subject quite interesting and one that I actually got great marks in my assessment for. (Quiet pat on my own back )

Emotions can get the better of us and in some cases can cause people to react or act irrationally.

I started reading through these notes and thinking about my personality and how I react to different situations. I know that when I’m extremely angry I cry. I find it hard to control. It’s almost like I get wild sensation come over me and tears come pouring out.

Some may say this is a sweet softer side of me, I’m also known to be quite hot headed and protective. (Yes I can loose it but I’m mainly ‘ticked’ and will become extremely protective, especially of my children or those close to me. I become a Mumma bear and hath have no fury like a Mumma pushed too far! 😉)

As I have aged I have learnt to ‘wind in’ my hot head and be more diplomatic but in some situations my tears still stream with anger. I suppose tears are better than yelling at someone or becoming violent right? I suppose it’s the more mature reaction but, I sometimes feel as though my tears are not seen for what they are (anger) and could be seen as sadness, defeat or fear?

Sometimes children cry with frustration when they can’t describe or control their emotions. They get sad when they don’t get their own way and cry right?

I cry with anger. With my anger, it’s generally because I feel as though my thoughts and values have been attacked, everyone is entitled to their own feelings and thoughts and no ones are right or wrong. We are all different therefore have different values. Who says your interpretation of something is right and mine is wrong? Or vice versa?

The physical sensations when I feel personally attacked or angry are similar to anxiety, which for me include a racing heart and tightness in the body. I loose my appetite, feel hot, feel like my face is sunburnt and feel a pressure in my chest, almost like someone is pushing against me. It’s weird but that’s how my body deals with it.

I have tried for many years to control the tears when I’m angry, but sometimes this emotion overcomes my control.

What I have learnt from negative emotions though is that if we dwell on it or allow it to manifest in us. They will overtake our lives and make us miserable.

Negative emotions stop us from thinking and behaving rationally and seeing situations in their true perspective. When this occurs, we tend to see only we want to see and remember only what we want to remember. This only prolongs the anger or grief and prevents us from enjoying life.

The longer this goes on, the more entrenched the problem becomes. Dealing with negative emotions inappropriately can also be harmful – for example, expressing anger with violence.

Some people can be overly emotional or sensitive, which is fine everybody is different. For me learning about emotions whilst studying to be a counsellor has helped me to understand other people’s personalities a little more. Reading their body language and reacting appropriately to their feelings.

I think the biggest factor for me personally, and what stands out from my studies is that negative emotions also can manifest in personal insecurities, general unhappiness, stress and anxiety which can lead to depression.

I know a few people who suffer depression and are on medication for it. Depression for some is described as a disease. I won’t go into depression as that’s a whole other topic and I could blog about it all day, a subject close to my heart. However emotions are natural, we cannot control them fully and we will never fully understand them.

Emotions are psychological (our thoughts) and biological (our feelings). Our brain responds to our thoughts by releasing various hormones and chemicals into our blood stream which send us into a state of arousal. All emotions come about this way, be it positive or negative. It’s complex and can be overwhelming which can also make it hard to overcome.

What we need to learn to do more is, let go of what has made you angry or emotional – constantly going over negative events preoccupies you and stops you from living in the ‘present’ and will manifest in making you feel sad and unhappy.

Depression

Depression

Semicolon tattoos – recently there has been an increase in these tattoos. I though it must have been hip or the latest cool thing to do but I’ve since found out that they actually have a meaning.

The Semicolon Project is a non-profit dedicated to supporting people dealing with depression, anxiety, self-harm, and other forms of mental illness.

The message is simple: “A semicolon represents a sentence the author could have ended, but chose not to. That author is you and the sentence is your life.”

I know a lot of people including friends and family who have and still do suffer depression.

Depression is not a bad word.

Depression is more than just a low mood – it’s a serious illness that has an impact on both physical and mental health.

While we all feel sad, moody or low from time to time, some people experience these feelings intensely, for long periods of time (weeks, months or even years) and sometimes without any apparent reason. This is depression.

There are different types of depression.

Did you know that Bipolar is also classified a depression? As is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) – SAD is a disorder that is thought to be related to the variation in light exposure in different seasons. It’s characterised by mood disturbances from the sun and moon along with temperature change.

I’ve listed a few below but not all

Melancholia
This is the term used to describe a severe form of depression where many of the physical symptoms of depression are present. One of the major changes is that the person can be observed to move more slowly. The person is also more likely to have a depressed mood that is characterised by complete loss of pleasure in everything, or almost everything.

Major depression
Can also be called major depressive disorder, clinical depression, unipolar depression or simply depression. It involves low mood and/or loss of interest and pleasure in usual activities. It affects all parts of the differed life and can make simply waking up in the morning feel like something harder and more demanding.

Psychotic depression
Sometimes people suffering a depressive disorder can also lose touch with reality and experience psychosis. It may involve hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that don’t exist) or delusions (false beliefs), such as believing they are bad or evil, or that they are being watched or followed. They can also become paranoid, feeling as though everyone in the world is against them or perhaps that they are the cause of illness or bad events occurring around them.

Antenatal and postnatal depression
This could be that the expecting parent is feeling sad, anxious or unhappy about the pending arrival. Fathers can also get antenatal or postnatal depression. Bringing life into this world is a big thing. It can be tough and even though we to get your head around – planned pregnancy or non planned.

None if the above are bad things, they are just types of depression which are caused by our own feelings and emotions. They cannot be co trolled nor should they be ignored.

These types of depression can vary from person to person and if you do or have felt sad or unhappy for a long period of time, perhaps speak to your local doctor.

Just as there are many types of depression there are many different treatments.

If you suffer depression or know someone who may need some help please, check out the below website, Beyond Blue is a foundation for depression where you can not only get a better understanding of depression, the signs and how it may be caused but also where you can seek help.
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/depression

Cyber bullying

Cyber bullying!!

There are many types of cyber bullying.

Bullying is a huge problem world wide that can have huge repercussions. It is becoming more of an issue in schools, online, sporting groups and also behind closed doors.

I recently watched a movie called ‘Disconnected’. It talks about social media, online bullying, chat forum dangers and just what happens over the internet.

It’s alarming to watch these terrible things happen to every day people. This movie is based on a true story. I won’t spoil it and tell you too much about it however the online bullying that occurs on this movie by two young school boys towards another boy when they pretend to be a girl and post nude images then send his images to the whole school is horrible. The targeted boy hangs himself. Very sad. Unfortunately this happens every day and nothing is done about it.

More information on this movie is in the following link.

http://disconnectthemovie.com

I have in the past been victim to a ‘type’ of cyber bullying. This particular person was being nasty and negative also making demands and accusations towards me and towards my blogs and writing ability.

They felt that what was written is defamation or lies. It’s not, what I’m writing is experiences in either my life or someone who I know. I have facts and plenty of proof. These blogs are written about many people that I know, they have given their permission for me to express their experiences and are certainly not targeted against one person. I write about every day things that occur in most peoples lives and lots of personal experiences had by myself and those I know.

This particular person should perhaps stop reading the blog? Or stop following me on Twitter. They seem to think everything I’m writing about is about them. Maybe they are just so twisted in their own lives that they feel bad about themselves so fear that perhaps they relate to my blogs therefore believe it’s about them?

In most cases with bullying, these people are self entered and suffer low self esteem which is why they feel attacked and then react by attacking others caused by their own insecurities. These people have ‘issues’ which is why they bully others, to make themselves feel better about the person that they are.

What they are doing is actually bullying me, not the other way around.

I guess they feel as they are not directly contacting me as a person only via a blog or Twitter so they cannot get caught and that they are not directly bullying me, however it is classified cyber bullying.

Cyber bullying is terrible and can cause people to become insecure, reserved, shy, recluse and scared.

I have reached out and alerted Stop Bullying which is a government organisation who looks into all claims and then monitors the bully’s actions and correspondence.

There are ways to stop bullying.

Firstly report it.

You can report it to the police or to an organisation like I have. I have put contact links below for you.

Talk to someone about it.

You are not alone, there are reasons why these people are called ‘trolls’ it’s because they are not nice people who are generally unhappy within themselves and are pushing their own issues onto others.

Remember cyber bullying is a crime which you can be convicted for.

A criminal conviction that will have repercussions for the rest of your life. You may loose your job, you may loose access to your children, you may loose respect of your peers but most importantly you can go to jail for this.

It doesn’t matter who you are or who you think you are. Cyber bullying is not on and you will get caught and hopefully reprimanded.

There are too many incidences where this is not bought to the attention of others and sadly it can result in someone taking their own life.

I fortunately am not allowing this person to get to me. As much as they think it’s ok to try bully me through others. It’s not ok and you have been reported.

Did you know that social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter and YouTube all ban cyber bullying?

If you have been bullied online, have seen bullying online or are worried that you may have bullied someone else online and you don’t know what to do next, you can get free, confidential legal advice from Lawmail.

What is bullying?

Bullying is behaviour that is meant to be hurtful.
It targets a certain person or group of people.
It happens more than once; and
embarrasses, threatens or intimidates the person being bullied.

What is cyber bullying?

Cyber bullying is bullying carried out online or through mobile phones or computers.

This could include using SMS, email or social networking sites to harass or abuse someone.

Is cyber bullying a crime?

Cyber bullying can be a crime under either South Australian or national law when it involves:

Cyber bullying is using the internet or a phone in a threatening, harassing or offensive way.

Stalking (including messaging someone to harm or scare them)
Accessing internet accounts without permission

Defamation (spreading lies to intentionally hurt someone’s reputation)

Encouraging suicide

Menacing, harassing or offensive use of the internet or a mobile.

It is a crime to use a phone or the internet in threaten, harass or seriously offend somebody.

A message or post could be considered offensive if it is likely to cause serious anger, outrage, humiliation or disgust. The maximum penalty is 3 years in jail.

http://www.stopbullying.gov/cyberbullying/what-is-it/

http://m.cybersmart.gov.au

http://www.lawstuff.org.au/sa_law/topics/bullying/cyber-bullying

Broken friendships.

Broken friendships.

It’s interesting the friendships we make along the years. Some that last, some that pass but what I guess still integers me as why some last longer than others and what makes those that don’t last fade?

I’m the first one to admit I don’t have thousands of friends. I don’t need them. I have a few amazing friends whom I know I can count on at anytime and they would be there for me.

What breaks my heart though are those lost friendships that are non recoverable.

I have had a few of these also.

In most cases my friendships generally end as people we grow apart however sometimes things happen that change a friendship forever and it’s unrepairable.

For instance, I’ve had friends not like my husband for whatever reason so they choose to cut me out of their lives. I’ve had friends marry partners themselves who are controlling and limit their time with their friends. Or they don’t allow their partners to spend time with their own friends insisting that the husbands friends are their ‘couple’ friends so that’s whom they should be spending time with.

I had a wonderful friend whom I met through an old boyfriend. She was dating my then boyfriends best friend. We automatically got along and even after my relationship with that boyfriend ended we staied friends. She was with her boyfriend for a lot longer than I was with mine. I think my relationship ended after 2 years and gets about 4 years however through the whole time we kept our friendship separate.

We had the type of friendship that if she had an argument with her boyfriend and was upset at 2am she would call me and I would go to her home and comfort her or she would come to mine.

We often had ‘OC nights’ – for the young readers, OC is ‘orange county’ which is a TV show that used to be in Tuesday nights. We would cook a yummy dinner and have desert and wine and make it a girls night in. It was fun. We did it for possibly 3-4 years or even longer! We would giggle and laugh and feel that we could relate to these TV characters. There were about 5 of us girls that would do this.

Even after my friend broke up with her boyfriend we kept our friendship. She had a pretty tough break up as they were living together however I always made sure I was there for her.

We had a few other boyfriends inbetween but nothing serious. We would go out and party, dance and have fun. Gosh we were 25 year old single fun loving females.

Her boyfriend still lingered though as they had such a string love and respect for each other. I was always supportive even when she started dating a new guy. Sometimes it’s best to say nothing and give no advice as it may very we back fire. So for a few months she was double dating so to speak.

I knew they new boyfriend wasn’t much of a fan of mine. He thought I was a bad influence on her as I was care free, independant and very strong minded. I think our friendship started to change there. We started to spend less time together as she was spending more time with the new boyfriend.

I started to see my now husband about 6 months after she started dating her now husband.

Although mine and my husbands relationship was a bit stop start in the beginning she was almost always supportive. Until at her wedding which we attending something changed. My hubby and I had a fight and he broke up with me. I was so upset as it was my friends ‘big day’ however I held it together and went to the bathroom then left to go back to our hotel as it was a destination wedding. From then on she didn’t like my now hubby. Possibly understandable but I have since heard and she once told me that my behaviour that day ruined her wedding. Now I never made a scene nor did I cry in public but apparently I ruined her wedding day.

So after my hubby (was only boyfriend at the time) and I broke up and came back to Sydney we tried to work on our relationship – he had been married before and his break up was messy and difficult. I understand being at another wedding would have been tough even though his marriage has ended 5 years earlier. We ended up working through it only to break up a month later.

My friend was fuming and demanded I go stay with her and her hubby until I found my own place which I was grateful for so I staied with her for a week.

A few months passed and my ex (now hubby) was wanting me back. At this time I was dating a younger guy whom my friend also didn’t approve of. I felt at this point I couldn’t do anything good in her eyes. It was at my 30th where the younger new boyfriend attended that I realised she and I wouldn’t be close again.

After that relationship ended and my ex and I had worked things through – or were trying a fresh start. Ex (now hubby) and I went to Paris. When my friend heard about the trip she called me and says that she refuses to be there for me ever again and when the pieces break again she won’t pick them up. She made it very clear that she didn’t like my now hubby and cannot say she is happy for me. I was really upset but guess I had to understand.

Even though I’d supported her through her multiple break ups and fights with her previous boyfriend is also been on the end of the phone at 2, 3 whatever am consoling her and being a supportive friend. I kind of sensed that she now thought as she was married she didn’t need me or my friendship as she had his friends and I guess this was her easy way out?

I was quite heart broken.

A few years passed and I’d heard that her mum was unwell then passed away and I took the day off work to attend the funeral. When her first child was born I sent a shall gift. Each year on her mothers birthday and anniversary I send a nice message of thoughts letting her know I’m always here and understand how tough it would be for her going through such life changing times without her mum. I always received messages back from her saying thank you and that she will always love me and appreciate my thoughts and that when she gets time it would be nice to catch up. I still have all these text messages and facebook messages.

So recently I invited her to my little boys 2nd birthday. We have many mutual friend and I see these friends possibly monthly if not more often as we all have children around the same age. I’d chatted to a mutual friend asking if she tonight it would be a nice idea and she thought perhaps it would. After all this time and all the ‘olive branches’ I’ve put out there thought maybe this could bring our friendship back, however I got a bit of a slap in the face. The text response was simply ‘that’s kind but we can’t make it’ I was upset again then realised. Why am I constantly allowing this so called friend to disappoint me?

She clearly doesn’t want my friendship anymore.

For many reasons friendships end and it’s sad but I think a true friend –
Will never judge.
Will never listen to others put their friend down.
Will stand by their friend and support them through anything.
Will make time for their friends.

Tell me your broken friendship stories.

Noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Back lash!

Ok, so recently I wrote a blog on cheating.

Ive has many readers contacting me and asking if my marriage is ok and if this refers to my relationship or a family members.

No it doesn’t. My marriage is wonderful, I have a very supporting and loving husband and as far as I know, my sisters hubby isn’t cheating 🙂

So I wanted to elaborate on my cheating blog. I’ve altered it below and elaborated to give more info on why this cheating came to my mind as something to write about.

Once a cheat always a cheat?

I’ve just watched the ‘true tori’ interview where Dean McDermont admits to cheating in his wife Tori Spelling.

Now I’m not sure what’s worse, the fact he has cheated on his wife whom he has 4 children with or the fact it’s on TV?

I’m a huge believer in monogamy. Call me old fashioned but I don’t believe that you take vows of forever, in sickness and in health and make promises to your partner to be faithful if that’s not what you intend on doing.

I also don’t quite understand the idea that cheating is ok? Then the ‘cheater’ blaming their partner? How is this normal?

Remember there is speculation that he cheated on his first wife with Tori Spelling.

I’ve once heard that the ‘cheater’ said they no longer felt wanted by the partner which is why they cheated. Perhaps instead of infidelity they should talk to their partner and try to resolve issues?

I guess I’m some cases it’s their ego that needs a boost? This still doesn’t make it right in my eyes or beliefs.

It also makes me think, will the ‘cheater’ ever be happy and content with the one partner?

Will they always have the inclination to stray and cheat? Are they simply deceitful people?

What would you do if you were cheated on?

I was cheated on by a long term partner and initially I blamed myself, thinking I wasn’t enough and why couldn’t I make him happy or please him?

What I soon realised is that he was the one with the issues not me. It took me a while to stop blaming myself and realise that I actually did nothing wrong and that it was him at fault.

What I’ve also learnt from my advanced diploma in counselling is that infidelity generally comes from the same inner emptiness as alcoholism, drug abuse, food addiction, gambling, over spending and so on. In case ‘s of infidelity, when the underlying reason is emptiness due to self-abandonment, the addiction is to attention, approval or sex , using another person to fill the inner emptiness and take away the inner aloneness. Instead of being the ‘bigger person’ and ending the current relationship, the ‘cheater’ takes their emptiness and aloneness with them into their next relationship. And so the cycle continues.

Someone who cheats in one relationship is almost certain to do it again unless they fulfil themselves and heal their inner brokenness.

You cannot expect to put your emptiness and aloneness into someone else. You need to fix your own problems prior to staring a new relationship.

I know that I would never date someone whom I know has previously cheated. Perhaps I have trust issues from my past or perhaps I simply wouldn’t want the continual thoughts of ‘what are they up to, or am I enough?’

My theory is simple and I’ve known many people who cheat on their partners and many who have been cheated on. In my eyes it’s a low act.

Hurting someone for your own fulfilment. How is this fair? I don’t think these people ever change and that there will always be the inclination there for them to repeat offend.

I’ve been with my now husband almost 9 years, married for over 3 years and I can wholeheartedly say that yes we argue and yes I get cranky and upset with him, I personally don’t believe any relationship is perfect but at no stage have I or would I ever contemplate seeking intimacy with someone else.

Not as I fear loosing what we have, I don’t fear much, what I would feel is loss. I would have lost my best friend, my soul partner and the man whom I adore who also is the father of our beautiful little boy. I just couldn’t bare to hurt either my husband not my beautiful son.

If I have an issue or feel insecure, low, upset or angry I talk it out and make things work. I think cheating is an easy option for weak people to escape reality.

It takes a stronger person to fix a problem than to cheat and betray for your own personal pleasure hurting those who you supposedly love and care for the most.

I understand that someone may pursue you, however you have the control to walk away and not accept. Take responsibility for your actions and know that for every action, there is a reaction and reputations are hard to change.

Bitter and twisted!

In recent days and weeks I’ve met some very bitter and angry people. Mostly women who think the works is against them since their divorce. Women of all ages, ranging 32 to 50+ and they have a mindset that since their divorce, the world owes them something as their marriage didn’t work.

Such a shame.

Why are they so bitter and twisted?

Perhaps their marriage failed because of their mindset?

I understand some people are just unhappy in life and unhappy in general. What I don’t understand is why are they persisting in taking it out on everyone else and making those around them suffer for their unhappiness?

You are the only one who can change your mindset.

If your unhappy, change your situation. Make yourself happy.
Do things you enjoy.
Smile!

By being bitter and twisted with life and being negative around others and expecting everything to be your way or it’s not right or your not complying is only going to make things worse for yourself.

People feed from those around them energy and if your negative, or fake in anyway you will realise people won’t want to be around you.

As the saying goes ‘surround yourself with like minded people as happiness is contagious’. I truly believe.

Nothing is more unattractive than a sad sack, feeling sorry for themselves and expecting others to do things either their way or work around their needs.

It’s a very selfish attribute and that’s possibly the reason you are angry and bitter at the world.

Anger, bitterness and self loathing are a vicious cycle. Your the only one who can break it and create something g nicer and happier for yourself.

Go on, give it a chance.

Be nice to some one, do some one a favour and don’t expect anything g in return. You may just surprise yourself and how good it feels to be happy and helpful rather than bitter and twisted!

Cheat? Cheater? Cheating?

Cheating!

Once a cheat always a cheat?

I’m A huge believer in monogamy. Call me old fashioned but I don’t believe that you take vows of forever, in sickness and in health and make promises to your partner to be faithful if that’s not what you intend on doing.

I also don’t quite understand the idea that cheating is ok? Then the ‘cheater’ blaming their partner? How is this normal?

I’ve once heard that the ‘cheater’ said they no longer felt wanted by the partner which is why they cheated. Perhaps instead of infidelity they should talk to their partner and try to resolve issues?

I guess I’m some cases it’s their ego that needs a boost? This still doesn’t make it right in my eyes or beliefs.

It also makes me think, will the ‘cheater’ ever be happy and content with the one partner?

Will they always have the inclination to stray and cheat? Are they simply deceitful people?

What would you do if you were cheated on?

I was cheated on by a long term partner and initially I blamed myself, thinking I wasn’t enough and why couldn’t I make him happy or please him?

What I soon realised is that he was the one with the issues not me. It took me a while to stop blaming myself and realise that I actually did nothing wrong and that it was him at fault.

Infidelity generally comes from the same inner emptiness as alcoholism, drug abuse, food addiction, gambling, over spending and so on. In case ‘s of infidelity, when the underlying reason is emptiness due to self-abandonment, the addiction is to attention, approval or sex , using another person to fill the inner emptiness and take away the inner aloneness. Instead of being the ‘bigger person’ and ending the current relationship, the ‘cheater’ takes their emptiness and aloneness with them into their next relationship. And so the cycle continues.

Someone who cheats in one relationship is almost certain to do it again unless they fulfil themselves and heal their inner brokenness.

You cannot expect to put your emptiness and aloneness into someone else. You need to fix your own problems prior to staring a new relationship.

I know that I would never date someone whom I know has previously cheated. Perhaps I have trust issues from my past or perhaps I simply wouldn’t want the continual thoughts of ‘what are they up to, or am I enough?’

My theory is simple and I’ve known many people who cheat on their partners and many who have been cheated on. In my eyes it’s a low act.

Hurting someone for your own fulfilment. I don’t think these people ever change and that there will always be the inclination there for them to repeat offend.

I’ve been with my now husband almost 9 years, married for over 3 years and I can wholeheartedly say that yes we argue and yes I get cranky and upset with him, I personally don’t believe any relationship is perfect but at no stage have I or would i ever contemplate seeking intimacy with someone else.

If I have an issue or feel insecure, low, upset or angry I talk it out and make things work. I think cheating is an easy option for weak people to escape reality.

It takes a stronger person to fix a problem than to cheat and betray for your own personal pleasure hurting those who you supposedly love and care for the most.

I understand that someone may pursue you, however you have the control to walk away and not accept. Take responsibility for your actions and know that for every action, there is a reaction and reputations are hard to change.