Domestic violence comes in many difference forms. It’s not always physical with having a black eye or broken ribs. It can be emotional abuse on any level and can happen at any age.
Recently Rose Batty won Australian of the year 2015 for her part in bringing more awareness into communities. Such a wonderful woman. Rose Batty lost her only child, her 11 year old son to the violent hands of her ex partner, her sons father.
The father who supposedly loved his son beat him with a cricket bat until he died in a public place in 2014. This is domestic violence.
I also recently watched a 60 minutes program on Jessica Silva. This strong, brave woman was in a horrible abusive relationship with an emotionally and physically abusive man did baby years and at one stage, they decide to face a child to help the relationship but as Jessica found out, it didn’t help at all. Not saying that she shouldn’t have had her child, however I personally don’t believe that abusive people can change easily.
This woman was in a relationship with a monster, he was also an illegal drug user and also used steroids which caused him to have ‘roid rage’ not that this is ever an excuse.
Jessica eventually ended the relationship only to have him make threats to kill her, their son and her family. Terrible behaviour by someone who again supposedly loves and cares for you.
Eventually when he tried, Jessica fought back and she ended up stabbing him to death.
Is this self defence or murder?
Jessica was jailed for 8 months and charged with murder. The charges were then dropped to manslaughter and the jury have handed her a lesser sentence as they had evidence of the abusive relationship and also his death threats.
Jessica’s phone had also been tapped by NSW police which also showed her fearful for her life and this lead to her self defence.
The psychologists on this case also called Jessica’s situation ‘battered wife syndrome’.
Battered person syndrome is a physical and psychological condition of a person who has suffered (usually persistent) emotional, physical, or sexual abuse from another person. It is classified as ICD-9 code 99
Battered person syndrome” not elsewhere classified (NEC).
The condition is the basis for the battered spouse defense that has been used in cases of physically and psychologically abused spouses who have killed their abusers. The condition was first researched extensively by Lenore E. Walker, who used Martin Seligman’s learned helplessness theory to explain why abused spouses stayed in destructive relationships.
When Battered Person Syndrome (BPS) manifests as PTSD, it consists of the following symptoms: (a) re-experiencing the battering as if it were recurring even when it is not, (b) attempts to avoid the psychological impact of battering by avoiding activities, people, and emotions, (c) hyperarousal or hypervigilance, (d) disrupted interpersonal relationships, (e) body image distortion or other somatic concerns, and (f) sexuality and intimacy issues.
Additionally, repeated cycles of violence and reconciliation can result in the following beliefs and attitudes:
The abused thinks that the violence was his or her fault.
The abused has an inability to place the responsibility for the violence elsewhere.
The abused fears for her/his life, and/or, the lives of loved ones whom the abuser might or has threatened to harm (e.g., children-in-common, close relatives or friends).
The abused has an irrational belief that the abuser is omnipresent and omniscient.
Domestic violence is also not just stereotyped into lower socioeconomic areas or the uneducated. Domestic abuse / violence can happen in the most affluent homes and be inflicted by the most charming and intelligent of people.
It can start with name calling or bickering, then lead to a grab or a push.
There are many different forms of domestic violence and in most cases the abuser or person whom is the violent one, is suffering from a mental illness which has them feel or believe that what they are doing is fine and bit wrong in anyway.
When I say mental illness, I mean it can be self inflicted by taking illicit drugs or can be schizophrenic, bipolar, someone with anger management issues, low self esteem or even depression.
I’m absolutely not saying this gives them the right to behave this way as I personally condone domestic violence in all forms, I’m just saying that these people are generally not right themselves which in some occasions have them believe that they are actually not doing any wrong.
Domestic violence can also be called intimate partner violence.
It does not have to be within the home either to be classified as domestic violence. It can be a form of violence that can occur within any relationship (family or intimate partner). Domestic violence is about power and control and there are many ways this control can be expressed.
If someone is hurting you it can be very scary and it may be hard to know how you can stop it. It is important to remember that no one has the right to be violent towards you and there are people out there who can help.
When I was younger I was in a horrible relationship where my boyfriend at the time would emotionally abuse me telling me that I was fat, unattractive and he felt sorry for me which is why he continued our relationship as no one else would want me. I was 20 at the time and still quite vulnerable and insecure. He would constantly put me down and tell me to diet and exercise and nothing that I ever did was acceptable for him.
It wasn’t until the night that he slapped my face so hard tears rolled from my eyes like rain and he grabbed my throat that I fought back. I also don’t condemn violence but I kicked him in the face so that he would let me go. Needless to say he didn’t take that well and we ended up going out separate ways not long after but I also vowed that no man would ever belittle me or be violent towards me either emotionally or physically again.
Every day in Australia and across the world, abuse is happening. In Australia alone over 22 women have died at the hands of abuse this year alone – we are only the 4th month in.
This equates to approx 6 women per month or one per week, are loosing their life’s to domestic violence.
Such a high statistic that we don’t really hear about nor is it well publicised. Why?
Shouldn’t this be well reported?
Drug offences are recorded as is sport, why not domestic violence?
Below is a link that I happened to stumble across. Very sad and very recent.
“Over 12 months, on average, one woman is killed every week as a result of intimate partner violence. A woman is most likely to be killed by her male partner in her home. Domestic and family violence is the principle cause of homelessness for women and their children.”
Some types of abuse are:
Physical – If someone is hurting you, or threatening to hurt you, a loved one or a pet, then you will need to take some action.
Emotional – This form of violence is often unrecognised and can be very hurtful.
Economic – Having money and being able to make decisions about it, is one means of being independent. If someone is controlling your money, keeping you financially dependent, or making you ask for money unreasonably, then this is a form of violence.
Social – Social violence occurs in relationships that often include other forms of violence. If someone is insulting you or teasing you in front of other people, keeping you isolated from family and friends, controlling what you do and where you go, then they are being violent and you may need to take some action.
Spiritual – This type of violence involves a situation where you are not allowed to have your own opinions about religion, cultural beliefs, and values, or your spirituality is manipulated to keep you feeling powerless.
If you or someone you know is in a situation or relationship that is abusive in any way, shape or form. There is help.
Never feel alone.
I know it can be scary and overwhelming but there is always help and you do not have to put up with it nor stay in that situation.
I’ve copied some links below that you may find helpful.
Remember to be strong and know that you don’t deserve to be treated that way, no one does.