Tag Archives: people

Intimidation

Intimidation

I dont get intimidated. I’m a pretty strong minded and strong personality that I don’t allow negativity to get to me, nor do I allow ‘idiots’ to create negative in my life.

Yes I’ve had my fair share of idiots creating issues, I just don’t allow it to affect me. It’s been hard, but I have learnt. Especially since writing my blog. People will seldom give compliments, instead they feel it’s their right to be negative and point out faults in either my stories, words, experiences or Grammer. But that’s their issue. Yes it used to make me self doubt, but I’ve grown to ignore most negatives. It’s simply not worthwhile.

Of late I’ve been reading lots of blogs about bullying. I don’t agree with it and I actually condone it. It’s the lowest form of gaining attention.

My theory is that those who bully have their own issue’s and are ‘lashing’ out and taking it out on others to make themselves feel better. If they have nothing better do to with their time, other than to intimidate or be negative towards others, well that’s their issues and perhaps they need to get a hobby.

Bullying creates low self esteem in others and also self doubt. I guess that’s what the ‘bully’ is seeking? To make others feel insecure, bad about themselves and negative?

In most cases with bullying, these people are self entered and suffer low self esteem which is why they feel attacked and then react by attacking others caused by their own insecurities. These people have ‘issues’ which is why they bully others, to make themselves feel better about the person that they are.

But why?

Bullying is a huge problem world wide that can have huge repercussions. It is becoming more of an issue in schools, online, sporting groups and also behind closed doors.

There are many forms of bullying.

Cyber bullying
This is where the bully is ‘attacking’ or ‘contacting’ the victim via the internet, social media, email or somehow ‘electronic’, carried out online or through mobile phones or computers.

Stalking (including messaging someone to harm or scare them)
Accessing internet accounts without permission

Indirect bullying
This is where the bully is attacking’ or ‘contacting’ the victim via another source. Possibly another person or ‘indirectly’. They are not contacting the victim direct.

Direct bullying
This is where the bully is attacking you or contacting you directly. Either face to face, over the phone or ‘targeted’ directly at you.

Physical bullying
This involves hitting, shoving, pushing, tripping, and other kinds of unwanted force.

Verbal bullying
This involves hurtful comments, name-calling, teasing. Slander, using hurtful words and or phrases to ‘attack’, hurt or offend the victim.

Social bullying
This involves using relationships to hurt someone.

Bullying could include using SMS, email or social networking sites to harass or abuse someone.

It is using the internet or a phone in a threatening, harassing or offensive way.

There are ways to stop bullying.

Firstly report it.

You can report it to the police or to an organisation like I have. I have put contact links below for you.

Talk to someone about it.

You are not alone, there are reasons why these people are called ‘trolls’ it’s because they are not nice people who are generally unhappy within themselves and are pushing their own issues onto others.

A lot of bullying happens via social media, almost so that the bully can remain ‘face less’ or ‘hidden’. If you are bullying via social media, why? Are you too afraid to speak up in person? – I’m certainly not saying it’s ok to bully face to face but hiding behind a compute is a cowardly act.

Bullying altogether is a cowardly act.

Remember all bullying is a crime which you can be convicted for.

A criminal conviction that will have repercussions for the rest of your life. You may loose your job, you may loose access to your children, you may loose respect of your peers but most importantly you can go to jail for this.

It doesn’t matter who you are or who you think you are. Bullying is not on and you will get caught and hopefully reprimanded.

There are too many incidences where this is not bought to the attention of others and sadly it can result in someone taking their own life.

Did you know that social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter and YouTube all ban cyber bullying?

If you have been bullied online or otherwise, have seen bullying online or otherwise or are worried that you may have bullied someone else online and you don’t know what to do next, you can get free, confidential legal advice from Lawmail.

So what is the definition of bullying?

Bullying is behaviour that is meant to be hurtful.
It targets a certain person or group of people.
It happens more than once; and
embarrasses, threatens or intimidates the person being bullied.

Is cyber bullying a crime?

Cyber bullying can be a crime under either South Australian or national law when it involves:

Cyber bullying is using the internet or a phone in a threatening, harassing or offensive way.

Stalking (including messaging someone to harm or scare them). Accessing internet accounts without permission.

Defamation (spreading lies to intentionally hurt someone’s reputation).

Encouraging suicide.

Menacing, harassing or offensive use of the internet or a mobile.

It is a crime to use a phone or the internet in threaten, harass or seriously offend somebody.

A message or post could be considered offensive if it is likely to cause serious anger, outrage, humiliation or disgust. The maximum penalty is 3 years in jail.

Let’s put a stop to bullying.
#StopBullying
#NoMoreBullies

http://www.stopbullying.gov/cyberbullying/what-is-it/

http://m.cybersmart.gov.au

http://www.lawstuff.org.au/sa_law/topics/bullying/cyber-bullying

Do you wish your children would grow up quickly?

I can honestly say that I do not wish my children to grow up.

I personally made the decision to be a stay at home mum a few years ago. Yes it was a tough decision as I was worried about giving up my ‘independence’. But there is no way I would change it for the world. I have made sacrifices but they are absolutely worth it. I was only chatting to a girl friend about this yesterday.

This article had me smile, then had my eyes well with tears. These gorgeous children are my world and I am extremely fortunate that I can be a stay at home mum and spend all my data and time with them.

I have said this before, but again, children are only young once. I certainly don’t want mine to grow up too quickly. I want to have as much time with them as possible and cherish all these moments and first. Watching them grow and learn and become little people.

Please do yourself a favour and read this link. Xx

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/oct/31/young-children-early-years-parenting-family

Cyber bullying

Cyber bullying!!

There are many types of cyber bullying.

Bullying is a huge problem world wide that can have huge repercussions. It is becoming more of an issue in schools, online, sporting groups and also behind closed doors.

I recently watched a movie called ‘Disconnected’. It talks about social media, online bullying, chat forum dangers and just what happens over the internet.

It’s alarming to watch these terrible things happen to every day people. This movie is based on a true story. I won’t spoil it and tell you too much about it however the online bullying that occurs on this movie by two young school boys towards another boy when they pretend to be a girl and post nude images then send his images to the whole school is horrible. The targeted boy hangs himself. Very sad. Unfortunately this happens every day and nothing is done about it.

More information on this movie is in the following link.

http://disconnectthemovie.com

I have in the past been victim to a ‘type’ of cyber bullying. This particular person was being nasty and negative also making demands and accusations towards me and towards my blogs and writing ability.

They felt that what was written is defamation or lies. It’s not, what I’m writing is experiences in either my life or someone who I know. I have facts and plenty of proof. These blogs are written about many people that I know, they have given their permission for me to express their experiences and are certainly not targeted against one person. I write about every day things that occur in most peoples lives and lots of personal experiences had by myself and those I know.

This particular person should perhaps stop reading the blog? Or stop following me on Twitter. They seem to think everything I’m writing about is about them. Maybe they are just so twisted in their own lives that they feel bad about themselves so fear that perhaps they relate to my blogs therefore believe it’s about them?

In most cases with bullying, these people are self entered and suffer low self esteem which is why they feel attacked and then react by attacking others caused by their own insecurities. These people have ‘issues’ which is why they bully others, to make themselves feel better about the person that they are.

What they are doing is actually bullying me, not the other way around.

I guess they feel as they are not directly contacting me as a person only via a blog or Twitter so they cannot get caught and that they are not directly bullying me, however it is classified cyber bullying.

Cyber bullying is terrible and can cause people to become insecure, reserved, shy, recluse and scared.

I have reached out and alerted Stop Bullying which is a government organisation who looks into all claims and then monitors the bully’s actions and correspondence.

There are ways to stop bullying.

Firstly report it.

You can report it to the police or to an organisation like I have. I have put contact links below for you.

Talk to someone about it.

You are not alone, there are reasons why these people are called ‘trolls’ it’s because they are not nice people who are generally unhappy within themselves and are pushing their own issues onto others.

Remember cyber bullying is a crime which you can be convicted for.

A criminal conviction that will have repercussions for the rest of your life. You may loose your job, you may loose access to your children, you may loose respect of your peers but most importantly you can go to jail for this.

It doesn’t matter who you are or who you think you are. Cyber bullying is not on and you will get caught and hopefully reprimanded.

There are too many incidences where this is not bought to the attention of others and sadly it can result in someone taking their own life.

I fortunately am not allowing this person to get to me. As much as they think it’s ok to try bully me through others. It’s not ok and you have been reported.

Did you know that social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter and YouTube all ban cyber bullying?

If you have been bullied online, have seen bullying online or are worried that you may have bullied someone else online and you don’t know what to do next, you can get free, confidential legal advice from Lawmail.

What is bullying?

Bullying is behaviour that is meant to be hurtful.
It targets a certain person or group of people.
It happens more than once; and
embarrasses, threatens or intimidates the person being bullied.

What is cyber bullying?

Cyber bullying is bullying carried out online or through mobile phones or computers.

This could include using SMS, email or social networking sites to harass or abuse someone.

Is cyber bullying a crime?

Cyber bullying can be a crime under either South Australian or national law when it involves:

Cyber bullying is using the internet or a phone in a threatening, harassing or offensive way.

Stalking (including messaging someone to harm or scare them)
Accessing internet accounts without permission

Defamation (spreading lies to intentionally hurt someone’s reputation)

Encouraging suicide

Menacing, harassing or offensive use of the internet or a mobile.

It is a crime to use a phone or the internet in threaten, harass or seriously offend somebody.

A message or post could be considered offensive if it is likely to cause serious anger, outrage, humiliation or disgust. The maximum penalty is 3 years in jail.

http://www.stopbullying.gov/cyberbullying/what-is-it/

http://m.cybersmart.gov.au

http://www.lawstuff.org.au/sa_law/topics/bullying/cyber-bullying

Battle of the names!

Battle of the names!

So as my due date approaches hubby and I are trying to come up with names that we both like and can of course agree on to babe our little girl – Yep we are having a little princess.

My family is now complete, a little man and a little girl.

I only ever wanted 2 children and thought it would be ideal to have one of each – however I would have been extremely happy with 2 boys but am blessed to have been given the gift of one of each. I feel like my little family is perfect.

Now the tough part – coming up with a suitable name that suits both hubby’s name, my name and her big brothers name.

Hubby’s name is 3 syllables but we shorten it to single syllable, my name is also 3 syllables again we shorten it to single and my little mans name is single syllable so of course I’d like another single syllable name.

Problem is that we agree on something then hubby tells someone and they of course have negative comments which then puts him off that name.

Why is people feel the need to pass comment on things that don’t directly include them?

I mean I find it rude when people comment on chosen names and what bugs me most, is that it’s not even their child that is being named so why do they feel they have the right to pass comment on such things?

My little guy wants to call her twinkle but of course that’s out of the question but then there are others who are making suggestions also and putting down our choices. It has nothing to do with them right? Am I alone with my thoughts on this matter?

Naming a child is quite personal and there are many factors to consider including if it goes with the surname – our of which is quite peculiar so that’s a major consideration. Then there is the middle name factor, I’m quite traditional in the sense that I like the middle babe to be a family name possibly derived from a grandparents name or close relation. So coming up with a first name can be tricky!

What are some of your favourite girls names that are single syllable?

My list is as follows;

We had however agreed on a first and middle name for our little princess, though after a few various inputs today when hubby’s disclosed what we liked to some people and they passed negative comments, he now doesn’t like what we had chosen.

Back to square one!

Ava
Eve
Bo
Mila
Milly
Lou
Ella
Belle

Then a few others that Id consider;

Arabella
Eadie
Avery
Chloe
Codi
Phoebe
Halle
Leni
Lola
Lila
Layla
Lexi

Tell me your favourites. I’d love to hear from you.

Please also tell me your thoughts on people having their say on your choice of baby name.

I know everyone has an opinion but should it really be their choice on that you call your child?

Email me at – noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Bitter and twisted!

In recent days and weeks I’ve met some very bitter and angry people. Mostly women who think the works is against them since their divorce. Women of all ages, ranging 32 to 50+ and they have a mindset that since their divorce, the world owes them something as their marriage didn’t work.

Such a shame.

Why are they so bitter and twisted?

Perhaps their marriage failed because of their mindset?

I understand some people are just unhappy in life and unhappy in general. What I don’t understand is why are they persisting in taking it out on everyone else and making those around them suffer for their unhappiness?

You are the only one who can change your mindset.

If your unhappy, change your situation. Make yourself happy.
Do things you enjoy.
Smile!

By being bitter and twisted with life and being negative around others and expecting everything to be your way or it’s not right or your not complying is only going to make things worse for yourself.

People feed from those around them energy and if your negative, or fake in anyway you will realise people won’t want to be around you.

As the saying goes ‘surround yourself with like minded people as happiness is contagious’. I truly believe.

Nothing is more unattractive than a sad sack, feeling sorry for themselves and expecting others to do things either their way or work around their needs.

It’s a very selfish attribute and that’s possibly the reason you are angry and bitter at the world.

Anger, bitterness and self loathing are a vicious cycle. Your the only one who can break it and create something g nicer and happier for yourself.

Go on, give it a chance.

Be nice to some one, do some one a favour and don’t expect anything g in return. You may just surprise yourself and how good it feels to be happy and helpful rather than bitter and twisted!

Feedback :)

Feedback 🙂

Where to start?

A huge thank you to my followers, between the website, Facebook and twitter I have almost 5,000 readers!

Thank you for reading my blog and supporting me. I’m very humbled.

I must say I do read everyone’s comments, my apologies if I don’t post them all I get quite a few, which I love and again am humbled by and thank you for taking the time to write me and comment on my posts.

So to answer some of your questions, and again my apologies if I don’t answer yours directly. Please feel free to email me directly and I will get back to you. Noordinarymummy@gmail.com

No I haven’t had any formal writing education. I simply write what I feel, or experience or someone I know has experienced.

Yes I may not have the best grammar or spelling, most of the time I am blogging from my phone and predictive text can sometimes work against me.

Yes I am a big believer in family. My hubby and little boy who is almost 2! – where has this time gone? These two mean the world to me. I’m also exceptionally close to my sister, her hubby and their 3 children and always will be. I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs with my mum and dad but no matter what, I will always have them in my heart and best interests. My little brother and I are close and I know we will always have each other’s back.

I’m honest with everything I write, it may sometimes seem brutal or too much but unfortunately we live in a works where not everything is rosy and not everyone is kind.

My hubby says I have a heart of Pharlap. Those whom I treasure I will always protect, I don’t give many second chances and I don’t tolerate idiots.

I have only been blogging since February 2014. Within this time I’ve possibly opened up to many people/strangers more than I have in my life. I’ve been very protective of my experiences I guess with the fear of judgement and sceptics, however I am extremely comfortable in my skin and my life now and have grown to not care so much about what other people think of me. It could possibly be age and life experiences that have taught me this trait. I think I’ve past comment previously, I am a strong personality and we all don’t have to get along in this world. We all have our own opinions and we are all entitled to them.

My website is built through Web Hub Hosting using WordPress. I built it myself.

Yes I get some negative feedback, we can please everyone 🙂 however those that continue to read something they don’t appreciate, shouldn’t read it. Simply put – if you kick your toe on a coffee table, would you continue to deliberately do it again? By logging onto my blog and continually reading something that you are only going to be negative about, or whine about, am I the fool or are you? I’m not asking you to log on. You are choosing to log on and read.

Manipulation.

Manipulation and mind games.

So apparently all children can manipulate? I agree with this statement to an extent.

My little one certainly tries to manipulate me, he does this by being very cute, snugging up then asking me to play. Ok so this isn’t typical manipulation but it’s a form right?

This leads me to my next point. How many types of manipulation are there and what are they?

At what age do children start to manipulate?

Do they understand what they are doing? They may not know or understand the word, but I’m pretty damn sure a lot of children know what they are doing.

I know a lot of adults who manipulate on a regular basis, it often makes me wonder if they realise what they are doing, or are they simply that way inclined?

Is manipulation part if our personality?

Is it embedded in some of us?

Do these people enjoy manipulating?

Why do they feel they need to manipulate to get what they want?

Do that have that low of self esteem that they feel they have to manipulate?

Are they simply negative and nasty people who feel they deserve to be this way?

And my questions keep rolling…..

Manipulation is mainly know as ‘mind games’. These type of mind games I believe can be innocent or much more purposeful and deceiving. Most manipulation is used to ‘get what you want’ right? Why else would people play ‘mind games’?

As human beings, our emotions often take over our judgments therefore making it difficult for us to see the reality behind some certain hidden agendas or motives in different forms of behaviour. (Manipulation)

The controlling aspects or shrewdness can be linked to manipulation that are sometimes very subtle and may be easily overlooked, pushed aside, lost under feelings of obligation, love, or in fact our daily personal habits.

 
To understand the characteristics of a manipulative personality is not always easy as they may not always obvious. This can be because they play a silent game of building up obligations toward them. In the end it makes you feeling guilty, pressured, and obliged to carry out things for their sake even though you’re still wondering how things got to this point. How did they manage to get you to do this or behave that way?

I’ve found that the best way to judge a manipulative person is to observe their actions. Be a little patience with this and start with being polite and nice to them and saying thank you for letting me know this need to be done this way. Sooner you will come to know their reality. Actions speak louder than words.

Some manipulative people will guide people to do things in certain way. Telling them that doing do thing a particular way is for everyone’s good. In actual fact they don’t want to change themselves and want to stay in their own comfort zone. So these manipulative people will tell you stories about how someone else’s actions created problems for everyone. They might try scare tactics by also telling sad endings like he/she was asked to leave by everyone etc etc. Don’t fall victim to their stories. Just do what you think is right and essential. Of course considering others comfort also. But don’t sacrifice your rights and thoughts for them.

A martyr style personality behaves as if they are being considerate toward other people but is actually messing up considerateness with a need to be significant to you. By “martyring” themselves, they are doing things nobody has asked of them or wants them to do but in the process creates a ‘bind’ when they do them. In “doing you a favor”, their expectation increases that you have to return their favor. This type of person may also complain constantly about all the things they do for you and wonder rhetorically when you’re going to return this favor…

Excessively needy and dependent personalities tend to be people who feel uncomfortable in their own skin, this type of personality you will find often puts forward their own opinions and ideas which can quite often be hiding their manipulative behavior so that it seems as if you are responding on your own accord even though they’ve set up everything to have you respond directly to their neediness.

Narcissists. This is the archetypal manipulative personality and it’s very hard to deal with this master manipulator.

You. Seriously, at one time or other, every single one of us will practice manipulative behaviors in one form or other. It is just that for most people, manipulative actions tend to be one-off or only occasional instances rather than a purposeful map for daily living and interaction with others.

It’s interesting to note the possible types of ways in which people try to manipulate one another.

There are some key behaviors that can end up in manipulation, and it’s helpful to know how to spot them before walking right into them. Some are below.

The assumption statement – this manipulative tactic seeks to turn your behavior into what the beholder perceives it as, whether or not their interpretation is accurate. This soon leads to a guilt trip because no matter what happens, your rejection is proof of the assumption.

He said, she said – this manipulative ploy is pseudo-sociology in action. The manipulator takes it upon themselves to tell you what someone else said was the right thing to do. A third party perhaps your employer, partner or friend. It’s a handy way of pushing aside the responsibility from themselves while loading it all onto you.

The confronting statement is a manipulative approach set about to cause an argument. That way, the provoker will end up making you feel terrible over something you didn’t actually do or say but for which they believe you should feel guilty over anyway and they’ll get a huge chunk of sympathy from others with which they start to manipulate you all over again.

Self-pity manipulation, claiming to be unloved/sick/victimized, etc. At times each one of us has times when we’re really in need of some tender self-care but long-term manipulators can make a habit of being the victim or the one needing special attention. This often happens when you may be getting attention and they long for the attention. This can also be seen as ‘attention seeking’ quite often manipulators are also attention seekers.

The guilt trip – this manipulative behavior seeks to make you feel guilty and is aimed at sending you into the land of “should” rather than standing up for your own values.

Guilt trips are also really high on the list of manipulative personality tools. If you can get someone else to feel guilty, then you’re done! Only trouble is, people wear out after being made to suffer guilt trip after guilt trip and then the manipulator who thinks that he or she is on to a good thing here eventually will lose respect, friends, and will be distanced by those who can’t get away, such as family and co-workers. One of the key things to remember with ‘guilt trippers’ it’s hard to escape the guilt trip. The sooner you stop it the better, and that it’s their guilt trip, not yours.

No matter what age, we can all seem to ‘manipulate’ to some extent to get what we want at some point in our lives.

Fact is some people seem to do it more often to gain what they feel they deserve.

What are your thoughts on manipulation?