Tag Archives: parental

Parental advice?

Ha ha ha!

Now I’m no one to be handing out parental advice, however I have had 2 different situations with my 2 very different children.

I received, and still do revive plenty of ‘advice’ from others. I listen yes, however I choose what I want to take on board and stuff I choose to pass on. We all have our own ideas on what is right or best for us, what we are willing to accept and what we are willing to try.

My first born, my now 3 year old boy. Well I de everything the ‘wrong’ way.
Perhaps because I was only learning myself? Perhaps because I couldn’t bare to hear him whimper, let alone cry?
Perhaps because he was my first born and I wanted to be awake all night? 😉😆😏 (not)

I’m not quite sure? However I would rock him to sleep every night, whilst I would pace up our hallway. I did this until he was 2 years old. I’d then carefully put him in his cot, if he would stir I’d then have my hand resting on his chest for ‘reassurance’. I’d then sit in the floor with my hand in between the cot slats (almost like a jail cell door) and slowly and gently pat him until he would go back to sleep. This could take hours (no I’m not joking)

He would also wake 5 or 6 times per night, sometimes more and then the whole ‘routine’ would start again. The picking up, holding, rocking, shushing, pacing the hallway, the resting hand, gentle pats whilst sitting on the floor and hand dropped through the side of the cot….. Over and over until he was fast asleep.

When I was almost due to have my second child I couldn’t bare the thought of doing this with 2 little ones. I thought I’d go crazy and not manage so we got an amazing sleep nanny in who helped with our little guy and after 4 nights of her advice. Guess what? He slept through and to this day, he still does. He goes to bed at 6:15pm, is asleep by 6:30pm and sleeps through until about 6:30am. With no pacing, no patting, no shushing , nothing. We brush his teeth, read a book, then it’s lights out with him alone in his bed calming himself to sleep. No pitter patter coming out, nothing. What a game changer!

Sure I miss the extra cuddles and laying with him, however I know it’s good for him to self settle and good for me to not be over tired. Amazing how much more energy I have and less snappy I am with getting a good nights sleep and rest. For the both of us. Because he also needs his sleep in order to grow, learn and be attentive and energy to play.

Our sleep nanny is a wonderful woman Jenny. I have attached her website below for those in Sydney NSW Australia, interested in her services.

Rest assured when number 2 came along, I didn’t do any of that. And you know what? She survived. I survived and we are both still alive and well.

She may just be a ‘better’ sleeper. She is a different person yes. From 4 weeks old she slept through the night. 6pm until 6:30am every night. Now I’m not telling you this to brag. I’m telling you this as all children are different.

When my little girl had her 4 month growth spurt or as some would call it a ‘sleep regression’ it was hard. She did wake for 2 weeks straight every 2-3 hours every night and I was beside myself as I was used to getting a good nights rest and a full 8 hours sleep. So I called in Jenny again. And, within 3 nights our little girl was sleeping through again.

She had her first birthday over the weekend just passed and has slept through every night since she was 5 months old. Thanks to Jenny!

Jenny didn’t punish her, didn’t have her scream the house down, none of that. She basically monitored her over night (let me sleep through) and then left me with her tips / ideas on what may work to get our little girl to sleep through, and yep, they worked.

Now this may not be for everyone. However I was feeling overwhelmed, I needed a full nights sleep for my sanity and also to re connect with my husband.

We would be sitting watching TV or eating a lovely meal, or just spending time together and each night, without fail, the pitter patter of little feet.

I can totally relate to this ‘Scary Mommy’ post. Gosh I think most of us can. It’s worth the read for the little giggle at least. 😉😊

http://www.scarymommy.com/earlier-bedtimes-healthy-children/
http://www.solvebabies.com.au

Parental politics

Preschool politics

It wasn’t until my little guy started preschool that I understood the term ‘parental politics’.

It’s been a tough year of adjusting for him and I guess myself, settling into not only a new suburb but also the politics of school and what comes with it.

Now I know this post will possibly cause issues and have some people question me and perhaps themselves, but let me first explain that this is not only based on my experiences, but also those of friends who are in similar situations to myself. I’m not ‘attacking’ anyone nor is this about anyone in particular.

I have approx 5 close friends who also have 3 year old boys. Not all my friends live in the same area as myself, majority of the group live approx an hour away from me so I can’t say situations are aroused from certain suburbs?

I guess I never quite understood the ‘cliquy’ groups and for most of my life I’ve never been part of them. I have no aspirations to be accepted as part of those groups. I am my own person and don’t mind to be outcast. I’m an individual and I guess if you don’t like me for who I am, that’s your issue. I’m happy with myself and you either accept me for who I am or don’t. What intrigues me though is the battle of being accepted by others. Why do people feel they ‘need’ to be part of something?

As a qualified counsellor I would assume that the ‘need’ is derived from the lack of inner security, lack of self confidence and perhaps the ‘want’ to be accepted into something that in their own mind is ‘better’ or ‘cool’.

I had a recent conversation with a girlfriend who is having issues with her little ones preschool. Well not so much the preschool but the parents of the other children at the school. She explained that some of the mothers at drop off dont even acknowledge others that they basically ignore you unless you are their ‘friend’. I thought this type of behaviour ended when we left high school? Evidently not.

My friend went on to explain that her little guy has been at this particular preschool for over a year now and has had the same children in his class for the most part and he attends 3 days per week. 3 days I feel is a decent amount of time and he has made good friendships with his peers, so why can’t the mothers take the time to simply say ‘hello’ or even smile and acknowledge the other mothers?

My friend seems to think that as these mothers have known each other for many years, they must feel like there is no need to be polite to strangers? But are you a stranger if you see each other every week and your children are friends at the same school that they attend 3 days per week? Really?

This behaviour to me is juvenile and crazy. I don’t know the majority of the children’s parents at my sons preschool, however I’m still polite and say hello to them and or smile to acknowledge them at either drop off or pick up. It’s really not that hard. I quite often ask them how they are and have conversations also. Is that strange? Am I the only one that thinks this is polite or perhaps common courtesy?

I’m not trying to be best friends I’m just being polite. There is an old saying about a smile is contagious and may just be what another person needs to brighten their day. It’s not hard.

Another friend has previously passed comment that the other mothers have said that she is not ‘their cup of tea’. Seriously? You now have to be a particular type of person in order to be acknowledged or spoken too?

I’ve also heard from another friend that there are a particular ‘group’ of mothers that are really quite social and often do ‘coffee’ or ‘catch ups’ with each other and have also been out in public at a cafe when another preschool mum who isn’t part of the ‘group / gang’ has walked into the same cafe and was completely ignored.

This type of behaviour leaves me dumbfounded. How would ‘these’ people like it if there were ignored or outcast?

When my little guy first started preschool I knew no one from the preschool. My husband and I chose to send him to that particular one as we had heard nothing but great feedback from parents that we had met in the local parks about the centre, then when we visited the site, we were extremely impressed with the centre and his class teacher was amazing. So friendly and caring. Although she has since left the centre to start her own business in family day care, she still babysits for us on quite a regular basis and we catch up socially.

His teacher was lovely and friendly towards us from day one. It did take me a bit to make friends with the other mothers, however I have made a couple of good friends from the centre.

I remember the first day I met a really lovely mother from the centre. She has a daughter in my little guys class. I was approx 7 months pregnant it was about half way through the year and it was a Mother’s Day afternoon tea. This lovely mother came up and introduced herself to me. We got along really well and have pretty much been friends since. I perhaps should have made more of an effort to ‘get to know’ the other parents prior to that, but I was having a tough time trying to get my little man settled. He didn’t enjoy preschool at that point and every morning was a ‘battle’ trying to get him there. He was and still is a ‘mummy’s boy’.

This mother saw that I didn’t know anyone and she went out if her way to make me feel welcome and I guess part of the preschool community.

Why do some parents feel they need to be mean to others?

Do they have to ‘look’ a certain way to be accepted?

Do you need to have gone to a particular school?

Perhaps live in a particular suburb or street?

Maybe you need to have some sort of career?

It’s like they feel they are superior?

But why? At the end of the day, we are all people. Why ignore or outcast someone ‘just because’?

Have you experienced anything like this?

Email me, I’d love to hear your stories.
Noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Settlements and chores

Settlements and chores with marriage and divorce.

I recently read an article in Australia’s Marie Claire magazine about divorce settlements and how they are being settled.

To my shock these things are now being divided almost into a spreadsheet of what the women did around the house during the marriage and put a number on. For example, each load of washing was valued at $25.00.

After reading more into this breakdown it also detailed ‘babysitting duties’ at $25/hr, cooking at $15 per person per meal, school runs at $20/hr and so on.

So these women say have 3 children ranging from 5-15 years old and are married for 17 years and now getting settlements based on what they ‘earns’ during their marriage raising their families?

Please explain to me how this works?

I thought that being a mother was a blessing and not a job?

Why should we be paid or compensated for being given this privilege?

I understand that when we do become mothers and like myself some choose to become a stay at home mum and raise our children instead of keeping our careers and having our little ones in full time care, this is our choice. So why when things don’t go as planned are women expecting to get a lump dime pay out to compensate for loss of earnings?

The article I read had the woman seeking half her husbands superannuation, which I understand she hasn’t early any in the past however many years as she has been the home maker, but why is she entitled?

Along with half the super she is seeking the lump sum payment which looks a bit like this.

17 years
3 children
* 1 x load of washing per day @ $25 per load = $175 x 17 years = $546,976
* Baby sitting @ $25 per hour – 5 hours per day, = $125 x 5 days per week, the time she is at home alone each week day with the / her children = $625 x 15 years = $
* 6 x dinners per week @ $20 per meal for 5 people = $600 x 17 years = $
* Daily errands = $20 per hour @ 3hours per day = $60 x 7 days = $420 x 17 years = $
* Ironing @ $25 per basket x 2 baskets per week = $50 x 17 years =
* cleaning the family home @ $25 per hour x 3 days per week = $75 x 17 years = $
* Packing school lunches @ $10 per lunch, 3 x children.
10 years for the eldest @ 5 x days per week, $50 per week @ 40 weeks per year x 10 years = $20,000
5 years for the Middle child @ 5 days per week $10,000
1 year for the youngest @ 5 days per week $2,000
Total = $32,000

So this all equals $2,278.53 per week
Which equals $118,483.82 per year
Over 17 years equals $2,012,355.00

Keep in mind this doesn’t include her going for half the superannuation not half the combined assets.

Is this fair?

With the average Australian annual salary being $75,000 per annum what would you expect from your partner if you were to divorce after 17 years and raising 3 children?

Would you expect or want half his superannuation?

Would you expect a lump sum pay out similar to the above?

Who actually can afford to pay out over $2 million dollars in a divorce settlement?

Another article that I found interesting was one where the husband worked out what his wife’s annual salary should equate to if being paid on parental duties only. Surprising it’s $97,000 per annum – this is not including house hold chores.

http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/stay-at-home-salary/

Have you been divorced?

Do you find this fair?

Email me : noordinarymummy@gmail.com