Tag Archives: old

Helping your child deal with frustrations.

Such a great read!

My little guy can become frustrated and angry, he is only 3, and as a result he ‘flips out’.

This is a result of many things.

– The fact that he cannot articulate his feelings at this stage. He doesn’t really know what he is feeling except happy or angry or sad. ‘Feelings’ are generally acknowledged around age 5/6.

– He cannot control his emotions properly. This is something that is generally learnt around 4/5 years old.

– He could be feeling overwhelmed.

– He may be overtired. I don’t always know if he is waking through the night. A disruptive sleep can make anyone short tempered.

– Hunger. He could be having a ‘growth spurt’ and may very well be hungry. Or he could be too busy playing or doing something that he doesn’t eat enough. We can only monitor so much so if he isn’t eating properly he may not be able to deal with various situations. I know I’m I’m hungry. I can get angry and not even realise!

A great tip that I’ve learnt from this article to help children deal with anger and frustration is creating a ‘Mad List’. I’ve copied the paragraph from this article explaining ‘Mad List’. Very easy to do and I think, would be useful.

Mad list – When my son was younger, a mad list was the secret to helping him vent his frustration. Young children need to vent (just like adults), but they don’t yet know how to do that. Screaming and flailing feels good in the moment, so they go with what works.

Ask your child to name all of the things that make him mad. Write down his list on a piece of paper while he vents his emotions. Provide empathy and understanding while you do this. Kids need to feel understood, and a simple, “Ooh, that makes me mad, too!” shows that you get it. Once the list is complete, ask your child to tear it into tiny pieces (this provides a much needed physical release of emotion) and throw them in the air. Then collect the pieces together and throw them out for good.

Go on. Do yourself a favour, click on this link and have a read.
You may already use these strategies.
You may have already heard of them.
If you haven’t, perhaps try them?
If you already use them, how have they worked for you?

Id love to hear your experiences and thoughts on these.

http://www.pbs.org/parents/expert-tips-advice/2016/02/teach-frustration-tolerance-kids/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=pbsparents&utm_campaign=parents_expert

Relationships – defining them?

Relationships.

Well let me firstly start by saying – every relationship is hard! Be it a friendship, partnership or marriage. As most of my loyal readers know, I love sex and the city. I watch the episodes over and over along with the movies – never have enough. Sad but true. I recently watched the episode where Carrie is trying to define relationships. I think it’s the final episode where she comes back from Paris with big and it’s right at the end where she meets up with the girls in their favourite cafe and as the walk out it quotes – “most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.’ Carrie – I love this quote.

Anyway – I recently spoke with a friend whom has recently broken up from a long term relationship. They were talking marriage, children, sharing the rest of their lives together. Now they have gone separate ways.

When I asked what was the reasoning behind the break up, as I thought that they seemed so in love, the response was that they were no longer physically attracted to their partner.

I then thought to myself, perhaps the relationship was doomed from the beginning? Yes it would be nice to have a physically attractive partner but looks are only ‘skin deep’. Looks fade and over time what we find physically attractive changes.

I personally believe that you should always be attracted to the personality over looks. Be with someone who makes you laugh, who you can be your true self with and be comfortable enough in their company to sit in silence and just ‘be together’. A friend.

Not that I’ve always taken my own advice.

So what are relationships based on if it’s only physical?

We all eventually age and wrinkle. Some of us even gain weight and get bad skin. How can we sustain a relationship long term if we are only basing our relationships on physical attraction? Are people or couples honestly up for ‘sex’ 100% of the time? Do you not get tired, get too busy, feel emotionally drained, be physically drained, become stressed, feel less attractive yourself or just not be ‘in the mood’? Perhaps I’m the only one?

Relationships take work. They are not easy and they are certainly a compromise.

I’ve always said and will continue to say. At any given stage within a relationship, one of the partners will be more in love than the other. This I think is just a true hard fact.

I believe that you cannot possibly be 100% in love and attracted physically, emotionally and mentally to the same person 100% of the time. I’m the first to admit that I’m not 100%, 100% of the time.

Having ‘things’ in common or having common ground and likes are a good start but what happens when your hobbies or likes evolve. We all evolve as people and change. I know I don’t like the same things as I did 10 years ago. Perhaps not even 5 years ago? So how are we supposed to be happy with the same person for the rest of our lives?

Well we compromise.

We compromise our likes and wants to help make a relationship work.

What happens though if one partner gives more and compromises more than the other? Is this fair and why should they be the only one to compromise or make sacrifices?

I personally don’t believe that in say a 20, 30, 40 or 50 year marriage that both partners are 100% in love 100% of the time. Most relationships have hurdles and hard times and I believe that by having differences you grow as a partnership. You overcome differences and learn more about each other.

So I gave my advice to my friend and I hope that they are thinking wisely about their future choices. Physical attraction will always ‘grow old’. Mental and emotional attraction will change but I think you can build more on mental and emotional attraction.

I ask, what made you fall in love with your partner?

Do you agree that relationships are work?

Do you think that it’s compromise?

How much would you compromise?

noordinarymummy@gmail.com

My life as a mummy of two!

My life as a mummy of two!

So settling into being a mummy of two has been challenging. Loving it, but challenging.

Experiencing the love all over again, smelling and absorbing my new born and still being everything I can be for my 2 year old.

My 2 year old has been a little jealous and understandably. He has had his mummy all to himself for the past 2.5years, now all of a sudden he has to share his mummy and it hasn’t been an easy adjustment for him.

Throughout my pregnancy I was trying to help him adjust, I bought books about becoming a big brother, books about expecting a baby and we would chat about how he is getting a little sister and that it’s very special for both him and her.

I thought he would be a little jealous but I guess I wasn’t prepared for the huge change in him.

Firstly my little man used to be a fairly good sleeper. After night nurses and reward charts I had managed to get him to go down approx 6pm in his own bed, we would read 3 books then it was lights off. My little man would then sleep through in his own big boy bed until approx 6am the next morning.

Since I was in hospital for over a week my husband and mother were looking after my little man. His routine wasn’t really followed and for a few weeks he didn’t like to go to bed and wasn’t sleeping through, waking multiple times per night and insisting on sleeping with me and leaving his bedside lamp on.

The first few nights I was really strict and walked him back to his room, comforted him and helped him to go back to sleep but after 5 nights of the same behaviour I began to feel bad and allowed him to come into my bed and sleep with me.

Mainly because it’s a huge adjustment and in between feeding my little girl every 2.5 hours I have been pretty tired. Also secretly I love snuggling with him and he is my little man, my first born and always will be.

This phase only lasted approx 3 weeks though and now he is happy to go to his own bed, he isn’t sleeping through every night, however most nights he does, and if he doesn’t he is only waking once or twice and I carry him back to his room and he goes back to sleep.

He is really sweet with his sister and is quite protective and loving towards her. If he hears her cry he will come straight to me and tell me she is upset and he also runs to her room and says in the sweetest little voice ‘you ok Mila?’

He also loves to help me change her nappy and I allow him to choose her outfits. I want him to feel involved and part of her life. Although he is only 2.5years old I think that by allowing him to be a big part in the decisions around her will help him to adjust and accept her more easily and not have him be as jealous or feel left out or pushed aside.

My little girl though is a different story, she sleeps very well and I actually wake her to feed. During the day I’m feeding every 3 hours however of a night I let her sleep and she wakes me. She is only 3 weeks old though and I anticipate that this may change.

The dynamic in the house has also changed, it feels complete now. I feel like I’m whole. My little man and my little princess have completed me, of course with my husband. 🙂 I was once told that to have one child of each sex is a ‘gentleman’s family’ or a ‘pigeon pair’ which is apparently quite well looked upon in the eyes of some. I feel blessed that I have been able to create this little family with my husband and also be able to give him a child of each sex.

Being a parent is a constant lesson, I’m always learning more about myself but also about my children. I’m feeling very blessed at this stage in my life.

I’m sure with each step and change in growth patterns with my 2 children things within our home will change also with dynamics and learning. I look forward to sharing these moments with you.

Bitter and twisted!

In recent days and weeks I’ve met some very bitter and angry people. Mostly women who think the works is against them since their divorce. Women of all ages, ranging 32 to 50+ and they have a mindset that since their divorce, the world owes them something as their marriage didn’t work.

Such a shame.

Why are they so bitter and twisted?

Perhaps their marriage failed because of their mindset?

I understand some people are just unhappy in life and unhappy in general. What I don’t understand is why are they persisting in taking it out on everyone else and making those around them suffer for their unhappiness?

You are the only one who can change your mindset.

If your unhappy, change your situation. Make yourself happy.
Do things you enjoy.
Smile!

By being bitter and twisted with life and being negative around others and expecting everything to be your way or it’s not right or your not complying is only going to make things worse for yourself.

People feed from those around them energy and if your negative, or fake in anyway you will realise people won’t want to be around you.

As the saying goes ‘surround yourself with like minded people as happiness is contagious’. I truly believe.

Nothing is more unattractive than a sad sack, feeling sorry for themselves and expecting others to do things either their way or work around their needs.

It’s a very selfish attribute and that’s possibly the reason you are angry and bitter at the world.

Anger, bitterness and self loathing are a vicious cycle. Your the only one who can break it and create something g nicer and happier for yourself.

Go on, give it a chance.

Be nice to some one, do some one a favour and don’t expect anything g in return. You may just surprise yourself and how good it feels to be happy and helpful rather than bitter and twisted!

Natural therapies, alternative medicines? Natural IVF?

Alternative therapies and IVF?

Some of you may or may not be aware that we had some difficulties falling pregnant with my now gorgeous 20 month old healthy, happy, busy, boy!

I was told that I had no ‘eggs’ and that I would need to have hormone replacement therapy (HRT) along with IVF.

When I was given this news I was devastated. I thought it was the worst thing I could have ever heard. Such a blow to the ego, why are so women able to have babies so easily and I can’t I was asking myself?

Then anger set in and I was thinking of all the women who neglect their children or fall pregnant to keep or trap a partner. I has all these emotions were running through me. I was 33 years old. Married, trying to start a family with the guy I had been with for at the time 6 years. Why me?

I wasn’t going to let it defeat me. I am a stubborn and defiant personality and I certainly don’t like to loose nor be beat by something. To give up certainly wasn’t in me. I was willing to try anything prior to HRT and IVF.

Not because I am against it, but I wanted to try alternatives as I’d heard how straining on your body and mind both HRT and IVF are and with their costs and risks your still not guaranteed to fall pregnant, therefore is wanted to try other ‘possibilities’ first.

So I went to visit a Chinese Herbalist. He was so lovely, his English was broken but he understood my struggle. He tested my hormone levels via feeling my energies. No needles, no blood samples simply held his hands approx 15cm away from the outline of my arms and head and felt my bodies energies.

At first I thought this was Bizzar but i kept telling myself, whatever works! I really wanted a family with my husband and was willing to try anything!

He made up some specialised herbs for me to take as a tea and suggested I also take other vitamin supplements such as magnesium, iron, calcium, vitamin B and a few others. He also suggested acupuncture, a cleaner diet and meditation. I had used acupuncture previously for a sports injury but never meditated. I am a high energy person and the thought of meditation was a little overwhelming. I had to at least try though. Remembering everyone’s needs are different and these were what my body needed, no necessarily what everyone will need.

I read a few articles and books on self meditation, taking myself to a quiet place abc allowing my thoughts to ‘quieten’. This was very foreign to me and it took many attempts – about 10, before I actually succeeded in meditation. Blocking out sounds and not being distracted I found very challenging. I would meditate every evening. Sitting on my bed or laying. No TV on just me in the dark with my body still and listening to my heart beat. I would slowly tell each part of my body to relax, staring at my toes and working my way up to my brain, with each breath I would feel more calm and at ease with meditation and eventually I could lay alone meditating for an hour.

No I didn’t fall asleep but I would certainly feel relaxed. 🙂

My cleaner diet was, no alcohol, nothing with preservatives or as little as preservatives as possible, (basically nothing from a packet) more fruit, veg and meat. Less processed foods and lower starchy carbohydrates.

I was seeing SYDNEY IVF acupuncture in George street Sydney twice a week for acupuncture, meditating at home daily, eating clean and healthy and took a lot of stresses from my life. Including quitting my job which I loved but my boss was making my role difficult. (If you have been following my previous posts, this is the boss that pursued my friends, ended up dating one and spoke about her in a condescending and revolting manner.) – I quit as I could no longer stand his behaviour. I was unemployed approx a month before I was contacted by my most recent boss doing the same role but with a lot less stress involved , it’s a much larger and more professional organisation with wonderful supporting management and staff.

So with my new lifestyle I fell pregnant. I will admit it still took 7 months but I fell naturally. No chemical HRT no IVF naturally! I felt on top of the world.

So my advice is. If you are struggling to fall pregnant naturally don’t discount HRT and IVF however also don’t be dis heartened. If like me you are open to alternative medicine, go speak to a natural therapist or even an acupuncture specialist. They will be able to help put you in contact with the people who can hopefully help you bring a baby to this world.

I now have my wonderful little man whom I adore more than anything for and am extremely thankful and fragile to have him in my life. If I do encounter these hurdles again I will most certainly try alternative therapies again. 🙂

Shopping with a social toddler.

So this morning I popped my little one in the pram and we went for our usual walk.

It’s approx 9:30am and already 25 degrees but feels like 40, with high humidity! Walking and pushing the pram I can feel the sweat dripping down my back. I’m painting such a wonderful picture for you aren’t I?

So walking along my little one is very social, chatting away to not only himself but also to anyone we pass. Waving and saying ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ to everyone with a big smile gleaming across his face. I don’t mind him being social as I think it’s polite, however this morning something very weird happened.

We went into a shop – one of my favorites actually, and all the staff know us as we are regularly in there so they make conversation. As we are chatting my little boy – 15 months old – starts chatting to a stranger in the shop. An older woman approx 60yo, well dressed and with another woman of approx same age. Just light chat, simply saying hi and waving but not just once he spoke to her approx 4 times. Again I don’t see any issue with this however the woman he was chatting to did.

She looked at me sternly and asked ‘does he ever be quiet?’ I must say I was shocked by her comment and the shop assistances both looked at me awaiting my response. It took me a couple of seconds to not snap at her, then my response was ‘actually I don’t mind that he communicates and is social, id rather that than have him ignore people and be rude’. Needless to say she shot me a ‘look’ and walked out.

The shop assistance’ both congratulated me on my response, one saying the she had to bite her tongue and probably wouldn’t have been so polite.

Was I wrong to stand up for my social toddler?

Tell me do you think a chatty toddler is too much?

Should I try to contain my toddlers social skills?

With this incident aside, here are some yummy photos from this gorgeous shop!imageimageimageimage