Tag Archives: negative

Is technology ruining our children?

I’ve said a few times that I think technology makes children anti social and causes many other issues.

Here is yet another great read on negative affects that technology has on our children.

This is possibly the third article on this subject that has came into my feed within about a month.

I’m a big believer in everything in moderation. I grew up playing outside, using my imagination and enjoying the outdoors – yes I know, I grew up in a small country town and my childhood was approx 3 decades ago, however I would not change it for the world.

I limit my children’s screen time.

I’ve seen the affects technology can have on children. What negative behaviour it can create. I’m not saying to can it totally, I just think we should all perhaps think prior to passing our little ones our smart phones to ‘keep them quiet or occupied’. Why not read a book with them, play eye spy, kick a ball outside, start drawing, explore in your garden or in a park, collect leaves, make an indoor cubby? So many other options and ways to create fun with our children that does not require technology.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mental-wealth/201508/screentime-is-making-kids-moody-crazy-and-lazy

Tough days.

I will be honest, today was tough…

I cried on numerous occasions out of frustration and the feeling of defeat.

My very robust and super active 4 year old has been waking about 5am every morning for the past 2 weeks. I am tired.

Throughout the day he is busy, although he can play solo, he has been craving my attention and begging me to play with him. It’s not quiet play though. He wants to play superheroes or Jiu Jitsu. Both of which involve wrestling or jumping around ‘chasing bad guys’. It’s exhausting.

I try to tell myself that he is only 4 and I should relish in his want to play with me, as soon he may not want to, but – and I know there should not be a but, but there is. I’m tired.

I stay up late waiting for my husband to get home which is generally about 9:30pm. He works late most nights. By the time we chat, reconnect and have some time together, it’s about 11pm. Only to be woken at 5am if not earlier.

Running on empty and then having busy days it can get the better of me, and today it did.

I’m usually quite strong and can handle a lot. I take it in my stride, but I’m also human.

Today my little guy pushed all kinds of boundaries. As did my 18mo. They fed of each other’s energy and both were full on.

Whilst we were out at Jiu Jitsu this afternoon my little guy was just being silly and another mother passed a comment, a negative comment that hurt my feelings. I chose to ignore it but eventually it got to me and my eyes welled up. Yep in public, I was so embarrassed I tried to hold it together but the tears streamed down my face.

I had to go outside and get ‘fresh air’. It was hard.

I know he is still only 4. I also know he is pushing boundaries and I need to set some really firm ones.

Today I just wanted to ‘give in’. I had a burn inside me where I wanted to pack both my kids back into the car and drive home. Drive to my safe place where there is no one to judge me. No one to tell me how to reprimand my child. No one to snarl at me. No one to pass negative comments at me. No judging eyes. No looking down your nose at me and No looks of disgust.

I then got this post hit my mail box.

It clicked.

I needed it.

I know I shouldn’t feel embarrassed or threatened by my children’s behaviour, but today I did.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Stop Feeling Threatened By Your Child’s Behavior

Intimidation

Intimidation

I dont get intimidated. I’m a pretty strong minded and strong personality that I don’t allow negativity to get to me, nor do I allow ‘idiots’ to create negative in my life.

Yes I’ve had my fair share of idiots creating issues, I just don’t allow it to affect me. It’s been hard, but I have learnt. Especially since writing my blog. People will seldom give compliments, instead they feel it’s their right to be negative and point out faults in either my stories, words, experiences or Grammer. But that’s their issue. Yes it used to make me self doubt, but I’ve grown to ignore most negatives. It’s simply not worthwhile.

Of late I’ve been reading lots of blogs about bullying. I don’t agree with it and I actually condone it. It’s the lowest form of gaining attention.

My theory is that those who bully have their own issue’s and are ‘lashing’ out and taking it out on others to make themselves feel better. If they have nothing better do to with their time, other than to intimidate or be negative towards others, well that’s their issues and perhaps they need to get a hobby.

Bullying creates low self esteem in others and also self doubt. I guess that’s what the ‘bully’ is seeking? To make others feel insecure, bad about themselves and negative?

In most cases with bullying, these people are self entered and suffer low self esteem which is why they feel attacked and then react by attacking others caused by their own insecurities. These people have ‘issues’ which is why they bully others, to make themselves feel better about the person that they are.

But why?

Bullying is a huge problem world wide that can have huge repercussions. It is becoming more of an issue in schools, online, sporting groups and also behind closed doors.

There are many forms of bullying.

Cyber bullying
This is where the bully is ‘attacking’ or ‘contacting’ the victim via the internet, social media, email or somehow ‘electronic’, carried out online or through mobile phones or computers.

Stalking (including messaging someone to harm or scare them)
Accessing internet accounts without permission

Indirect bullying
This is where the bully is attacking’ or ‘contacting’ the victim via another source. Possibly another person or ‘indirectly’. They are not contacting the victim direct.

Direct bullying
This is where the bully is attacking you or contacting you directly. Either face to face, over the phone or ‘targeted’ directly at you.

Physical bullying
This involves hitting, shoving, pushing, tripping, and other kinds of unwanted force.

Verbal bullying
This involves hurtful comments, name-calling, teasing. Slander, using hurtful words and or phrases to ‘attack’, hurt or offend the victim.

Social bullying
This involves using relationships to hurt someone.

Bullying could include using SMS, email or social networking sites to harass or abuse someone.

It is using the internet or a phone in a threatening, harassing or offensive way.

There are ways to stop bullying.

Firstly report it.

You can report it to the police or to an organisation like I have. I have put contact links below for you.

Talk to someone about it.

You are not alone, there are reasons why these people are called ‘trolls’ it’s because they are not nice people who are generally unhappy within themselves and are pushing their own issues onto others.

A lot of bullying happens via social media, almost so that the bully can remain ‘face less’ or ‘hidden’. If you are bullying via social media, why? Are you too afraid to speak up in person? – I’m certainly not saying it’s ok to bully face to face but hiding behind a compute is a cowardly act.

Bullying altogether is a cowardly act.

Remember all bullying is a crime which you can be convicted for.

A criminal conviction that will have repercussions for the rest of your life. You may loose your job, you may loose access to your children, you may loose respect of your peers but most importantly you can go to jail for this.

It doesn’t matter who you are or who you think you are. Bullying is not on and you will get caught and hopefully reprimanded.

There are too many incidences where this is not bought to the attention of others and sadly it can result in someone taking their own life.

Did you know that social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter and YouTube all ban cyber bullying?

If you have been bullied online or otherwise, have seen bullying online or otherwise or are worried that you may have bullied someone else online and you don’t know what to do next, you can get free, confidential legal advice from Lawmail.

So what is the definition of bullying?

Bullying is behaviour that is meant to be hurtful.
It targets a certain person or group of people.
It happens more than once; and
embarrasses, threatens or intimidates the person being bullied.

Is cyber bullying a crime?

Cyber bullying can be a crime under either South Australian or national law when it involves:

Cyber bullying is using the internet or a phone in a threatening, harassing or offensive way.

Stalking (including messaging someone to harm or scare them). Accessing internet accounts without permission.

Defamation (spreading lies to intentionally hurt someone’s reputation).

Encouraging suicide.

Menacing, harassing or offensive use of the internet or a mobile.

It is a crime to use a phone or the internet in threaten, harass or seriously offend somebody.

A message or post could be considered offensive if it is likely to cause serious anger, outrage, humiliation or disgust. The maximum penalty is 3 years in jail.

Let’s put a stop to bullying.
#StopBullying
#NoMoreBullies

http://www.stopbullying.gov/cyberbullying/what-is-it/

http://m.cybersmart.gov.au

http://www.lawstuff.org.au/sa_law/topics/bullying/cyber-bullying

Negative headspace.

Negative headspace.

Firstly I want to apologies for not writing something sooner.

I had been in a negative head space and it hasn’t been fun. I also want to apologise if my past posts have seemed ‘nasty’ ‘mean’ or ‘negative’ in anyway and have offered anyone of you.

I unfortunately became the victim of some horrible antics and gossip, and unfortunately, I allowed it to get the better of me.

I am putting my hand up here and taking blame, as I shouldn’t have allowed someone else’s negativity to consume me. I should have ignored it and not thought about it, but as most of us do, if we are spoken badly or illy about, we get our feelings hurt in some way, shape or form and it affects us in many ways including emotionally and physically.

I’m usually quite a strong person and don’t allow much to get to me. The recent negativity and lies have played on my mind and it consumed part of me and i was silly enough to lower myself to the standards of these people and their negativity. I was feeling anxious on many occasions, I started to worry about what strangers thought about me and i found myself feeling as though I needed to explain my feelings and or actions.

I know I can be outspoken and opinionated. I am the first to admit that. However I do listen rationally to all situations and evaluate my own thoughts and believes, I’m not ‘led astray’ in my opinions let’s say.

After speaking with my mentor, I have decided to rid all negativity from my life. It has worn me down, had me question my thoughts and beliefs, had me question my friendships and I’ve had to reevaluate what and who is actually an important part of my life and who and what should I let go.

If you have been in a ‘bad head space’ or been victim of others negativity. I urge you to try and not allow it to consume you. Try to rid it and allow yourself to feel ‘clean’ again.

Your mind, body and soul will thank you, so will your family.

Below are a few tips on how I’ve ‘cleaned’ the negativity from my life.

1. Don’t allow what other day to get to you – forget their words.
Oftentimes, we tell ourselves ‘no’ because we think others might not approve of our actions. First, it’s crucial to remember that we live our own lives, who do we need to please but ourselves?
2. Spend Time Positive People
Being around people who have a positive attitude and are generally happy people will only benefit your mindset. Positive thinkers will encourage you to try new things, follow your dreams, and motivate you even when you yourself want to avoid trying something new. They can also teach you to pinpoint your worst habits and help you to avoid them.
3. Stop Complaining
I’ll be the first to admit that I like to complain – my family, my workplace, whatever. Complaining, though, puts our mind in a position to make more excuses. We are not in charge of our destiny, our situation is. The next time you catch yourself complaining, stop immediately. Think instead of how to solve your problem and then try fixing it. You will be amazed at how small successes can breed a positive outlook on life.
4. Try Something New
A lot of negativity originates from the idea that we can’t do something we’ve never tried before. If you are always trying new things, though, you realize that the world is full of things you’ve never done. Start a new hobby or find a group of people doing something fun that is of interest to you. The more you do fun things the more positive your mindset will become.
5. Devote an Hour a Day to your Goals
Everyone, no matter who you are, has dreams, goals and aspirations but most of us think we don’t have the time to pursue them. Even if you are raising 10 kids and have two jobs, you can always find at least an hour of your day to devote to yourself. Perhaps something as small as walking home instead of the bus? Reading a book on the train? Meditating before you go to sleep? Anything that you wish you could do more of. Devoting time to your goals will boost your self-esteem and give you courage and happiness.

Remember, you never regret spending time doing something positive .
Try squashing any negativity from life. It may just surprise you how much better you feel.

Dinner battles.

And like so many parents / mothers, I have had many concerns about my children’s eating habits. Mainly my 3 year old who doesn’t seem to want to eat?

After reading this, now I know how much children should be eating, and my expectations for my 3 year old have adjusted. I think I was trying to ‘over feed’ assuming he needed more than he actually does?

I was once told as a new mother, children will eat when they are hungry and not to force them? Don’t make it a ‘big thing’ especially if they refuse as it will only create a negative affect. Possibly have them refuse all meals and create unhappy meal times.

Anyway, good perspective in the below post by ‘The military wife and mom’.
http://www.themilitarywifeandmom.com/the-day-i-quit-dinner-time-battles/

Emotions.

Emotions and crying when angry.

Emotions are funny aren’t they?

They make us laugh, cry, smile, happy, frustrated, angry, irritated and much more.

I was going back through some of my old study note’s from when I was studying to become a counsellor. A topic that I came across was emotions and how we deal with them. I remember finding this subject quite interesting and one that I actually got great marks in my assessment for. (Quiet pat on my own back )

Emotions can get the better of us and in some cases can cause people to react or act irrationally.

I started reading through these notes and thinking about my personality and how I react to different situations. I know that when I’m extremely angry I cry. I find it hard to control. It’s almost like I get wild sensation come over me and tears come pouring out.

Some may say this is a sweet softer side of me, I’m also known to be quite hot headed and protective. (Yes I can loose it but I’m mainly ‘ticked’ and will become extremely protective, especially of my children or those close to me. I become a Mumma bear and hath have no fury like a Mumma pushed too far! 😉)

As I have aged I have learnt to ‘wind in’ my hot head and be more diplomatic but in some situations my tears still stream with anger. I suppose tears are better than yelling at someone or becoming violent right? I suppose it’s the more mature reaction but, I sometimes feel as though my tears are not seen for what they are (anger) and could be seen as sadness, defeat or fear?

Sometimes children cry with frustration when they can’t describe or control their emotions. They get sad when they don’t get their own way and cry right?

I cry with anger. With my anger, it’s generally because I feel as though my thoughts and values have been attacked, everyone is entitled to their own feelings and thoughts and no ones are right or wrong. We are all different therefore have different values. Who says your interpretation of something is right and mine is wrong? Or vice versa?

The physical sensations when I feel personally attacked or angry are similar to anxiety, which for me include a racing heart and tightness in the body. I loose my appetite, feel hot, feel like my face is sunburnt and feel a pressure in my chest, almost like someone is pushing against me. It’s weird but that’s how my body deals with it.

I have tried for many years to control the tears when I’m angry, but sometimes this emotion overcomes my control.

What I have learnt from negative emotions though is that if we dwell on it or allow it to manifest in us. They will overtake our lives and make us miserable.

Negative emotions stop us from thinking and behaving rationally and seeing situations in their true perspective. When this occurs, we tend to see only we want to see and remember only what we want to remember. This only prolongs the anger or grief and prevents us from enjoying life.

The longer this goes on, the more entrenched the problem becomes. Dealing with negative emotions inappropriately can also be harmful – for example, expressing anger with violence.

Some people can be overly emotional or sensitive, which is fine everybody is different. For me learning about emotions whilst studying to be a counsellor has helped me to understand other people’s personalities a little more. Reading their body language and reacting appropriately to their feelings.

I think the biggest factor for me personally, and what stands out from my studies is that negative emotions also can manifest in personal insecurities, general unhappiness, stress and anxiety which can lead to depression.

I know a few people who suffer depression and are on medication for it. Depression for some is described as a disease. I won’t go into depression as that’s a whole other topic and I could blog about it all day, a subject close to my heart. However emotions are natural, we cannot control them fully and we will never fully understand them.

Emotions are psychological (our thoughts) and biological (our feelings). Our brain responds to our thoughts by releasing various hormones and chemicals into our blood stream which send us into a state of arousal. All emotions come about this way, be it positive or negative. It’s complex and can be overwhelming which can also make it hard to overcome.

What we need to learn to do more is, let go of what has made you angry or emotional – constantly going over negative events preoccupies you and stops you from living in the ‘present’ and will manifest in making you feel sad and unhappy.

Battle of the names!

Battle of the names!

So as my due date approaches hubby and I are trying to come up with names that we both like and can of course agree on to babe our little girl – Yep we are having a little princess.

My family is now complete, a little man and a little girl.

I only ever wanted 2 children and thought it would be ideal to have one of each – however I would have been extremely happy with 2 boys but am blessed to have been given the gift of one of each. I feel like my little family is perfect.

Now the tough part – coming up with a suitable name that suits both hubby’s name, my name and her big brothers name.

Hubby’s name is 3 syllables but we shorten it to single syllable, my name is also 3 syllables again we shorten it to single and my little mans name is single syllable so of course I’d like another single syllable name.

Problem is that we agree on something then hubby tells someone and they of course have negative comments which then puts him off that name.

Why is people feel the need to pass comment on things that don’t directly include them?

I mean I find it rude when people comment on chosen names and what bugs me most, is that it’s not even their child that is being named so why do they feel they have the right to pass comment on such things?

My little guy wants to call her twinkle but of course that’s out of the question but then there are others who are making suggestions also and putting down our choices. It has nothing to do with them right? Am I alone with my thoughts on this matter?

Naming a child is quite personal and there are many factors to consider including if it goes with the surname – our of which is quite peculiar so that’s a major consideration. Then there is the middle name factor, I’m quite traditional in the sense that I like the middle babe to be a family name possibly derived from a grandparents name or close relation. So coming up with a first name can be tricky!

What are some of your favourite girls names that are single syllable?

My list is as follows;

We had however agreed on a first and middle name for our little princess, though after a few various inputs today when hubby’s disclosed what we liked to some people and they passed negative comments, he now doesn’t like what we had chosen.

Back to square one!

Ava
Eve
Bo
Mila
Milly
Lou
Ella
Belle

Then a few others that Id consider;

Arabella
Eadie
Avery
Chloe
Codi
Phoebe
Halle
Leni
Lola
Lila
Layla
Lexi

Tell me your favourites. I’d love to hear from you.

Please also tell me your thoughts on people having their say on your choice of baby name.

I know everyone has an opinion but should it really be their choice on that you call your child?

Email me at – noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Feedback :)

Feedback 🙂

Where to start?

A huge thank you to my followers, between the website, Facebook and twitter I have almost 5,000 readers!

Thank you for reading my blog and supporting me. I’m very humbled.

I must say I do read everyone’s comments, my apologies if I don’t post them all I get quite a few, which I love and again am humbled by and thank you for taking the time to write me and comment on my posts.

So to answer some of your questions, and again my apologies if I don’t answer yours directly. Please feel free to email me directly and I will get back to you. Noordinarymummy@gmail.com

No I haven’t had any formal writing education. I simply write what I feel, or experience or someone I know has experienced.

Yes I may not have the best grammar or spelling, most of the time I am blogging from my phone and predictive text can sometimes work against me.

Yes I am a big believer in family. My hubby and little boy who is almost 2! – where has this time gone? These two mean the world to me. I’m also exceptionally close to my sister, her hubby and their 3 children and always will be. I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs with my mum and dad but no matter what, I will always have them in my heart and best interests. My little brother and I are close and I know we will always have each other’s back.

I’m honest with everything I write, it may sometimes seem brutal or too much but unfortunately we live in a works where not everything is rosy and not everyone is kind.

My hubby says I have a heart of Pharlap. Those whom I treasure I will always protect, I don’t give many second chances and I don’t tolerate idiots.

I have only been blogging since February 2014. Within this time I’ve possibly opened up to many people/strangers more than I have in my life. I’ve been very protective of my experiences I guess with the fear of judgement and sceptics, however I am extremely comfortable in my skin and my life now and have grown to not care so much about what other people think of me. It could possibly be age and life experiences that have taught me this trait. I think I’ve past comment previously, I am a strong personality and we all don’t have to get along in this world. We all have our own opinions and we are all entitled to them.

My website is built through Web Hub Hosting using WordPress. I built it myself.

Yes I get some negative feedback, we can please everyone 🙂 however those that continue to read something they don’t appreciate, shouldn’t read it. Simply put – if you kick your toe on a coffee table, would you continue to deliberately do it again? By logging onto my blog and continually reading something that you are only going to be negative about, or whine about, am I the fool or are you? I’m not asking you to log on. You are choosing to log on and read.