Through thick and through thin.
So the saying goes, you will stick by your partner through thick and through thin. Why is it that this saying doesn’t always ring true?
Marriage is supposed to made upon love, respect, trust and understanding. Why are something’s simply left misunderstood or unsaid?
One would assume that when standing face to face with your loved one, saying those special life combining vows, that your happily ever after will remain.
No one ever wants to hear the three little words ‘this isn’t working’ we all wish to hear ‘I love you’ or ‘we can work through this’.
Why is it so hard to always be on the same page?
Yes relationships are hard and they most always will certainly need work at some point. Weather you have been together 10 years or 10 days, no relationship is perfect and there will always be hardship right?
I think that having hardship and working together makes you stronger as a couple. For every battle there will be a make up and I think that every relationship needs some tough times, this shows the love and respect that you have for each other as a couple to get through the hard times.
No relationship is perfect 100% of the time and I personally believe that if your putting on a facade that your relationship is perfect, what are you really hiding?
Truth is and studies show that to have a 100% non fight and totally agreeable relationship one person will need to ‘bow down’ either hold their thoughts and options to themselves in order to keep the other person happy.
If this is in fact true, why are why changing our options for our partners and why shouldn’t we speak up and have our own thoughts and opinions? Why are we trying to please everyone? Are we scared of failure or scared to voice our opinion in fear of offending or hurting someone’s feelings?
Arguing can be seen as communicating and voicing or sharing issues. In a relationship where there is not even a heated conversation, it could be that one or both parties don’t feel safe enough to express themselves. They doubt whether they can be honest about their feelings and be heard, respected, and still loved.
A lack of argument can also signal a lack of commitment to each other or the relationship. If you just don’t care about the longevity of your relationship with someone, you might just keep your head down and ignore anything that comes up because, ultimately, it won’t matter in the end.
I know in my marriage vows I said ‘through good times and through bad’. Yes I occasionally don’t see eye to eye with my hubby and we do argue. I think this keeps our relationship real and I know he respects my opinions and likes that fact that if we don’t agree on a topic that I challenge him.
I’m not a shrinking person and I won’t agree in order to please or keep the peace.
We all have our own opinions and we are all very much entitled to have them. Any partner who scrutinises their significant other, for having opinion should have a look at themselves.
What are they hiding?
Are they controlling?
Do they feel insecure?
Is this why they don’t like you to speak up?
Or are they simply embarrassed or afraid that you may in fact challenge their thoughts?
If you’re arguing over small, petty day to day insignificant things just to get interaction, or to be validated, or in fact if your trying to push someone away out of fear or rejection it’s unhealthy for both you and your relationship. What you really need to do is take a good hard look at what you really want from the confrontations and find healthier ways to have your needs met.
Fact is that when blending your life with another person’s it isn’t always going to go smoothly. It takes work and there will be times when various differences come between you weather you think they are important or not.
The important thing is to learn to navigate these ‘arguments’ so that you can come out the other side feeling more secure, intimate and respected in the relationship.
No one gets taught how to argue with our significant other. There’s usually no standard instruction manual on how to deal with the possible arguments of day to day life that we might get into with someone whom we love, but knowing how to ‘argue’ well is one of the best tools for a long term relationship. It can close the divide between a love that is slowly disintegrating, and a love that is true, strong and more intimate with years gone by.
It’s very natural that you’re going to fight once in awhile. However, being frustrated or angry with your partner doesn’t have to be destructive and it doesn’t have to ‘end in tears’.
Working through issues teaches you about each other and by learning you can appreciate each other more and the love and respect can and will grow.
Talk to each other in a calm manner and never go to bed on an argument. All that will do is brew overnight and possibly neither person will sleep well. Therefore being overtired will only cause more destruction within the argument.
A great therapist once said;
“You can’t control anyone else’s behaviour. The only one in your charge is you.”
A great article on relationships and arguments is in the link below.