Tag Archives: money

What would you do?

What to do when it all falls apart.

Recently I’ve been chatting with friends and acquaintances about keeping your independence when your a SAHM. We were talking about a radio station that were running a ‘competition’ so to speak, where the public called in and said why they needed to win $10,000. There were 2 different people daily with different situations, they didn’t know each other but one of the callers had to decide if they needed the money more than the other caller and if they should keep it for themselves or give it to the other person. They would hear the other persons reasons for needing the $10,000 but the choice was theirs, keep it or give it.

Anyway, one caller was a young woman who had been married for 15 years, had 4 children and her husband had decided to end their marriage and he had started a new relationship with someone from his work place. He told the ex wife she was to move out of the family home, he was keeping the car and he was also cutting off her allowance. She had no job as she quit to raise the children and run the household.

The second caller was recently married, no children but suffering a illness that required an operation, which would cost them $9,000. The operation could be life saving:

Both these cases seem fair, but who would you chose to get the $10,000?
The stranded mother or the caller requiring the operation?
The decision was for the single mother to make the choice weather to give it or keep it, and she actually kept the money for herself.to get back on her feet and start again after her marriage ended.

As you can imagine were many back and forth opinions and I guess you could say it had many different perspectives both positives and also negatives.

I would have given it personally to the caller requiring the operation, apparently that operation was going to help basically save his life. I get that the single mum was doing it tough, but she had her health. Something that I think many of us don’t appreciate.

What do you find more important, setting yourself back up after a break up, or getting healthy and possibly saving a life?

So it got me thinking about all the ‘what if’s?’ To do with this single mothers situation.

What if you are a SAHM, you are solely reliant on your partner and the relationship ends? What do you do? You have no money as he controls it all. You have no where to go, as you need money in order to leave and reset yourself up. You have no job or employment so therefore no income coming in for yourself. So many variables.

Is this why some partners insist on ‘looking after things?’ So that they have the ‘upper hand’ or ‘are in control’ if things do end?

It is a tricky, and can be sensitive situation.

I myself have never relied on a man until I left my job after my first child. I was bought up by a single mother who worked 2 jobs to make ends meet and raise 3 children and pay the mortgage and bills etc. I always wanted to support myself and not have to rely on a man. And I did right up until 3 years ago.

I worked after I had my first child. It was great, I had my independence. I had my own money, my hours were flexible and I was still able to be with my child. I pretty much didn’t take maternity leave, instead my employer was extremely flexible and allowed me to work from home 4 days and in the office one day. It was such a great experience and understanding company allowing me to basically have the best of both worlds.

I would be up at 6:30am checking emails whilst my little guy laid beside me watching and having his morning bottle. Then we could play and when he would go down for his morning sleep where he would sleep for approx 2-2.5hrs, I’d get a load of work done. Then it would be play time again for a few hours, followed by him having his afternoon sleep, again for another 2hrs where I’d get a solid chunk of work done then also. I found I was wet productive as I wanted to get the ‘work’ done so that I could play with my little guy. I was still doing about 6hrs per day, much like an office job but from home and still around my little one. Anyway we moved house and my employer was wanting me in the office more than I could commit too and after many conversations, my husband decided it would be too far and hard for me to travel whilst being a SAHM. He was also working long hours and it would mean our little guy would have been in day care from approx 7:30am until around 6pm 5 days per week. So I resigned. I sometimes wish I still had my independence and own thing going on but I also feel very blessed to be able to have all this time with my little guy and now also my little girl.

Once we moved we had another child and let’s say life is busy! I now have a 3yo and 15mo…. 🙂

I often think though, what would I do if he left me or if I left him?

I have no savings as he gives me a weekly allowance that is to pay for groceries, put fuel in the car, pay my mobile bill, buy the kids clothing and nappies etc. I wouldn’t know what to do. He looks after all the bills as he has the salary.

It got me thinking.

Should I try to work in order to have money for a ‘back up plan’?
That would mean that both my children would be in child care and that would possibly cost what I would be earning?
I’d also have rent to pay, I’d need to purchase my own car and also pay all my own bills.

So how would I do all that?

Children are simply not accepted into care straight away, most places have wait lists and hopefully days avail that I’d require.

Oh but getting a job is also not quite that simple. There is the application process, interview process and then hopefully a position that can, 1 – pay the required amount I’m salary for me to support myself and my children. 2 – be close to where I’d live or the children’s care centre so I wouldn’t be spending long periods of time commuting to and from work with children, and 3 – possibly be flexible enough to understand that being a single working mother i may occasionally need flexibility for my children.

Speaking out aloud about it and rationalising thoughts makes me realise just how hard things could be.

There always seems to be a compromise. But at what cost? Should I have resigned and given up all my independence? Should I be looking to start work again ‘just Incase’ something were to happen? Should I trust my husband will always look out for and after me and our family?

You our can never predict the future.

It certainly made me wonder what would I do.

What would you do?

Feel free to email me – noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Settlements and chores

Settlements and chores with marriage and divorce.

I recently read an article in Australia’s Marie Claire magazine about divorce settlements and how they are being settled.

To my shock these things are now being divided almost into a spreadsheet of what the women did around the house during the marriage and put a number on. For example, each load of washing was valued at $25.00.

After reading more into this breakdown it also detailed ‘babysitting duties’ at $25/hr, cooking at $15 per person per meal, school runs at $20/hr and so on.

So these women say have 3 children ranging from 5-15 years old and are married for 17 years and now getting settlements based on what they ‘earns’ during their marriage raising their families?

Please explain to me how this works?

I thought that being a mother was a blessing and not a job?

Why should we be paid or compensated for being given this privilege?

I understand that when we do become mothers and like myself some choose to become a stay at home mum and raise our children instead of keeping our careers and having our little ones in full time care, this is our choice. So why when things don’t go as planned are women expecting to get a lump dime pay out to compensate for loss of earnings?

The article I read had the woman seeking half her husbands superannuation, which I understand she hasn’t early any in the past however many years as she has been the home maker, but why is she entitled?

Along with half the super she is seeking the lump sum payment which looks a bit like this.

17 years
3 children
* 1 x load of washing per day @ $25 per load = $175 x 17 years = $546,976
* Baby sitting @ $25 per hour – 5 hours per day, = $125 x 5 days per week, the time she is at home alone each week day with the / her children = $625 x 15 years = $
* 6 x dinners per week @ $20 per meal for 5 people = $600 x 17 years = $
* Daily errands = $20 per hour @ 3hours per day = $60 x 7 days = $420 x 17 years = $
* Ironing @ $25 per basket x 2 baskets per week = $50 x 17 years =
* cleaning the family home @ $25 per hour x 3 days per week = $75 x 17 years = $
* Packing school lunches @ $10 per lunch, 3 x children.
10 years for the eldest @ 5 x days per week, $50 per week @ 40 weeks per year x 10 years = $20,000
5 years for the Middle child @ 5 days per week $10,000
1 year for the youngest @ 5 days per week $2,000
Total = $32,000

So this all equals $2,278.53 per week
Which equals $118,483.82 per year
Over 17 years equals $2,012,355.00

Keep in mind this doesn’t include her going for half the superannuation not half the combined assets.

Is this fair?

With the average Australian annual salary being $75,000 per annum what would you expect from your partner if you were to divorce after 17 years and raising 3 children?

Would you expect or want half his superannuation?

Would you expect a lump sum pay out similar to the above?

Who actually can afford to pay out over $2 million dollars in a divorce settlement?

Another article that I found interesting was one where the husband worked out what his wife’s annual salary should equate to if being paid on parental duties only. Surprising it’s $97,000 per annum – this is not including house hold chores.

http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/stay-at-home-salary/

Have you been divorced?

Do you find this fair?

Email me : noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Defining success

Defining success

How do you define your success?

Success can be measured on many levels and depending on your personality, I believe success is also measured by what you personally feel is important to you and makes you feel successful.

I personally measure my success on my happiness and my little family. Including my husband, little man and soon to be little princess.

I am happy in my life, I may not have much but seeing my little guys smile each and every day lightens my world.

Also having a supportive husband who appreciates me being home and being the ‘keeper of the house’ and ‘stay at home mum’ is important to me. I would struggle if I had to leave my little man each and every day. I love being hands on with him and being able to watch him explore and grow each and every day.

I know many people who measure their happiness on other things. These things can include –

Money / wealth
How much they earn, if they are not earning a certain annual amount they don’t feel successful. Recently a comment was passed at my husband towards his salary and that it wasn’t in the ‘commenters’ eyes, a passable salary. The persons comment basically insinuated that what my husband earns is pittance and therefore he isn’t successful. I personally find this shallow but again each person measures success differently.

Happiness
I measure my success on how happy my family are and as long as we have each other, I feel successful and complete.

Assets
I have always said to my husband that I could live in a shoe box as long as I had him and my little man. I don’t need fancy cars or fancy clothes or a big home to feel successful. Again many people do feel that the bigger the home or fancier car they have or perhaps living in a particular suburb – the more successful they feel. We do live in a material world but it’s sad that some peoples mindset is that unless they have the big home they are not as worthy as the next person.

Family
Along with happiness my success is family orientated. I don’t need my family to be successful financially. As long as they are happy I feel happy. I personally don’t believe that you need a successful family to be successful yourself. Your parents money or family money doesn’t make you a better person nor does it make you more successful, I believe in working hard yourself and achieving things for yourself makes you more appreciative.

Materialistic belongings
Living in SYDNEY, a lot of people are designer obsessed and feel they need certain designer pieces to feel successful. Spending thousands of dollars on a particular item to make them feel good about themselves or boost their personal confidence is fine, however having materialist items does not make you a good person. I know this person who is always in designer things and frowns upon chain store clothing. They wear lots of designer jewellery and pass comments on the size of others engagement rings etc. I find this shallow and feel these people have insecurities which is why they measure their success on materialistic belongings. Just because you don’t have a 10 carat diamond ring doesn’t mean that you don’t have a 10 carat heart.

I believe that being a good person is so much more than being focussed on assets, finances and material belongings.

You can’t take your diamond rings and fancy cars with you when you die right?

What I’m not saying is – don’t strive to be successful but measure your successes by things that are worthy.

If you feel you need the big salary to feel competent, or the fast car or latest designer thing. Sure go get those. However I think that you can also measure your success if you are humble and happy in other things.

Majority of the world live in poverty and are happy. They base their successes on other things that the fortunate don’t always understand.

Marriage

Marriage.

Do people just settle?

As my regular readers know, I love sex and the city. I still watch it on Foxtel and still love every little thing about it.

I recently watched the episode where Carrie’s friend ‘just settles’ as the guy is good on paper and she has reached a certain age and feels she needs to settle down as that’s just ‘what you do’.

So it’s made me think – yes I’m s traditionalist and I married for love. However I’ve been thinking of reasons other than love as to why people do marry and this is what I’ve came up with.

For money – yes some people to feel they need the financial guarantee or support for a particular lifestyle so I guess they ‘hunt’ down that person in order to get their needs met.

For religious beliefs – I recently watched a television show on channel 7 where the woman was married at an early age to a Muslim man and they were in love but after many years of his controlling ways and they had 2 beautiful children she wanted to leave him. He wouldn’t sign the divorce papers so when she went on a holiday overseas he lodged a marriage certificate to that country stating that they were still in fact married and as she had met someone else – after the separation she was now committing a crime within their religion. Her ex husband took their children and wouldn’t allow her access to them and almost destroyed her life. She was in hiding for many months as such a ‘crime’ – according to the ex husband could see her jailed for life or even the death penalty.

Now I’m not saying it’s only Muslims but I find it hard to agree with having to stay married if the person that you are married to is making your life miserable and is threatening you or causing harm or an unsafe environment for the family especially children.

For children – so I understand some people think that there is a time frame on when you can / should have children but I don’t understand women who fall pregnant in order to get proposed to? Each to their own though.

For convenience – so they no longer have to worry about a relationship?

So I’ve done some googling and found some other reasons why people get married other than the traditional reason for being in love.

I’d love to hear your thoughts or reasonings for getting married.

Email me – noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Because you love them or really like them.

Because she wants to.

Because you don’t seem to be going anywhere.

Because you don’t want anyone else to have them.

Because, wait — how old are you?

Because of God.

Because your boss is married or all your friend’s are married or getting married so you should too?

Because the sex is good.

Because the fights are good.

Because the sex after the fights is really good.

Because they pick up the dry cleaning.

Because you know that even if it gets bad, life will probably be easier, happier, with them than without them.

Because you believe that it’s going to work out.

What ever your reason, I just hope it lasts and its your right reason.

Bath paint?

Bath time fun!

Well my little one loves bath time. Weather he is taking a ‘big boy’ shower or having a soak in the tub, he doesn’t mind.

He has one thousand things in the bath with him which range from toothbrushes, to funnels, to Tupperware, anything he can really find that takes his fancy really, and who am I to stop him exploring and being creative?

So to enhance his creativity just a little more I’ve made bath time just that little be extra special by making bath paint!

Yep you heard it – painting in the bath!

With special paint of course, which doesn’t stain the bath and us easily washed away. How I hear you ask?

With shaving foam!

It needs to be the thick foam almost gel like but don’t waste money on expensive stuff, it all works the same except the more bubbly it is the quicker it dissolves.

So get a silicone ice cube tray.

Fill each hole with the shave foam.

Add different drops of food colour to each hole.

And there you have it!

A miniature paint pallet for bath time fun!

Ps – you can use your fingers to paint or an old tooth brush, or perhaps a real paintbrush, you can pick small cheap paint brushes up at the cheaper variety stores or even the local super market of hardware.

Communication etiquette

Communication etiquette

I have met some wonderful new friends lately and some of them are married to men with ex wife’s.

I guess with the Australian divorce rate at 43% many relationships have ex wife’s or husbands. In saying that though, statistics show that if you marry after the age of 30 your marriage is more likely to go the distance.

Chatting with my new friends we were discussing how their partner communicates with the ex. Most of them have children involved so they have to communicate but it interested me as to how they communicate and how often.

To my surprise the ex wife’s of most of these men are quite demanding with communication. Don’t they realise their ex has moved on and is remarried with a new family?

There is this one ex who still signs off with a ‘x’ now to me and most of my friends an ‘x’ is a kiss right? I asked my new friend if her hubby and his ex were close. Her response was ‘no, but I think the ex does it to erk me’. Now this isn’t a surprise to me as I’ve had my fair share of dealing with troublesome ex’s however my thoughts were, ‘how immature’.

Another new friend was telling me that her hubby’s ex wife will text at all hours and demand that he response and is asking for all types of things, mostly asking for money having to to pay for extras on top of her child maintenance but also complaining that she can’t get a sitter to watch the child so can he take time off from work to have him? If he says no she plays the guy card saying that the child would really like to see him and misses him and please can’t it just be in his lunch break. If my friend wasn’t as trusting and confident in her marriage and also knowing how much her hubby dis likes his ex wife, this could have ruined their relationship.

Now we all know some women can be like this however how would they feel if the tables were reversed and it was an ex wife contacting their new husband if they were to have one? My guess is they wouldn’t like it too much as must people with these personality types are generally selfish, jealous and controlling.

Statistics show that most women have a fear of being alone and also letting go. Is this why some insist on still being part of the ex hubby’s life and like to cause drama within his new family? It makes me wonder, do they enjoy being a ‘pest’?

Another new friend also told me that her hubby’s ex wife emailed him asking for a ‘one night stand’ as she wanted another child but wanted her children to have the same father. I find this very weird and asked if this was before my friend and her hubby were together. To my response she replied with ‘nope, we had been together about ) months, I’d met their children and she knew of me’.

Another says that the ex sends the child to their house wearing clothes that are either 3 sizes too small or completely ruined, knowing that it’s embarrassing for both the child and the step mother so that the step mother will go and buy new ones but then when the child wears them back to his mothers / ex wife she then doesn’t return them. Apparently this is a continuos thing and constant battle with the hubby’s new family.

Another says that her and her hubby pay the private school fees along with extra sporting activities and purchase all the school uniforms on top of child support otherwise the mother / ex wife doesn’t buy them and the child misses out. She claims she can’t afford it?

I thought that child support us 19% of the non living with parents salary paid monthly to the parent who the child lives full time with? All of this to my knowledge is what child support is supposed to pay for? Some women are getting $280 per week for 1 child whom she only has 3 day one week and 6 the next so only having the child 9 days out of 14 but insisting on being paid high child support and extra.

Where do you draw the line?

You don’t want you child to ‘miss out’ on things.

Seriously, what are some people thinking? Or are they not thinking?

Apparently these women think that any time is sufficient.

So what do you think is appropriate etiquette for contacting ex’s?

I have friends that don’t contact at crazy hours nor do my family. General consensus is common courtesy right? What time would you find appropriate for calling or texting someone?

 

Super for women = super woman

Super for women = super women!

So we all know that when a woman stops working for an employer they no longer have paid superannuation right? So when we retire – which we never actually do as we are always still working around the house or looking after children and our loved ones it’s still working, however not paid with money. What do we use as our nest egg?

So many articles of late have bought up this very topic and so I thought I’d share a few tips that I have been doing to help me upon retirement.

1. Put a little away each week into your super account. I don’t earn a lot so can’t really afford to put much away however even though my employer puts my superannuation into my account quarterly, each week I have $20 of my own money go into the same super account. It isn’t much but when I retire it will all add up, every little bit helps!

2. Commissions – again when I make commissions (I work in a sales role) I transfer these into my superannuation account.

3. Gifts – if you are given money – sometimes my family give me birthday money and although it’s rally toying to go buy that dress that you love and think you need – perhaps use the money towards your superannuation. Or if you can’t bear to not spoilt yourself a little – let’s face if we all love gifts and new things 🙂 maybe put $20 in the super and use the rest to get yourself a little something.

4. Sell your unwanted items – perhaps you have a wardrobe of clothes that you just can’t fit into or they are no longer your style? Or maybe you have baby things that are no longer of use? Sell them! I know the thought of selling your belongings can seem overwhelming, but I promise you it’s not hard.

There are so many different selling options out there. Garage sale, eBay, gumtree, local markets and boot sales. All these unwanted items – turn them into cash. Then bank it! Put it in your superannuation.

We all know superannuation accounts are different. Mine is a good one with small annual fees and quite safe – how I like it. I like the thought of paying minimal but still making a return. It may not be a huge fast return but hey – I’m only 33 and not ready to retire yet!

Find the right super find that suits your needs and remember, adding a little extra now will only benefit you in the long term! Happy retirement!