Tag Archives: Man

Who’s right to discipline?

Who’s right to discipline?

Yet again I’ve had strangers pass comment on my children. This time however my 2 year old was being a little bossy.

Now I’m not a helicopter parent, I do allow him to play in the park or at an indoor play centre with other children and I don’t hover to ensure everything that he does is by ‘others standards’.

The other day we happened to be at an indoor play centre with some friends and my little guy was playing on a climbing thing which had slides and a ball pit and various other child friendly things.

My little guy was happily playing with other children (some we didn’t know, but hey I’d rather he make friends with other children than be shy) I was sitting approx 10 meters away watching him happily play with an older boy whom I’m guessing was approx 4 or 5 years old.

Now let’s be honest with ourselves, boys can be rough, they can be boisterous and they can be bossy. Gosh girls can be also but I find girls more bossy than boisterous. Anyway, my 2 yo was playing with this older child at the top of the climbing frame and another child was climbing up when my 2 yo said ‘you can’t come in my castle’. He and the little boy he was playing with them laughed and ran away. Now I would have thought that at some time or another any child would say such things. I didn’t see any harm in it and the older boy whom my little guy was playing with was saying the same thing. I don’t know who instigated it but they were both saying it.

I was watching from afar and could see that my little guy wasn’t being rough, nor hitting, nor pushing it being ‘hands on’ in any way.

I saw an older man approx 55 walk towards all 3 boys shaking his finger. I thought best I’d go intervene. As I was walking over the older man said to me ‘is this your kid?’ I responded yes. He then said in a quite abusive tone ‘he is being bossy, either you stop it or I will’.

My response was quite civil and I said ‘sorry, they were only playing’ I then smiled and walked away with my 2 yo. I could have reacted in a very different way and now I kinda wish I had of told this old ‘bleep’ where to go and mind his own business. If I had of reacted that way though I would only be stooping to his low inappropriate level.

Now I’m not sure what planet this guy came from but in my planet, I’d never say that to another parent nor would I threaten to discipline another child nor would I discipline someone else’s child. I find it down right rude that a stranger thought he had the right to say that to me or anyone and also think that he had the right to act upon it.

I went and got my son from the climbing thing and took him back to the table and asked him what he was doing. He said just playing, the friend that I was with and her children said he wasn’t doing anything wrong from what they could see.

What was this mans problem?

Who in their right mind would think its ok to disciple someone else’s children? Especially a strangers child?

I wonder how he would feel if the roles were reversed and I decided to act the way he did. I wonder what his reaction would be?

This is a very busy indoor play centre and I have been there previously with my children many times and have never had any issues up until this day.

Now I’m the first to admit, kids will be kids and I try not to be a helicopter parent but under no circumstances would I allow my child to be a bully or to hurt other children. I do monitor and watch my child’s every move but I certainly don’t panic and I do allow him to make his own choices. After all I do want my children to be well rounded and be able to make their own positive choices.

My child has been picked on and bullied to an extent previously but as most adults know, kids will be kids. I didn’t intervene, I simply chatted to him about it. Children push boundaries it’s their way of expressing themselves and working out each other personalities. If my son was being aggressive or hitting or touching the other child perhaps I would have been a little more cross at him and more understanding towards the grumpy man. Instead my 2yo and the older boy were simply playing and said the other child wasn’t allowed in their castle. I’m pretty sure other children have said similar if not worse.

This isn’t where it stopped though. As I was walking back, an older woman decided to say to me as I passed her table ‘your little boy is so naughty, so so naughty’. I just gave her a look of ‘mind your own business’.

So where does the issue start and stop?

Does this strange man or strange woman have the right to speak to me the way they did?

Was my 2 yo out of line?

Is it their right to discipline other people’s children?

How would you feel if you or your child were spoken to in this way?

Would you disciple another child that wasn’t yours?

Email me – I’d love to hear your stories. noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Raising children

Raising children..

As most of you know I’m a mummy – twice over! I have a gorgeous little man who will be 3 in November and an adorable little princess who entered this world in May. Both are the absolute loves of my life. I often wonder what I did before them.

I must admit with my little man I did things so differently as to how I am with my little girl. I guess being a first time mum I was very over protective, quite nervous and was scared to make mistakes.

Mistakes? Mmmm well I made a lot of them actually but hey, first time mums are allowed. Actually any mum is allowed as there is no rule book to parenting nor is there any right or wrong way. So perhaps they were not mistakes but experiences?

Where to start? with my little guy I would run into his room to check him each time he cried, even if it was only a slight whimper. I actually slept in the same room as him until he was 17 months old as I feared that I would not hear him if he cried. I pretty much mollycoddled him and wrapped him in cotton wool. You wouldn’t think so now though as he is quite independant and self sufficient for a toddler.

With my little girl, I allow her to cry – now please don’t think I’m a terrible mother or neglect her. I certainly do not, however I don’t run to her if she whimpers or cries a little, as I’ve learnt, that babies can cry in their sleep (dreaming). I have a video monitor that is in her room and also a portable monitor that I carry with me that allows me to see her wherever I am. It also has a microphone on it so that if she is awake and upset, I can talk to her through it – sometimes if she simply hears my voice it settles her. I also can assess her situation without running to her side. I will go get her if she is too upset though, or if she continually cries for a period of time. As a mother you learn your babies cries and can differentiate the cry between hungry, sad, tired or just needing cuddles.

With my little guy, as soon as he cried I would pick him up. Sing to him and I also rocked him to sleep. He didn’t know how to self settle and never had too as he had my undivided attention and I was more than happy to carry him around and rock him to sleep.

With my little girl, I allow her to self settle. If she cries I monitor for how long and will go into her room, gently put my hand on her chest so that she can smell me and also feel that I am with her. I sometimes also shhhhhh. Again if too upset I will pick her up and comfort her but I’m certainly not as clingy on her as I was with my little guy. I constantly watch her through the monitor though 🙂

With my little guy, as soon as he cried I would pick him up and carry him around. Second time around, I just don’t have time to carry her constantly as I do have a toddler to also look after.

With my little girl, I allow her to lay in her rocker or in a safe place and observe what going on around her. Yes I carry and hold her but not constantly. There is defiantly no neglect though.

Now as I said before, there is no right or wrong way to parent, everyone has their own way and no one should judge. Being a parent is hard, especially a stay at home parent. There is no ‘break’. You are followed to the bathroom, asked ‘why?’ A million times per day, you seldom shower without an audience and of course share all your meals, however I’d never change it for the world.

Being a mother is the most rewarding thing that I’ve ever done. It is the only thing that continuously makes me smile and be happy. To hold my children is a blessing and to watch them sleep at night then get a good morning kisses and cuddles makes my day. They make me whole.

What I have learnt from both my children is that firstly I’m a lot more relaxed with my little girl, perhaps confident? I know she isn’t going to die from a little cry, I know that self settling is a good thing for both her and I and I have also learnt that although she is a gazillion percent reliant on me, she is ok to lay in her rocker and watch the works go by. I’m never far away and she doesn’t always need to be held it carried around. 🙂

I love both my children equally, there is no favouritism – they are both my absolute world. I’m besotted by them. They make me who I am today and I’m forever grateful that I have 2 gorgeous children that I made.

They are part of me and no matter how over tired I am or how many times I’ve played the same game or sang the same song, they make me happy. Dirty nappies and all. 🙂

Id love to hear your parenting experiences. Email me noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Do you have a fantasy?

Fantasies.

I’ve been reading a few books lately and they are mostly biographies however a couple have been fiction novels that have got me thinking.

A recent read is called ‘just one night’ by Kyra Davis. Kyra is a New York Times best selling author and this book certainly does not let her down.

It’s a great book about a women who has the successful corporate career, a long term boyfriend whom she believes she will marry and the ‘proper’ family whom have all the silver linings laid out for her. One night in Vegas with her best friend changes it all though.

The book goes into detail about fantasies and what is expected from certain people and families and what is and isn’t ‘appropriate’.

In one part of the book the lead character is speaking with her best friend about fantasises and the best friend describes why they are a fantasy and why not to act on fantasises, to keep them as a fantasy and the excitement of that to yourself. Sometimes when fantasy’s are played out the excitement isn’t quite the same.

Well different people will have different opinions on this but the book had me thinking about my fantasies and would I ever act on them?

Most fantasies are kept secret as the best friend in the novel suggests. Some are bought to life and some are keep deep inside of oneself.

Some may be sexual fantasies about tall, tanned, well built, defined, handsome men starring at you from across the bar, then slowly approaching you but never taking his almond shaped green eyes away from your’s, keeping the intensity and keeping you intrigued. His body is built like that of a professional athlete, strong, muscular and visible through his fitted business shirt. He finally riches your side and you know there are no words needed. You both know heard going to happen and neither of you want it to stop. The conversation is short, you reach for your clutch and follow him to get a taxi. He opens the door for you and no longer are you in the taxi but you are kissing each other passionately, like you have never felt such lust or want for anyone ever. Hands are fumbling, grabbing and pulling each other closer. You reach his place and make your way in….,

Or your fantasy could be about owning a wonderful home on the beach side. Having a fast car, fantasy zing about a wonderful office with water views…..

Whatever your fantasy they are neither wrong or right. We each have individual needs and wants it’s weather or not we choose to bring them to life that keeps them a fantasy or makes them real.
The encyclopaedia definition of fantasy is :

fantasy
ˈfantəsi,-zi/
noun
1.
the faculty or activity of imagining impossible or improbable things.
“his researches had moved into the realms of fantasy”
synonyms: imagination, creativity, fancy, invention, originality, vision, speculation, make-believe, daydreaming, reverie More
antonyms: truth, realism
a fanciful mental image, typically one on which a person often dwells and which reflects their conscious or unconscious wishes.
plural noun: fantasies
“the notion of being independent is a child’s ultimate fantasy”
synonyms: dream, daydream, pipe dream, flight of fancy, fanciful notion, wish, wishful thinking; More
an idea with no basis in reality.
“it is a misleading fantasy to suggest that the bill can be implemented”
a genre of imaginative fiction involving magic and adventure, especially in a setting other than the real world.
synonyms: myth, legend, fable, fairy tale, romance;
More
antonyms: realism
2.
a fantasia.
verbliterary
verb: fantasy; 3rd person present: fantasies; past tense: fantasied; past participle: fantasied; gerund or present participle: fantasying
1.
imagine the occurrence of; fantasize about.
“it is ludicrous to fantasy ‘disinventing’ the hydrogen bomb”

So I ask, do you have fantasy?

Are they a little ‘taboo’?

Would you act on them?

Drop me an email –

Noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Read more about this novel below.

http://www.kyradavis.com/p/just-one-night-series.html?m=1

Transition into stay at home mummy.

Stay at home mum transition.

So as most of you are aware I became a stay at home mum – full time approx 2 months ago. After we moved home and intimations change our positioning.

I have had many inner demons questioning my decision.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my child more than anything in the whole universe however I sometime feel I’ve lost a part of me including my independence and self support.

Some of you may question this and ask why do I question it?

Because I’ve always been so Independant and never relied on anyone. Yes I’m married and yes my marriage is strong. In fact it was my hubby’s push for me to be a stay at home mum with his complete support both emotionally and financially that helped me make this very difficult decision.

I guess I’ve always had fear of being reliant on anyone so me giving this up was a difficult decision. I also felt that after a few years out if the work force who would want to hire me? What would I offer over someone who has continuously worked and is possibly younger? Well I know what I can offer and that may be life experience, motherly decisions / instincts, maturity, life knowledge, skill or happiness. I guess we will just wait and see how my life plays out and if in fact I do decide to re join the workforce.

I have however found many others in similar situation to mine. Here are a few of their stories that may also assist you. I know they have helped me to let go of the fear factor and know that no matter what, my hubby will always support my decisions even if I decide to never enter paid employment again.

After all why should we feel guilty about not working in a paid career? I believe raising a little person is the most rewarding career move I’ve ever made. It may not pay in cash but it certainly pays in unconditional love and every day I get to play, grow and learn from a beautiful human being that i made!

http://www.parentmap.com/article/making-the-transition-from-working-professional-to-stay-at-home-parent

 

http://www.care.com/child-care-6-tips-to-be-a-successful-stay-at-home-mom-p1017-q12632256.html

 

http://grownandflown.com/regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom/

 

http://www.whattoexpect.com/blogs/theycallmemommy/transition-to-stay-at-home-mom-personality-required

Needless to say being at home everyday and getting to share special moments with my little man is the biggest and best decision of my life!

I hope I’ve been able to help you come to terms with your decisions also, if so please write me your story.