Tag Archives: loss

Promises

A friend of mine just shared this – such beautiful words and something to think about.
Let’s face it, we all make promises at some stage, let’s make the right ones.

I Promise That I Don’t Need You.
Via Kate Roseon Apr 17, 2015

“I don’t want someone who promises me the moon and stars. I want someone who promises to lay on the grass and watch them with me.” ~ Unknown

Let us promise that we won’t ever make the empty sweet promises of new lovers, especially those that we can’t keep.

Instead, let our whispered promises taste of southern bourbon and smell like fresh cotton. Let them be entwined with a roughened honesty that only age and experience can inspire.

I promise that I will make you mad.

We cannot guarantee that we will always be bathed in the pink ethereal glow of happiness; but rather, and more importantly, even at the end of the day when I’m the one to have made your blood boil, say that you’ll still take this hand, and choose this life.

I promise that who I am now will not be who I am next year, next month, or even tomorrow.

Let us not promise that we won’t ever change, but guarantee that we will. Because that is the soulmate’s job to continually inspire change, to challenge the status quo, because we want to wake each other up to be the best possible version of our true self, even if it hurts.

I promise that I don’t need you, but that I do want you.

There’s no reason to say we can’t live without each other. We both know that we can, it may be slightly boring, mediocre even, but live we can. The difference is that we don’t want too, and that each day is made just a little better by our secret midnight confessions and slow morning coffee—and the other hundred small little things that we do to make this life incredible.

I promise that I don’t know how to be normal.

We are going to take the road less traveled; through late night art making, nude sunbathing, afternoon martini’s and parties late into the evening with too much wine and so much laughter. Thankfully, we don’t know how to do this life like everyone else. Even when we drive each other crazy with our differences we know that neither of us would have it any other way, because we’ve learned that there is so much more to life than fitting in.

I promise that I will feel like home.

No matter how many times we’ve been tangled in these pale sheets as the first rays of sunlight cast shadows across our dreams, we won’t ever have our fill. We will always touch each other’s bodies with the magic of the first time, sparks flying burning down everything around us. We’ve ruined each other for anyone else, and as we drift off to sleep, the softness of my bottom pressed against you, everything before there was a you and an I will become nothing but a distant memory.

I promise that I will never be good at doing what I’m supposed to.

We both are going to make a million mistakes. We are going to hurt each other, it’s a given. No matter how good our intentions are, we are each on our own journey, and that doesn’t mean we will always do the right thing. In fact, by definition of being on a true journey of discovering our own authenticity, I can guarantee we won’t. But I do know that wherever our journey takes us, we both will continue to improve.

Even if we don’t like the choices the other makes, we will accept them. We appreciate that neither of us is meant to be owned, or controlled, and instead we feel lucky to even be a part of each other’s story.

I promise that I will never ask for forever.

There is only today, and hopefully tomorrow, but that suddenly between midnight movies and sunrise sex the days will add up to a collection of the best of our lives.

Forever is a desperate promise of young love. Instead, let us take each wonderful day one day at a time and see where the adventure takes us, let the moon answer the questions the sun may ask, and in between it all, you’ll come to see that I’ll still be by your side.

“I don’t know where I’m going from here but I promise it won’t be boring.” ~ David Bowie

Light exercise?

So yes, I’m pregnant, gaining weight, eating lots to satisfy cravings and because I’m feeling so nauseous, I’m not really feeling like exercising. Sad but true.

I am however 15 weeks through and although I am still quite lethargic and vomiting most days I know that being mobile and exercising during my pregnancy is both good for me and my bub.

I didn’t exercise during my first pregnancy but I was working full time and my job allowed me to get out if the office and see clients which allowed me to do lots of walking. I also walked to and from the bus stop to get to work and always got off a few stops shorter than needed and walked. Simply because it felt good and I enjoyed it. I still gained 17kg with my first pregnancy however I ate reasonably well and found that the weight fell off and I was back to pre baby weight within 7 weeks from giving birth to my little man. I think perhaps this was because I was running in adrenalin as my bub who is now 2 didn’t sleep, suffered reflux and I was simply a thousand miles per hour!

Exercise is good for you in pregnancy, and is perfectly safe. However, it’s thought that as many as three quarters of women with a healthy pregnancy don’t do enough exercise.

Taking daily exercise won’t harm you or your baby, and can also help to prevent pregnancy and birth complications, such as pre-eclampsia. It may also help you to have a shorter labour and increase your chances of giving birth vaginally. Let’s face it, labour can be very intense and it felt like I had ran 10 marathons by the time by 5hour labour had delivered my gorgeous little man. I’m not sure how some women survive long labours. I certainly praise them!

Being active and exercising regularly before and during pregnancy will help with –

Keep pregnancy niggles, such as backache and pelvic girdle pain, constipation and fatigue, at bay.

Feel better about the changes that are happening to your pregnant body.

Maintain a healthy weight, although fluid can attribute to weight gain so perhaps don’t weigh yourself too much, go off how your feeling and looking.

Get a better night’s sleep.

Help to reduce or prevent depression again both during and after birth and also can improve your self-esteem.

Prepare your body and mind for the demands of labour and birth, as mentioned I felt like I’d ran a marathon!

Get back into shape after your baby is born. It’s amazing how the muscles remember what it’s like to feel good and by doing simple exercise during pregnancy you will recover at a quicker pace.

If you develop diabetes during pregnancy (gestational diabetes), exercise can also help you to manage your blood sugar levels.

So now I hear you asking, what exercise do I recommend? Well I find that the best exercise isn’t strenuous but will get your heart pumping without being breathless, doesn’t cause soreness the next day, won’t have you feeling exhausted but helps with preparing your body for labour and what’s next.

I recommend exercises such as Low impact walking, swimming, aqua natal / aqua aerobics classes and cycling on a stationary exercise bike, are all good and safe forms of exercise, as long as you don’t push yourself. Never leave yourself breathless or struggling.

Pregnancy yoga and Pilates are good for strengthening and toning, though you should find a registered, qualified teacher who is experienced in teaching pregnant women.

Also try to vary the type of exercise you do. Mix it up with aerobic exercise, such as swimming or walking, and strength and conditioning exercise, such as yoga or Pilates, is ideal. Aim for a total of at least 30 minutes of moderate intensity activity, most, if not all, days of the week. Doing three, 10-minute sessions in a day is just as good as one 30-minute session, if that fits into your lifestyle better.

Remember that exercise doesn’t have to be formal to have an effect. Any activity that you can fit into your everyday life, such as walking to the shops, taking the stairs instead if the lift / elevator and doing housework also counts.

Just remember, pregnancy is tough on your body so don’t push yourself and if you feel fatigued or short of breath please seek medical advice.

Back lash!

Ok, so recently I wrote a blog on cheating.

Ive has many readers contacting me and asking if my marriage is ok and if this refers to my relationship or a family members.

No it doesn’t. My marriage is wonderful, I have a very supporting and loving husband and as far as I know, my sisters hubby isn’t cheating 🙂

So I wanted to elaborate on my cheating blog. I’ve altered it below and elaborated to give more info on why this cheating came to my mind as something to write about.

Once a cheat always a cheat?

I’ve just watched the ‘true tori’ interview where Dean McDermont admits to cheating in his wife Tori Spelling.

Now I’m not sure what’s worse, the fact he has cheated on his wife whom he has 4 children with or the fact it’s on TV?

I’m a huge believer in monogamy. Call me old fashioned but I don’t believe that you take vows of forever, in sickness and in health and make promises to your partner to be faithful if that’s not what you intend on doing.

I also don’t quite understand the idea that cheating is ok? Then the ‘cheater’ blaming their partner? How is this normal?

Remember there is speculation that he cheated on his first wife with Tori Spelling.

I’ve once heard that the ‘cheater’ said they no longer felt wanted by the partner which is why they cheated. Perhaps instead of infidelity they should talk to their partner and try to resolve issues?

I guess I’m some cases it’s their ego that needs a boost? This still doesn’t make it right in my eyes or beliefs.

It also makes me think, will the ‘cheater’ ever be happy and content with the one partner?

Will they always have the inclination to stray and cheat? Are they simply deceitful people?

What would you do if you were cheated on?

I was cheated on by a long term partner and initially I blamed myself, thinking I wasn’t enough and why couldn’t I make him happy or please him?

What I soon realised is that he was the one with the issues not me. It took me a while to stop blaming myself and realise that I actually did nothing wrong and that it was him at fault.

What I’ve also learnt from my advanced diploma in counselling is that infidelity generally comes from the same inner emptiness as alcoholism, drug abuse, food addiction, gambling, over spending and so on. In case ‘s of infidelity, when the underlying reason is emptiness due to self-abandonment, the addiction is to attention, approval or sex , using another person to fill the inner emptiness and take away the inner aloneness. Instead of being the ‘bigger person’ and ending the current relationship, the ‘cheater’ takes their emptiness and aloneness with them into their next relationship. And so the cycle continues.

Someone who cheats in one relationship is almost certain to do it again unless they fulfil themselves and heal their inner brokenness.

You cannot expect to put your emptiness and aloneness into someone else. You need to fix your own problems prior to staring a new relationship.

I know that I would never date someone whom I know has previously cheated. Perhaps I have trust issues from my past or perhaps I simply wouldn’t want the continual thoughts of ‘what are they up to, or am I enough?’

My theory is simple and I’ve known many people who cheat on their partners and many who have been cheated on. In my eyes it’s a low act.

Hurting someone for your own fulfilment. How is this fair? I don’t think these people ever change and that there will always be the inclination there for them to repeat offend.

I’ve been with my now husband almost 9 years, married for over 3 years and I can wholeheartedly say that yes we argue and yes I get cranky and upset with him, I personally don’t believe any relationship is perfect but at no stage have I or would I ever contemplate seeking intimacy with someone else.

Not as I fear loosing what we have, I don’t fear much, what I would feel is loss. I would have lost my best friend, my soul partner and the man whom I adore who also is the father of our beautiful little boy. I just couldn’t bare to hurt either my husband not my beautiful son.

If I have an issue or feel insecure, low, upset or angry I talk it out and make things work. I think cheating is an easy option for weak people to escape reality.

It takes a stronger person to fix a problem than to cheat and betray for your own personal pleasure hurting those who you supposedly love and care for the most.

I understand that someone may pursue you, however you have the control to walk away and not accept. Take responsibility for your actions and know that for every action, there is a reaction and reputations are hard to change.