Tag Archives: life

The almost 4 year old and her tantrums.

My dear daughter is 4 in a couple of months. We are deep in throwing tantrums over to most, what would seem like ‘nothing important’.

To her, she has all these ‘BIG’ feelings and is struggling to express herself with words.

Tantrums can be exhausting and frustrating to any parent. But ask yourself, how would you explain your feelings if your vocabulary was limited and your brain was overcome and overwhelmed with different feelings and thoughts?

This is a typical day for a developing child. They have limited vocabulary. Struggle with day to day feelings and the smallest things to them can feel like it’s the biggest thing in their world.

Welcome to 3-4 year olds.

For example, yesterday my almost 4 year old had 2 tantrums within perhaps 20 minutes of each other. The first was because her 6yo brother was watching something that she didn’t want to, and instead of her watching it in another room. Miss decided to scream, stamp her feet and yell all kinds of things because ABC kids was not playing.

After we dealt with that in a calming manner, explaining to her that there is another TV that we could put that channel on for her to watch, she decided to calm her ‘Big’ and ‘important’ feelings.

The second tantrum was because she wanted avocado toast just as we were about to leave for her brothers martial arts class. As I explained to her that she can have it once we get back, that was not a good enough answer for her and she proceeded to sit in the pantry and pull out all boxed items, creating a ‘wall’ so that I could not see her. All whilst screaming at me to stop talking to her.

With this I walked away and let her calm down and within a few minutes it’s, she came over to apologise.

These are only a few examples of what we have been experiencing over the past few months. Prior to this, my little miss almost 4, has been quite well behaved and mannered.

I don’t remember my 6 year old boy behaving this way at her age.
Is it a girl thing?
Is it a second child thing?
Or is it simply because my two children are different people?
It could very well be a combination of all of the above, but in any case, I’m hoping that these tantrums start to dissolve soon.

Below is a link that I have found quite helpful.
Hopefully you will also.

Just remember, breathe and know, this is just a phase. You will survive, and you will both thrive from these ‘adventures’.

http://www.essentialkids.com.au/development-advice/development/four-challenges-of-parenting-a-fouryearold-20130402-2h5t9

Suicide.

Suicide.

– yes such a confronting word, however more confronting is the statistics associated with this word.

Did you know, In 2016, the suicide rate in Australia was 11.7 deaths per 100,000 people, up from 10.6 per 100,000 people in 2007. … In 2016, the standardised death rate for males was 17.8 deaths per 100,000 people, while for females it was 5.8 deaths per 100,000 people.

That’s more than eight people every single day. One person every three hours.
That’s quite a large number wouldn’t you agree?

So why is the suicide rate rising?

Suicide is a prominent concern. Over a five year period from 2012 to 2016, the average number of suicide deaths per year was 2,795.

Suicide rates reduced across many age groups, including a moderate reduction in suicide rates for males in the high risk age groups of 35-49 years. There were modest increases from 2015 to 2016 in suicide rates for other age groups however, including males 15-24 years and females 20-34 years.

For males: The highest age-specific suicide number in 2016 was observed in the 85+ age group (34.0 per 100,000) with 61 deaths. This number was considerably higher than the age-specific suicides observed in all other age groups, with the next highest age-specific suicide rates being in the 30-34, 40-44 and 35-39 year age groups (27.5, 27.2 and 24.8 per 100,000 respectively). Those of a younger age were associated with the lowest age-specific rates (0-14 year age group: 0.4per 100,000; 15-19 year age group: 13.4 per 100,000).

For females: The highest age-specific suicide in 2016 was observed in the 50-54 age group with 82 deaths (10.4 per 100,000), followed by the 40-44, 45-49 and 30-34 age groups (8.5, 8.3 and 8.3 per 100,000 respectively).

The lowest age-specific suicide for females was observed in the 0-14 age group with 7 deaths (0.3 per 100,000) followed by those aged between 65-69 and then 15-19 age group (4.1 and 5.0 100,000 respectively).

Social media can have either negative or positive effects, Tom Simon, an author of the report and associate director for science in the division of violence protection at the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has reported.

Cyberbullying and harmful content might push a vulnerable teen toward self-harm, yet “social media can help increase connections between people, and it’s an opportunity to correct myths about suicide and to allow people to access prevention resources and materials.”
Dorian A. Lamis, an assistant professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University School of Medicine/Grady Health System, theorized that use of social media and cyberbullying may affect teenage girls more than boys, resulting in rising suicide deaths among older teen girls.

“Some research has suggested that the timing of puberty in girls is a contributing factor for the increased suicide rate,” has also been reported. Puberty starts as early as 8 in some girls. The psychosocial and physical changes may leave girls “vulnerable to depression, anxiety and other psychiatric disorders earlier on in life.” These known risk factors for suicide may catch up with a girl as she grows older.

There is not one factor that is a cause for suicide. It is not a weakness nor is it because of mental health.

Suicide affects many people and it is sometimes seen as selfish but no one should be judging because it has many repercussions.

Sometimes suicide is a result of bullying or seen as a way for the person committing suicide to get away from a certain situation an escape if you may like to think of it that way. They may be feeling isolated, scared, weak, alone, unhappy, stressed, fearful or overwhelmed. There are no exact reasons as to why someone may contemplate suicide. It’s their decision and we unfortunately on most occasions cannot change it.

No one should ‘chime in’ on negativity about suicide, no one knows what the person has been though, is experiencing or dealing with.

What we do know is that the rate in which suicide is rising, is concerning. Unfortunately the above statistics are not current, and suicide is not often spoken about. There should be no embarrassment associated with the word. We should be more aware of circumstances and situations where our friends, family and loved ones may need us.

In today’s society, we all seem quite wrapped up in our own worlds. Disconnected some may say or selfish to our surroundings. I believe that we need to be more aware and connected with those closest to us. Take not of Friends and family behaviour. Offer to listen to those whom may need to talk. Often people will bottle up their thoughts and feelings in fear of judgment.

Who are we to judge?

One persons situation may change, just by having a listening ear. Or a hand to hold, or comfort in knowing that they are valued and not alone.

There is help if you need it.

Lifeline within Australia 13 11 14
https://www.lifeline.org.au/about-lifeline/contact-us

Wesley Mission Australia
https://www.wesleymission.org.au/find-a-service/mental-health-and-hospitals/counselling/lifeline-sydney-and-sutherland/

Or if you would like to email me confidentially, my email is – noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Remember ‘Every Life Matters’.

It doesn’t take much to ask ‘Are you ok?’
Or
‘How are you?’ These 2 questions may just change someone’s feelings and life.

Healthy Tahls.

Healthy Tahls.

No so long ago I started following an Instagram page called Healthy Tahls. I’m always looking for healthy influencers that inspire me. Healthy for the mind, but also for the body.

I enjoy seeing people succeed and this page always gives me inspiration in various forms.

Tahlia who is the account owner of Healthy Tahls, is a hostilc health and nutrition coach. Tahlia posts some great recipes along with loads of positive affirmations and information on how to be a better healthier version of you.

So after clicking onto her webpage I’ve been even more inspired.

Do you want to be inspired?

Let me help you.

A quote from her website reads,

‘Women are slowly learning that we should be empowering, not competing with one another… and this really is the key to success. There’s no doubt that women can have it all, an abundance of health, wealth and love, however, in the pursuit of this, I think we tend to forget that achieving all of this DOESN’T mean achieving more than the woman next to you. Let us explain, and help you shift your mindset.’

I love this.

Do yourself a favour. Click this link.

The decision is yours.

Home

Life’s lessons.

What I’ve learned.

My husband and I often sit and chat about everyday stuff. We also chat about what we have learnt from each other and how we have grown as both individuals and as a partnership / marriage / couple.

Ive learnt quite a lot from him, I’m happy to admit. I think he brings out the best and perhaps sometimes the worst in me. We have been together 10 years and married for 5, so I guess something seems to be going right for us.

What he has taught me.

Take time for me – hubby says I’m selfless that I do so much for everyone but tend to do things for myself. I don’t see this as a negative ad I enjoy helping and being there for those who are deserving.

Don’t be ashamed of anything – I used to be embarrassed that I never went to university. He says I am successful in my own right. I guess so? I had my own business which was quite successful for approx 5 years. I purchased my own property in bondi when I was only 26 with no help from anyone. Saved my own deposit, paid my own mortgage and successfully renovated it and sold for a good profit. I often get the question about education, I’m not sure why so many people care what school I went too? Anyway I used to be embarrassed to say I never went to uni but it hasn’t stopped me from being successful.

Be proud of who I am – I can be emotional, I know I’m stubborn, I can be arrogant, I know I’m outspoken, I can be overbearing but I also know I’m honest, trustworthy, reliable and loyal. Hubby says I being outspoken can sometimes get me into trouble, but I’d rather speak up than be no voice, hubby also says I have the heart of Pharlap. 😉

We defiantly come from different worlds and I used to question what made him fall in love with me.

My husband comes from an affluent family, he is an academic, he almost as many letters as the alphabet in university degrees beside his name, he went to a private school then SYDNEY university and graduated with honours, has always had a steady and successful career in company management and leadership roles.

I am a girl who grew up in the country in a very small town. I left the small town at 17 and moved to Sydney alone knowing 1 person and got myself a good job, set myself up and was independant. After 2 years in Sydney moved to Perth, was there approx 3 years then moved back to Sydney. Went back to study to further educate myself, worked hard to get my own business, bought my first apartment, had a few various ‘jobs’. I say jobs loosely as I knew they were not a career. I was working towards that. Still studying whilst working full time to allow myself financial freedom and the ability to achieve my goals.

I eventually met my husband whom although we came from different worlds and some would say have nothing in common, we mesh. We work well as a couple, he has my back, makes me laugh and we have created a beautiful family together.

Although we seem like the ‘Unlikely’ couple – they do say opposites attract.

He is my best friend and I’m grateful for the life we have created and thankful for all we share together.

I have made friends and lost friends, we all have different wants and different needs. Those that want to make an effort for you will, those that don’t make the effort never will and possibly have never been a good or true friend anyway. I have a handful of the most wonderful friends whom I will always cherish, some have been in my life for 10+ years, others fewer however I still would do anything for those whom I consider my true friends no matter how long we have known each other.

We all have Aspirations. Some choose to follow them, some choose to ignore them.

We all make our own choices and for every choice there will always be a consequence. It may be a fabulous consequence, it may not be. However every action will always get a reaction good or bad, for better or for worse. We must live our lives, learn our lessons and be happy with who we are.

People will form whatever opinion of you that they want. This is out of your control. You can’t change people’s thoughts and if they have their mind set on something, or believe a situation to be a certain way, just accept it. Right or wrong we all want to believe something.

I have learnt some things the easy way, others the hard way. I guess that’s what has helped to ‘shape’ me the person that I am today?

I’m still learning, but I’m open to learning. Life has lessons both good and bad. I will make mistakes but I will also learn from them.

Life is a journey and no one knows what is next or around your corner. All I know is that I’m pretty happy and have been blessed with my life thus far. Thanks to those who have shared my path with me.

Do you wish your children would grow up quickly?

I can honestly say that I do not wish my children to grow up.

I personally made the decision to be a stay at home mum a few years ago. Yes it was a tough decision as I was worried about giving up my ‘independence’. But there is no way I would change it for the world. I have made sacrifices but they are absolutely worth it. I was only chatting to a girl friend about this yesterday.

This article had me smile, then had my eyes well with tears. These gorgeous children are my world and I am extremely fortunate that I can be a stay at home mum and spend all my data and time with them.

I have said this before, but again, children are only young once. I certainly don’t want mine to grow up too quickly. I want to have as much time with them as possible and cherish all these moments and first. Watching them grow and learn and become little people.

Please do yourself a favour and read this link. Xx

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/oct/31/young-children-early-years-parenting-family

autism

A friend of my husbands wrote this beautiful piece about his son who has been diagnosed with autism.

It was published in The Sun Herald here in SYDNEY this past Sunday. (Which also happened to be Australia’s Father’s Day)

The writer, my husbands friend, speaks about his acceptance of his child, how he will love him no matter what and will do everything to ‘help’ rather than ‘fix’ his beautiful innocent son.

Such a touching piece of writing and very well said.

http://m.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/parenting-and-families/i-learned-to-let-go-of-the-urge-to-fix-my-son-20150904-gjfdr8.html

Being a step parent.

My husband sent me this article earlier today. He says it’s helping him to understand the ‘challenges’ of being a step parent.

Are you a step parent?

What are your thoughts on this article?

I think it’s defiantly worth a read. So many people are so quick to call step parents ‘step monsters’ and judge the situation.

I personally don’t think it’s anyone’s right to judge another’s situation.

We are all different and we all parent differently.

We all fall in love for different reasons and we all have various relationship requirements.

Some of us can’t help who we fell in love with. Others choose to be more picky with choosing their partners.

I have  friends who would never date anyone who have children to other partners and I totally respect that. Being a step parent is challenging.

Id love to hear your thoughts on this article.

Email me – noordinarymummy@gmail.com

or find me on Twitter @noordinarymummy

or Facebook www.facebook.com/noordinarymummy

http://powertochange.com/sex-love/support-stepmom/

 

Raising children

Raising children..

As most of you know I’m a mummy – twice over! I have a gorgeous little man who will be 3 in November and an adorable little princess who entered this world in May. Both are the absolute loves of my life. I often wonder what I did before them.

I must admit with my little man I did things so differently as to how I am with my little girl. I guess being a first time mum I was very over protective, quite nervous and was scared to make mistakes.

Mistakes? Mmmm well I made a lot of them actually but hey, first time mums are allowed. Actually any mum is allowed as there is no rule book to parenting nor is there any right or wrong way. So perhaps they were not mistakes but experiences?

Where to start? with my little guy I would run into his room to check him each time he cried, even if it was only a slight whimper. I actually slept in the same room as him until he was 17 months old as I feared that I would not hear him if he cried. I pretty much mollycoddled him and wrapped him in cotton wool. You wouldn’t think so now though as he is quite independant and self sufficient for a toddler.

With my little girl, I allow her to cry – now please don’t think I’m a terrible mother or neglect her. I certainly do not, however I don’t run to her if she whimpers or cries a little, as I’ve learnt, that babies can cry in their sleep (dreaming). I have a video monitor that is in her room and also a portable monitor that I carry with me that allows me to see her wherever I am. It also has a microphone on it so that if she is awake and upset, I can talk to her through it – sometimes if she simply hears my voice it settles her. I also can assess her situation without running to her side. I will go get her if she is too upset though, or if she continually cries for a period of time. As a mother you learn your babies cries and can differentiate the cry between hungry, sad, tired or just needing cuddles.

With my little guy, as soon as he cried I would pick him up. Sing to him and I also rocked him to sleep. He didn’t know how to self settle and never had too as he had my undivided attention and I was more than happy to carry him around and rock him to sleep.

With my little girl, I allow her to self settle. If she cries I monitor for how long and will go into her room, gently put my hand on her chest so that she can smell me and also feel that I am with her. I sometimes also shhhhhh. Again if too upset I will pick her up and comfort her but I’m certainly not as clingy on her as I was with my little guy. I constantly watch her through the monitor though 🙂

With my little guy, as soon as he cried I would pick him up and carry him around. Second time around, I just don’t have time to carry her constantly as I do have a toddler to also look after.

With my little girl, I allow her to lay in her rocker or in a safe place and observe what going on around her. Yes I carry and hold her but not constantly. There is defiantly no neglect though.

Now as I said before, there is no right or wrong way to parent, everyone has their own way and no one should judge. Being a parent is hard, especially a stay at home parent. There is no ‘break’. You are followed to the bathroom, asked ‘why?’ A million times per day, you seldom shower without an audience and of course share all your meals, however I’d never change it for the world.

Being a mother is the most rewarding thing that I’ve ever done. It is the only thing that continuously makes me smile and be happy. To hold my children is a blessing and to watch them sleep at night then get a good morning kisses and cuddles makes my day. They make me whole.

What I have learnt from both my children is that firstly I’m a lot more relaxed with my little girl, perhaps confident? I know she isn’t going to die from a little cry, I know that self settling is a good thing for both her and I and I have also learnt that although she is a gazillion percent reliant on me, she is ok to lay in her rocker and watch the works go by. I’m never far away and she doesn’t always need to be held it carried around. 🙂

I love both my children equally, there is no favouritism – they are both my absolute world. I’m besotted by them. They make me who I am today and I’m forever grateful that I have 2 gorgeous children that I made.

They are part of me and no matter how over tired I am or how many times I’ve played the same game or sang the same song, they make me happy. Dirty nappies and all. 🙂

Id love to hear your parenting experiences. Email me noordinarymummy@gmail.com

My life as a mummy of two!

My life as a mummy of two!

So settling into being a mummy of two has been challenging. Loving it, but challenging.

Experiencing the love all over again, smelling and absorbing my new born and still being everything I can be for my 2 year old.

My 2 year old has been a little jealous and understandably. He has had his mummy all to himself for the past 2.5years, now all of a sudden he has to share his mummy and it hasn’t been an easy adjustment for him.

Throughout my pregnancy I was trying to help him adjust, I bought books about becoming a big brother, books about expecting a baby and we would chat about how he is getting a little sister and that it’s very special for both him and her.

I thought he would be a little jealous but I guess I wasn’t prepared for the huge change in him.

Firstly my little man used to be a fairly good sleeper. After night nurses and reward charts I had managed to get him to go down approx 6pm in his own bed, we would read 3 books then it was lights off. My little man would then sleep through in his own big boy bed until approx 6am the next morning.

Since I was in hospital for over a week my husband and mother were looking after my little man. His routine wasn’t really followed and for a few weeks he didn’t like to go to bed and wasn’t sleeping through, waking multiple times per night and insisting on sleeping with me and leaving his bedside lamp on.

The first few nights I was really strict and walked him back to his room, comforted him and helped him to go back to sleep but after 5 nights of the same behaviour I began to feel bad and allowed him to come into my bed and sleep with me.

Mainly because it’s a huge adjustment and in between feeding my little girl every 2.5 hours I have been pretty tired. Also secretly I love snuggling with him and he is my little man, my first born and always will be.

This phase only lasted approx 3 weeks though and now he is happy to go to his own bed, he isn’t sleeping through every night, however most nights he does, and if he doesn’t he is only waking once or twice and I carry him back to his room and he goes back to sleep.

He is really sweet with his sister and is quite protective and loving towards her. If he hears her cry he will come straight to me and tell me she is upset and he also runs to her room and says in the sweetest little voice ‘you ok Mila?’

He also loves to help me change her nappy and I allow him to choose her outfits. I want him to feel involved and part of her life. Although he is only 2.5years old I think that by allowing him to be a big part in the decisions around her will help him to adjust and accept her more easily and not have him be as jealous or feel left out or pushed aside.

My little girl though is a different story, she sleeps very well and I actually wake her to feed. During the day I’m feeding every 3 hours however of a night I let her sleep and she wakes me. She is only 3 weeks old though and I anticipate that this may change.

The dynamic in the house has also changed, it feels complete now. I feel like I’m whole. My little man and my little princess have completed me, of course with my husband. 🙂 I was once told that to have one child of each sex is a ‘gentleman’s family’ or a ‘pigeon pair’ which is apparently quite well looked upon in the eyes of some. I feel blessed that I have been able to create this little family with my husband and also be able to give him a child of each sex.

Being a parent is a constant lesson, I’m always learning more about myself but also about my children. I’m feeling very blessed at this stage in my life.

I’m sure with each step and change in growth patterns with my 2 children things within our home will change also with dynamics and learning. I look forward to sharing these moments with you.

Defining success

Defining success

How do you define your success?

Success can be measured on many levels and depending on your personality, I believe success is also measured by what you personally feel is important to you and makes you feel successful.

I personally measure my success on my happiness and my little family. Including my husband, little man and soon to be little princess.

I am happy in my life, I may not have much but seeing my little guys smile each and every day lightens my world.

Also having a supportive husband who appreciates me being home and being the ‘keeper of the house’ and ‘stay at home mum’ is important to me. I would struggle if I had to leave my little man each and every day. I love being hands on with him and being able to watch him explore and grow each and every day.

I know many people who measure their happiness on other things. These things can include –

Money / wealth
How much they earn, if they are not earning a certain annual amount they don’t feel successful. Recently a comment was passed at my husband towards his salary and that it wasn’t in the ‘commenters’ eyes, a passable salary. The persons comment basically insinuated that what my husband earns is pittance and therefore he isn’t successful. I personally find this shallow but again each person measures success differently.

Happiness
I measure my success on how happy my family are and as long as we have each other, I feel successful and complete.

Assets
I have always said to my husband that I could live in a shoe box as long as I had him and my little man. I don’t need fancy cars or fancy clothes or a big home to feel successful. Again many people do feel that the bigger the home or fancier car they have or perhaps living in a particular suburb – the more successful they feel. We do live in a material world but it’s sad that some peoples mindset is that unless they have the big home they are not as worthy as the next person.

Family
Along with happiness my success is family orientated. I don’t need my family to be successful financially. As long as they are happy I feel happy. I personally don’t believe that you need a successful family to be successful yourself. Your parents money or family money doesn’t make you a better person nor does it make you more successful, I believe in working hard yourself and achieving things for yourself makes you more appreciative.

Materialistic belongings
Living in SYDNEY, a lot of people are designer obsessed and feel they need certain designer pieces to feel successful. Spending thousands of dollars on a particular item to make them feel good about themselves or boost their personal confidence is fine, however having materialist items does not make you a good person. I know this person who is always in designer things and frowns upon chain store clothing. They wear lots of designer jewellery and pass comments on the size of others engagement rings etc. I find this shallow and feel these people have insecurities which is why they measure their success on materialistic belongings. Just because you don’t have a 10 carat diamond ring doesn’t mean that you don’t have a 10 carat heart.

I believe that being a good person is so much more than being focussed on assets, finances and material belongings.

You can’t take your diamond rings and fancy cars with you when you die right?

What I’m not saying is – don’t strive to be successful but measure your successes by things that are worthy.

If you feel you need the big salary to feel competent, or the fast car or latest designer thing. Sure go get those. However I think that you can also measure your success if you are humble and happy in other things.

Majority of the world live in poverty and are happy. They base their successes on other things that the fortunate don’t always understand.