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Sibling arrival.

Sibling arrival.

So how do we cope when number 2 arrives?

My first born is my only boy and is amazing. I never thought I could love another the way that I love him. I think the first born always has you feeling like you make never have enough love to share.

For the first 2.5 years it was he and I. We did everything together and perhaps I doted on him and spoilt him. He was my first born and the love of my life. I was and still am totally besotted by him.

Then number 2 came along. My little princess. I now have 1 of each and feel so blessed. Besotted by both. Amazing how much love you can feel for your children.

However, my little guy now seems so rough and boisterous. How do I deal with this when I have a newborn to protect?

My little man doesn’t understand that newborns require mummy’s attention whilst they are awake including breast feeding. I solely breast feed.

I’ve found these first few months were hard work trying to juggle my little mans needs and feelings while I sat to breastfeed, and my newborn needed the majority of my attention. Just as she would latched on, my little guy would ask to play, and I would find myself snapping, “can you please wait!” I feel so guilty over this but she needs to feed and she certainly doesn’t understand.

He is only 2.5 years old so how does he understand?

For the most part he is amazing. I can put a movie on and he will watch whilst I feed but the past few weeks he has became very demanding of my attention and will climb all over me whilst I’m trying to breastfeed the baby.

I’ve tried a special treat of food or a box of special toys that he is only allowed to play with whilst I breastfeed but neither of these seem to work. He simply wants my attention.

I have sat him down and asked him why he does it. His response was ‘I need my mummy’. It almost broke my heart. I know he needs me and I need him but I can’t help but find myself feeling frustrated with the situation.

I’ve read various blogs and books in dealing with sibling jealousy but am finding nothing seems to work for us.

I don’t like to snap at him and I feel terrible when I do. I can’t lock myself away to feed and when the baby is asleep, he has my undecided attention. We play anything that he wants – which is mostly pirates. I’m feeling a bit lost. What else can I do?

He is only in preschool one day per week and my husband thinks he needs to go more often but again I feel guilty as I’m a stay at home mum. I feel almost like I’m palming him off when he could be home with me?

I’m also a big holder of ‘mummy guilt’ he is the last to be dropped to preschool and the first to be picked up each week, I simply miss my buddy when he is there. I do know he has a great time whilst he is there and that it’s good for him to be social with other children and in a learning environment but I do miss him.

So how do we deal with the arrival of a new sibling?

How do we teach the older child that we still love them as much as ever?

How do we manage the jealousy?

How do we protect the newborn?

How do we time manage?

I thought I had it all under control. Seemingly not. My little man is spoilt, I will and can admit that I have and do spoil him. Perhaps it’s my fault he is lashing out and misbehaving?

Is his behaviour a jealousy thing?

When the baby is asleep he has my undivided attention. We play, we read, we watch movies, we garden, we do everything together.

Why does he feel he needs to misbehave when I’m holding the baby or showing her attention?

Because he was my only child for 2.5years and I allowed him to be the centre of my universe. Perhaps this is my reward? A child who doesn’t understand ‘sharing’ as such yet?

However at 2 years old they don’t yet understand ‘sharing’. They still play side by side at school rather than interact together or shall I say ‘play together’. They are still thinking ‘singular’ and perhaps that to some extent that they are still ‘attached’ to their mother?

All these theories but which one is correct?

It’s interesting as so many people are so quick to pass comment and judge your parenting skills and or techniques.

My thoughts to those who pass comment, especially when they are strangers who don’t know you or your situation – but then does this actually matter? Is who do you think you are to pass comment and or judgment? Are your children the most well behaved in the world?

How do we feel confident in raising our children to be well adjusted, happy, caring, considerate, loving, giving, fair, successful people if we are constantly being judged in our every move?