Tag Archives: instagram

Friendships and Social Media.

When social media overtakes friendships.

I recently had an emotional week where I found myself questioning many aspects of my life. Toying with the idea of starting a business and also had a few events happen that have made me question certain friendships.

I’m quite open with my feelings and some would say that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I had a very dear friend sit me down and give me a reality check, which I must say was much needed.

We were chatting about certain things that had upset me and her honesty was exactly what I needed. She said that I do share a lot on my facebook and instagram pages about what I’m up to and things I’m doing with my two little ones. Her suggestion was to stop. She said I’m too open and that may make people feel as though they don’t need to contact me. They already see it posted, so why the need to contact me?

This gorgeous friend also said that I put too much effort into a lot of my friendships and I should hold myself back. I interpreted that as I may be a ‘needy’ friend but she assured me that’s not what she meant.

She said that I’m the thoughtful one who contacts my friends to ‘check in’ basically. Ask them how they are doing, what they have been up to, and of course, it’s me organising a catch up. My dear friend suggested that I stop doing this also. She said that people just wait for my contact and feel they do not need to contact me or ask how I’m doing as they assume that I will contact them, or they will see on my social media what I’m up to which then allows them to not ‘have’ to contact me. She said many of my friendships are one way. Me putting the effort in and them just taking and not making any effort with or for me.

My feelings were hurt but it made perfect sense. She said that this will show me who actually is a true friend by those who take the time to contact me.

It made me realise, that perhaps social media does allow friends to drift apart?

If it’s all out there to see, why should you contact anyone to see how they are?

I’m an old fashioned person. I like to hear in my friends voices that they are ok. I like to physically see them, have the interaction with them and know that they are ok.

Maybe I’m just a weirdo? Is this weird?

I’ve had a few situations arise where I have been excluded and it has hurt my feelings. Maybe I should just get over it, but then again, why can’t I feel hurt by being excluded? I’ve seen things posted on social media that I was not invited too (not that I need to be included in everything) but certain occasions it’s nice to feel included.

I know that people and friendships change. Gosh I’ve experienced this first hand. When we moved out of our ‘area’ and into a new suburb 45 minutes away, I knew that it would show who I would keep as part of my life and who would no longer need my friendship.

That of course hurt.

I’m the friend who travels to the kids birthday parties in peak hour that are hours away, but I don’t get that in return. I’m the friend who drives an hour to help you settle your newborn baby with my newborn baby on board as you are struggling. I’m the friend who is there at who cares what hour, to listen to your word and comfort you when you feel like your works is about to end. And I’m the friend who offers to look after your toddler and give you rest as you are not feeling well or have morning sickness.

But I wouldn’t change it for the world as I know, that I’ve helped my friends when they have needed to rely on me.

I’ve had friends say 45mins is too far to drive to my daughters 1st birthday party, I’ve had friends cancel on me last minute. I’ve had friends organise outings with mutual friends but deliberately exclude me. It’s those friends who don’t return calls, or texts, or blatantly ignore you, that have hurt me. I’ve felt excluded from many situations. I’m the one who drives the distance with 2 little ones in toe, to visit my friends. Those who are important to me. I make the effort. Is effort to much to ask these days?

So are they friends or are they acquaintances?
Or are they just people who were once part of my life?

I’m trying to understand why some people treat others so distant when they are happy to receive but not put out?

Why are some friendships so one sided?

As I get older and after a few reality checks by my honest and true friends, I’m realising that those who I have called dear friends, are not actually that.

And it hurts, but as the old saying goes, it’s not the quantity but the quality.

I have a handful of good and honest friends who do spontaneously contact me. Just to see how I am, and they don’t want or need anything but to see how I am feeling.

For this I am grateful.

So for the next few months, I will be pulling back. I won’t be posting anything about where I am or what I’m up to. I also won’t go out of my way to contact ‘friends’. This will be my test, to see who actually does care enough about me to contact me. Who thinks about me?

It may be an even harsher reality check for me, but it will definitely show me those who I mean anything to and those who I no longer need to feel that I should be contacting or making an effort for.

Maybe social media does take over our lives?
Maybe I do post too much.

Let’s see how this plays out.

Stay tuned….

Social media.

Social media.

I was recently chatting with a friend who said she is never on social media, that she has no time to get on and browse what everybody is up to, nor does it interest her to ‘stalk’ her friends.

Now I’m the first to admit I perhaps check Instagram a little too often and although I’m not a ‘stalker’ I enjoy seeing what my friends and family are up to. I no longer live within close proximity to them and enjoy seeing their children’s photos of them changing and growing up. It somehow makes me feel like I am still part of it.

I also post quite a bit, especially photos of my 2 little ones – the absolute loves of my life and I’m extremely proud of them and bring their mummy. You can call it baby spam if you like however as I just said, I no longer live close to family or a lot of my friends so by me posting photos, they too can see my little ones growing and changing and can catch up on what we have been up to.

Now I know to some this may seem weird, or an invasion of privacy or something, however I dont post ‘nude’ or inappropriate images. I always make sure my children are clothed, as with myself and also ensure that the photos are not offensive.

What I find amusing though, is those people who ‘claim’ to never be on social media or don’t have time yet still find the time to ‘like’ a photo or pass comment in a social gathering about something that the saw on social media.

Is this a form of stalking? Secretly checking but in denial?

Is it that they think they are ‘better’ than social media?

Perhaps they don’t know how to use it properly?

Or maybe they are the type of person who is secretly bored with their own life, won’t admit it, but need to see what everyone else is doing but keep it to themselves?

It makes me question though, why are you not admitting to being on social media?

If your using it what is there to hide? So many people are on social media. Should we be embarrassed about it or are these people just pretending that their lives are so busy and fulfilled without it?

Do you use social media?

If so why type of social media do you use?

Instagram
Facebook
Twitter
Snap chat
Linked in
What’s App
Messenger
Blogs – Do you read blogs?

And the list goes on!

These are all forms of social media. In today’s society I think almost everyone has some sort of social media account right?

The world and society have so much to do with social media and its growth is only expanding. Companies advertise with social media, people communicate with social media and it’s also a way of connecting with new and old friends. Corporates also use social media to put updates out there, keep in touch with their clientele and ‘tweet’ news and events.

Why is this so bad?

Advertising on billboards and on hard copy such as newspapers, magazines and flyers can also be quite expensive. I supposed this is why most people and companies are turning to online?

Remember online dating is also social media! So many people in society these days use apps like tinder and match maker.com. Not saying this is a bad thing but what happened to actually meeting someone spontaneous at a bar or park or the gym or somewhere ‘common’?

What is now classified ‘common’?

What is now classified ‘normal’?

How do people that don’t use social media communicate?

Yes there are still some people who chat and phone each other however there are also many who rely on social media to communicate.

What did we used to do prior to social media? Actually sit, chat and enjoy each other’s company?

I’ve seen school ages children actually sitting next to each other and sending ‘snap chat’ messages or text each other. I found it weird. Maybe it’s my age? Am I no longer ‘cool’ or ‘with it’?

Social media has vast become such a huge thing within this day and age.

Do you think it’s a good thing or a hinderance?