Tag Archives: guilt

So much happening!

So much happening!

Firstly my apologies for being a little ‘vacant’ lately. I think it’s been 2 weeks since my last post? I try to post weekly but there has been so much happening I’ve been distracted.

Where to start then?

Well we are renovating and I’m more than happy with the progress. We have painted our ‘timber’ kitchen white and the finished product is awesome! It feels so clean and fresh! It’s amazing what a ‘lick of paint’ can do to a room. It’s a small cost for a huge change!

We are also extending our back deck. It was 500cm X 300cm. Once it’s finished it will be 700cm X 360cm! Giving us a much better use of space and a better view of our back yard. The old deck was also a semi circle which wasn’t very user friendly. The new one will be rectangular. So excited!

I’ve also been busy getting other quotes for other various works that we would like to do to our home.

Had a little bit of family dramas, hubby has been over seas for work and I also recently joined a gym. I haven’t trained since I found out that I was pregnant with my little guy. When I worked it out, I haven’t done any proper exercise or a ‘work out’ as such for 44 months!

All this and still being a SAHM (stay at home mum) to my little man who has just turned 3 and my little girl who is now 5 months old. Where has the time gone….?!?!

I’m loving being back at the gym however I have been suffering ‘mummy guilt’. I try to do 2 classes per week and as I don’t have any ‘help’ as such as hubby works long hours, my little ones go to the crèche.

I feel horrible doing it but I try to rationalise with myself. They are both with me 99% of the time. My little girl is always with me but my 3yo goes to preschool 9am – 2:45pm one day per week.

I guess most mothers go through similar emotions right?

On the other hand though, I never have time to myself. Which I’m not complaining about as I wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂 but I think doing 2 classes per week is ok? Each class is only 45 minutes. Is that mean on my behalf?

So this post is basically my apologies for not writing sooner and to ‘dob’ myself in. I am a dedicated person and do ‘stick’ to things if I start them. I am also more likely to stay on track if I have told someone about my plans. I guess that’s my personality also, I don’t like to let others down and I like to do what I say.

I will also write about my fitness progress and as I experiment with new healthy recipes, I will blog them.

No this won’t be a ‘fitness / diet’ blog. I will still write about anything and everything but I will also keep you updated on my progress!

Until my next check in 😉 xx

A few easy exercises!

 

 

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So it’s a beautiful sunny Sunday!

Im feeling rather lazy today but this weather is so lovely I feel I need to be enjoying it!

Hubby and I have just returned from a quick escape to the hunter valley to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary.

Yes I over indulged but it was worth it! You will never get any food guilt from me 😉 I love and enjoy food!

So here are a few quick and easy  exercises to help me feel a little more energetic!

Remember exercising and being fit should be fun and not seen as a chore or something you do simply to look good, being healthy starts with a healthy mindset.

If you have some exercise tips, email me. I’d love to share them.

Step children.

On my recent holiday to Fiji I met some lovely people. All different and from various countries but no the less similar.

It seems almost 1 in 3 family’s have step children. Given that the divorce rates here in Australia alone are high, statistics show that approx 48% of marriage ends in divorce.

This one woman I met was quite opinionated on her step child.

On day 4 of our holiday my toddler and I were swimming in one of the family friendly pools when she came with her 2 year old daughter to play with us. My little one had a dump truck, spade and rake in the pool which seemed to be a hit with other children.

So the usual conversation started, she asked me then I asked her the same questions,’how long have you been here, how long are you staying, is this your first Fiji trip, who are you with? Etc

Her response was she was with her husband, their two daughters and her husbands son.

Her husbands son I thought? She then elaborated that She and her husband had been together 13 years and they had 2 daughters together, a 5 year old and a 2 year old. The ‘husbands son’ was 19 and from his previous relationship. I didn’t divulge any deeper but she was more than happy to tell me all about the situation.

The husbands son seems to be the ‘favourite’ child, let’s face it when it comes to break ups, there is always pity on the ‘poor child’ who’s parents are no longer together.

She went on to tell me that she didn’t have much to do with him as he is bad mannered, disrespectful towards her, arrogant and expecting. He apparently ‘wants for nothing and receive’s all he asks for, she mentioned that they are certainly not wealthy but the father buys and does whatever the son asks. She also proceeded to tell me that he demands his fathers attention and because her husband doesn’t see the son too often as he lives with his mother he feels feels obliged to give him his undivided attention when he does see him. I asked how often does her husband see his son and she replied with ‘every second weekend’.

She said that she has no doubt that her hubby loves their two daughters but wishes he put as much effort into them as he does his 19 year old son. She said that when the son is around the daughters are often not included with the father and sons activities.

Quite sad really. I think that as the girls grow up they will see this behaviour and perhaps resent both the father and his son?

I asked her how it affects her marriage and she replied with ‘it’s great when the son isn’t around’. I guess I wasn’t surprised as there are many similar situations like this.

Which makes me wonder, do you have to like your step children?

This woman certainly gave me the impression that she doesn’t like her step son at all. She said a few other things which shocked me and I think that if I was in her position I wouldn’t like the husbands son either.

She says she tolerates her husbands son for his sake but cringes each time the son is over, as it generally means that she and her husband argue over his parenting style with the son and the lack of involvement he has with their daughters. She feels that her husband favours the son and has a sense of guilt which is why he allows the son to behave in such a disrespectful and arrogant manner.

I felt sorry for her, what a difficult situation.

I guess that her story is not the only one like this out there, there are so many split families around, however I guess it’s how you treat the situation as to how your next relationship / family will unfold.

She said it’s always been the same for the 13 years that they have been together but has gotten worse since they had their girls and she sometimes questions why she puts up with it.

I didn’t ask her but I am wondering ‘Do you think the father feels guilty that he has moved on and is happy with someone other than the sons mother which is why he feels obliged to put the son first and almost neglects his new family of wife and 2 girls when the son is around?’.

Mummy guilt.

Mummy guilt…

Let’s face it, being a mummy doesn’t come with a manual or handbook and nothing can prepare you for the unknown.

When I say unknown I mean, we all know that a baby cries, drinks milk and sleeps right? Yes we lean that from family, friends and pre natal classes. What we don’t lean is what each cry means and why they are constantly waking when they have a clean nappy, have a full tummy and are at perfect temperature.

If like me you have tried control crying, tried the shhh method, patting, night lights, baby monitors, white noise etc etc but sometimes after 2hrs of continuous toddler waking – for no apparent reason other than he calls out my name and thinks I should be sleeping in his room along side him. You snap…

Well last night I did. I had reached my teather of shhh, patting, white noise, coving in blankets and every other method known to mummy’s all over the world. I raised my voice at my 20 month old little man. The love of my life, my world. I told him ‘just go to sleep mummy is cold and tired and I’m over the constant waking’. He didn’t listen though and as soon as I left his room he started to stream and call out ‘mamma, mamma, mamma’. I eventually gave in as I often get ‘mummy guilt’ and feel bad for raising my voice at such an innocent little delight (delight when he isn’t awake at 2am!).

I gave in at 4am after 2 hours of back and forth from his room to my bed and put him in bed with me. He then slept until 8am. I know this is a terrible bad habit but I suffer ‘mummy guilt’ and this morning I feel terrible for many reasons.

1. I raised my voice at him
2. I ended up giving in to him and allowing him to sleep with me
3. I was to tired to get up and see my hubby off to work
4. It’s 8am when I’m usually up at 6:30am
5. His routine is now out by a couple hours all because ‘I gave in’

Does anyone else suffer from ‘mummy guilt’?

I’ve read all the sleep books, saving our sanity books, taming toddler books, healthy eating books but none of these methods seem to help my little one.

Perhaps he just has it over me?

I look at him with overwhelming love and stare into his beautiful brown eyes and feel besotted with love and adoration. Why am I yelling at him to sleep? Perhaps he is just ready to start his day? He did go down at 7pm. That’s 7hrs sleep, adults survive on that, is it enough? Then the little voice of reason kicks in, I hear it telling me – ‘no all the books say toddlers needs 14 hours of sleep’. So I’m confused and feeling ‘mummy guilt’ again.

It’s not only with his sleep I feel guilt, it’s also with his eating. We all want our children to grow up healthy and as my father used to say ‘big and strong’ and we were drummed in that vegetables and meat made us this way. ‘Eat your veg then your meat’ my dad used to say every night at the dinner table and it was a ceremony of us all sitting down to eat together. So I feel guilty that my little one eats alone at 5pm as to keep to his nightly routine of dinner, bath, bottle, story and bed.

I feel guilty about what if he isn’t getting enough nutrients or fruit and vegetables? I still do purée veg for him to endure he eats veg every night and I do them in weekly batches and freeze then in Snap lock bags, mixing up the veg so that it’s not boring and ensuring he eats a variety of different things. I know a few children who are almost teenagers who still don’t eat veg and I think it’s because it wasn’t encouraged as toddlers.

Your taste buds and also habits evolve on a 30 day cycle so you can either beat a habit or learn to enjoy something if you stick to it for 30 days. Now I’m not saying eat the same veg for 30 days straight but encourage healthy eating from a young age and when ten reach 8, 9 or 10 even older they will enjoy certain veg. Don’t get me wrong we don’t have to love all veg but at least like 1 of every colour. He eats meat every night and I ensure he is having enough dairy such as cheese, yogurt, custards, milk etc. I don’t allow too much excess or un necessary sugars and although I allow treats, I try to minimise chocolate, chips, lollies and biscuits to a special occasion.

I’ve listed some veggie and fruit colours below that I try to have at least one veg from each colour in his weekly cook up. I freeze these in 1 cup lots then thaw for the day and cook fresh meat each evening.

Orange / Yellow = pumpkin, sweet potato, carrot, corn, squash, rockmelon, oranges, lemon, mango, pineapple.

Green = broccoli, peas, beans, Brussels sprouts, green capsicum, spinach, asparagus, avocado, green apple, green grapes, limes, kiwi fruit, pear.

Red = tomato, red capsicum, radish, cherries, rhubarb, red grapes, raspberries, strawberries.

Purple / Blue = beetroot, purple asparagus, red cabbage, eggplant, blue berries, mulberries, black berries.

White / Brown = cauliflower, mushroom, onion, peaches, nectarines, garlic, banana, potato, ginger, brown pears, dates.
I know I’m not the perfect mother, I wish I was but what is ‘perfect’? I try my best to raise my child to be the best person he can be. Encouraging him to try new things, be brave, show leadership skills, be kind and caring, fun and happy, help others but most of all I encourage him to be himself. Strive for what he wants rather than what I want him to be.

Perhaps I just have too high of expectations on what is being a good mummy?

Working mums.

Can you be a working mum without guilt?

So I feel like I’ve been juggling / multi tasking what ever you want to call it.

I’m a wife, a mother, a step mother and until recently I also worked full time. Not full time in the essence of 5 days per week 8 hours per day in an office environment, but 4 days working from my home office averaging 6 hours per day and then in the office one day per week for 7 hours.

I have always worked full time and always supported myself. Even when I married. My husband has an 11 year old to his first wife so I have been step mum for the past 8 years. We now also have our own adorable, wonderful, amazing little guy who is 16 months old.

So that’s 2 boys and a husband in a very demanding role which requires him long hours in the office and stressful odd hour phone calls to international branches of the company he works for. Providing a stable environment for them including cooking healthy dinners every night for all of us, daily cleaning, packing lunches, doing the washing, ironing, vacuuming, groceries, dusting, mopping as we have floor boards, and many other house hold duties.

With this I still worked full time – 40 hours per week right up until a week prior to giving birth. I then proceeded to work from home averaging 35 hours per week since my bub was 5 days old. I was only in hospital 2 nights.

Yes this was a struggle as there was not a single day throughout my pregnancy where I wasn’t ill. I threw up minimal twice daily and was constantly tired and nauseous, however I loved my role and felt obliged to work as I had only been with the company / business 10 weeks when we found out we were expecting.

I told the CEO of the business straight away as I was also still within the probation period so thought it was the right thing to do. Give them the option of letting me go within the probation period. Although I was t through my 12 week safe zone, I felt I needed to be honest with the company. To my delight they decided to keep me on.

After bringing my bundle of love and joy home I worked 35 hours per week from our home office up until July where I started going into the city office on Tuesdays. I had a private Nannie for my bub as he also suffered severe reflux and had dairy intolerance which meant day care didn’t want the responsibility of him in there care at 6 months old. As he had reflux he refused his bottle and rightly so as it would be painful and burn him when swallowing the milk and reflux also causes acid burn within the trachea – quite painful. With his dairy intolerance it would mean also being very cautious as to not allow him access to any dairy.

I understand they didn’t want the responsibility so we chose the safe option of a private Nannie in our home.

This was also not a cheap option costing us $250 per day. It did however give peace of mind knowing the love of my life was safe and in his own surroundings.

I know it was a hard position for me to return to work as being a first time mum I didn’t want to leave my 6 month old son.

I also appreciate it was a hard position for my employer as they didn’t have me in the office full time. Being in the office full time provided team moral and as I am quite a bubbly, easy going, energetic, ‘up and at Em’ kind of girl I feel I provided a sense of energy in the office. I was also the only person within the company doing my niche role.

I know they wanted and needed me in the office full time however I just couldn’t do it. We didn’t have confirmed day care and we certainly couldn’t afford a private Nannie 5 days per week.

This played on my mind daily as I felt I was letting them down, especially after they were so good to me and understanding and supporting my position with my bub and also especially after keeping me employed when I announced my pregnancy.

But who was I really letting down?

The company?

My baby?

Or myself?

I loved working and felt lucky to work in the role I was in. I’m a qualified interior designer and worked for an art investment house. Quite niche and with only 5 competitors within Australia very fortunate to be employed within the industry. Id been working in this role for just over 4 years. I’d previously worked with another company doing the exact same thing for 2 years prior to being head hunted by this company. (Head hunted is where the company approaches you and offers you to work with them)

I have however sadly since resigned from this position.

There were many factors which equated to any decision, however I ask myself – have I don’t the right thing?

This is the first time ever in my life that I’ve never been employed. Well since I was 15 – I started waitressing and worked in a restaurant kitchen 4 nights per week after school at the tender age of 15 but prior to that was baby sitting on a regular basis from about 13 years old earning approx $50 per week (back then – think circa 1993 – this was a lot of money for a tween) This is also the first time ever that I’ve had to rely on someone else. I’ve always provided for myself.

So this is a bad thing you ask? It is as I’m very self sufficient and proud. At any point in my 20’s I would work 2 jobs and an very proud to say purchased my own first home at 26. With my own hard earned money with no hand outs or gifts or help from anyone. Just me and my savings account. 🙂

So I’ve had to learn, to ask my husband for money – this is a task to me as I’m a proud person to hates to ask for anything.

I’ve always been on a budget as I’ve also arrived to save and provide for myself so this isn’t new, but I’ve never been unemployed.

How will I fill my days?

Well I plan on spending every minute with my little guy. I’ve felt guilty working whilst he has been so young. I’ve been consumed with thoughts that I’ve missed out on precious moments with him.

Now it’s time for me to relish in being a mummy. Gosh we tried so hard to have him – that’s another story of daily Chinese herbs, acupuncture 3 times per week, daily meditation, a clean natural diet with no preservatives and weekly yoga!

So my time to be a mummy!

Tell me do you feel guilty?

Do you feel society puts pressure on you to work and be a mummy?

Do you feel judged for not wanting to be employed?

How do you juggle being employed and being a mummy?

Don’t get me wrong, I actually believe that being a mother is the most rewarding job ever. If I were to write a list of daily jobs that make up being a mother you may be shocked however I defiantly take my hat off to those mothers who can do it all.

I struggled not with time management but with guilt. I couldn’t get my head around leaving my little guy 5 days nor could I stop feeling guilty that I had a sense of owing the company that I worked for.

All in all a very tough decision for me.

Well I always have my blog!

Tell me your story. Do you work? How do you juggle? Do you feel guilt with regards to your company or your family?