Manipulation and mind games.
So apparently all children can manipulate? I agree with this statement to an extent.
My little one certainly tries to manipulate me, he does this by being very cute, snugging up then asking me to play. Ok so this isn’t typical manipulation but it’s a form right?
This leads me to my next point. How many types of manipulation are there and what are they?
At what age do children start to manipulate?
Do they understand what they are doing? They may not know or understand the word, but I’m pretty damn sure a lot of children know what they are doing.
I know a lot of adults who manipulate on a regular basis, it often makes me wonder if they realise what they are doing, or are they simply that way inclined?
Is manipulation part if our personality?
Is it embedded in some of us?
Do these people enjoy manipulating?
Why do they feel they need to manipulate to get what they want?
Do that have that low of self esteem that they feel they have to manipulate?
Are they simply negative and nasty people who feel they deserve to be this way?
And my questions keep rolling…..
Manipulation is mainly know as ‘mind games’. These type of mind games I believe can be innocent or much more purposeful and deceiving. Most manipulation is used to ‘get what you want’ right? Why else would people play ‘mind games’?
As human beings, our emotions often take over our judgments therefore making it difficult for us to see the reality behind some certain hidden agendas or motives in different forms of behaviour. (Manipulation)
The controlling aspects or shrewdness can be linked to manipulation that are sometimes very subtle and may be easily overlooked, pushed aside, lost under feelings of obligation, love, or in fact our daily personal habits.
To understand the characteristics of a manipulative personality is not always easy as they may not always obvious. This can be because they play a silent game of building up obligations toward them. In the end it makes you feeling guilty, pressured, and obliged to carry out things for their sake even though you’re still wondering how things got to this point. How did they manage to get you to do this or behave that way?
I’ve found that the best way to judge a manipulative person is to observe their actions. Be a little patience with this and start with being polite and nice to them and saying thank you for letting me know this need to be done this way. Sooner you will come to know their reality. Actions speak louder than words.
Some manipulative people will guide people to do things in certain way. Telling them that doing do thing a particular way is for everyone’s good. In actual fact they don’t want to change themselves and want to stay in their own comfort zone. So these manipulative people will tell you stories about how someone else’s actions created problems for everyone. They might try scare tactics by also telling sad endings like he/she was asked to leave by everyone etc etc. Don’t fall victim to their stories. Just do what you think is right and essential. Of course considering others comfort also. But don’t sacrifice your rights and thoughts for them.
A martyr style personality behaves as if they are being considerate toward other people but is actually messing up considerateness with a need to be significant to you. By “martyring” themselves, they are doing things nobody has asked of them or wants them to do but in the process creates a ‘bind’ when they do them. In “doing you a favor”, their expectation increases that you have to return their favor. This type of person may also complain constantly about all the things they do for you and wonder rhetorically when you’re going to return this favor…
Excessively needy and dependent personalities tend to be people who feel uncomfortable in their own skin, this type of personality you will find often puts forward their own opinions and ideas which can quite often be hiding their manipulative behavior so that it seems as if you are responding on your own accord even though they’ve set up everything to have you respond directly to their neediness.
Narcissists. This is the archetypal manipulative personality and it’s very hard to deal with this master manipulator.
You. Seriously, at one time or other, every single one of us will practice manipulative behaviors in one form or other. It is just that for most people, manipulative actions tend to be one-off or only occasional instances rather than a purposeful map for daily living and interaction with others.
It’s interesting to note the possible types of ways in which people try to manipulate one another.
There are some key behaviors that can end up in manipulation, and it’s helpful to know how to spot them before walking right into them. Some are below.
The assumption statement – this manipulative tactic seeks to turn your behavior into what the beholder perceives it as, whether or not their interpretation is accurate. This soon leads to a guilt trip because no matter what happens, your rejection is proof of the assumption.
He said, she said – this manipulative ploy is pseudo-sociology in action. The manipulator takes it upon themselves to tell you what someone else said was the right thing to do. A third party perhaps your employer, partner or friend. It’s a handy way of pushing aside the responsibility from themselves while loading it all onto you.
The confronting statement is a manipulative approach set about to cause an argument. That way, the provoker will end up making you feel terrible over something you didn’t actually do or say but for which they believe you should feel guilty over anyway and they’ll get a huge chunk of sympathy from others with which they start to manipulate you all over again.
Self-pity manipulation, claiming to be unloved/sick/victimized, etc. At times each one of us has times when we’re really in need of some tender self-care but long-term manipulators can make a habit of being the victim or the one needing special attention. This often happens when you may be getting attention and they long for the attention. This can also be seen as ‘attention seeking’ quite often manipulators are also attention seekers.
The guilt trip – this manipulative behavior seeks to make you feel guilty and is aimed at sending you into the land of “should” rather than standing up for your own values.
Guilt trips are also really high on the list of manipulative personality tools. If you can get someone else to feel guilty, then you’re done! Only trouble is, people wear out after being made to suffer guilt trip after guilt trip and then the manipulator who thinks that he or she is on to a good thing here eventually will lose respect, friends, and will be distanced by those who can’t get away, such as family and co-workers. One of the key things to remember with ‘guilt trippers’ it’s hard to escape the guilt trip. The sooner you stop it the better, and that it’s their guilt trip, not yours.
No matter what age, we can all seem to ‘manipulate’ to some extent to get what we want at some point in our lives.
Fact is some people seem to do it more often to gain what they feel they deserve.
What are your thoughts on manipulation?