Tag Archives: friendships

Parenting differences.

I’m a fairly carefree parent. I do discipline my little ones but I’m certainly not as ‘strict’ as I’ve been told I should be.

I often get ‘looks’ and ‘opinions’ on how I am with my children. They are not ‘brats, however I also know that they are not ‘angles’.

In the past year I’ve had a few mothers distance themselves from us. I’m pretty sure it’s either because I’ve offended them, or my children have. I know this as when we have ‘bumped’ into each other and I’ve suggested a catch up or play date, the conversation either changes or there becomes a strange and uncomfortable silence.

We all parent differently and we all do what works for us.

We all have different needs and expectations within our family’s. I know I don’t judge others by their parenting skills, it’s what works for them, so why should they judge me?

I posted another related article a few weeks ago about ‘if my child is being an ‘A Hole’ please tell me.’ I think this post coincides with that.

We all have differences, don’t judge, don’t distance but please speak up. I find it more offensive to pull away than to tell me the truth. I know I may not appreciate your opinion, however at least I will know where I stand with you and why those awkward conversations and silences hsppen.

Dealing With Parenting Differences Among Friends, Family And Kind Strangers

Negative headspace.

Negative headspace.

Firstly I want to apologies for not writing something sooner.

I had been in a negative head space and it hasn’t been fun. I also want to apologise if my past posts have seemed ‘nasty’ ‘mean’ or ‘negative’ in anyway and have offered anyone of you.

I unfortunately became the victim of some horrible antics and gossip, and unfortunately, I allowed it to get the better of me.

I am putting my hand up here and taking blame, as I shouldn’t have allowed someone else’s negativity to consume me. I should have ignored it and not thought about it, but as most of us do, if we are spoken badly or illy about, we get our feelings hurt in some way, shape or form and it affects us in many ways including emotionally and physically.

I’m usually quite a strong person and don’t allow much to get to me. The recent negativity and lies have played on my mind and it consumed part of me and i was silly enough to lower myself to the standards of these people and their negativity. I was feeling anxious on many occasions, I started to worry about what strangers thought about me and i found myself feeling as though I needed to explain my feelings and or actions.

I know I can be outspoken and opinionated. I am the first to admit that. However I do listen rationally to all situations and evaluate my own thoughts and believes, I’m not ‘led astray’ in my opinions let’s say.

After speaking with my mentor, I have decided to rid all negativity from my life. It has worn me down, had me question my thoughts and beliefs, had me question my friendships and I’ve had to reevaluate what and who is actually an important part of my life and who and what should I let go.

If you have been in a ‘bad head space’ or been victim of others negativity. I urge you to try and not allow it to consume you. Try to rid it and allow yourself to feel ‘clean’ again.

Your mind, body and soul will thank you, so will your family.

Below are a few tips on how I’ve ‘cleaned’ the negativity from my life.

1. Don’t allow what other day to get to you – forget their words.
Oftentimes, we tell ourselves ‘no’ because we think others might not approve of our actions. First, it’s crucial to remember that we live our own lives, who do we need to please but ourselves?
2. Spend Time Positive People
Being around people who have a positive attitude and are generally happy people will only benefit your mindset. Positive thinkers will encourage you to try new things, follow your dreams, and motivate you even when you yourself want to avoid trying something new. They can also teach you to pinpoint your worst habits and help you to avoid them.
3. Stop Complaining
I’ll be the first to admit that I like to complain – my family, my workplace, whatever. Complaining, though, puts our mind in a position to make more excuses. We are not in charge of our destiny, our situation is. The next time you catch yourself complaining, stop immediately. Think instead of how to solve your problem and then try fixing it. You will be amazed at how small successes can breed a positive outlook on life.
4. Try Something New
A lot of negativity originates from the idea that we can’t do something we’ve never tried before. If you are always trying new things, though, you realize that the world is full of things you’ve never done. Start a new hobby or find a group of people doing something fun that is of interest to you. The more you do fun things the more positive your mindset will become.
5. Devote an Hour a Day to your Goals
Everyone, no matter who you are, has dreams, goals and aspirations but most of us think we don’t have the time to pursue them. Even if you are raising 10 kids and have two jobs, you can always find at least an hour of your day to devote to yourself. Perhaps something as small as walking home instead of the bus? Reading a book on the train? Meditating before you go to sleep? Anything that you wish you could do more of. Devoting time to your goals will boost your self-esteem and give you courage and happiness.

Remember, you never regret spending time doing something positive .
Try squashing any negativity from life. It may just surprise you how much better you feel.

Life’s lessons.

What I’ve learned.

My husband and I often sit and chat about everyday stuff. We also chat about what we have learnt from each other and how we have grown as both individuals and as a partnership / marriage / couple.

Ive learnt quite a lot from him, I’m happy to admit. I think he brings out the best and perhaps sometimes the worst in me. We have been together 10 years and married for 5, so I guess something seems to be going right for us.

What he has taught me.

Take time for me – hubby says I’m selfless that I do so much for everyone but tend to do things for myself. I don’t see this as a negative ad I enjoy helping and being there for those who are deserving.

Don’t be ashamed of anything – I used to be embarrassed that I never went to university. He says I am successful in my own right. I guess so? I had my own business which was quite successful for approx 5 years. I purchased my own property in bondi when I was only 26 with no help from anyone. Saved my own deposit, paid my own mortgage and successfully renovated it and sold for a good profit. I often get the question about education, I’m not sure why so many people care what school I went too? Anyway I used to be embarrassed to say I never went to uni but it hasn’t stopped me from being successful.

Be proud of who I am – I can be emotional, I know I’m stubborn, I can be arrogant, I know I’m outspoken, I can be overbearing but I also know I’m honest, trustworthy, reliable and loyal. Hubby says I being outspoken can sometimes get me into trouble, but I’d rather speak up than be no voice, hubby also says I have the heart of Pharlap. 😉

We defiantly come from different worlds and I used to question what made him fall in love with me.

My husband comes from an affluent family, he is an academic, he almost as many letters as the alphabet in university degrees beside his name, he went to a private school then SYDNEY university and graduated with honours, has always had a steady and successful career in company management and leadership roles.

I am a girl who grew up in the country in a very small town. I left the small town at 17 and moved to Sydney alone knowing 1 person and got myself a good job, set myself up and was independant. After 2 years in Sydney moved to Perth, was there approx 3 years then moved back to Sydney. Went back to study to further educate myself, worked hard to get my own business, bought my first apartment, had a few various ‘jobs’. I say jobs loosely as I knew they were not a career. I was working towards that. Still studying whilst working full time to allow myself financial freedom and the ability to achieve my goals.

I eventually met my husband whom although we came from different worlds and some would say have nothing in common, we mesh. We work well as a couple, he has my back, makes me laugh and we have created a beautiful family together.

Although we seem like the ‘Unlikely’ couple – they do say opposites attract.

He is my best friend and I’m grateful for the life we have created and thankful for all we share together.

I have made friends and lost friends, we all have different wants and different needs. Those that want to make an effort for you will, those that don’t make the effort never will and possibly have never been a good or true friend anyway. I have a handful of the most wonderful friends whom I will always cherish, some have been in my life for 10+ years, others fewer however I still would do anything for those whom I consider my true friends no matter how long we have known each other.

We all have Aspirations. Some choose to follow them, some choose to ignore them.

We all make our own choices and for every choice there will always be a consequence. It may be a fabulous consequence, it may not be. However every action will always get a reaction good or bad, for better or for worse. We must live our lives, learn our lessons and be happy with who we are.

People will form whatever opinion of you that they want. This is out of your control. You can’t change people’s thoughts and if they have their mind set on something, or believe a situation to be a certain way, just accept it. Right or wrong we all want to believe something.

I have learnt some things the easy way, others the hard way. I guess that’s what has helped to ‘shape’ me the person that I am today?

I’m still learning, but I’m open to learning. Life has lessons both good and bad. I will make mistakes but I will also learn from them.

Life is a journey and no one knows what is next or around your corner. All I know is that I’m pretty happy and have been blessed with my life thus far. Thanks to those who have shared my path with me.

Changing friendships

When friendships change after babies.

It’s a tough reality but it happens. Unfortunately when we have babies and our circle of friends don’t, things change. It’s not always the friends fault either, we as mums get busy, and the more children we have, the busier we become.

We have mothers group, early childhood visits, swimming lessons, reading class, gymbaroo, ballet, kick-a-roo’s, preschool and that’s just the start.

So we are not blaming our non parental friends at all. Well I’m not. I do however sometimes feel left out, like they are still out doing lots of amazingly fun things.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mummy more than anything ever in the whole world however I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I were single and childless?

Would I be still going out to night clubs or how would I spend my Friday and Saturday nights? I’m 35, I think that if I was to go ‘clubbing’ I’d feel like a granny facing with 18 year olds. So no I guess I wouldn’t be going out and ‘partying’ as such.

I sometimes feel like perhaps our ‘common ground’ has changed and that we no longer have similar wants and interests. Being a mother requires you to be 100% devoted to your children 100% of the time. You bought them into this world and they are reliant on you to help guide them, teach them and look after them. They are your responsibility.

So what happens when your the ‘odd’ one out now that you have children and your friends don’t?

I have many supportive friends whom I still regularly catch up with. My best friend loves my children and we often catch up and still have fun together. She is 8 years younger than I am and doesn’t have children herself. However she recently became engaged but even prior to that, we would catch up on a regular basis, easily fortnightly. We have been friends for over 9 years and I have been married 5 and have 2 children, a 2yo and a 4month old.

She loves my children and treats them as her own. I appreciate that our catch up’s no longer involve nights out drinking and dancing. But we still make the effort to see each other and we take the kids to a park or we go to a child friendly cafe or even just for a walk. My children love being outdoors and call my best friend ‘Aunty’. Which I love as she is like a sister to me. It’s a compromise. She understands my situation and is happy to do child friendly things with me to include my children.

She has also passed comment that she loves my children and enjoys seeing them and understands and appreciates that my priorities have changed since having children and respects that I’m no longer ‘into’ going out clubbing or partying.

So why is it that some friends are not so forgiving and those friendships change so much that you feel like perhaps you have the ‘plague’ or ‘ebola’ and that your single friends no longer have time for you in their busy lifestyles?

I was reading an article on this a few weeks back and the writer suggested that perhaps the friends don’t like children or could even be envious?

Yes children are hard work and myself as a mother of 2 really young ones will be the first to admit that but I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I think that true friends will always make time for you and vice versa. They will accept that your life has changed but they won’t disown you.

It’s disappointing that we sometimes loose friends when our lives evolve but there are always some wonderful new ones just waiting to meet you. Other mummies with their own children and other common ground.

We all evolve and change as people lets take the positives with us and not allow the negatives or disappointment to hang around. True friends will always make an effort for their important friendships.

2014

Reflecting 2014.

What a year!

An exciting yet busy year it was for me.

Where to start?

Hubby and I bought a house and did some minor renovations prior to moving in, I left my amazing corporate role to become a full time mummy, my mother had 2 heart attacks, we fell pregnant (planned) with bub number 2, my little guy turned 2 and let’s not forget I started this blog in February.

I met some amazing new friends, friends that I know will be life long. They are such wonderful women whom i admire and respect and although I’ve only known them since May – since our move, I know I can trust them with anything and rely on them for forever more.

Our children are of similar age and play well together and these people are wholesome and full of happiness and love.

Ive rekindled some lovely friendships that Id made back in either high school or my early 20’s – again with people I know are genuine and I can trust.

I think that as we get older we are more particular with whom we will and won’t share our lives with, this may be a maturity thing or it could be that we are more cautious. Either way, I know the people in my life now are my true friends with no ‘crap’ involved. Excuse the language. I’m grateful that they have re entered my life and our friendships are growing again.

Again these special people are wholesome and the type of people whom I know I can trust and rely on in whatever situation.

So in 2015 Im sure there will be many more exciting things happen which I’m looking forward to sharing with you including the birth of my 2nd bub due in May.

Stay tuned and I hope to hear your stories in 2015 also!

Broken friendships.

Broken friendships.

It’s interesting the friendships we make along the years. Some that last, some that pass but what I guess still integers me as why some last longer than others and what makes those that don’t last fade?

I’m the first one to admit I don’t have thousands of friends. I don’t need them. I have a few amazing friends whom I know I can count on at anytime and they would be there for me.

What breaks my heart though are those lost friendships that are non recoverable.

I have had a few of these also.

In most cases my friendships generally end as people we grow apart however sometimes things happen that change a friendship forever and it’s unrepairable.

For instance, I’ve had friends not like my husband for whatever reason so they choose to cut me out of their lives. I’ve had friends marry partners themselves who are controlling and limit their time with their friends. Or they don’t allow their partners to spend time with their own friends insisting that the husbands friends are their ‘couple’ friends so that’s whom they should be spending time with.

I had a wonderful friend whom I met through an old boyfriend. She was dating my then boyfriends best friend. We automatically got along and even after my relationship with that boyfriend ended we staied friends. She was with her boyfriend for a lot longer than I was with mine. I think my relationship ended after 2 years and gets about 4 years however through the whole time we kept our friendship separate.

We had the type of friendship that if she had an argument with her boyfriend and was upset at 2am she would call me and I would go to her home and comfort her or she would come to mine.

We often had ‘OC nights’ – for the young readers, OC is ‘orange county’ which is a TV show that used to be in Tuesday nights. We would cook a yummy dinner and have desert and wine and make it a girls night in. It was fun. We did it for possibly 3-4 years or even longer! We would giggle and laugh and feel that we could relate to these TV characters. There were about 5 of us girls that would do this.

Even after my friend broke up with her boyfriend we kept our friendship. She had a pretty tough break up as they were living together however I always made sure I was there for her.

We had a few other boyfriends inbetween but nothing serious. We would go out and party, dance and have fun. Gosh we were 25 year old single fun loving females.

Her boyfriend still lingered though as they had such a string love and respect for each other. I was always supportive even when she started dating a new guy. Sometimes it’s best to say nothing and give no advice as it may very we back fire. So for a few months she was double dating so to speak.

I knew they new boyfriend wasn’t much of a fan of mine. He thought I was a bad influence on her as I was care free, independant and very strong minded. I think our friendship started to change there. We started to spend less time together as she was spending more time with the new boyfriend.

I started to see my now husband about 6 months after she started dating her now husband.

Although mine and my husbands relationship was a bit stop start in the beginning she was almost always supportive. Until at her wedding which we attending something changed. My hubby and I had a fight and he broke up with me. I was so upset as it was my friends ‘big day’ however I held it together and went to the bathroom then left to go back to our hotel as it was a destination wedding. From then on she didn’t like my now hubby. Possibly understandable but I have since heard and she once told me that my behaviour that day ruined her wedding. Now I never made a scene nor did I cry in public but apparently I ruined her wedding day.

So after my hubby (was only boyfriend at the time) and I broke up and came back to Sydney we tried to work on our relationship – he had been married before and his break up was messy and difficult. I understand being at another wedding would have been tough even though his marriage has ended 5 years earlier. We ended up working through it only to break up a month later.

My friend was fuming and demanded I go stay with her and her hubby until I found my own place which I was grateful for so I staied with her for a week.

A few months passed and my ex (now hubby) was wanting me back. At this time I was dating a younger guy whom my friend also didn’t approve of. I felt at this point I couldn’t do anything good in her eyes. It was at my 30th where the younger new boyfriend attended that I realised she and I wouldn’t be close again.

After that relationship ended and my ex and I had worked things through – or were trying a fresh start. Ex (now hubby) and I went to Paris. When my friend heard about the trip she called me and says that she refuses to be there for me ever again and when the pieces break again she won’t pick them up. She made it very clear that she didn’t like my now hubby and cannot say she is happy for me. I was really upset but guess I had to understand.

Even though I’d supported her through her multiple break ups and fights with her previous boyfriend is also been on the end of the phone at 2, 3 whatever am consoling her and being a supportive friend. I kind of sensed that she now thought as she was married she didn’t need me or my friendship as she had his friends and I guess this was her easy way out?

I was quite heart broken.

A few years passed and I’d heard that her mum was unwell then passed away and I took the day off work to attend the funeral. When her first child was born I sent a shall gift. Each year on her mothers birthday and anniversary I send a nice message of thoughts letting her know I’m always here and understand how tough it would be for her going through such life changing times without her mum. I always received messages back from her saying thank you and that she will always love me and appreciate my thoughts and that when she gets time it would be nice to catch up. I still have all these text messages and facebook messages.

So recently I invited her to my little boys 2nd birthday. We have many mutual friend and I see these friends possibly monthly if not more often as we all have children around the same age. I’d chatted to a mutual friend asking if she tonight it would be a nice idea and she thought perhaps it would. After all this time and all the ‘olive branches’ I’ve put out there thought maybe this could bring our friendship back, however I got a bit of a slap in the face. The text response was simply ‘that’s kind but we can’t make it’ I was upset again then realised. Why am I constantly allowing this so called friend to disappoint me?

She clearly doesn’t want my friendship anymore.

For many reasons friendships end and it’s sad but I think a true friend –
Will never judge.
Will never listen to others put their friend down.
Will stand by their friend and support them through anything.
Will make time for their friends.

Tell me your broken friendship stories.

Noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Defining Relationships?

Sex and the city and Relationship definition?

How do you define your relationships?

Do we have to define our relationships?

Well I’m a HUGE, MASSIVE sex and the city fan. I can watch the series over and over. Oh and the movies! Yep I’m totally a fan! My husband thinks I’m obsessed and bizzar but I simply love it!!

I think we can all relate to one of them. I’m not sure which one I relate to? I think a little of each of them?

These girls defined many of us. The ups and downs of being female. Friendships, boyfriends, finances, careers, outfits – oh the outfits! Long lunches, tears on the phone, late night calls, babies and so on.

So if like me, you have watched the series and movies over and over again and again you will know and remember the most of the famous one liners and are happy to use them. Here are a few of my favorites.

The girls hit Atlantic City to celebrate Charlotte’s ‘thirty-faux’ birthday:
Carrie: “People go to casinos for the same reason they go on blind dates – hoping to hit the jackpot. But mostly, you just wind up broke or alone in a bar.”

After Miranda’s soon-to-be hubby, Steve, recovers from testicular cancer: “Balls are to men what purses are to women. It’s just a little bag, but we’d feel naked in public without it” – Carrie

Anti-bride Miranda on choosing her wedding dress: Miranda: “I said no white, no ivory, no nothing that says ‘virgin’. I have a child. The jig is up.”

After hearing that Charlotte caught her date kissing another woman – whilst still on the date: Samantha: “Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls… because they can.”

On Charlotte’s blind optimism: Charlotte: “I read it in a magazine.”
Miranda: “What magazine? Convenient Theories For You Monthly?”

On not having the money for a deposit to buy back her apartment from Aidan after they split: Carrie: “I’ve spent $40,000 on shoes and I have no place to live?! I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes.”

On having some perspective: Carrie: “Saturday night’s dinner came and went with no call from Big. My life was suddenly shit.”

On moving to Napa: Carrie: “If you’re tired, you take a napa, you don’t move to Napa.”

On Aidan making a mess whilst he renovates her flat: Carrie: “You can stay here with your boxes of shit and your shoe-eating dog and knock yourself out putting on the Rogaine and the Speed Stick.”

On Carrie’s first book cover: Courtney (showing Carrie her book cover): “Let me talk you through it. Blurred background, aah, fast paced city. And you, naked with nothing but your ideas.” Carrie: “I get it. But, see, no matter how fast paced the city, I always manage to get my clothes on before I leave the apartment.”

On chocolate addictions and excellent voicemail messages: Miranda (leaving a message on Carrie’s answering machine): “Your good friend Miranda has just taken a piece of cake out of the garbage and eaten it. You will probably need this information when you check me into the Betty Crocker Clinic.”

On investing: Carrie: “I like my money right where I can see it… Hanging in my closet.”

On moving in with Aidan: Carrie: “I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks writing on their laptops were pretentious posers. Now I know: They are people who have recently moved in with someone.”

On critiquing your boyfriend’s new book:
Carrie: “And if you would shut your trap, I could tell you that I love, love, loved it! I loved it… Except for one huge problem. You have your leading lady running all over town wearing a scrunchie. A SCRUNCHIE!”

After finding out Samantha, in the quest for eternal youth, is having the fat from her derrière injected into her face:
Miranda: “Whatever happened to aging gracefully?”
Carrie: “It got old.”

Carrie: I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love. And I don’t think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris.

Big: I have to hand it to you kid. Most people come to Paris to fall in love. You came and got slapped.

Smith: Hey, Babe, I flew back… Samantha: You flew all night? Why? Smith: I forgot to tell you something on the phone… I love you. Samantha: You flew back to tell me that? Smith: Can you think of a better reason? Samantha: No, I can’t. You have meant more to me than any man I have ever known.

Big: It took me a really long time to get here, but I’m here. Carrie, you’re the one.
Magda: What you did. That is love. You love.

Miranda: after giving Steve’s mother, who has had a stroke, a bath Let’s not make a big deal of it to Steve, it will upset him.

Charlotte: Harry, I’m a bad wife. I ordered Chinese. Harry: I got something from China, too. They’re giving us a baby. Charlotte: What? Harry: I guess God remembered our address.

(After Big went and got Carrie in paris, they returned to New York) Big: You know, I don’t live here anymore and the Four Season won’t check you in until one o’clock. Carrie: Oh, Did you wanna come up? Big: Abso-fucking-lutely!

However my all time ever favorite is Carrie defining her relationships – famously quoted below.

Carrie:(Last Line in the last ever tv series) Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.

I personally think this is well said!

For more of theses click the link below :
http://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/celebrity/celebrity-galleries/2009/07/02/sex-and-the-city-quotes-carrie-sam-miranda-and-charlotte#!image-number=38