Tag Archives: fear

Suicide.

Suicide.

– yes such a confronting word, however more confronting is the statistics associated with this word.

Did you know, In 2016, the suicide rate in Australia was 11.7 deaths per 100,000 people, up from 10.6 per 100,000 people in 2007. … In 2016, the standardised death rate for males was 17.8 deaths per 100,000 people, while for females it was 5.8 deaths per 100,000 people.

That’s more than eight people every single day. One person every three hours.
That’s quite a large number wouldn’t you agree?

So why is the suicide rate rising?

Suicide is a prominent concern. Over a five year period from 2012 to 2016, the average number of suicide deaths per year was 2,795.

Suicide rates reduced across many age groups, including a moderate reduction in suicide rates for males in the high risk age groups of 35-49 years. There were modest increases from 2015 to 2016 in suicide rates for other age groups however, including males 15-24 years and females 20-34 years.

For males: The highest age-specific suicide number in 2016 was observed in the 85+ age group (34.0 per 100,000) with 61 deaths. This number was considerably higher than the age-specific suicides observed in all other age groups, with the next highest age-specific suicide rates being in the 30-34, 40-44 and 35-39 year age groups (27.5, 27.2 and 24.8 per 100,000 respectively). Those of a younger age were associated with the lowest age-specific rates (0-14 year age group: 0.4per 100,000; 15-19 year age group: 13.4 per 100,000).

For females: The highest age-specific suicide in 2016 was observed in the 50-54 age group with 82 deaths (10.4 per 100,000), followed by the 40-44, 45-49 and 30-34 age groups (8.5, 8.3 and 8.3 per 100,000 respectively).

The lowest age-specific suicide for females was observed in the 0-14 age group with 7 deaths (0.3 per 100,000) followed by those aged between 65-69 and then 15-19 age group (4.1 and 5.0 100,000 respectively).

Social media can have either negative or positive effects, Tom Simon, an author of the report and associate director for science in the division of violence protection at the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has reported.

Cyberbullying and harmful content might push a vulnerable teen toward self-harm, yet “social media can help increase connections between people, and it’s an opportunity to correct myths about suicide and to allow people to access prevention resources and materials.”
Dorian A. Lamis, an assistant professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University School of Medicine/Grady Health System, theorized that use of social media and cyberbullying may affect teenage girls more than boys, resulting in rising suicide deaths among older teen girls.

“Some research has suggested that the timing of puberty in girls is a contributing factor for the increased suicide rate,” has also been reported. Puberty starts as early as 8 in some girls. The psychosocial and physical changes may leave girls “vulnerable to depression, anxiety and other psychiatric disorders earlier on in life.” These known risk factors for suicide may catch up with a girl as she grows older.

There is not one factor that is a cause for suicide. It is not a weakness nor is it because of mental health.

Suicide affects many people and it is sometimes seen as selfish but no one should be judging because it has many repercussions.

Sometimes suicide is a result of bullying or seen as a way for the person committing suicide to get away from a certain situation an escape if you may like to think of it that way. They may be feeling isolated, scared, weak, alone, unhappy, stressed, fearful or overwhelmed. There are no exact reasons as to why someone may contemplate suicide. It’s their decision and we unfortunately on most occasions cannot change it.

No one should ‘chime in’ on negativity about suicide, no one knows what the person has been though, is experiencing or dealing with.

What we do know is that the rate in which suicide is rising, is concerning. Unfortunately the above statistics are not current, and suicide is not often spoken about. There should be no embarrassment associated with the word. We should be more aware of circumstances and situations where our friends, family and loved ones may need us.

In today’s society, we all seem quite wrapped up in our own worlds. Disconnected some may say or selfish to our surroundings. I believe that we need to be more aware and connected with those closest to us. Take not of Friends and family behaviour. Offer to listen to those whom may need to talk. Often people will bottle up their thoughts and feelings in fear of judgment.

Who are we to judge?

One persons situation may change, just by having a listening ear. Or a hand to hold, or comfort in knowing that they are valued and not alone.

There is help if you need it.

Lifeline within Australia 13 11 14
https://www.lifeline.org.au/about-lifeline/contact-us

Wesley Mission Australia
https://www.wesleymission.org.au/find-a-service/mental-health-and-hospitals/counselling/lifeline-sydney-and-sutherland/

Or if you would like to email me confidentially, my email is – noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Remember ‘Every Life Matters’.

It doesn’t take much to ask ‘Are you ok?’
Or
‘How are you?’ These 2 questions may just change someone’s feelings and life.

Back lash!

Ok, so recently I wrote a blog on cheating.

Ive has many readers contacting me and asking if my marriage is ok and if this refers to my relationship or a family members.

No it doesn’t. My marriage is wonderful, I have a very supporting and loving husband and as far as I know, my sisters hubby isn’t cheating 🙂

So I wanted to elaborate on my cheating blog. I’ve altered it below and elaborated to give more info on why this cheating came to my mind as something to write about.

Once a cheat always a cheat?

I’ve just watched the ‘true tori’ interview where Dean McDermont admits to cheating in his wife Tori Spelling.

Now I’m not sure what’s worse, the fact he has cheated on his wife whom he has 4 children with or the fact it’s on TV?

I’m a huge believer in monogamy. Call me old fashioned but I don’t believe that you take vows of forever, in sickness and in health and make promises to your partner to be faithful if that’s not what you intend on doing.

I also don’t quite understand the idea that cheating is ok? Then the ‘cheater’ blaming their partner? How is this normal?

Remember there is speculation that he cheated on his first wife with Tori Spelling.

I’ve once heard that the ‘cheater’ said they no longer felt wanted by the partner which is why they cheated. Perhaps instead of infidelity they should talk to their partner and try to resolve issues?

I guess I’m some cases it’s their ego that needs a boost? This still doesn’t make it right in my eyes or beliefs.

It also makes me think, will the ‘cheater’ ever be happy and content with the one partner?

Will they always have the inclination to stray and cheat? Are they simply deceitful people?

What would you do if you were cheated on?

I was cheated on by a long term partner and initially I blamed myself, thinking I wasn’t enough and why couldn’t I make him happy or please him?

What I soon realised is that he was the one with the issues not me. It took me a while to stop blaming myself and realise that I actually did nothing wrong and that it was him at fault.

What I’ve also learnt from my advanced diploma in counselling is that infidelity generally comes from the same inner emptiness as alcoholism, drug abuse, food addiction, gambling, over spending and so on. In case ‘s of infidelity, when the underlying reason is emptiness due to self-abandonment, the addiction is to attention, approval or sex , using another person to fill the inner emptiness and take away the inner aloneness. Instead of being the ‘bigger person’ and ending the current relationship, the ‘cheater’ takes their emptiness and aloneness with them into their next relationship. And so the cycle continues.

Someone who cheats in one relationship is almost certain to do it again unless they fulfil themselves and heal their inner brokenness.

You cannot expect to put your emptiness and aloneness into someone else. You need to fix your own problems prior to staring a new relationship.

I know that I would never date someone whom I know has previously cheated. Perhaps I have trust issues from my past or perhaps I simply wouldn’t want the continual thoughts of ‘what are they up to, or am I enough?’

My theory is simple and I’ve known many people who cheat on their partners and many who have been cheated on. In my eyes it’s a low act.

Hurting someone for your own fulfilment. How is this fair? I don’t think these people ever change and that there will always be the inclination there for them to repeat offend.

I’ve been with my now husband almost 9 years, married for over 3 years and I can wholeheartedly say that yes we argue and yes I get cranky and upset with him, I personally don’t believe any relationship is perfect but at no stage have I or would I ever contemplate seeking intimacy with someone else.

Not as I fear loosing what we have, I don’t fear much, what I would feel is loss. I would have lost my best friend, my soul partner and the man whom I adore who also is the father of our beautiful little boy. I just couldn’t bare to hurt either my husband not my beautiful son.

If I have an issue or feel insecure, low, upset or angry I talk it out and make things work. I think cheating is an easy option for weak people to escape reality.

It takes a stronger person to fix a problem than to cheat and betray for your own personal pleasure hurting those who you supposedly love and care for the most.

I understand that someone may pursue you, however you have the control to walk away and not accept. Take responsibility for your actions and know that for every action, there is a reaction and reputations are hard to change.

Guest writer Trish.

I promised I would post / publish some of my guest writers work so here goes.

This is a touching yet sad and truthful note from Trish. She has opened up her heart to tell us her story. Hopefully this will touch others as it has me and make you think more about our words and actions and how they can have a massive impact on other lives.

My regular readers know how passionate I am about healthy eating and setting a good example for our  children. Most of all installing good eating habits in children.

The world is so obsessed with talking about obesity, there are just as many anorexic children or children with eating disorders out there as there are obese or overweight children.

Let’s try work together and bring eating disorders to the forefront also.

Guest writer Trish.

I had an eating disorder from an early age. Both my parents were body obsessed and quite frankly still are.

My mother always on a diet, but she called it ‘healthy eating’ and my fathers long conquest to be muscular and lean with competing in body building.

I remember from when I was about 5 years old being a fussy eater so instead of my parents being persistent, they gave in. I didn’t like vegetables so I was made eat them. Perhaps they couldn’t be bothered, perhaps they didn’t want the fight? Most nights I are plain pasta. Occasionally I would eat lamb cutlets but other than those, not much more.

My mothers obsession with her body image is still very much as it was when I was younger. Her quest to be thin, constantly running and constantly comparing herself to others.

I observed from a very early age and although they don’t assume I’ve taken anything in, this has played a huge part in my life.

I had a fear of food from about the age of 8 or so. No wanting to eat anything that my mother labeled ‘bad’.

I grew up in a household where body image was constantly talked about and both my parents had obsessions with their appearances. Looking back it wasn’t a great loving environment teaching me to love myself and or my body.

My eating disorder started by me saying I wasn’t very hungry, not finishing my meals then completely skipping meals. I would then binge, feel terrible about what I did. Have a huge amount of guilt about eating ‘bad food’ then starve myself.

This followed on well into my teens until a high school teacher picked up on it and spoke to my parents and I saw a doctor. I remember being 35kg in grade 10 so I was about 15 years old.

I still have a fear of food but not as bad as it has been. From all the starving myself and binge eating my hair started falling out, I was constantly tired and run down and caught a cold very easily. This is because my immune system was low as I wasn’t feeding it enough nutrients. It still takes me a while to recover from sickness and perhaps will for the rest of my life?

My parents will never take responsibility for my eating disorder but I believe it is their fault. If they had of instilled good eating habits in me from and early age and not been so obsessed with their own body image perhaps Id have a different mindset and not have put my body through this?

If you have any fear of food or any eating disorder, please seek help. This can and will always affect you in some way otherwise.

Remember a healthy mindset is the first step!

The butterfly foundation.

This week is body image awareness week and as must of you know, this us something close to my heart.

Having suffered an eating disorder through my teenage years and having friends suffer terribly and a couple die from anorexia it’s an important week for anyone out there going through any firm of eating problems.

My toddler started eating issues at 21 months. Being picky with what he will and won’t eat. Bare in mind he is only 22 months d do it’s been about a month of him saying everything is ‘yucky’ or ‘no mummy’ when presented with good.

Many children all over the world have issues like this and their parents do nothing about it. Some are unaware of these issues, some are too busy to deal with them and others just give up.

With my little one becoming fussy. I wanted to take action early in and get as much information as I can to help him.

I don’t believe he has an eating disorder in any way. After speaking with our paediatrician he assures me that all toddlers go through a phase like this and it’s up to the parents to keep being consistent with introducing new foods to help them overcome thus phase and also to ensure that it doesn’t continue on in later years.

I understand this can be time consuming and frustrating but trust me, although some people may think they the toddler or child doesn’t understand what they are doing and it won’t affect later years, it does and it can.

It can start with not wanting to eat then their stomach shrinks, after the stomach has shrunk it’s hard to stretch again. This is why it’s extremely important to feed your toddler child size meals that are not ‘scary’ looking or so huge that they are overwhelmed. It is important though for them to eat regularly and not skip meals.

You don’t want children ‘scared’ of food.

Food is important to not only nourish your child but for brain development also. You need to feed your body and brain to learn and grow.

I’ve pasted some info below from the Butterfly Foundation website.

The Butterfly Foundation is support for those suffering from any type of eating phobia or disorder.
Body Image and Eating Disorder Awareness Week
#loveyourbody

Body Image and Eating Disorder Awareness Week September 1-7 aims to raise awareness of eating disorders and poor body image in Australia. This year, the theme is Love Your Body and we are encouraging all Australians to take a pledge to making a commitment to learning how to love their bodies.

Eating disorders and body image concerns present a huge problem for both males and females across Australia and it is an issue that is often kept a closely guarded secret by sufferers.

Body Image and Eating Disorder Awareness Week aims to raise awareness of these life threatening conditions and help reduce the stigma associated with eating disorders.

Eating disorders and body image concerns present a huge problem for both males and females across Australia and it is an issue that is often kept a closely guarded secret by sufferers.

Body Image and Eating Disorder Awareness Week aims to raise awareness of these life threatening conditions and help reduce the stigma associated with eating disorders.

There is an enormous lack of knowledge in Australia surrounding negative body image and eating disorders. The reality is that they are extremely common, affecting an increasing number of people each year. In fact, almost 1 in 20 Australians are thought to have an eating disorder. They are not a lifestyle choice, they are not about food and you cannot tell just by looking at someone if they are suffering.

So join us, take the pledge and let’s learn about and celebrate our bodies – unique, diverse, strong and beautiful!

TAKE THE PLEDGE NOW

For more information on fundraising throughout this week, contact info@thebutterflyfoundation.org.au. We would also love to hear back from you on how you will be celebrating Body Image and Eating Disorder Awareness Week! All donations can be made through our website by clicking DONATE NOW.

For information on dealing with poor self-esteem, negative body image and self-harm, click HERE to download Butterfly’s fact sheet which also lists where you can seek help.

Support Line
1800 ED HOPE / 1800 33 4673 Monday–Friday 8am to 9pm AEST or

For more information on the Butterfly Foundation.

http://thebutterflyfoundation.org.au/body-image-and-eating-disorder-awareness-week/

Through thick and through thin!

Through thick and through thin.

So the saying goes, you will stick by your partner through thick and through thin. Why is it that this saying doesn’t always ring true?

Marriage is supposed to made upon love, respect, trust and understanding. Why are something’s simply left misunderstood or unsaid?

One would assume that when standing face to face with your loved one, saying those special life combining vows, that your happily ever after will remain.

No one ever wants to hear the three little words ‘this isn’t working’ we all wish to hear ‘I love you’ or ‘we can work through this’.

Why is it so hard to always be on the same page?

Yes relationships are hard and they most always will certainly need work at some point. Weather you have been together 10 years or 10 days, no relationship is perfect and there will always be hardship right?

I think that having hardship and working together makes you stronger as a couple. For every battle there will be a make up and I think that every relationship needs some tough times, this shows the love and respect that you have for each other as a couple to get through the hard times.

No relationship is perfect 100% of the time and I personally believe that if your putting on a facade that your relationship is perfect, what are you really hiding?

Truth is and studies show that to have a 100% non fight and totally agreeable relationship one person will need to ‘bow down’ either hold their thoughts and options to themselves in order to keep the other person happy.

If this is in fact true, why are why changing our options for our partners and why shouldn’t we speak up and have our own thoughts and opinions? Why are we trying to please everyone? Are we scared of failure or scared to voice our opinion in fear of offending or hurting someone’s feelings?

Arguing can be seen as communicating and voicing or sharing issues. In a relationship where there is not even a heated conversation, it could be that one or both parties don’t feel safe enough to express themselves. They doubt whether they can be honest about their feelings and be heard, respected, and still loved.

A lack of argument can also signal a lack of commitment to each other or the relationship. If you just don’t care about the longevity of your relationship with someone, you might just keep your head down and ignore anything that comes up because, ultimately, it won’t matter in the end.

I know in my marriage vows I said ‘through good times and through bad’. Yes I occasionally don’t see eye to eye with my hubby and we do argue. I think this keeps our relationship real and I know he respects my opinions and likes that fact that if we don’t agree on a topic that I challenge him.

I’m not a shrinking person and I won’t agree in order to please or keep the peace.

We all have our own opinions and we are all very much entitled to have them. Any partner who scrutinises their significant other, for having opinion should have a look at themselves.
What are they hiding?
Are they controlling?
Do they feel insecure?
Is this why they don’t like you to speak up?
Or are they simply embarrassed or afraid that you may in fact challenge their thoughts?

If you’re arguing over small, petty day to day insignificant things just to get interaction, or to be validated, or in fact if your trying to push someone away out of fear or rejection it’s unhealthy for both you and your relationship. What you really need to do is take a good hard look at what you really want from the confrontations and find healthier ways to have your needs met.

Fact is that when blending your life with another person’s it isn’t always going to go smoothly. It takes work and there will be times when various differences come between you weather you think they are important or not.

The important thing is to learn to navigate these ‘arguments’ so that you can come out the other side feeling more secure, intimate and respected in the relationship.

No one gets taught how to argue with our significant other. There’s usually no standard instruction manual on how to deal with the possible arguments of day to day life that we might get into with someone whom we love, but knowing how to ‘argue’ well is one of the best tools for a long term relationship. It can close the divide between a love that is slowly disintegrating, and a love that is true, strong and more intimate with years gone by.

It’s very natural that you’re going to fight once in awhile. However, being frustrated or angry with your partner doesn’t have to be destructive and it doesn’t have to ‘end in tears’.

Working through issues teaches you about each other and by learning you can appreciate each other more and the love and respect can and will grow.

Talk to each other in a calm manner and never go to bed on an argument. All that will do is brew overnight and possibly neither person will sleep well. Therefore being overtired will only cause more destruction within the argument.

A great therapist once said;
“You can’t control anyone else’s behaviour. The only one in your charge is you.”

A great article on relationships and arguments is in the link below.

http://www.rachaellay.com/arguing-can-make-your-relationship-healthier/

Domestic Violence.

Domestic violence.

We all know someone or are related to someone who is or has been a victim domestic violence.

After watching 60 minutes tonight I feel I need to write about domestic violence. I’ve been watching the Gerard Baden-Clay story and I’m reeling with anger.

Weather or not you believe he murdered his wife Alison. Or weather or not you believe it was an abusive relationship and marriage domestic violence is very much a part of today’s society and it needs to stop.

Some super scary statistics show that just under half a million Australian women reported that they had experienced physical or sexual violence or sexual assault in 2005.

38% of these women who had been assaulted either sexually or physically report it was by a partner.

It’s been confirmed that one woman dies every week from domestic violence within Australia.

In NSW alone, 24 women were killed last year (2013) in domestic-related incidents.

Of all homicides in NSW, 42 per cent are domestic.

One woman is hospitalised every three hours across the country
from domestic violence.

Please remember as horrifying as these statistics are, they are the sad truth that could possibly be higher.

Unfortunately not all domestic violence cases are reported and many men and women are silent victims. They may be too scared or ashamed to speak up. To tell the truth. Perhaps fear of judgement by their peers or perhaps fear of revenge by their assaulter.

This needs to stop!

Too many women are dieing from domestic violence and it doesn’t stop there. Children are also victims which is terribly sad. Innocent and unsuspecting children at the hands of these violent disgusting people.

I’m not saying it is only men being abusive. There are many women in this world who are just as abusive both physically and mentally. Manipulating and belittling their partners. Perhaps as an act of jealously perhaps an act of low self esteem? Who really knows why these people behave in such a manner. What I know is, it should not be tolerated.

Changing laws to ensure the world is a safer place will require the courage of those victims to stand up and be brave. To speak about their abuse. We as a nation need to stop allowing abusive men to make lame excuses such as ‘Im sorry, I promise it won’t happen again’. Or ‘ I’m so stressed and anger took over, it won’t happen again’. Whatever the excuse violence is a low and criminal act.

Abusive doesn’t always mean being hit or punched or kicked, it can also be being yelled at, belittled or spoken to in a demeaning way. Sometimes the verbal abuse can be more scaring and hurtful than the physical.

Scars and bruises can be covered up with make up. Some people can be extremely mentally strong and are able to hide the emotional scaring or block out these feelings of hurt to the outside world ignoring them and pushing the aside.

It’s the emotional scaring that is so intense that it can remain for forever more haunting it’s victims. This emotional scaring is always in the minds of these victims and will always remain, no matter how hard you try to block it out or push it away, it’s happened and as a victim it can’t be change.

Australians used to regard drunken abusive behaviour by husbands as the normal. For many centuries, men have grown up in families that functioned in these violent circumstances, keeping it secret from their neighbours, friends and peers yet many remain deeply affected.

Sadly, though, many of these abusive people have claimed to be suffering mental abuse, often driven by a jealousy or low self-esteem. They try to destroy the confidence of their victim to the point where they feel like a prisoner and become dependent on the abusive person at hand.

We need to stand as a nation and stop domestic violence.

If you are a victim of domestic violence please stand up. There is help out there and you need not live in fear.

I have pasted some links below where you can get help.

If you would like to talk more to me about domestic violence, please feel free to email me on –
Noordinarymummy@gmail.com

 

http://m.police.nsw.gov.au
https://www.1800respect.org.au/workers/fact-sheets/mandatory-reporting-requirements/
http://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/subjects/domestic-and-family-violence
http://www.domesticviolence.nsw.gov.au
http://www.domesticviolence.com.au/pages/domestic-violence-statistics.php

Actions and Reactions

Actions and reaction.

They say for every action there will be a reaction.

Well I absolutely believe in this.

I recent had a converstation with my nieces who are ‘Tweens’ 11 years old and 12 years old about this very subject.

The older niece is quite care free and is friends with most kids in her school grade. Whereas the younger is quite choosy with who she is friends with and I understand why.

I didn’t friend a lot of people at school and for very similar reasons to that of my younger niece. I didn’t need a lot of friends especially those who were not true friends. I am a big believe in quality not quantity. There were also some nasty people around and some girls who had bad reputations so I also chose to distance myself to them and not be associated with those types of personalities.

So back to conversations about actions and reactions. I have a friend who was telling me that one of her friends, had got herself ‘labelled’ for want of a nicer description, when she was younger. She was the girl that for attention would date all the guys and most often at a young age have sexual relations with them to be ‘popular’, there are better ways to be ‘popular’ but why do you need to be the ‘popular one anyway? That label staid with her. Everyone though of her as that person and until this day, some people still refer to her as that type of person.

No matter how she thought she had changed or how she tried to convince others she had changed, fact is people still thought of her in that way. I explained this to my nieces as the older one who is friends with a lot of people ‘nice’ and ‘not so nice’ so Im hoping they understood the affects some actions can take on your future.

So my moral to this story is no matter how you behave now, there will always be someone who knows the ‘old’ you. You may be trying to better yourself for whatever reason, to get ahead in your career, to gain a partner whatever. If you are being truthful to yourself that’s great, grow and change for the better but don’t try to ‘fool’ others. There is also another saying the leopard can never change it’s spots!

Think about your actions, think about how you treat people. My grandmother always said ‘treat others the way you wish to be treated’. I do, I’m not afraid of who I am and I don’t think to much of those people who are negative towards me.

I don’t invite negativity into my life, however sometimes we can’t help those negative people who have to enter it for whatever reason.

I’m proud of the person I’ve become and don’t need people to like me, you take me as I am or not at all. I won’t change to suit your needs and I don’t believe you should change who you are for me. We don’t all need to get along nor do we all need to be friends.

Choose your friends carefully and appreciate those who respect you and that you respect and hold dear. One if my favourite sayings is ‘true friends are like diamonds, shiny and rare, false friends are like autumn leaves, they can be found anywhere.

Yes I am a strong, opinionated possibly dominate personality – I have actually been told this 🙂 but I don’t mess people around, to say I am a straight shooter is possibly ‘right on’. I speak truthfully and perhaps sometimes the truth may hurt, but then what am I saying for you to take it personally? I’m not malicious and I don’t go out of my way to offend people. So again for every action, there will be a reaction. Act the way you would like the reaction to be.

I once read a statement that ‘being famous on Instagram is like being rich in monopoly, it’s not real so calm down’. This rings true.

I also think that your past can always come back to haunt you.

This is a life lesson I will be teaching my children and only hope that they become wonderful humans who make wise decisions.

I found this article that I think is interesting.

Let me know your thoughts.

http://verse-afire.com/blog/?p=3242

Jessica Rowe – Strong and Truthful.

I saw this in the Sydney Morning Herald today and felt the need to share.

I love her statements and absolutely Agee, life is not perfect, no one us perfect so don’t be so hard on yourself.

On her 44th birthday, Jessica Rowe shares 44 of the lessons she’s learnt along her life’s journey.

“I need to have a good strong talk to myself” … Jessica Rowe.

My life is in dire need of a steam clean, and there’s no better time to clear away the crap and cobwebs than on a birthday. Tomorrow I turn 44 years old, and I figure it’s a good time to reflect on and celebrate the life lessons I have learnt, still haven’t learnt, should learn and will never learn.

I’ve put together a list of those lessons, but before you groan, this is not a bunch of smug, self-satisfied rules for living. Besides, lists have never been my strong point, as I exist permanently in a state of controlled chaos.

However, if the apocalypse is nigh, my family and I could live quite comfortably in my car. There would be enough to eat, with scraps of food left over from old school lunches, along with stagnant water from half-drunk Disney Snow Queen Elsa water bottles.

And my family would be well-clothed, since I have a mountain of clothes for big and little people in the boot. If you need something to help pass the time, there’s piles of reading material, with a month’s worth of newspapers stacked on the front seat and overdue school library books jammed under the driver’s seat. Plus there are some sparkly purple fairy wings to help you get the hell out of this place if it really is all too terrible …

The unlisty life continues inside our home, with piles of washing, explosions of toys, clean dishes, dirty dishes, books, two cats, four fish surviving in an algae-filled tank, and two tadpoles, named Lily and Rosebud, who are existing in a sludgy, slimy glass bowl. I need to have a good strong talk to myself and take some of the following pieces of advice:

• Don’t worry if your house is a pigsty; it’s a home, not a showroom.

• Never reveal the actual cost of your shoes. They were on sale and an absolute bargain. Besides they’re not new, anyway.

• Stop pretending life is perfect, it’s not; it can be messy, hard and heartbreaking.

• Be honest about the vile times – it gives other people permission to also fess up to their struggles.

• Don’t forget to tell the people closest to you that you love them.

• Return phone calls – but if you don’t, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your friends. (I do love you, really I do … )

• When you’re faced with boldness, be bolder. (I have to credit Napoleon Bonaparte for that cracker of a quote.)

• You are a good mother.

• You don’t have to have biological kids to be a mum; mothering comes in all shapes and sizes.

• It doesn’t matter if you pushed your baby out of your vagina or had it unzipped out of your stomach. All that matters is that you and your child are healthy.

• Breastfeeding can be hard: it hurts and your nipples can bleed.

• Using formula to bottle feed your babies doesn’t lower their IQ or make you any less of a mother.

• Sometimes you hate being a mum, but it doesn’t mean you hate your kids. They make your heart ache with love. It’s the unrelenting roles associated with the title of “mum” that can wear you down.

• Babies will go to sleep … eventually. (Although I’m still waiting for mine to sleep through the night!)

• Going to the park is boring.

• Playing with little kids all day is boring.

• Being with your kids all day can be blissful.

• Having a break from your children is heaven.

• You feel guilty enjoying time away from your family.

• You feel guilty for not being present, and in the moment with your family.

• You feel guilty for going to work.

• You feel guilty for not going to work.

• Your libido can go missing for a while, but don’t forget the raunchy and sexy woman you have been and still are.

• Nothing beats chocolate in bed and a Swedish crime thriller.

• Vibrators are very handy.

• Men do not notice stretch marks and cellulite; only other women notice the songlines of your body.

• Support other women and the choices they make, even if they’re not your choices.

• Go gently on yourself; you are enough.

• Tracksuits should not be worn outdoors.

• Leopard print is classic.

• You can never have enough sparkle on your clothes and in your life.

• Pink, purple and blue hair rocks.

• Floss your teeth.

• Laughter is the best medicine, but antidepressants come a close second.

• The only normal people in your life are the ones you don’t know very well.

• Be kind.

• Baked beans on toast is okay for dinner every now and then.

• Stay optimistic. It doesn’t mean being a Pollyanna, but cynicism is ugly.

• Don’t lead a safe life, take risks. It is far better to go down in flames than live a small, timid existence.

• Sometimes you have no control over what happens to you, but what you can control is how you choose to deal with it.

• Sugar is good for you.

• It’s not always about you. (But what do you really think about me???)

• Stop worrying about what other people think of you. (Are you listening, Jessica?)

• Ignore lists. Only you know what is best for you and your family.

Saturday night in!

I career woman, business owner, stay at home mum, working mum, blogging mum.

So how do I spend my Saturday nights? By watching tv and blogging!

It’s approx 8:30pm and I’ve climbed into bed and am watching the E channel. Basically the E channel is – no disrespect here – tv that you don’t have to think to. It’s easy to watch and doesn’t necessarily require you to think.

My day has been long as it’s been raining so we have been inside with a 15 month old very active little man who seems to get ‘cabin fever’. He goes a little hyper being cooped up inside all day. Although we have a great toy / playroom being inside all day isn’t always ideal.

Hubby decided to make the evening easy so he bought a BBQ chicken for dinner – easy, tasty, yummy! I made my fav coleslaw (recipe is another post) and we chatted about our day.

Bub has not long gone down because he has FOMO – fear of missing out. He has never been to easy to put to bed but of late, he has been terrible! He simply does not want to go to bed. I’ve read numerous articles with all kinda of tips on how to get him to  ‘wind down’ for the night but nothing seems to work. I’m open to your tips!

Our routine at the moment starts at 5pm with dinner followed by a bath approx 5:30pm, quiet time if reading and sitting in the couch, bottle approx 6:40pm bed about 7pm. What am I doing wrong?

So I was only thinking, how did I spend my Saturday nights prior to bub? Well I used to be a bit of a social butterfly! this of course is also prior to marriage. Not that marriage should stop you from going out but going out doesn’t seem as fun when you know your loved one is at home waiting for you. Hubby doesn’t mind me going out but I’d much rather spend the time with him.

So my pre marriage / pre meeting hubby days, they would consist of sleeping in until mid morning, getting up to meet a friend to go shopping. Shopping for an outfit for that night of course. Have some lunch, head home, do my nails then graze on snacks all afternoon awaiting the perfect time to start and get ready for the big night out. These days / nights seem so long ago!

I love my nights in and am so happy with how my life has changed.  I feel like a different person. My bub is amazing every day he makes me smile and feel blessed to have him. I then think how I’d cope with going out and having a big night then waking to a bub throughout the night then being up at 5am ready to play! That’s what time I used to finish my nights. 🙂

So what’s a typical Saturday night for you?