Tag Archives: Family

School age debate.

School age debate.

I know this is a topic, often a spoken about, not always a positive topic, yet a topic that everyone seems to have an opinion on. So I thought that I would ‘chime in’ also as recently there was a ‘heated’ debate about it in the kindergarten playground.

I was faced with a confronting and unwelcome conversation last week by a woman that I don’t know. I was standing in the kindergarten playground chatting with other kindergarten mothers about nothing in particular when a mother that I had never met before starting making comments about our children.

See, we all have children who started kindergarten this year, and we also coincidentally have children that are turning 3 this year some boys, some girls. So when this woman passed comment that our ‘babies’ will also be going through school together, I said “that’s great will your daughter be going to kindergarten 2020?”. Not realising I had just unleashed her favourite topic!

She quickly responded with ‘no, my daughter is going 2021, why would you send your daughter early?, I mean sending a child too young has so many negative effects on them, why would you do that to her?”. I almost felt like I was being personally attacked, or that I was making a terrible decision and possibly ruining my dear daughters life.

I was taken aback – which rarely happens, and because of my silence, this woman thought it was her right to then lecture me on all the negative reasons as to why I should wait and send my daughter to kindergarten when she is 5 turning 6. You see, in her opinion sending my daughter 4 turning 5 in the May, is way too young and will undoubtedly end with teen pregnancy, under age drinking, lack of intelligence, slow learning, being left out of rep sporting teams, being easily influenced by others, difficulties with learning and socialising, and her extensive list went on. And on. And on. (Her words)

I was horrified at her response. I mean. This is the first time I’d ever met her. What a front she has to lecture anyone on their family decisions and what is best for someone else’s children. Too opinionated for my liking, that is for sure.

It really put me in a weird mindset, it made me question my husband and my decision and left me feeling quite angry and deflated. This was mind you, first thing in the morning so it played on my mind quite a lot that day. I spoke to a few friends throughout the day to vent and also get their opinions, of whom I value, and they, my friends much like myself, are of similar mindset with the school age decisions.

I also spoke to my little mans kindergarten teacher later that afternoon as this woman’s righteousness was confronting. I wanted to speak to a teacher who deals with children of varying ages on a daily basis and this teacher also, has over 13 years primary school teaching behind her. The kindergarten teacher is also of the same mindset as myself. That is, that each child is individual and ready at their own pace and in their own time.

I think I will have a better idea as to when we should start her in kindergarten once she starts preschool, however at the moment, my little miss who is not yet 3, knows her alphabet, can count to 20, dresses and undresses herself, copies and repeats her big brothers sight words, mock reads books, is extremely social, not shy, is really confident, will sit colour and draw by herself, can hold a pen or pencil with correct pen grip, will listen and take instruction and can sit through a whole movie, I think I will be ready but time will tell.

All kids are in my view, are individual and each to their own, however with this woman’s rant it got me thinking of all the negative effects that sending a child to school 5 turning 6 May encounter.

A few that really stand out to me are,
– Being an adult doing their HSC.
– Being 18, which is legal age to drink in Australia, which may mean the 18 year old who is still in high school, can and possibly will go out drinking. Is drinking whilst at school appropriate?
– Being older and holding a drivers license which at involve having other school children driving with them.
– Being older and influencing younger students mindsets.
– Wanting to ‘grow up’ too young.
– Will they get distracted or bored easily from being older?

Look, I get that this is a very personal topic, I think that either way, sending your child at 4 or 5, if you are raising your children in a way that you feel appropriate and comfortable with, your child will make the right decisions. They will know what is acceptable and hopefully make good decisions. It’s very individual based on each child differently.

I see valid points from both sides, however what I didn’t appreciate was being ‘force fed’ this woman’s opinion and how forthcoming she was with telling me how terrible I was as a parent for even considering sending my daughter to kindergarten at age 4 with her birthday in May.

What are your thoughts?

 

Family Disconnect.

Family disconnect.

There is an interesting saying, ‘you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family’.

I was chatting with a close friend of mine last week about family and how some are just so different from ours. We were both saying how we feel ‘disconnected‘ from our families as we are so different in personalities and beliefs.

It’s interesting to me how people from the same blood line can be so different in many ways.

My friend was saying that when she had her children, she thought that her bond with her mother would become better and would bring them closer, but in actual fact it has become worse, almost like her mother is jealous of her?

The grandmother (her mother) doesn’t really see her children often, given that they don’t live close to each other, however the grandmother doesn’t even call the ask how they are. Which is sad and heartbreaking because even if you have differences with your child, shouldn’t you still want to be an active part in your grandchildren’s lives?

When I grew up, I was seeing my grandparents often. Weekly if not every few days. Now I can’t remember if this was because both my parents worked and we stayed with them whilst my parents worked, or if we were there on visits? Anyway, I have very fond memories of spending time with my grandparents. Doing nice things together and it brings back great memories and warmth within my heart.

I guess everyone is different and people have their own lives and agendas. It was sad to hear the pain in her voice though, feeling that because she and her mother don’t really get along, that her kids don’t have active grandparents within their lives.

I know society is different nowadays and some grandparents are still actively working full time and have their own social lives, but should the grandchildren be punished or miss out on having their grandparents in their lives because of family differences?

My little guy is off to kindergarten this year, however at the wonderful preschool that he attended, they would go visit a retirement village monthly so that the kids would have a ‘grandparent’ experience and also, so that the elderly would have interactions with young children. I thought this was great as my little guy loved it.

My two little ones don’t see their grandparents very often, so this was also great for my little man who relished in reading books with the elderly within that retirement village. They also played games of snap, hide and seek and did gardening and artworks. I personally think that it’s great for the elderly also, as sometimes they don’t have family visit or they don’t actually have any living family close by.

I think that there is a certain amount of happiness given in both behalves. The young ones receiving knowledge and time from their peers and the elderly receiving smiles, laughter, innocence and happiness from the kids. My little man would come home with such excitement in his voice telling me about all the amazing things he did with these caring and thoughtful people.

When I was about 14 years old, my best friend in high schools mother, used to work in a retirement village in our local town. After school we used to go past her mothers workplace and visit the elderly. We would read with them, listen to their stories, watch them play piano and play card games together. I remember some of the stories that I was being told by These retirees about getting a horse and cart to school as there were not busses, and only the very wealthy had cars. Looking around their rooms and seeing a very different lifestyle but all the same a very happy life that they had lead. Such fond memories that I still hold.

We are extremely fortunate to have the most wonderful neighbours. They adore our two little ones and are often popping over to see them and chat with them. My two also adore them. They have their own children and grandchildren, however they make the time and put in the effort for my two. Which I personally find special.

We have quite a long driveway to get to our mailbox, so even on the walk up my little girl will often ask if we can go visit Ken and Robyn. Which melts my heart because it shows she enjoys their interactions. We often bake for Ken and Robyn and take them treats when we visit.

In this day and age, why do people hold grudges within their families?

Why can’t differences be put aside for the sake of innocent children?

In the long run, it’s the children that suffer by not having active grandparents within their lives. I suppose the grandparents also will suffer in some ways as they are missing out on watching these gorgeous and innocent young children grow up?

I know that I can be stubborn and hold a grudge, but I don’t allow that to affect my children.

My heart breaks for my friend and her children. It’s a difficult situation. I guess that’s why the saying goes ‘you can choose your Friends but not family’.

What are your thoughts on this?

Are you disconnected from your family or parents?

Does it affect your children?

I’d love to hear from you. Drop me an email noordinarymummy@gmail.com

💕

These dark circles and wrinkles? Yep—that’s my motherhood showing.

I love this.

Such an honest, relatable, open and beautiful read. 💕

These dark circles and wrinkles? Yep—that’s my motherhood showing.

by Beth Clark

Jumping into my car the other day, I caught sight of myself in the rear view mirror. Both kids were buckled into their overpriced car seats and we were heading somewhere distracting during a cold Canadian day.

I stopped a few seconds longer to study the woman I had become.

Familiar blue eyes still looked back, but they were cuddled by dark shadows and tickled with both heavy and delicate lines extending from every angle. I realized I truly looked as tired as I felt that morning and sunk deeply into my seat with a sigh that mourned the shadow-less face I once knew.

These thoughts of exhaustion shining through kept nudging my mind that day, and I caught myself intentionally trying to look in windows and mirrors to see if my appearance magically transformed to one of refreshment and not one that proved I hadn’t slept through the night in over four years.

No such luck…I looked like someone working hard. I looked like a mother.

That evening, I closed my eyes while sipping my wine and reflected on the daily actions that deepen these lines for parents everywhere.

Getting up every night to the calls of “Mama” or “Dada” to feed, cuddle, comfort and soothe our children back to sleep. It’s really a precious treasure to be the one who meets our little ones’ needs in the darkest hours.

Frowning as we watch our children practice a skill that could easily be expedited with our help, but understanding their need for independence and autonomy to become their own person…especially a stubborn 2-year-old!

Laying in bed, unable to doze off, thinking about our children’s current challenges. Trying to think of ways we can change as we are often the ones with a problem that they have sadly started to model.
Smiling at our kiddos, or smiling when thinking about them…because man! We do this a lot, don’t we?

Laughing along with our little one’s nonsensical jokes and their sweet sayings.

As the list grew, my mind reached a verdict.
I am a mother.

I sacrifice. I love. I laugh. I cry…sometimes a lot. I think. I hardly sleep. I worry. And I smile…once again, a lot.

Motherhood influences me from the inside out. My heart is showing on my face and my heart looks worn, it looks tired, it looks weathered and like it puts in a mega-load of hours…because it does. Hours of care, hours of concern and hours of cuddles.

I am OK with my heart being visible. I am OK with fine lines showing my love. And I am OK with shadows declaring that my nights are spent nursing and nurturing. I may try to drink more water and use a better moisturizer, but next time I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror I want to remember my motherhood first and foremost. I want to appreciate the proof of my full heart displayed around my eyes.

So Moms—be encouraged! Your motherhood is showing…and it is beautiful!

Love in wrinkles and in lines,
This Mum
*Hashtag no filter*

Let me tell you where to go.

Let me tell you where to go.

Approx 3 years ago we moved from what I’d know into the unknown. We moved from the eastern suburbs of sydney to the northern suburbs which is dubbed the north shore, but the closest beach is actually about 30-45 minutes away, so go figure.

We moved here for a lifestyle change. We had a 1 year old and were planning on expanding our family. We needed and wanted a bigger home with a yard and area for our children to play. So we made the decision to buy a home that suited our needs but not in our ‘known’ area. We moved about an hour away from our comfort zone to get a bigger house with a large yard at a reasonable cost so that we wouldn’t be in debt for the rest of our time.

At first I will admit it was tough, still at times it is, but we have grown to enjoy our new surroundings and are finding our way.

What I have found though, is that although we have moved into a larger ‘family’ demographic, I’m finding that there are not necessarily a lot of kid friendly places to go, that are not play centres. Or maybe I just have not discovered them?

What I was looking for is somewhere we can go as either a family or where I can take the kids solo or to catch up with friends. Not so much an adult venue, but somewhere that’s nice yet child friendly. Let’s face it, if we are in a family demographic why shouldn’t there be more family friendly venues?

So what I have found are a few places that are now on my regular radar to take my two little people to. These places make me feel welcome each time we arrive. I don’t get snarled at by walking in with my 4year old and a 1yo in a pram. I’m not in fear of judgement of other patrons if my little people make noise and the staff are always relaxed. These places are great in many aspects, aspects that most mothers or parents will agree are important when out and about with children.

Great coffee and menu including food for fussy toddlers.

Relaxed atmosphere.

Friendly staff.

Simple decor.

Affordable.

Don’t mind if little fingers spill food.

Don’t mind if children make noise.

Provide an area for children to play.

Prompt service. We all know kids can get impatient and disruptive if the service takes too long.

So with these in mind, I have listed my favourite places to take my kiddies.

Please note – I’m not affiliated with any of the below. I’ve simply had great service and a lovely time at each of them with my little ones. We actually are regular customers and have not had a bad experience to date (in 3 years).

If you have others, please let me know so that I can try them out also. Always happy for new suggestions.

Piermonte – Terry Hills Flower Market.
http://piemonte.com.au/
This place has an awesome menu and great play area for kids to play that is safe and fenced and in direct eyesight of the seating area so that your little ones can play whilst you eat or have a coffee or juice.

Shores – Hornsby.
http://www.shoresrestaurant.com.au/
There is a cute little kids hub inside the restaurant. It’s got booths for family’s, really yummy food. Great coffee and super friendly staff.

The Station – Wahroonga.
http://www.thestationwahroonga.com.au/
Really good food, great coffee. Not really a play area for kids but the staff are super friendly and easy going and understanding with children and provide pencils and paper for drawing and colouring for kiddies entertainment.

The Fox Cafe – Wahroonga.
http://www.foxcafe.com.au/
A larger restaurant with booths for family’s, very child friendly menu. Great coffee, easy atmosphere, friendly staff and easy to find parking.

Galley Foods – Bobbin Head.
http://galleyfoods.com.au/
On the marina, it’s such a beautiful setting. Super relaxed and again with great food and coffee. They also have live music on most weekends and happy to provide colouring for keeping little ones occupied. You can also feed the fish off the marina whilst waiting for your food to arrive.

ThermoMix heaven….

Easy, healthy cooking.

About a year ago something happened that literally turned things around for me in the kitchen. I met Caroline, my Thermomix consultant. She’s also a mummy with two young children so we clicked straight away over shared experiences.

Together she showed me how this one piece of equipment could help me in so many ways – not just making it possible to make healthy and tasty options but to do so quickly and easily, which of course meant I didn’t resort to store-bought yuckies. And having more free time was a bonus I didn’t anticipate but certainly appreciate.

Now I’m not big on selling things but seriously, this ‘thing’ she showed me, was about to turn my kitchen experience around.

Even better, I could get those nutrients into my littlies, especially my fussy young man, without resorting to a battle. Of course, trying new tastes often results in the reflex spit-out but a bit like the sleeping patterns persistence can pay off and it took less time than I imagined.

Yes, a Thermomix is a considerable investment, but for me it’s also been a Godsend and possibly one of my best purchases as a parent. They also have many options to almost ‘lay buy’ or ‘pay off’ this piece of kitchen equipment. I use mine almost every day and for everything from a smoothie, making porridge, chopping vegetables, cooking a whole meal at once, including steaming vegetable in the varoma, whilst making a pasta sauce in the jug!

This 1 item has eliminated so many from my kitchen. It chops, blends, steams, boils, stirs, cooks, poaches, purées and all on a timer. So no boiling over, burning pans or constant stiring. Best of all it comes with a recipe chip, which is amazing! It has hundreds of easy to make recipes, that takes no time at all to prepare and cook. Well actually this machine pretty much does everything. The LCD screen works a bit like an iPad. It prompts you all the way so you basically cannot stuff up! Easy!

Not only is Caroline always just a phone call away to help with cooking and recipe tips, but as well as a Thermomix consultant I’ve also gained a friend.

Your interested to know more, please feel free to contact Caroline direct. I’ve popped her details at the bottom of this post.

Or jump onto the ThermoMix website and check it out for yourself!

Here’s one of our favourite sneaky veg recipes:

Carrot and Zucchini Choc Muffins

Ingredients:
1 medium zucchini
1 medium carrot
30g raw sugar
130g chickpea flour
30g raw cacao
½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp ground cinnamon
Pinch nutmeg
Pinch salt
30g almonds
30g macadamia nuts
70g grapeseed oil
2 eggs

Method
Preheat oven to 180 degrees and line a muffin tray
Grate zucchini and carrot speed 7 for 2 seconds, transfer to a bowl
Add all ingredients from raw sugar to macadamia nuts and mix speed 5 for 6 seconds
Add oil and eggs and mix speed 5 for 20 seconds
Add back zucchini and carrot and mix speed 2 for 5 seconds on reverse
Transfer mixture to prepared muffin tray and bake for 20-25 minutes
Transfer to wire tray to cool for 10 minutes

I like to serve these with vanilla coconut custard…( one of Caroline’s recipes).

These can even be frozen so you always have a supply on hand!

If you would like to contact Caroline to arrange a cooking demonstration or purchase you own Thermomix you can contact her on 0402 483 803 or carolinesomma@hotmail.com

What would you do?

What to do when it all falls apart.

Recently I’ve been chatting with friends and acquaintances about keeping your independence when your a SAHM. We were talking about a radio station that were running a ‘competition’ so to speak, where the public called in and said why they needed to win $10,000. There were 2 different people daily with different situations, they didn’t know each other but one of the callers had to decide if they needed the money more than the other caller and if they should keep it for themselves or give it to the other person. They would hear the other persons reasons for needing the $10,000 but the choice was theirs, keep it or give it.

Anyway, one caller was a young woman who had been married for 15 years, had 4 children and her husband had decided to end their marriage and he had started a new relationship with someone from his work place. He told the ex wife she was to move out of the family home, he was keeping the car and he was also cutting off her allowance. She had no job as she quit to raise the children and run the household.

The second caller was recently married, no children but suffering a illness that required an operation, which would cost them $9,000. The operation could be life saving:

Both these cases seem fair, but who would you chose to get the $10,000?
The stranded mother or the caller requiring the operation?
The decision was for the single mother to make the choice weather to give it or keep it, and she actually kept the money for herself.to get back on her feet and start again after her marriage ended.

As you can imagine were many back and forth opinions and I guess you could say it had many different perspectives both positives and also negatives.

I would have given it personally to the caller requiring the operation, apparently that operation was going to help basically save his life. I get that the single mum was doing it tough, but she had her health. Something that I think many of us don’t appreciate.

What do you find more important, setting yourself back up after a break up, or getting healthy and possibly saving a life?

So it got me thinking about all the ‘what if’s?’ To do with this single mothers situation.

What if you are a SAHM, you are solely reliant on your partner and the relationship ends? What do you do? You have no money as he controls it all. You have no where to go, as you need money in order to leave and reset yourself up. You have no job or employment so therefore no income coming in for yourself. So many variables.

Is this why some partners insist on ‘looking after things?’ So that they have the ‘upper hand’ or ‘are in control’ if things do end?

It is a tricky, and can be sensitive situation.

I myself have never relied on a man until I left my job after my first child. I was bought up by a single mother who worked 2 jobs to make ends meet and raise 3 children and pay the mortgage and bills etc. I always wanted to support myself and not have to rely on a man. And I did right up until 3 years ago.

I worked after I had my first child. It was great, I had my independence. I had my own money, my hours were flexible and I was still able to be with my child. I pretty much didn’t take maternity leave, instead my employer was extremely flexible and allowed me to work from home 4 days and in the office one day. It was such a great experience and understanding company allowing me to basically have the best of both worlds.

I would be up at 6:30am checking emails whilst my little guy laid beside me watching and having his morning bottle. Then we could play and when he would go down for his morning sleep where he would sleep for approx 2-2.5hrs, I’d get a load of work done. Then it would be play time again for a few hours, followed by him having his afternoon sleep, again for another 2hrs where I’d get a solid chunk of work done then also. I found I was wet productive as I wanted to get the ‘work’ done so that I could play with my little guy. I was still doing about 6hrs per day, much like an office job but from home and still around my little one. Anyway we moved house and my employer was wanting me in the office more than I could commit too and after many conversations, my husband decided it would be too far and hard for me to travel whilst being a SAHM. He was also working long hours and it would mean our little guy would have been in day care from approx 7:30am until around 6pm 5 days per week. So I resigned. I sometimes wish I still had my independence and own thing going on but I also feel very blessed to be able to have all this time with my little guy and now also my little girl.

Once we moved we had another child and let’s say life is busy! I now have a 3yo and 15mo…. 🙂

I often think though, what would I do if he left me or if I left him?

I have no savings as he gives me a weekly allowance that is to pay for groceries, put fuel in the car, pay my mobile bill, buy the kids clothing and nappies etc. I wouldn’t know what to do. He looks after all the bills as he has the salary.

It got me thinking.

Should I try to work in order to have money for a ‘back up plan’?
That would mean that both my children would be in child care and that would possibly cost what I would be earning?
I’d also have rent to pay, I’d need to purchase my own car and also pay all my own bills.

So how would I do all that?

Children are simply not accepted into care straight away, most places have wait lists and hopefully days avail that I’d require.

Oh but getting a job is also not quite that simple. There is the application process, interview process and then hopefully a position that can, 1 – pay the required amount I’m salary for me to support myself and my children. 2 – be close to where I’d live or the children’s care centre so I wouldn’t be spending long periods of time commuting to and from work with children, and 3 – possibly be flexible enough to understand that being a single working mother i may occasionally need flexibility for my children.

Speaking out aloud about it and rationalising thoughts makes me realise just how hard things could be.

There always seems to be a compromise. But at what cost? Should I have resigned and given up all my independence? Should I be looking to start work again ‘just Incase’ something were to happen? Should I trust my husband will always look out for and after me and our family?

You our can never predict the future.

It certainly made me wonder what would I do.

What would you do?

Feel free to email me – noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Negative headspace.

Negative headspace.

Firstly I want to apologies for not writing something sooner.

I had been in a negative head space and it hasn’t been fun. I also want to apologise if my past posts have seemed ‘nasty’ ‘mean’ or ‘negative’ in anyway and have offered anyone of you.

I unfortunately became the victim of some horrible antics and gossip, and unfortunately, I allowed it to get the better of me.

I am putting my hand up here and taking blame, as I shouldn’t have allowed someone else’s negativity to consume me. I should have ignored it and not thought about it, but as most of us do, if we are spoken badly or illy about, we get our feelings hurt in some way, shape or form and it affects us in many ways including emotionally and physically.

I’m usually quite a strong person and don’t allow much to get to me. The recent negativity and lies have played on my mind and it consumed part of me and i was silly enough to lower myself to the standards of these people and their negativity. I was feeling anxious on many occasions, I started to worry about what strangers thought about me and i found myself feeling as though I needed to explain my feelings and or actions.

I know I can be outspoken and opinionated. I am the first to admit that. However I do listen rationally to all situations and evaluate my own thoughts and believes, I’m not ‘led astray’ in my opinions let’s say.

After speaking with my mentor, I have decided to rid all negativity from my life. It has worn me down, had me question my thoughts and beliefs, had me question my friendships and I’ve had to reevaluate what and who is actually an important part of my life and who and what should I let go.

If you have been in a ‘bad head space’ or been victim of others negativity. I urge you to try and not allow it to consume you. Try to rid it and allow yourself to feel ‘clean’ again.

Your mind, body and soul will thank you, so will your family.

Below are a few tips on how I’ve ‘cleaned’ the negativity from my life.

1. Don’t allow what other day to get to you – forget their words.
Oftentimes, we tell ourselves ‘no’ because we think others might not approve of our actions. First, it’s crucial to remember that we live our own lives, who do we need to please but ourselves?
2. Spend Time Positive People
Being around people who have a positive attitude and are generally happy people will only benefit your mindset. Positive thinkers will encourage you to try new things, follow your dreams, and motivate you even when you yourself want to avoid trying something new. They can also teach you to pinpoint your worst habits and help you to avoid them.
3. Stop Complaining
I’ll be the first to admit that I like to complain – my family, my workplace, whatever. Complaining, though, puts our mind in a position to make more excuses. We are not in charge of our destiny, our situation is. The next time you catch yourself complaining, stop immediately. Think instead of how to solve your problem and then try fixing it. You will be amazed at how small successes can breed a positive outlook on life.
4. Try Something New
A lot of negativity originates from the idea that we can’t do something we’ve never tried before. If you are always trying new things, though, you realize that the world is full of things you’ve never done. Start a new hobby or find a group of people doing something fun that is of interest to you. The more you do fun things the more positive your mindset will become.
5. Devote an Hour a Day to your Goals
Everyone, no matter who you are, has dreams, goals and aspirations but most of us think we don’t have the time to pursue them. Even if you are raising 10 kids and have two jobs, you can always find at least an hour of your day to devote to yourself. Perhaps something as small as walking home instead of the bus? Reading a book on the train? Meditating before you go to sleep? Anything that you wish you could do more of. Devoting time to your goals will boost your self-esteem and give you courage and happiness.

Remember, you never regret spending time doing something positive .
Try squashing any negativity from life. It may just surprise you how much better you feel.

A love like no other.

I love the honesty in this post. Again by one of my favourites. ‘Scary Mommy’.

I sometime feel like I’ve made many mistakes with my little guy, my first born and my first amazing unconditional true love. It’s amazing the love we feel fur our children. Well I know the love that I have for mine. It’s like nothing I have ever felt before, very overwhelming yet so satisfying.

I think I speak for most patents when I say there is no greater love than the love we have for our children.

As a middle child myself I always thought that my mother favoured my older sister and younger brother. One because my sister and mother get along more like sisters and are quite similar and my brother, well he is the baby of the family and a boy.

Much like my little man, my brother us a mummy’s boy. Not that there is anything wrong with it. However I used to curse it, but now that I have my own son, I totally understand and accept it.

I adore both my children but when I was pregnant with my little girl, I had similar thoughts. How can I love another as much? Well I have and I do.

Please read this blog, it hit home for me, perhaps it will also for you!
http://www.scarymommy.com/first-child-love-will-never-change/

 

 

Split families

Split Families.

I visited a friend recently who is in a similar position to myself. She had married a man who has children to his previous wife. 4 in fact.

Being that school holidays had just finished and a few more were just around the corner we were chatting about school holidays and how do they split them and also if she includes his children in in all their holidays.

Her response was very truthful and I agree.

She said they do split them but as her husband works full time and long hours, when his children are with them for the holidays he arranged for them to stay with his parents – the Childrens grandparents, half the time so that she doesn’t have to change her plans or do the running around after them. After all she said – quote – ‘they are not my children and they require a lot of work and it’s also important for them to see and spend time with their grandparents’.

I understand that this may offend some people but I think it’s a smart move. She has a 3 year old with her husband and is pregnant with their second child. She said their 3 year old is her main responsibility and that the other children are also old enough to be self sufficient.

Their ages are varied between 13 to 17. I agree that they are old enough to be self sufficient.

I also know that a toddler is busy and does require a lot of attention.

So when she said that her husband also believes that they should be doing things including ‘alone’ holidays with just them 2 (adults/parents/her and him/hubby and wife) and their child I was intrigued as I know my husband thinks that step children should be included in everything.

I asked why he says they need to do things with ‘just them’ and her response was ‘although he loves all his children it’s important for us to do things alone as our family, we do separate holidays with his children but he understands the importance of us having our time together. Me him and our son’.

I was impressed that her husband understands this as most split families are not as open minded and some have a sense of ‘guilt’ so therefore go over and beyond to try and make the step children or children to previous relationships feel super important and in most cases they get all the attention and are not self sufficient as they are mollycoddled. Or felt sorry for. (See previous post on step children which I write after meeting a family in fiji)

I get each family is different and everyone has different needs.

I also understand children to previous relationships still need to be included in some things but do they need to be included in everything?

Do you see importance of doing things as a family and not always having to include step children or children from previous relationships?

I think in most cases it will help the husband and wife’s relationship as my friend was saying that the 2 younger step children are quite jealous of the 3 year old and if her husband is playing with the 3 year old, the others interrupt and ask the father to do things that they know they 3 year old can do, that way the 3 year old is excluded.

What are your thoughts on this?

Do you think children to previous relationships should always be included in everything?

Should they get special treatment as the parents are no longer together?

Should there still be holidays for the new partner and their children?

Is it important to have separate holidays?

I’d love to hear from you – email me, noordinarymummy@gmail.com

 

Do you wish your children would grow up quickly?

I can honestly say that I do not wish my children to grow up.

I personally made the decision to be a stay at home mum a few years ago. Yes it was a tough decision as I was worried about giving up my ‘independence’. But there is no way I would change it for the world. I have made sacrifices but they are absolutely worth it. I was only chatting to a girl friend about this yesterday.

This article had me smile, then had my eyes well with tears. These gorgeous children are my world and I am extremely fortunate that I can be a stay at home mum and spend all my data and time with them.

I have said this before, but again, children are only young once. I certainly don’t want mine to grow up too quickly. I want to have as much time with them as possible and cherish all these moments and first. Watching them grow and learn and become little people.

Please do yourself a favour and read this link. Xx

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/oct/31/young-children-early-years-parenting-family