Tag Archives: Ex

Split families

Split Families.

I visited a friend recently who is in a similar position to myself. She had married a man who has children to his previous wife. 4 in fact.

Being that school holidays had just finished and a few more were just around the corner we were chatting about school holidays and how do they split them and also if she includes his children in in all their holidays.

Her response was very truthful and I agree.

She said they do split them but as her husband works full time and long hours, when his children are with them for the holidays he arranged for them to stay with his parents – the Childrens grandparents, half the time so that she doesn’t have to change her plans or do the running around after them. After all she said – quote – ‘they are not my children and they require a lot of work and it’s also important for them to see and spend time with their grandparents’.

I understand that this may offend some people but I think it’s a smart move. She has a 3 year old with her husband and is pregnant with their second child. She said their 3 year old is her main responsibility and that the other children are also old enough to be self sufficient.

Their ages are varied between 13 to 17. I agree that they are old enough to be self sufficient.

I also know that a toddler is busy and does require a lot of attention.

So when she said that her husband also believes that they should be doing things including ‘alone’ holidays with just them 2 (adults/parents/her and him/hubby and wife) and their child I was intrigued as I know my husband thinks that step children should be included in everything.

I asked why he says they need to do things with ‘just them’ and her response was ‘although he loves all his children it’s important for us to do things alone as our family, we do separate holidays with his children but he understands the importance of us having our time together. Me him and our son’.

I was impressed that her husband understands this as most split families are not as open minded and some have a sense of ‘guilt’ so therefore go over and beyond to try and make the step children or children to previous relationships feel super important and in most cases they get all the attention and are not self sufficient as they are mollycoddled. Or felt sorry for. (See previous post on step children which I write after meeting a family in fiji)

I get each family is different and everyone has different needs.

I also understand children to previous relationships still need to be included in some things but do they need to be included in everything?

Do you see importance of doing things as a family and not always having to include step children or children from previous relationships?

I think in most cases it will help the husband and wife’s relationship as my friend was saying that the 2 younger step children are quite jealous of the 3 year old and if her husband is playing with the 3 year old, the others interrupt and ask the father to do things that they know they 3 year old can do, that way the 3 year old is excluded.

What are your thoughts on this?

Do you think children to previous relationships should always be included in everything?

Should they get special treatment as the parents are no longer together?

Should there still be holidays for the new partner and their children?

Is it important to have separate holidays?

I’d love to hear from you – email me, noordinarymummy@gmail.com

 

Being a step parent.

My husband sent me this article earlier today. He says it’s helping him to understand the ‘challenges’ of being a step parent.

Are you a step parent?

What are your thoughts on this article?

I think it’s defiantly worth a read. So many people are so quick to call step parents ‘step monsters’ and judge the situation.

I personally don’t think it’s anyone’s right to judge another’s situation.

We are all different and we all parent differently.

We all fall in love for different reasons and we all have various relationship requirements.

Some of us can’t help who we fell in love with. Others choose to be more picky with choosing their partners.

I have  friends who would never date anyone who have children to other partners and I totally respect that. Being a step parent is challenging.

Id love to hear your thoughts on this article.

Email me – noordinarymummy@gmail.com

or find me on Twitter @noordinarymummy

or Facebook www.facebook.com/noordinarymummy

http://powertochange.com/sex-love/support-stepmom/

 

Endometriosis

Endometriosis.

This is a female disorder that is believed can affect fertility.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a serious medical condition, Severe endometriosis with extensive scarring and organ damage may affect fertility. It is considered one of the three major causes of female infertility; about 30 percent to 40 percent of women with endometriosis are infertile. However it is also very treatable.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endometriosis

http://www.idph.state.il.us/about/womenshealth/factsheets/endo.htm

I had a girlfriend telling me about this woman she knows who claimed to have this terrible medical condition in order to convince her then partner that she needed to have a baby sooner rather than later. She was also getting older so possibly had the ‘time is a ticking’ mentality also.

She led her then partner to believe that by having a baby it can ‘cure’ her endometriosis. Medical studies have actually proven this is incorrect.

This had many effects on the relationship because at that stage of their relationship they were not ‘solid’ or in a good place. My friend believes she trapped him into staying with her by feeling sorry for her. She also believes that she ‘used’ the baby as a bargaining tool.

I personally don’t think that having a baby when your relationship isn’t strong is a wise idea as children need a family structure around them and love and support. They don’t ask to be bought into the world so why should they be used as a ‘band aid’ so to speak to try and ‘keep’ the partner or ‘fix’ the relationship?

This is not fair to the partner but most of all the innocent child.

This is sad in so many ways.

They have since broke up and did so when the child was only a baby. 🙁 she is still struggling to move on with her life and find a new partner, perhaps they sense her deceptiveness? And the worst part is, according to my friend she does not make her child a priority?

Why do women do this?

I don’t understand.

Children are not ‘bargaining tools’ they are not something you have to try and fix a relationship. If you think that a child will ‘fix’ your relationship your wrong!

Having children is the most wonderful and rewarding thing I have ever done and yes it can be stressful when they don’t sleep, or are sick and will defiantly strain your patience and possibly put strain and pressure on your relationship but I think they are absolutely worth it and if your relationship isn’t strong enough to get you through these sleepless nights and learning phases of being a new parent, it will break you. Hence why I believe you need to be in a solid relationship prior to having a baby.

Unless you are wanting to be a single parent and know you have the strength and ability to raise your precious innocent child alone. If this is your choice I applaud your strength.

All I ask is that you think before you have a child. Many people struggle to fall and others use medical conditions as excuses to fall pregnant.

In my point of view, this woman is clearly deceitful and vicious. She lied to get what she wanted and doesn’t deserve to have the child that she has never made her priority.

Children should be put first. Loved and adored. Not used to ‘fix’ your relationship so please don’t lie about serious conditions to try and fix your relationship.

Expectations on looking good.

We all want to look our best right?

So why do we set ourselves such high standards?

A lot of women ‘aspire’ to look like models, lately I’ve read articles on how ‘amazing’ a certain ex supermodel still looks and she is 50. What I wonder is, why do we worry about what they look like and why are we comparing ourselves to them?

Models are paid to look good it’s their job. Just as we are paid to go to work, whatever our employment may be, looking good is their employment. If they didn’t look good they wouldn’t get the ‘job’ as such and therefore would be unemployed.

What a lot of us also forget is, majority of the time their salaries exceed ours and they often have personal trainers on a daily basis, nutritionists, chefs to prepare their meals ensuring it’s to their standard and possibly calorie controlled or part of a particular eating plan which allows them to just eat and not have to plan like majority of us.

If we all had help like models have we could all look that way.

Which also brings me to another point, do we all want to look like a model? It seems like a lot of hard work to me.

Why are we not happy with the way we are?

Why do we put pressure on ourselves to look like someone who is paid to look a certain way?

Communication etiquette

Communication etiquette

I have met some wonderful new friends lately and some of them are married to men with ex wife’s.

I guess with the Australian divorce rate at 43% many relationships have ex wife’s or husbands. In saying that though, statistics show that if you marry after the age of 30 your marriage is more likely to go the distance.

Chatting with my new friends we were discussing how their partner communicates with the ex. Most of them have children involved so they have to communicate but it interested me as to how they communicate and how often.

To my surprise the ex wife’s of most of these men are quite demanding with communication. Don’t they realise their ex has moved on and is remarried with a new family?

There is this one ex who still signs off with a ‘x’ now to me and most of my friends an ‘x’ is a kiss right? I asked my new friend if her hubby and his ex were close. Her response was ‘no, but I think the ex does it to erk me’. Now this isn’t a surprise to me as I’ve had my fair share of dealing with troublesome ex’s however my thoughts were, ‘how immature’.

Another new friend was telling me that her hubby’s ex wife will text at all hours and demand that he response and is asking for all types of things, mostly asking for money having to to pay for extras on top of her child maintenance but also complaining that she can’t get a sitter to watch the child so can he take time off from work to have him? If he says no she plays the guy card saying that the child would really like to see him and misses him and please can’t it just be in his lunch break. If my friend wasn’t as trusting and confident in her marriage and also knowing how much her hubby dis likes his ex wife, this could have ruined their relationship.

Now we all know some women can be like this however how would they feel if the tables were reversed and it was an ex wife contacting their new husband if they were to have one? My guess is they wouldn’t like it too much as must people with these personality types are generally selfish, jealous and controlling.

Statistics show that most women have a fear of being alone and also letting go. Is this why some insist on still being part of the ex hubby’s life and like to cause drama within his new family? It makes me wonder, do they enjoy being a ‘pest’?

Another new friend also told me that her hubby’s ex wife emailed him asking for a ‘one night stand’ as she wanted another child but wanted her children to have the same father. I find this very weird and asked if this was before my friend and her hubby were together. To my response she replied with ‘nope, we had been together about ) months, I’d met their children and she knew of me’.

Another says that the ex sends the child to their house wearing clothes that are either 3 sizes too small or completely ruined, knowing that it’s embarrassing for both the child and the step mother so that the step mother will go and buy new ones but then when the child wears them back to his mothers / ex wife she then doesn’t return them. Apparently this is a continuos thing and constant battle with the hubby’s new family.

Another says that her and her hubby pay the private school fees along with extra sporting activities and purchase all the school uniforms on top of child support otherwise the mother / ex wife doesn’t buy them and the child misses out. She claims she can’t afford it?

I thought that child support us 19% of the non living with parents salary paid monthly to the parent who the child lives full time with? All of this to my knowledge is what child support is supposed to pay for? Some women are getting $280 per week for 1 child whom she only has 3 day one week and 6 the next so only having the child 9 days out of 14 but insisting on being paid high child support and extra.

Where do you draw the line?

You don’t want you child to ‘miss out’ on things.

Seriously, what are some people thinking? Or are they not thinking?

Apparently these women think that any time is sufficient.

So what do you think is appropriate etiquette for contacting ex’s?

I have friends that don’t contact at crazy hours nor do my family. General consensus is common courtesy right? What time would you find appropriate for calling or texting someone?