Friends or Foes?
I think we all get to an age where we start to define our friendships. Who is a real friend and who isn’t?
So what defines a real friend?
I guess it depends on what you classify ‘real’?
For me a ‘real’ friend is someone who I can call upon at any time. They don’t judge me even when I’m being ridicules. They are always ready to listen to my woes and the keep it ‘real’. They tell me the truth even when it’s probably not what I want to hear. That’s how I define a ‘real’ friend.
A foe to me is someone who ‘pretends’ to be my friend. They cancel catch ups at the last minute with excuses that you know are not truthful. They only talk about themselves. They don’t ask how you are and if they do, they don’t listen or pay attention to what you say. They talk about you behind your back and they never actually have your back.
A few years ago I did a ‘clean out’ (so to speak) of my friends. I had this one friend in particular who I thought I could trust with my deepest secrets. We had only known each other about 2 years but I honestly thought she was a great trustworthy person.
My eyes were opened when at my wedding she swapped numbers with my then boss. Something I would never do. I personally think this compromised my employment. Bare in mind my boss was – for lack of a better explanation ‘a player’.
He was the type of guy who always had a few girls on the go at once but they never know about each other. He was also the type of boss who took all the guys from the office out for lunch but never included the girls. I later found out that their lunches were at strip clubs. So enough said about him. Being my friend at the time I had confided in her about him and his antics.
This foe friend then proceeded to date my then boss. It made things awkward for me as she thought she was smitten with him. They had sleep overs and he spoilt her (whilst spoiling others) with wonderful gifts and diners at fancy restaurants.
He also spoke very openly about his dates and recreational activities with these girls including my friend in an open office. I had enough one day and told him it was not appropriate to speak of girls that way as it is disrespectful especially about my friend – disrespectful to her and to me.
So I hear you asking why was it awkward? Because she told him everything I had confided in her with. Including his player ways.
This then proved her as a foe when she told him everything I had told her. She never thought of the implications that this would cause me in my work place and she never respected my privacy.
This impacted very badly on my employment. He turned against me very quickly and nastily. I was excluded even more and almost forced to resign. Of course I ended up resigning but I feel he pushed me to do it and if they had not have ‘hooked up’ I possibly could have still been working there.
I asked her to meet me to catch up as we had grown distant since they started dating and we used to catch up for dinner weekly but speak every day. Once they started dating our contact was sporadic. I would text and call her but she would hardly respond as her time was with him and he didn’t like her being in get phone around him.
So in our catch up I told her I was worried about her falling for him as he was ‘a player’ and I also told her what I heard him saying about her and what things he got her to do in the bedroom. Private stuff that he shouldn’t have spoken about.
She was upset by it but then proceeded to turn the whole situation around and accuse me of being secretly in love with him. Keeping in mind I had just got back from my honeymoon…
Is this a real friend I thought?
I’m telling this girl what is being said about her behind her back and her only response is to attack me?
This is not someone I would classify a friend.
She accused me of being deceitful.
She accused me of lying about what I heard him discussing about her – even though she blushed and got very defensive about it.
She stopped answering my contact when they started dating.
She told him my secrets.
She didn’t appreciate me telling her what if her about her.
She didn’t appreciate me standing up for her.
It then had me asking myself, was she only befriending me to get to my boss?
How do you define a friend from a foe?
It made me question a lot of my friendships and realize that not everybody I thought was a friend was a true friend.
I guess what I’m trying to say is a lot of people come in and out of your life and not every friendship is based on how long you have known someone.
I certainly don’t have a thousand friends but I do know who are my friends.
Those who are my friends I will defend to the end and always be available for at any given time.
My husband says I have the heart of Pharlap. For those who are unsure who Pharlap is. Pharlap is a very famous race horse who when passed away it was found that he had a huge heart. Bigger than the normal horse heart 🙂
For more on Pharlap click the link below.