Tag Archives: Anger

Emotions.

Emotions and crying when angry.

Emotions are funny aren’t they?

They make us laugh, cry, smile, happy, frustrated, angry, irritated and much more.

I was going back through some of my old study note’s from when I was studying to become a counsellor. A topic that I came across was emotions and how we deal with them. I remember finding this subject quite interesting and one that I actually got great marks in my assessment for. (Quiet pat on my own back )

Emotions can get the better of us and in some cases can cause people to react or act irrationally.

I started reading through these notes and thinking about my personality and how I react to different situations. I know that when I’m extremely angry I cry. I find it hard to control. It’s almost like I get wild sensation come over me and tears come pouring out.

Some may say this is a sweet softer side of me, I’m also known to be quite hot headed and protective. (Yes I can loose it but I’m mainly ‘ticked’ and will become extremely protective, especially of my children or those close to me. I become a Mumma bear and hath have no fury like a Mumma pushed too far! 😉)

As I have aged I have learnt to ‘wind in’ my hot head and be more diplomatic but in some situations my tears still stream with anger. I suppose tears are better than yelling at someone or becoming violent right? I suppose it’s the more mature reaction but, I sometimes feel as though my tears are not seen for what they are (anger) and could be seen as sadness, defeat or fear?

Sometimes children cry with frustration when they can’t describe or control their emotions. They get sad when they don’t get their own way and cry right?

I cry with anger. With my anger, it’s generally because I feel as though my thoughts and values have been attacked, everyone is entitled to their own feelings and thoughts and no ones are right or wrong. We are all different therefore have different values. Who says your interpretation of something is right and mine is wrong? Or vice versa?

The physical sensations when I feel personally attacked or angry are similar to anxiety, which for me include a racing heart and tightness in the body. I loose my appetite, feel hot, feel like my face is sunburnt and feel a pressure in my chest, almost like someone is pushing against me. It’s weird but that’s how my body deals with it.

I have tried for many years to control the tears when I’m angry, but sometimes this emotion overcomes my control.

What I have learnt from negative emotions though is that if we dwell on it or allow it to manifest in us. They will overtake our lives and make us miserable.

Negative emotions stop us from thinking and behaving rationally and seeing situations in their true perspective. When this occurs, we tend to see only we want to see and remember only what we want to remember. This only prolongs the anger or grief and prevents us from enjoying life.

The longer this goes on, the more entrenched the problem becomes. Dealing with negative emotions inappropriately can also be harmful – for example, expressing anger with violence.

Some people can be overly emotional or sensitive, which is fine everybody is different. For me learning about emotions whilst studying to be a counsellor has helped me to understand other people’s personalities a little more. Reading their body language and reacting appropriately to their feelings.

I think the biggest factor for me personally, and what stands out from my studies is that negative emotions also can manifest in personal insecurities, general unhappiness, stress and anxiety which can lead to depression.

I know a few people who suffer depression and are on medication for it. Depression for some is described as a disease. I won’t go into depression as that’s a whole other topic and I could blog about it all day, a subject close to my heart. However emotions are natural, we cannot control them fully and we will never fully understand them.

Emotions are psychological (our thoughts) and biological (our feelings). Our brain responds to our thoughts by releasing various hormones and chemicals into our blood stream which send us into a state of arousal. All emotions come about this way, be it positive or negative. It’s complex and can be overwhelming which can also make it hard to overcome.

What we need to learn to do more is, let go of what has made you angry or emotional – constantly going over negative events preoccupies you and stops you from living in the ‘present’ and will manifest in making you feel sad and unhappy.

Helping your child deal with frustrations.

Such a great read!

My little guy can become frustrated and angry, he is only 3, and as a result he ‘flips out’.

This is a result of many things.

– The fact that he cannot articulate his feelings at this stage. He doesn’t really know what he is feeling except happy or angry or sad. ‘Feelings’ are generally acknowledged around age 5/6.

– He cannot control his emotions properly. This is something that is generally learnt around 4/5 years old.

– He could be feeling overwhelmed.

– He may be overtired. I don’t always know if he is waking through the night. A disruptive sleep can make anyone short tempered.

– Hunger. He could be having a ‘growth spurt’ and may very well be hungry. Or he could be too busy playing or doing something that he doesn’t eat enough. We can only monitor so much so if he isn’t eating properly he may not be able to deal with various situations. I know I’m I’m hungry. I can get angry and not even realise!

A great tip that I’ve learnt from this article to help children deal with anger and frustration is creating a ‘Mad List’. I’ve copied the paragraph from this article explaining ‘Mad List’. Very easy to do and I think, would be useful.

Mad list – When my son was younger, a mad list was the secret to helping him vent his frustration. Young children need to vent (just like adults), but they don’t yet know how to do that. Screaming and flailing feels good in the moment, so they go with what works.

Ask your child to name all of the things that make him mad. Write down his list on a piece of paper while he vents his emotions. Provide empathy and understanding while you do this. Kids need to feel understood, and a simple, “Ooh, that makes me mad, too!” shows that you get it. Once the list is complete, ask your child to tear it into tiny pieces (this provides a much needed physical release of emotion) and throw them in the air. Then collect the pieces together and throw them out for good.

Go on. Do yourself a favour, click on this link and have a read.
You may already use these strategies.
You may have already heard of them.
If you haven’t, perhaps try them?
If you already use them, how have they worked for you?

Id love to hear your experiences and thoughts on these.

http://www.pbs.org/parents/expert-tips-advice/2016/02/teach-frustration-tolerance-kids/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=pbsparents&utm_campaign=parents_expert

Debate or Discussion?

Debate, discussion, communication and opinions.

I’m all for a robust discussion. A disagreement. A difference if opinion. Bring it on.

But so often what I’m seeing from my inside my computer, as a busy mum and blogger is that the average person is hitting the keyboard and secretly saying things online they would never dream of saying in real life.

Words, that they are humiliated and ashamed to say or even own when they are either confronted or are outed.

It’s enough. People are very much I feel happy to write the abusive email, quick text of anger and or a message of nastiness not even thinking of the implications. By hitting send in any communication form or hanging up the phone after that mean message, there will always be implications.

We all have opinion’s and we are all very much entitled to this, please remember though, your message, text, call, email may just be the final tip that really hurts someone, hurts their feelings, emotions and is unrepairable. If you send this to someone who is possible suffering depression or who may be suicidal or in a terrible frame of mind it could be the worst decision ever.

Think before your send. I’ve said this before but every action has a reaction.

You don’t necessarily know how the receiver is feeling of what they are going through. Be kind.

We’re better than this. All of us.