Category Archives: Inspiration

Suicide.

Suicide.

– yes such a confronting word, however more confronting is the statistics associated with this word.

Did you know, In 2016, the suicide rate in Australia was 11.7 deaths per 100,000 people, up from 10.6 per 100,000 people in 2007. … In 2016, the standardised death rate for males was 17.8 deaths per 100,000 people, while for females it was 5.8 deaths per 100,000 people.

That’s more than eight people every single day. One person every three hours.
That’s quite a large number wouldn’t you agree?

So why is the suicide rate rising?

Suicide is a prominent concern. Over a five year period from 2012 to 2016, the average number of suicide deaths per year was 2,795.

Suicide rates reduced across many age groups, including a moderate reduction in suicide rates for males in the high risk age groups of 35-49 years. There were modest increases from 2015 to 2016 in suicide rates for other age groups however, including males 15-24 years and females 20-34 years.

For males: The highest age-specific suicide number in 2016 was observed in the 85+ age group (34.0 per 100,000) with 61 deaths. This number was considerably higher than the age-specific suicides observed in all other age groups, with the next highest age-specific suicide rates being in the 30-34, 40-44 and 35-39 year age groups (27.5, 27.2 and 24.8 per 100,000 respectively). Those of a younger age were associated with the lowest age-specific rates (0-14 year age group: 0.4per 100,000; 15-19 year age group: 13.4 per 100,000).

For females: The highest age-specific suicide in 2016 was observed in the 50-54 age group with 82 deaths (10.4 per 100,000), followed by the 40-44, 45-49 and 30-34 age groups (8.5, 8.3 and 8.3 per 100,000 respectively).

The lowest age-specific suicide for females was observed in the 0-14 age group with 7 deaths (0.3 per 100,000) followed by those aged between 65-69 and then 15-19 age group (4.1 and 5.0 100,000 respectively).

Social media can have either negative or positive effects, Tom Simon, an author of the report and associate director for science in the division of violence protection at the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has reported.

Cyberbullying and harmful content might push a vulnerable teen toward self-harm, yet “social media can help increase connections between people, and it’s an opportunity to correct myths about suicide and to allow people to access prevention resources and materials.”
Dorian A. Lamis, an assistant professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University School of Medicine/Grady Health System, theorized that use of social media and cyberbullying may affect teenage girls more than boys, resulting in rising suicide deaths among older teen girls.

“Some research has suggested that the timing of puberty in girls is a contributing factor for the increased suicide rate,” has also been reported. Puberty starts as early as 8 in some girls. The psychosocial and physical changes may leave girls “vulnerable to depression, anxiety and other psychiatric disorders earlier on in life.” These known risk factors for suicide may catch up with a girl as she grows older.

There is not one factor that is a cause for suicide. It is not a weakness nor is it because of mental health.

Suicide affects many people and it is sometimes seen as selfish but no one should be judging because it has many repercussions.

Sometimes suicide is a result of bullying or seen as a way for the person committing suicide to get away from a certain situation an escape if you may like to think of it that way. They may be feeling isolated, scared, weak, alone, unhappy, stressed, fearful or overwhelmed. There are no exact reasons as to why someone may contemplate suicide. It’s their decision and we unfortunately on most occasions cannot change it.

No one should ‘chime in’ on negativity about suicide, no one knows what the person has been though, is experiencing or dealing with.

What we do know is that the rate in which suicide is rising, is concerning. Unfortunately the above statistics are not current, and suicide is not often spoken about. There should be no embarrassment associated with the word. We should be more aware of circumstances and situations where our friends, family and loved ones may need us.

In today’s society, we all seem quite wrapped up in our own worlds. Disconnected some may say or selfish to our surroundings. I believe that we need to be more aware and connected with those closest to us. Take not of Friends and family behaviour. Offer to listen to those whom may need to talk. Often people will bottle up their thoughts and feelings in fear of judgment.

Who are we to judge?

One persons situation may change, just by having a listening ear. Or a hand to hold, or comfort in knowing that they are valued and not alone.

There is help if you need it.

Lifeline within Australia 13 11 14
https://www.lifeline.org.au/about-lifeline/contact-us

Wesley Mission Australia
https://www.wesleymission.org.au/find-a-service/mental-health-and-hospitals/counselling/lifeline-sydney-and-sutherland/

Or if you would like to email me confidentially, my email is – noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Remember ‘Every Life Matters’.

It doesn’t take much to ask ‘Are you ok?’
Or
‘How are you?’ These 2 questions may just change someone’s feelings and life.

Healthy Tahls.

Healthy Tahls.

No so long ago I started following an Instagram page called Healthy Tahls. I’m always looking for healthy influencers that inspire me. Healthy for the mind, but also for the body.

I enjoy seeing people succeed and this page always gives me inspiration in various forms.

Tahlia who is the account owner of Healthy Tahls, is a hostilc health and nutrition coach. Tahlia posts some great recipes along with loads of positive affirmations and information on how to be a better healthier version of you.

So after clicking onto her webpage I’ve been even more inspired.

Do you want to be inspired?

Let me help you.

A quote from her website reads,

‘Women are slowly learning that we should be empowering, not competing with one another… and this really is the key to success. There’s no doubt that women can have it all, an abundance of health, wealth and love, however, in the pursuit of this, I think we tend to forget that achieving all of this DOESN’T mean achieving more than the woman next to you. Let us explain, and help you shift your mindset.’

I love this.

Do yourself a favour. Click this link.

The decision is yours.

Home

6 STYLING TIPS:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

As a qualified interior designer myself, I’m often looking at other designers work. I find inspiration and ideas that I may not have seen or thought of myself.

Design is constantly changing and evolving.

One thing I always tell clients is that your space reflects your personality and the way you live. Your space should be comfortable and suit your needs.

Sometimes we all get a bit lost in wanting our homes to look like something from a magazine shoot, however what we need to consider is the variables that are in our lives. Do we have children that we need to cater for? I mean, my kids are allowed to lay on the lounge, no shoes of course, they often throw the pillows at each other and I don’t mind.

I want them to be comfortable in their own home and enjoy being children. I don’t want the picture perfect home where they can’t touch anything. After all, I believe childhood is about experience, exploration, learning and growing.

I also want my visitors to feel welcome and comfortable, there is nothing g worse than going somewhere and panicking that your children will break or put something out of place in another’s home. I don’t want my visitors to feel that.

A home to me, should emit happy and welcoming feelings.

The below article is a great write up on how we can design our homes in simple and effective yet liveable spaces. I’ve also added the images for sone Wednesday inspiration. 💕🏠

Bungalow5

6 STYLING TIPS: GET YOUR HOME TO LOOK LIKE THE HOME OF AN INTERIOR BLOGGER

Posted on June 22, 2017

You like when I do lists and you also like it when I show gorgeous stylish homes, so today I am going to combine the two. So if you are looking to give your home a quick makeover – and make it look just like the interior blogger’s home, then just follow these easy tips for great impact.

Group Your Picture Frames
You do not always need to hang your pictures for optimal exposure. Group on the floor or on a sideboard, and do as Norwegian blogger Katerina from Only Deco Love, add a few empty frames for a more delicate arrangement. Do not overdo it though, add just one or two, as it quickly can look over styled.

Simple Book & Art Display
Displaying books and favorite pics can be tricky, often the books just collects dust in the bookshelf, while some might end in a pile on the coffee table. With simple ledges from Ikea, which can be painted in any color to match the wall color, you can easily make any corner into a gallery, which would make any gallery owner envious. Norwegian blogger Nina from Stylizimo is the one to copy.

Keep It Simple
Danish blogger Caroline from September Edit do simple like no other. Simple doesn’t need to be dool and boring, far from it. Choose a few colors that you like and stick with them. Do not deviate for any means, unless you change the entire color palatte of course.

Style That Couch
A super easy and cheap way to update your living room is to change the pillows on you couch with the season. Choose different sizes and freshen up the style with different prints and textures. And by all means, do not just fold the throw over the side of the couch … NO! Learn from The Design Chaser Michelle and make it look like you just threw it there recklessly.

Show Them Your Chairs
Stools and chairs are the new status symbols, rather you spend some serious cash on them or not, there is no reason to hide them under the table. Showing them all the way in tends to look to neat. Pull them out like Norwegian blogger Elisabeth Heier just a few inches to underline their beauty.

Style The Bookshelves
Make it into a habit of rearranging your bookshelves at least once a month. You don’t have to go all in taking everything out and then replace everything. Simply remove all your accessories and find a new spot for them. Take note from Kasia from My Full House, she knows how to style a set of shelves like a pro.

Real friendships.

Absolutely!

For the past 6 or so months, I’d been beating myself up about some friendships that I thought meant a lot to me.

I feel like I had been a good, honest, reliable and trustworthy friend to these people. Turns out the friendship hasn’t been reciprocated.

As a friend I go above and beyond to make the effort to see my ‘friends’. I drive over and hour sometimes to see them and have time with them. Over the past few months no matter how much I try to organise a catch up, I’m being either ignored or pushed aside. Deliberately or not, it has hurt my feelings and made me question if these people are actually true friends?

My husband tells me to ‘let it go’ that they clearly don’t ‘respect my friendship’ but it’s hurt me. True friends make an effort and time for those who are important in their lives, or who they value in their lives.

Why can’t people just be honest?

If our friendship has found it’s ‘use by date’ please be honest. Dont let me feel like a fool when I extend an invitation to see you. You say a ‘yes’ but it never comes into fruition. Please, tell me that you would rather not. Don’t ignore me or cancel last minute or ‘forget’ to respond for months on end. That’s shitty behaviour and not fair.

I was taught to treat others the way that you wish to be treated.

It may take me an hour or perhaps a day to respond to communications. BUT I always will. I dont make excuses. If I don’t want to see you or spend time with you. You will know in the most polite way that I can deliver the answer. I won’t ‘fake’ the friendship.

I don’t have time or the energy to be hurt or hurt others.

The Kind Of Friends Moms Need

Embrace.

Embrace

I just wanted arched the most amazing, informing and touching documentary called Embrace.

It’s so interesting to me what other people, women especially think about their bodies. I have in the past been on a journey of self hate. I thought I needed bigger breasts, smaller thoughts, smaller nose, needed to be taller, needed a perlite bottom, you name it, I possibly wanted it.

Over the years I’ve learned to embrace and love my body. It has served me well. I’m a 37 year old mother of 2 beautiful children. A 4 year old boy and 2 year old girl. My body housed and fed these little people inside me whilst they grew and were nourished by me until they were ready and able to enter this world.

I’m blessed that I am healthy, sure I get the occasional ache and pain, possibly self caused? But I’m healthy.

I understand the mind set with body dismorphia. I am a qualified personal trainer (not practicing) I’m also a qualified counsellor, so I get it. I also have many friends and family who have some sort of unloving relationship with their bodies.

When I was in my teens I had an eating disorder. I was scared of being ‘fat’. I remember really clearly when I was 15 years old shopping with my mother and older sister for shorts for myself. We were in a shop and I was trying some on, I remember distinctly I tried on a size 8 and my mum suggested I get a size 10 as she thought they needed to be bigger. I remember having a ‘melt down’ crying and being really upset because in my mind, a size 10 was ‘fat’ and I never wanted to be ‘double digits’. I refused to buy them and remember being so set on ‘loosing weight’ and being ‘skinny’. My mum has dieted all of her life and she struggled with her weight most of her adult life and I remember her doing many different ‘diets’ whilst I was young. Some worked and some didn’t, this stuck with me and instead of having a healthy loving relationship with food, I began monitoring everything that I ate. I got so bad that if I was served a steak or sausage I would get paper towel and basically get all the ‘moisture’ which I thought was getting the ‘fat’ out of it. I never ate fried food and banned butter or margarine from my menu and cut out most carbs. If I are a carb it would be ‘brown’ because in my head, white was the evil. I was really miserable because I would ‘starve’ myself of a cookie or an icecream because I thought it would make me ‘fat’.

I’m my older teenage years I was a personal trainer. I was a PT for about 4 years and my mindset went from the need to be ‘super skinny’ to the need to be ‘strong’ and muscular. Which possibly wasn’t a bad mindset, but with most things that I did as a teenager, I did full throttle. I became really quite muscular and lost my breasts, (or what there was of them) and from behind I was often mistaken for a male. This was pretty tough on my self esteem so from that I would be extremely strict on my diet, and yes you guessed it, I became super skinny again weighing about 40kg. I’m 162cm tall and quite a petite build, but with protruding hips and collar bones, it was not a healthy look.

Throughout my years I’ve learned to love my body no matter what shape or size it is. Our bodies are basically our motors. They keep us ‘running’ and keep us alive.

It took me a good 10-15 years to love and appreciate what I have and how I treat my body, but I can finally say I’m in a ‘good mindset’ with my body. Sure I have cellulite and stretch marks. I have 2 beautiful and healthy children and I have my health. I still go through phases where I do want to change things about my appearance, but all in all I’m pretty happy.

This documentary, really resonated with me. Being comfortable in your own body and loving it for what it is and can do for you is the most important thing I think we should remember.

Please do yourself a favour, watch it.

Being a ‘walking skeleton’ is not admirable by most. This documentary speaks with many women from all walks of life. Inspiring and brave. Speaking about their body love and how they have had challenges yet overcome and now value and appreciate their bodies.

Love your body for what it can do for you. Not for what shape it is. Different shapes make us unique. We are all individuals.

Body shakers should be exactly that, ashamed that they feel they can belittle someone because of their appearance.

Thank you Renee Airya and Jade Beall for making this film.

Embrace the Documentary

These dark circles and wrinkles? Yep—that’s my motherhood showing.

I love this.

Such an honest, relatable, open and beautiful read. 💕

These dark circles and wrinkles? Yep—that’s my motherhood showing.

by Beth Clark

Jumping into my car the other day, I caught sight of myself in the rear view mirror. Both kids were buckled into their overpriced car seats and we were heading somewhere distracting during a cold Canadian day.

I stopped a few seconds longer to study the woman I had become.

Familiar blue eyes still looked back, but they were cuddled by dark shadows and tickled with both heavy and delicate lines extending from every angle. I realized I truly looked as tired as I felt that morning and sunk deeply into my seat with a sigh that mourned the shadow-less face I once knew.

These thoughts of exhaustion shining through kept nudging my mind that day, and I caught myself intentionally trying to look in windows and mirrors to see if my appearance magically transformed to one of refreshment and not one that proved I hadn’t slept through the night in over four years.

No such luck…I looked like someone working hard. I looked like a mother.

That evening, I closed my eyes while sipping my wine and reflected on the daily actions that deepen these lines for parents everywhere.

Getting up every night to the calls of “Mama” or “Dada” to feed, cuddle, comfort and soothe our children back to sleep. It’s really a precious treasure to be the one who meets our little ones’ needs in the darkest hours.

Frowning as we watch our children practice a skill that could easily be expedited with our help, but understanding their need for independence and autonomy to become their own person…especially a stubborn 2-year-old!

Laying in bed, unable to doze off, thinking about our children’s current challenges. Trying to think of ways we can change as we are often the ones with a problem that they have sadly started to model.
Smiling at our kiddos, or smiling when thinking about them…because man! We do this a lot, don’t we?

Laughing along with our little one’s nonsensical jokes and their sweet sayings.

As the list grew, my mind reached a verdict.
I am a mother.

I sacrifice. I love. I laugh. I cry…sometimes a lot. I think. I hardly sleep. I worry. And I smile…once again, a lot.

Motherhood influences me from the inside out. My heart is showing on my face and my heart looks worn, it looks tired, it looks weathered and like it puts in a mega-load of hours…because it does. Hours of care, hours of concern and hours of cuddles.

I am OK with my heart being visible. I am OK with fine lines showing my love. And I am OK with shadows declaring that my nights are spent nursing and nurturing. I may try to drink more water and use a better moisturizer, but next time I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror I want to remember my motherhood first and foremost. I want to appreciate the proof of my full heart displayed around my eyes.

So Moms—be encouraged! Your motherhood is showing…and it is beautiful!

Love in wrinkles and in lines,
This Mum
*Hashtag no filter*

Imperfection makes us perfect.

Imperfection makes us perfect.

I’m the first person to admit I’m far from perfect. In every way. Although a few nights ago my husband told I was perfect. Perfect for him, which was really sweet as he is not a man that hands out compliments often. He is quite shy and very reserved. Even with me, his wife of 6 years and partner of almost 11years!

Anyway, we were chatting about my insecurities (yes I have a list) and how I’d like to change a few. I already have my eyeliner tattooed on am was considering getting my lips tattooed. Not only for vanity, I don’t actually wear any make up, call me lazy but I’m just not that girl. I’m quite the ‘tom boy’. I’ve also really got not clue, how to apply ‘make up’. If I’m going to an event, I will put on mascara and maybe some tinted moisturiser, otherwise it’s just SPF on a daily basis for me.

So I hear you asking why I got the eyeliner tattooed? Well when I was 25 (12 years ago for those trying to figure out my age, yep I’m 37 😉) I was in a sales role. I actually had my own jewellery wholesale business where I would design and wholesale semi precious gemstone and pearl jewellery into jewellery shops and boutiques Australia wide. This required me to do face to face sales with business owners. I needed to look presentable and no matter how hard I tried, I just was not very good at putting make up on. So one day I was on a big sales trip and she across a beauty salon that did cosmetic tattoos, so without a second thought, I booked myself in for my eyeliner to be done.

I must say it was the BEST decision I have made for make up. I don’t have to think about it, I don’t have to try and do it myself, and each day I look a little bit presentable with out trying!

Now mine are not super thick lines, nor are they ‘winged’, they are really quite thin top and bottom in a blue black Inc. I have green eyes so the really thin eyeliner makes my eyes stand out and also makes my eyelashes appear thicker and fuller. Almost like an optical illusion. Easy and best of all I don’t need to apply anything. I wake up, shower, moisturise and dress. Quick and easy! Leaving me more time with my little people.

So I was thinking to get my lips done. I have a few scars on my lips from various childhood battle wounds. Mainly split lips from being ‘crazy’ (it’s the tom boy in me). I was chatting with hubby about it and he said, I was perfect to him and I didn’t need it. He knows my eyeliner is done, which he quite likes. I guess he is worried that I may come out looking like a clown? I assured him I wouldn’t be going bright red, just something in similar colour to my natural lip colour but ‘fixing’ the scars. Apparently it can be done so that lips will be even and the scars no longer noticeable?

I’m still not 100% certain that i will go ahead and tattoo my lips, but it certainly got me thinking about my conversation that I had with my hubby about this subject.

It made me think, we are all perfect in our own way which makes us unique. It’s also all our own little imperfections that make us perfect. Perfect to ourselves and perfect for our partners and friends. Because let’s face it, if we all looked the same, that would be boring! We all have different wants and needs and thoughts on what we each find attractive right? If we all looked the same what fun would that be?

So back to the imperfections. What I see as something that I don’t necessarily like about myself, that I see as ‘flaws’ such as my uneven and scars on my lips, my husband says is perfect to him.

And let’s face it, who else do I need to be perfect for?

Shouldn’t I be happy with myself?

Real beauty comes from within right?

Maybe I should stop worrying about what I ‘don’t’ like about myself and focus on what I do?

Nobody really is perfect, and everyone has different ideals in what they believe to be perfect.

I think as as long as we are good honest people, should we worry about what others think of us? Shouldn’t we be more worried about our personality rather than our looks?

We we are all perfect in some way or another. Maybe I should just focus on that rather than focusing my thoughts on my flaws? Or what I see as flaws.

Why don’t I answer my phone?

Quite often I have friends call and I just don’t or can’t answer.

For many reasons, I’m changing a nappy, I’m sorting food, I’m playing with my kids, I’m doing my household chores, I’m trying to grocery shop and not buy everything that the toddler pulls from the shelves, the little ones are screaming / dancing / fighting / being noisy in general, I’m at a play date, I’m bathing children, I’m trying to get kids to bed, I’m At a sporting event, I’m scoffing down my meal before being ‘needed’ again, anything….

i will I’ll get back to you though, within a few hours. I’m not rude enough to ignore my phone. 😉

Just because I’m a SAHM (stay at home mum), that doesn’t mean I’m avail 24/7. I’ve often been told that SAHM are often busier than those who work as those employed actually get a lunch break, they can take a shower without an audience, they actually can go to the bathroom without their toddler insisting on sitting in their lap whilst they urinate. They can take 5 minutes to themselves, they get peace and quiet.

Now I’m not saying I’m overwhelmed or dislike any of the above, I actually choose to be a SAHM, call me crazy but I love the chaos and craziness of it all. I’m constantly busy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way! ❤ 👨‍👧

http://www.mother.ly/work/4-reasons-your-call-to-a-stay-at-home-mom-goes-to-voicemail?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=facebook_page&utm_medium=Motherly

5 words

5 words!

I was chatting with hubby over the recent holidays about words that I ‘apparently’ say ‘all the time’. We were having a giggle and he says ‘you always say this, do you know what it means?’ Of course my response was ‘yes, if I’m using the words of course I know the meaning’.

So he tested me. 😉 that’s my forever academic hubby! Keeps me on my toes.

So I just wanted to share my ‘words’ that I ‘apparently’ use all the time.

This is not my made up meaning, I actually have copied the true meaning from the dictionary – just to prove to hubby that I do know what I’m talking about!

Melodramatsing / Melodramatic –
melodramatic
mɛlədrəˈmatɪk/
adjective
adjective: melodramatic
relating to melodrama.
“a melodramatic comedy about Slavic miners”
characteristic of melodrama, especially in being exaggerated or overemotional.
“he flung the door open with a melodramatic flourish”
synonyms: exaggerated, histrionic, extravagant, overdramatic, overdone, overripe, over-sensational, sensationalized, overemotional, sentimental;More
theatrical, stagy, actressy, actorly;
informalhammy
“he flung the door open with a melodramatic flourish”
antonyms: calm, stoical

Retaliate –
rɪˈtalɪeɪt/
verb
verb: retaliate; 3rd person present: retaliates; past tense: retaliated; past participle: retaliated; gerund or present participle: retaliating
make an attack in return for a similar attack.
“the blow stung and she retaliated immediately”
synonyms: fight back, strike back, hit back, respond, react, reply, reciprocate, counterattack, return fire, return the compliment, put up a fight, take the bait, rise to the bait, return like for like, get back at someone, get, give tit for tat, give as good as one gets, let someone see how it feels, give someone a dose/taste of their own medicine; More
have/get/take one’s revenge, take/exact/wreak revenge, be revenged, revenge oneself, avenge oneself, take reprisals, get even, even the score, settle a/the score, settle accounts, pay someone back (in their own coin), pay someone out, repay someone, exact retribution, take an eye for an eye (and a tooth for a tooth);
informalgive someone their comeuppance;
informalget one’s own back;
raregive someone a Roland for an Oliver
“they could torment him without his being able to retaliate”
antonyms: turn the other cheek
archaic
repay (an injury or insult) in kind.
“they used their abilities to retaliate the injury”

Humiliated –
humiliate
hjʊˈmɪlɪeɪt/
verb
past tense: humiliated; past participle: humiliated
make (someone) feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and pride.
“you’ll humiliate me in front of the whole school!”
synonyms: embarrass, mortify, humble, show up, shame, make ashamed, put to shame;disgrace, discomfit, chasten, subdue, abash, abase, debase, demean, degrade, deflate, crush, quash, squash, bring down, bring low, cause to feel small, cause to lose face, make someone eat humble pie, take down a peg or two; informalput down, cut down to size, settle someone’s hash; informalmake someone eat crow; informalown
“you’ll humiliate me in front of the whole school”
embarrassing, mortifying, humbling, ignominious, inglorious, shaming, shameful;
discreditable, undignified, discomfiting, chastening, debasing, demeaning, degrading, deflating, crushing, quashing, squashing, bringing down, bringing low;
informalblush-making;
rarehumiliatory
“a humiliating election defeat”

Monotonous –
monotonous
məˈnɒt(ə)nəs/
adjective
dull, tedious, and repetitious; lacking in variety and interest.
“the statistics that he quotes with monotonous regularity”
synonyms: tedious, boring, dull, uninteresting, unexciting, wearisome, tiresome, repetitive, repetitious, unvarying, unchanging, unvaried, lacking variety, without variety, humdrum, ho-hum, routine, mechanical, mind-numbing, soul-destroying, prosaic, run-of-the-mill, uneventful, unrelieved, dreary, plodding, colourless, featureless, dry as dust, uniform, monochrome; More
(of a sound or utterance) lacking in variation in tone or pitch.
“her slurred monotonous speech”
synonyms: toneless, flat, unvarying, uninflected, droning, soporific
“a monotonous voice”

Hectic –
hectic
ˈhɛktɪk/
adjective
adjective: hectic
1.
full of incessant or frantic activity.
“a hectic business schedule”
synonyms: frantic, frenetic, frenzied, feverish, manic, restless, very busy, very active, fast and furious; More
lively, brisk, bustling, buzzing, vibrant, crowded;
informallike Piccadilly Circus
“a hectic business schedule”
antonyms: leisurely, quiet
2.
MEDICINEarchaic
relating to or affected by a regularly recurrent fever typically accompanying tuberculosis, with flushed cheeks and hot, dry skin.
nounMEDICINEarchaic
noun: hectic; plural noun: hectics
1.
a hectic fever or flush.

I know I use these words a lot and now that he has picked me up on them I think I will make a conscience effort to choose different words.

The thing is though, I’m comfortable with these words and seem to use them in correct Grammer so maybe I should just get the thesaurus out and use different words with the same meaning?

What are your most used words?

What do you think your words say about you?

Why do you think you use those words regularly?

I’d love to hear from you.

Should we make boys tough? Or should we be more gentle with them?

Psychology Today posted this very interesting article earlier this month. It’s very much worth the read. My husband is a bit ‘old school’ with the belief that boys need ‘tough love’ in order to make them ‘good men’. He often says I’m too soft on our 4 yo.

As a qualified Juvenille counsellor, Ive learned many things but this was one that I believe is really important. I’m glad I found this article and could share it with you. 💙

Be Worried About Boys, Especially Baby Boys.

Allan Schore discusses the harmful effects of stressing baby boys.

Posted Jan 08, 2017

We often hear that boys need to be toughened up so as not to be sissies. Parent toughness toward babies is celebrated as “not spoiling the baby.” Wrong! These ideas are based on a misunderstanding of how babies develop. Instead, babies rely on tender, responsive care to grow well—with self-control, social skills and concern for others.

A review of empirical research just came out by Allan N. Schore, called “All our sons: The developmental neurobiology and neuroendocrinology of boys at risk.”

This thorough review shows why we should be worried about how we treat boys early in their lives. Here are a few highlights:

Why does early life experience influence boys significantly more than girls?

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Boys mature slower physically, socially and linguistically.
Stress-regulating brain circuitries mature slower in boys prenatally, perinatally and postnatally.
Boys are affected more negatively by early environmental stress, inside and outside the womb, than are girls. Girls have more built-in mechanisms that foster resiliency against stress.
How are boys affected more than girls?

Boys are more vulnerable to maternal stress and depression in the womb, birth trauma (e.g., separation from mother), and unresponsive caregiving (caregiving that leaves them in distress). These comprise attachment trauma and significantly impact right brain hemisphere development—which develops more rapidly in early life than the left brain hemisphere. The right hemisphere normally establishes self-regulatory brain circuitry related to self control and sociality.
Normal term newborn boys react differently to neonatal behavior assessment, showing higher cortisol levels (a mobilizing hormone indicating stress) afterward than girls.
At six months, boys show more frustration than girls do. At 12 months boys show a greater reaction to negative stimuli.
Schore cites the research of Tronick, who concluded that “Boys . . . are more demanding social partners, have more difficult times regulating their affective states, and may need more of their mothers support to help them regulate affect. This increased demandingness would affect the infant boys’ interactive partner” (p. 4).
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What can we conclude from the data?

Boys are more vulnerable to neuropsychiatric disorders that appear developmentally (girls more vulnerable to disorders that appear later). These include autism, early onset schizophrenia, ADHD, and conduct disorders. These have been increasing in recent decades (interestingly, as more babies have been put into daycare settings, nearly all of which provide inadequate care for babies).

Schore states, “in light of the male infant’s slower brain maturation, the secure mother’s attachment-regulating function as a sensitively responsive, interactive affect regulator of his immature right brain in the first year is essential to optimal male socioemotional development.” (p. 14)

“In total, the preceding pages of this work suggest that differences between the sexes in brain wiring patterns that account for gender differences in social and emotional functions are established at the very beginning of life; that the developmental programming of these differences is more than genetically coded, but epigenetically shaped by the early social and physical environment; and that the adult male and female brains represent an adaptive complementarity for optimal human function.” (p. 26)

What does inappropriate care look like in the first years of life?

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“In marked contrast to this growth-facilitating attachment scenario, in a relational growth-inhibiting postnatal environment, less than optimal maternal sensitivity, responsiveness, and regulation are associated with insecure attachments. In the most detrimental growth-inhibiting relational context of maltreatment and attachment trauma (abuse and/or neglect), the primary caregiver of an insecure disorganized–disoriented infant induces traumatic states of enduring negative affect in the child (A.N. Schore, 2001b, 2003b). As a result, dysregulated allostatic processes produce excessive wear and tear on the developing brain, severe apoptotic parcellation of subcortical–cortical stress circuits, and long-term detrimental health consequences (McEwen & Gianaros, 2011). Relational trauma in early critical periods of brain development thus imprints a permanent physiological reactivity of the right brain, alters the corticolimbic connectivity into the HPA, and generates a susceptibility to later disorders of affect regulation expressed in a deficit in coping with future socioemotional stressors. Earlier, I described that slow-maturing male brains are particularly vulnerable to this most dysregulated attachment typology, which is expressed in severe deficits in social and emotional functions.” (p. 13)

What does appropriate care look like in the brain?

“In an optimal developmental scenario, the evolutionary attachment mechanism, maturing during a period of right-brain growth, thus allows epigenetic factors in the social environment to impact genomic and hormonal mechanisms at both the subcortical and then cortical brain levels. By the end of the first year and into the second, higher centers in the right orbitofrontal and ventromedial cortices begin to forge mutual synaptic connections with the lower subcortical centers, including the arousal systems in the midbrain and brain stem and the HPA axis, thereby allowing for more complex strategies of affect regulation, especially during moments of interpersonal stress. That said, as I noted in 1994, the right orbitofrontal cortex, the attachment control system, functionally matures according to different timetables in females and males, and thus, differentiation and growth stabilizes earlier in females than in males (A.N. Schore, 1994). In either case, optimal attachment scenarios allow for the development of a right-lateralized system of efficient activation and feedback inhibition of the HPA axis and autonomic arousal, essential components for optimal coping abilities.” (p. 13)

NOTE: Here is a recent article explaining attachment.

Practical implications for parents, professionals and policy makers:

1. Realize that boys need more, not less, care than girls.

2. Review all hospital birth practices. The Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative is a start but not enough. According to a recent review of the research, there is lot of epigenetic and other effects going on at birth.

Separation of mom and baby at birth is harmful for all babies but Schore points out how much more harm it does to boys:

“Exposing newborn male . . . to separation stress causes an acute strong increase of cortisol and can therefore be regarded as a severe stressor” (Kunzler, Braun, & Bock, 2015, p. 862). Repeated separation results in hyperactive behavior, and “changes . . . prefrontal-limbic pathways, i.e. regions that are dysfunctional in a variety of mental disorders” (p. 862).

3. Provide responsive care. Mothers, fathers and other caregivers should avoid any extensive distress in the child—“enduring negative affect.” Instead of the normalized harsh treatment of males (“to make them men”) by letting them cry as babies and then telling them not to cry as boys, by withholding affection and other practices to “toughen them up,” young boys should be treated in the opposite way: with tenderness and respect for their needs for cuddling and kindness.

Note that preterm boys are less able to spontaneously interact with caregivers and so need particularly sensitive care as their neurobiological development proceeds.

4. Provide paid parental leave. For parents to provide responsive care, they need the time, focus and energy. This means a move to paid maternal and paternal leave for at least a year, the time when babies are most vulnerable. Sweden has other family-friendly policies that make it easier for parents to be responsive.

5. One other thing I did not address that Schore does is the effects of environmental toxins. Young boys are more negatively affected by environmental toxins that also disrupt the brain’s right hemisphere development (e.g., plastics like BpA, bis-phenol-A). Schore agrees with Lamphear’s (2015) proposal that the ongoing “rise in developmental disabilities is associated with environmental toxins on the developing brain.” This suggests we should be much more cautious about putting toxic chemicals into our air, soil and water. That is a topic for another blog post.

Conclusion

Of course, we should not just worry about boys but take action for all babies. We need to provide nurturing care for all children. All children expect and need, for proper development, the evolved nest, a baseline for early care which provides the nurturing, stress-reducing care that fosters optimal brain development. My lab studies the Evolved Nest and finds it related to all the positive child outcomes we have studied.