All posts by admin

I career woman, business owner, stay at home mum, working mum, interior designer, Juvenille counsellor and blogging mum who loves life and beautiful things!

Saving your marriage for family.

Saving your marriage for the family. 
I was getting my nails done recently which is something that I treat myself to on a monthly basis, it is a bit of ‘me time’ which I schedule whilst both my children are at school. Anyway, I was happily sitting there quietly and another woman came in and sat beside me to get her nails done also. We started chatting, just light stuff  and she asked ‘do you live locally?’ Which I replied with yes, and gave her my suburb name. She then proceeded with where she lived and shared with me that her sister lives in the same suburb as myself. Which isn’t unfamiliar as it’s a large suburb not far from the shopping centre where we were. I was then asked the street that I lived on, which startled me, but being friendly I told her, as again, it’s a long street. To which this woman replied ‘oh my sister is number 82’. What a small world as I’m only 3 houses down from where her sister lives. 


I was then asked if I knew her sister, which I don’t personally but as we live within close proximity, I know the house and the car in which she drives etc. I drive past it every day. The woman then proceeded to tell me that her sister (who lives in the same street) and her husband are currently divorcing. I was a little shocked, but realise that there is a high divorce rate within marriages. 


Whilst 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce, they are lasting longer than what marriage did 2 decades ago. In 1993, the average length of marriages that ended in divorce was 10.7 years, today marriages are lasting 12.1 years on average. 77% of Australian couples cohabitate before getting married which may be the reason that the marriage is lasting longer than previously. Getting to know each other prior to the marriage commitment, learning each other’s habits and actually cohabiting helps to really get to know what your ‘signing up for’. 


I was then told that her sister and the ex husband simply ‘grew apart’. Which I understand is common, however also a little sad. I think most people, myself included go into married with the idea and hope for the ‘till death’ vows in mind.  
Now I’m not naive, and I do realise that people change and so do circumstances, but I’m still quite the romantic in wanting to grow old with my husband by my side. I envisage hubby and myself as great grandparents sitting on the couch and having cups of tea. 


It has got me thinking though, how many family’s stay together for the sake of their children? 
Do couples simply stay together until their children are finished school then decide it’s just not what they wanted or realise that their partner is not actually someone they enjoy being around anymore? 


People are always growing and changing. It’s human nature to evolve. Our interests, priorities, and opinions also change over time. Your spouse will not be the same person you married, they will evolve through their life, as you should. … In fact, growing apart after marriage is probably one of the silent things that could potentially destroy your marriage.


Over the course of a single day, our own ups and downs in mood swings can make little waves in our marriages. Some days are better than others – that’s just how life is, whether it’s a relationship, a job, a hobby, or anything else. Things are simply not roses all the time. People go through ups and downs. Sometimes the fluctuations are minor and sometimes they are drastic, but it can’t be sunshine and roses all the time. People can fall out of love, but only if you allow yourself.


You don’t just fall out of love. Falling out of love is something that happens gradually when you are not keeping the spark of your marriage alive.

While it may be fairly normal to have times when your connection to one another feels stronger than others, (if you have followed me for a while, you may remember a post a few years ago where I wrote about one partner being more in love with the other at any given time – which according to therapists and psychologist’s, is normal) you can resist growing apart by making a conscious effort with your loved one.

Drifting apart is only a natural occurrence if you are not doing anything to prevent it.

As with any relationship, friendship or marriage, the first step of keeping the ‘spark alive’ is spending quality time together. If you are not making time to give attention or affection, how can you expect to stay connected?

It’s important to make time for each other. I know that this can seem hard, especially when you have children or work or other commitments, but what can be more important than your commitment to your partner? 

Therapists suggest at least 8 hours per week – should be spent away from distractions like TV and phones, away from work stresses, household chores, the mundane everyday things that can distract you. This is when you can share your concerns, talk about what’s making you happy or sad, share stories and remember happy times, talk about each of your goals for the future, or just chat about things you both enjoy – the whole point is to stay connected. This will help you feel connected and stay in love with the one you married.

Drifting apart doesn’t happen instantly, it happens gradually when you allow it to. Keep your spark alive, go on dates, communicate with each other, snuggle up together, hold hands,  give each other compliments and flirt with each other. Remember what made you fall in love with each other and try to ignite those feelings or keep them alive.

Remember no relationship is perfect. Everyone has –ups and downs, but working together to get through them will make your relationship stronger if you allow it. 💗

The almost 4 year old and her tantrums.

My dear daughter is 4 in a couple of months. We are deep in throwing tantrums over to most, what would seem like ‘nothing important’.

To her, she has all these ‘BIG’ feelings and is struggling to express herself with words.

Tantrums can be exhausting and frustrating to any parent. But ask yourself, how would you explain your feelings if your vocabulary was limited and your brain was overcome and overwhelmed with different feelings and thoughts?

This is a typical day for a developing child. They have limited vocabulary. Struggle with day to day feelings and the smallest things to them can feel like it’s the biggest thing in their world.

Welcome to 3-4 year olds.

For example, yesterday my almost 4 year old had 2 tantrums within perhaps 20 minutes of each other. The first was because her 6yo brother was watching something that she didn’t want to, and instead of her watching it in another room. Miss decided to scream, stamp her feet and yell all kinds of things because ABC kids was not playing.

After we dealt with that in a calming manner, explaining to her that there is another TV that we could put that channel on for her to watch, she decided to calm her ‘Big’ and ‘important’ feelings.

The second tantrum was because she wanted avocado toast just as we were about to leave for her brothers martial arts class. As I explained to her that she can have it once we get back, that was not a good enough answer for her and she proceeded to sit in the pantry and pull out all boxed items, creating a ‘wall’ so that I could not see her. All whilst screaming at me to stop talking to her.

With this I walked away and let her calm down and within a few minutes it’s, she came over to apologise.

These are only a few examples of what we have been experiencing over the past few months. Prior to this, my little miss almost 4, has been quite well behaved and mannered.

I don’t remember my 6 year old boy behaving this way at her age.
Is it a girl thing?
Is it a second child thing?
Or is it simply because my two children are different people?
It could very well be a combination of all of the above, but in any case, I’m hoping that these tantrums start to dissolve soon.

Below is a link that I have found quite helpful.
Hopefully you will also.

Just remember, breathe and know, this is just a phase. You will survive, and you will both thrive from these ‘adventures’.

http://www.essentialkids.com.au/development-advice/development/four-challenges-of-parenting-a-fouryearold-20130402-2h5t9

Should we ban smart devices?

What are your thoughts?

I agree, young children and teenagers alike are using their start phones much more than they possibly need too.

There is always a lot of social media involved and gaming.

I know a few ‘tweens’ and teenagers, whom have become recluse, less social, lack conversational skills and basic respect for their surroundings including other people.

Adults, I know are also prone to become ‘addicted’, for lack of a better descriptive word. They have their heads in their smart phones, checking emails, social media, gaming and having conversations via messages rather than actually interacting with others.

This starts from a very young age and can be addictive from a very young age.

For me it goes beyond and should also be monitored at home, with parents and care takers, limiting access to these devices.

These devices interfere with sleep, they interfere with social behaviours and are now having repercussions on younger generations leaving them with less ability to communicate with each other.

I know parents who allow their 5 year olds to go to bed playing games or watching a movie on their iPads.

I know teenagers who ‘snap chat’ or check social media accounts all night. Maybe they fear ‘missing out’ on a status update?

Society is fast becoming obsessed with smart devices.

What future will our children have if they are too busy watching smart devices rather than having normal conversations?

Language and Grammer are suffering with children not having confidence in speaking clearing or being confident in their ability to communicate.

Are these devices doing more harm than good?

What are you thoughts?

Ban phones from school?

https://www.smh.com.au/national/nsw/schools-need-to-react-quickly-education-expert-urges-smartphone-ban-20180525-p4zhm4.html

School age debate.

School age debate.

I know this is a topic, often a spoken about, not always a positive topic, yet a topic that everyone seems to have an opinion on. So I thought that I would ‘chime in’ also as recently there was a ‘heated’ debate about it in the kindergarten playground.

I was faced with a confronting and unwelcome conversation last week by a woman that I don’t know. I was standing in the kindergarten playground chatting with other kindergarten mothers about nothing in particular when a mother that I had never met before starting making comments about our children.

See, we all have children who started kindergarten this year, and we also coincidentally have children that are turning 3 this year some boys, some girls. So when this woman passed comment that our ‘babies’ will also be going through school together, I said “that’s great will your daughter be going to kindergarten 2020?”. Not realising I had just unleashed her favourite topic!

She quickly responded with ‘no, my daughter is going 2021, why would you send your daughter early?, I mean sending a child too young has so many negative effects on them, why would you do that to her?”. I almost felt like I was being personally attacked, or that I was making a terrible decision and possibly ruining my dear daughters life.

I was taken aback – which rarely happens, and because of my silence, this woman thought it was her right to then lecture me on all the negative reasons as to why I should wait and send my daughter to kindergarten when she is 5 turning 6. You see, in her opinion sending my daughter 4 turning 5 in the May, is way too young and will undoubtedly end with teen pregnancy, under age drinking, lack of intelligence, slow learning, being left out of rep sporting teams, being easily influenced by others, difficulties with learning and socialising, and her extensive list went on. And on. And on. (Her words)

I was horrified at her response. I mean. This is the first time I’d ever met her. What a front she has to lecture anyone on their family decisions and what is best for someone else’s children. Too opinionated for my liking, that is for sure.

It really put me in a weird mindset, it made me question my husband and my decision and left me feeling quite angry and deflated. This was mind you, first thing in the morning so it played on my mind quite a lot that day. I spoke to a few friends throughout the day to vent and also get their opinions, of whom I value, and they, my friends much like myself, are of similar mindset with the school age decisions.

I also spoke to my little mans kindergarten teacher later that afternoon as this woman’s righteousness was confronting. I wanted to speak to a teacher who deals with children of varying ages on a daily basis and this teacher also, has over 13 years primary school teaching behind her. The kindergarten teacher is also of the same mindset as myself. That is, that each child is individual and ready at their own pace and in their own time.

I think I will have a better idea as to when we should start her in kindergarten once she starts preschool, however at the moment, my little miss who is not yet 3, knows her alphabet, can count to 20, dresses and undresses herself, copies and repeats her big brothers sight words, mock reads books, is extremely social, not shy, is really confident, will sit colour and draw by herself, can hold a pen or pencil with correct pen grip, will listen and take instruction and can sit through a whole movie, I think I will be ready but time will tell.

All kids are in my view, are individual and each to their own, however with this woman’s rant it got me thinking of all the negative effects that sending a child to school 5 turning 6 May encounter.

A few that really stand out to me are,
– Being an adult doing their HSC.
– Being 18, which is legal age to drink in Australia, which may mean the 18 year old who is still in high school, can and possibly will go out drinking. Is drinking whilst at school appropriate?
– Being older and holding a drivers license which at involve having other school children driving with them.
– Being older and influencing younger students mindsets.
– Wanting to ‘grow up’ too young.
– Will they get distracted or bored easily from being older?

Look, I get that this is a very personal topic, I think that either way, sending your child at 4 or 5, if you are raising your children in a way that you feel appropriate and comfortable with, your child will make the right decisions. They will know what is acceptable and hopefully make good decisions. It’s very individual based on each child differently.

I see valid points from both sides, however what I didn’t appreciate was being ‘force fed’ this woman’s opinion and how forthcoming she was with telling me how terrible I was as a parent for even considering sending my daughter to kindergarten at age 4 with her birthday in May.

What are your thoughts?

 

Family Disconnect.

Family disconnect.

There is an interesting saying, ‘you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family’.

I was chatting with a close friend of mine last week about family and how some are just so different from ours. We were both saying how we feel ‘disconnected‘ from our families as we are so different in personalities and beliefs.

It’s interesting to me how people from the same blood line can be so different in many ways.

My friend was saying that when she had her children, she thought that her bond with her mother would become better and would bring them closer, but in actual fact it has become worse, almost like her mother is jealous of her?

The grandmother (her mother) doesn’t really see her children often, given that they don’t live close to each other, however the grandmother doesn’t even call the ask how they are. Which is sad and heartbreaking because even if you have differences with your child, shouldn’t you still want to be an active part in your grandchildren’s lives?

When I grew up, I was seeing my grandparents often. Weekly if not every few days. Now I can’t remember if this was because both my parents worked and we stayed with them whilst my parents worked, or if we were there on visits? Anyway, I have very fond memories of spending time with my grandparents. Doing nice things together and it brings back great memories and warmth within my heart.

I guess everyone is different and people have their own lives and agendas. It was sad to hear the pain in her voice though, feeling that because she and her mother don’t really get along, that her kids don’t have active grandparents within their lives.

I know society is different nowadays and some grandparents are still actively working full time and have their own social lives, but should the grandchildren be punished or miss out on having their grandparents in their lives because of family differences?

My little guy is off to kindergarten this year, however at the wonderful preschool that he attended, they would go visit a retirement village monthly so that the kids would have a ‘grandparent’ experience and also, so that the elderly would have interactions with young children. I thought this was great as my little guy loved it.

My two little ones don’t see their grandparents very often, so this was also great for my little man who relished in reading books with the elderly within that retirement village. They also played games of snap, hide and seek and did gardening and artworks. I personally think that it’s great for the elderly also, as sometimes they don’t have family visit or they don’t actually have any living family close by.

I think that there is a certain amount of happiness given in both behalves. The young ones receiving knowledge and time from their peers and the elderly receiving smiles, laughter, innocence and happiness from the kids. My little man would come home with such excitement in his voice telling me about all the amazing things he did with these caring and thoughtful people.

When I was about 14 years old, my best friend in high schools mother, used to work in a retirement village in our local town. After school we used to go past her mothers workplace and visit the elderly. We would read with them, listen to their stories, watch them play piano and play card games together. I remember some of the stories that I was being told by These retirees about getting a horse and cart to school as there were not busses, and only the very wealthy had cars. Looking around their rooms and seeing a very different lifestyle but all the same a very happy life that they had lead. Such fond memories that I still hold.

We are extremely fortunate to have the most wonderful neighbours. They adore our two little ones and are often popping over to see them and chat with them. My two also adore them. They have their own children and grandchildren, however they make the time and put in the effort for my two. Which I personally find special.

We have quite a long driveway to get to our mailbox, so even on the walk up my little girl will often ask if we can go visit Ken and Robyn. Which melts my heart because it shows she enjoys their interactions. We often bake for Ken and Robyn and take them treats when we visit.

In this day and age, why do people hold grudges within their families?

Why can’t differences be put aside for the sake of innocent children?

In the long run, it’s the children that suffer by not having active grandparents within their lives. I suppose the grandparents also will suffer in some ways as they are missing out on watching these gorgeous and innocent young children grow up?

I know that I can be stubborn and hold a grudge, but I don’t allow that to affect my children.

My heart breaks for my friend and her children. It’s a difficult situation. I guess that’s why the saying goes ‘you can choose your Friends but not family’.

What are your thoughts on this?

Are you disconnected from your family or parents?

Does it affect your children?

I’d love to hear from you. Drop me an email noordinarymummy@gmail.com

💕

Suicide.

Suicide.

– yes such a confronting word, however more confronting is the statistics associated with this word.

Did you know, In 2016, the suicide rate in Australia was 11.7 deaths per 100,000 people, up from 10.6 per 100,000 people in 2007. … In 2016, the standardised death rate for males was 17.8 deaths per 100,000 people, while for females it was 5.8 deaths per 100,000 people.

That’s more than eight people every single day. One person every three hours.
That’s quite a large number wouldn’t you agree?

So why is the suicide rate rising?

Suicide is a prominent concern. Over a five year period from 2012 to 2016, the average number of suicide deaths per year was 2,795.

Suicide rates reduced across many age groups, including a moderate reduction in suicide rates for males in the high risk age groups of 35-49 years. There were modest increases from 2015 to 2016 in suicide rates for other age groups however, including males 15-24 years and females 20-34 years.

For males: The highest age-specific suicide number in 2016 was observed in the 85+ age group (34.0 per 100,000) with 61 deaths. This number was considerably higher than the age-specific suicides observed in all other age groups, with the next highest age-specific suicide rates being in the 30-34, 40-44 and 35-39 year age groups (27.5, 27.2 and 24.8 per 100,000 respectively). Those of a younger age were associated with the lowest age-specific rates (0-14 year age group: 0.4per 100,000; 15-19 year age group: 13.4 per 100,000).

For females: The highest age-specific suicide in 2016 was observed in the 50-54 age group with 82 deaths (10.4 per 100,000), followed by the 40-44, 45-49 and 30-34 age groups (8.5, 8.3 and 8.3 per 100,000 respectively).

The lowest age-specific suicide for females was observed in the 0-14 age group with 7 deaths (0.3 per 100,000) followed by those aged between 65-69 and then 15-19 age group (4.1 and 5.0 100,000 respectively).

Social media can have either negative or positive effects, Tom Simon, an author of the report and associate director for science in the division of violence protection at the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has reported.

Cyberbullying and harmful content might push a vulnerable teen toward self-harm, yet “social media can help increase connections between people, and it’s an opportunity to correct myths about suicide and to allow people to access prevention resources and materials.”
Dorian A. Lamis, an assistant professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Emory University School of Medicine/Grady Health System, theorized that use of social media and cyberbullying may affect teenage girls more than boys, resulting in rising suicide deaths among older teen girls.

“Some research has suggested that the timing of puberty in girls is a contributing factor for the increased suicide rate,” has also been reported. Puberty starts as early as 8 in some girls. The psychosocial and physical changes may leave girls “vulnerable to depression, anxiety and other psychiatric disorders earlier on in life.” These known risk factors for suicide may catch up with a girl as she grows older.

There is not one factor that is a cause for suicide. It is not a weakness nor is it because of mental health.

Suicide affects many people and it is sometimes seen as selfish but no one should be judging because it has many repercussions.

Sometimes suicide is a result of bullying or seen as a way for the person committing suicide to get away from a certain situation an escape if you may like to think of it that way. They may be feeling isolated, scared, weak, alone, unhappy, stressed, fearful or overwhelmed. There are no exact reasons as to why someone may contemplate suicide. It’s their decision and we unfortunately on most occasions cannot change it.

No one should ‘chime in’ on negativity about suicide, no one knows what the person has been though, is experiencing or dealing with.

What we do know is that the rate in which suicide is rising, is concerning. Unfortunately the above statistics are not current, and suicide is not often spoken about. There should be no embarrassment associated with the word. We should be more aware of circumstances and situations where our friends, family and loved ones may need us.

In today’s society, we all seem quite wrapped up in our own worlds. Disconnected some may say or selfish to our surroundings. I believe that we need to be more aware and connected with those closest to us. Take not of Friends and family behaviour. Offer to listen to those whom may need to talk. Often people will bottle up their thoughts and feelings in fear of judgment.

Who are we to judge?

One persons situation may change, just by having a listening ear. Or a hand to hold, or comfort in knowing that they are valued and not alone.

There is help if you need it.

Lifeline within Australia 13 11 14
https://www.lifeline.org.au/about-lifeline/contact-us

Wesley Mission Australia
https://www.wesleymission.org.au/find-a-service/mental-health-and-hospitals/counselling/lifeline-sydney-and-sutherland/

Or if you would like to email me confidentially, my email is – noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Remember ‘Every Life Matters’.

It doesn’t take much to ask ‘Are you ok?’
Or
‘How are you?’ These 2 questions may just change someone’s feelings and life.

Nailed On Beauty.

Now I’m not one to advertise on my blog. However I’ve had a dear friend contact me asking for help.

Her beloved beauty salon is seeking a new therapist to join their team in Frenches Forest (Sydney, Australia).

I have been to this gorgeous salon and have actually had treatments there myself. Which I highly recommend.

It’s clean, the staff are lovely, it’s easy to find, good street parking, reputable and all the staff are extremely qualified in many areas of beauty therapy.

Some of the treatments that they offer are –

Waxing
Nails – manicure, pedicure, shellac, gel, buff
Eyelash extensions
Facials
Cosmetic tattoo – eyeliner, eyebrows, lips etc
Spray Tan
Make Up
Piercings
Tattoo removal
Laser

If you or anyone that you may know, may be interested in joining this lovely team. Please contact Sarah for a chat.

02 9451 7341

Or send your CV (resume) through to Sarah.
NailedOnBeauty@OptusNet.com.au

Again, I don’t advertise on my blog, BUT this is a great opportunity for someone to join a great team and learn from some of the best beauty therapists in Sydney.

What have you got to loose? 💗

Toddlers and teenagers.

Teenagers and toddlers.

I was chatting with another mummy at a birthday party today and we were comparing stories about our children. I was saying how my little miss is pushing boundaries like there is no tomorrow (hello tantrums ) whilst she was talking about her teenagers.

What we both found interesting was the similarities in behaviour and reactions. My stories also bought back memories for her, from when her children were younger.

I know this may sound offensive, especially if you are a teenager reading this, however similarities in back chat, attitude and general rudeness are uncanny.

During our conversation we shared many a laugh with comparing stories, yet also shared ideas on how we can deal with our situations.

Disrespectful or rude behaviour in both toddlers and teenagers is pretty common. Although these phases do eventually pass.

Not all toddlers or teenagers are rude or disrespectful, but some disrespect is a normal part of both toddler and teenage growth and development. Otherwise known as pushing boundaries.

This is partly because your child is learning to express and test out their own independent ideas, so of course, there will be times when you disagree. Which in return may cause arguments.

You will find that having your child develop their own independence is a key part of growing up and a good sign that your child is trying to take more responsibility.

We both agreed that our children’s moods change very quickly and sometimes for no apparent reason. My two year old can throw a tantrum over me giving her the wrong plate colour at dinner time whereas my mummy friend said her teenager can throw a tantrum with yelling, slamming doors, ignoring her wishes or grunting at her when she has asked for a simple task to be done.

Because of how our brains develop individually, your child isn’t always able to express their changing feelings and reactions to everyday or unexpected things. This can also lead to over-sensitivity, and over reactions that may be seen as grumpiness or rudeness.

Sometimes disrespectful behaviour might also be a sign that your child is feeling particularly stressed, anxious or worried.

As a parent, you might feel hurt, worried and unsure about why this behaviour is happening. Your child used to value your interest or input and perhaps be ‘closer’ with you, but now it seems that even simple conversations with them can turn into an argument. My toddler most definitely hates when I suggest she do something different to what she wants. According to my friend, her teenager has similar reactions when she asks them to make their bed or put their used plate in the dishwasher. My miss, will proceed to tell me ‘no, I not, I no likey you’ whereas her teenager grunt and moans at her over a similar request.

What we must remember though is that both toddlers and teenagers are trying to express themselves. Toddlers generally struggle with words or expressing themselves verbally whilst teenagers struggle with feelings and emotions. Toddlers throw tantrums when they feel frustrated whereas teenagers may feel unheard therefore they shut down and this behaviour can be mistaken for rudeness or disrespect.

Around the age of 13 a child’s brain start to think in a deeper way than it did a few years earlier, they can have thoughts and feelings they’ve never had before which they may struggle with accepting, while some young people seem to burst into the world with a conflicting and radical view on everything. This shift to deeper thinking is a normal part of brain development. As with most things, people will always deal with things differently.

What we both conceded was in both our situations, mine with my bossy, Indepandant, argumentative toddler and her with her rude, abrupt and disrespectful teenager is that if we staied calm during these outbursts the situation was fused quickly.

It is important if your child reacts with ‘attitude’ to a discussion that you stop, take a deep breath, and continue calmly with what you wanted to say. By reacting with aggression or similar attitude, you may find that it escalates the situation. It can also confuse the child as to what behaviour is actually acceptable. If your irrational or aggressive, your child may think this behaviour is acceptable and behaviour in a similar situation.

In a difficult situation try to use light humour. A shared laugh can break a stalemate, bring a new perspective or lighten the mood and tone of a conversation. Being a lighthearted parent can also help take the heat out of a situation – but avoid mocking, ridiculing or being sarcastic. I find that with my kids, if she is in the thick of a tantrum, if I walk away she may escalate or if I change the subject and perhaps put her favourite show on TV it may diffuse her. Whereas my friend said that by Ignoring her teenagers shrugs, rolling eyes and bored looks it also diffuses the situation, but if she demands an apology for the ‘attitude’, it can be like adding petrol to a fire.

During these power struggles with your child, If you are feeling angry or frustrated try not to take it out on your child. They don’t understand what they are feeling and are most likely struggling with your emotions also. What we need to do as a parent is to teach the child, be it a toddler or teenager that their behaviour is not appropriate or acceptable. If you become defensive or agitated your child will then most likely react in a similar way.

Try not to take things that your toddler or teenager say personally. It might help to remind yourself that your child is trying to assert their own independence.

Even though you have more life experience than your child, lecturing them about how to behave is likely to have them stop listening to you. If you want your child to listen to you, you might need to allow them to speak freely to you also. Communication goes both ways and the child needs to feel respected in order to feel valid. Much like nagging, this is not likely to have a positive effect. It might increase your frustration, and your child will probably just scream at you or switch off. As with sarcasm your child may start to resent you and as a parent, I know that I do not want that type of relationship with my children.

Speaking with this other mummy today has made me feel like this ‘terrible two’ situation is easy in comparison to her ‘terrible teenager’. My eldest is only 4 but rest assured I’m planning on putting boundaries in place in hope that he won’t behave irrationally during his teenage years.

What are you experience’s of toddlers and teenagers?

Did or do you have a similar experience?

I’d love to hear from you.

Terrible twos!

The terrible twos!

Well let me just start with OMG….

My precious little girl has recently entered the ‘terrible twos’. Now I’m not one to ‘label’ people or stereotype, but after hearing stories about the ‘terrible twos’, I’m pretty certain that my little miss, has decided to join that club.

Let me start by saying that although I’ve had some questionable days with my 4 year old, nothing he ever said or did is even close to what my little miss does.

Maybe it’s a second child thing?
Maybe it’s a girl thing?

I’ve heard that girls can be more ‘bossy’ and also the second child learns from the first? My first isn’t badly behaved, although he can push boundaries, he is no where near as brave to push me to limits where my miss thinks it’s funny.

I really know when it started, but most days (of late) we have a tantrum of some sort and over petty things? – well things that seem petty to me.

We can have tantrums because I got her shoes that she didn’t want to wear.

She can throw a tantrum because she wanted to do her own hair.

Sometimes tantrums are because she wanted to sit on a particular part of the couch.

Or a tantrum can be caused when I open her snack when she wanted too.

Oh and let’s not forget when I get her the wrong colour cutlery for meal times, and the list goes on…

Anyway, each day is different and I’ve learnt not to expect 100% perfect behaviour all day long. Now I know that kids can’t be perfect, I definitely let things slide, but picking my battles is becoming more of a lifestyle choice.

I understand that tantrums are often sparked by a child’s frustration at their inability to complete a task or voice and explain themselves correctly. The child thinks that they should be able to do on their own things and their own way and when they don’t succeed, it seems like they have failed themselves and in return they throw a ‘doosey’.

On top of this frustration, toddlers quite often get frazzled doing simple things because they do not have the language skills to express their feelings which equates to their temper being shown, therefore throwing a ‘temper tantrum’.

I’ve learnt that tantrums are normal for the development of every child. Each child goes through this (maybe some not as bad as others) however These tantrums will decrease around age 4, once motor and language skills are better developed.

When it comes disciplining my little miss, during one of her many tantrums, I’ve learnt it’s important for me to remain calm and avoid inadvertently reinforcing the behaviour. If I don’t, it makes her worse. Sometimes I feel like laughing of throwing a tantrum myself (merely from frustration) but I keep it together. I am the adult. 😉

If I keep my emotions in check, I find she generally calms down sooner. If my emotions escalate or I yell or get cranky at her, her temper is 10 fold.

I remember laughing at her once and it was like adding fuel to a fire. She laid on the ground kicking and screaming and yelling “I no likey you, go away me now”.

I try not to confront her. Instead, I walk away and do something else, basically I ignore her. I don’t make eye contact or speak to her, I simply wait for her to calm down. This has helped with ensuring her that I am not reinforcing her bad behavior.

After the tantrum finishes I go and provide her with reassurance and guidance. Speaking to her in a relaxed and calm tone and telling her what she has said or done is not appreciated or nice. Sometimes she is receptive, others she just sobs and ignores me. I guess I can’t expect too much, she is only 2.

With each tantrum I’m trying to teach her how to express her feelings through words instead of throwing herself around and screaming.

Reassuring her that I still love her, but not her tantrums then we move on to the next activity.

I thought that having a very stubborn boy was tough, honestly my little miss is so defiant, stubborn, head strong and loves to assert herself. I know it’s only a phase and will soon pass, maybe I will miss it (possibly not) but I know it’s all a learning process for us both.

Have you a strong willed child?

What are your experiences with tantrums and the terrible twos?

I’d love to hear from you. Xx