With the current lockdown feeling like it’s never going to end, I feel like most people are experiencing heightened emotions.
I myself know that I am feeling a bit ‘lost’ and not myself. I’m finding myself becoming ‘snappy’ at my children, and for silly things, that I wouldn’t normally allow to bother me. Things like not sitting properly on the chair to do their schooling. What I’m forgetting is that most children can’t actually sit still for prolonged periods of time.
Some nights I loose my patience when I’m putting them to bed, when they ask for me to lay with them or if can they have ‘pats’. I snap and say ‘just go to sleep, I’m tired too.’ I then retreat to my room feeling ‘mean’ and cry.
I cry because I’m feeling overwhelmed,
I cry because I feel helpless,
I cry because I’m feeling like I’m stuck in a rut,
I cry because I feel like sometimes there is no end in sight of this lockdown ending,
I cry because I worry that I’m not teaching my children enough whilst they are not in a normal school or learning environment,
I cry because I worry I’m not being a good mum,
I cry because I’m loosing my patience,
I cry because I yelled at them in frustration,
I cry because I feel alone,
I cry because I am out of my usual routine,
I cry because I can’t remember the last time I saw my friends,
I cry because it’s been too long since I hugged a friend,
I cry because I feel like a insufficient.
I know that I am not alone in having these feelings.
I know that many of us are all feeling similar emotions at the moment and there isn’t much that we can do. But as a whole community we can ensure that each other are safe and sane.
Check in on your friends, text them, call them, let them know that they are not alone. Just a simple gesture letting someone know that they are in your thoughts, may be enough to help them smile. It may brighten their day. It may lead them to open up and express how they are feeling which we all know, venting or expressing our feelings is a release of emotions. It may be the release that they need.
I had a beautiful friend check in on me yesterday, and her small gesture, simply reaching out via text message helped me feel less lonely. More normal and not judged by my emotions. It allowed me to vent a little and fund perspective. She understood and comforted me which really helped.
So many of us put on a brave face, a strong exterior appearance but are hurting or feeling differently on the inside. And that is perfectly ok.
There is no right or wrong way on how we should feel during these difficult and different times. We are all individual. Some of us may struggle to show emotions. I know that sometimes I do. Maybe I fear having people see me as ‘weak’ or maybe I just don’t want to be judged. I know many people will judge. And that’s ok them, people will judged based on their own insecurities. We all do it to some degree.
These strange times (lockdown) that we are going through can test us all, and bring out sides of us that we normally wouldn’t feeling or experiencing. And thats ok.
We all have resilience in us. But don’t let that resilience break. Remember self care. Remember to do something for you. Even if it’s just something small like taking a bath with candles. Sitting alone on a balcony with a glass on wine. Reading a book. Putting yourself to bed early with your favourite movie. Something for you.
As a parent myself with two young children. I am with my children all day every day. I have not had any time to myself in approximately 7 weeks without someone needing me, it can become exhausting. I love and adore my children more than anything, but sometimes all you need is 5 minutes alone.
Yesterday I drove by myself to collect the dry cleaning from the red box. Alone. (My children were with my husband) Just those 7 minutes alone was enough for me to feel a little revitalised. No one asking for food, no one asking where I am, no one seeking me out whilst I’m in the bathroom, no one needing help with school work and no one needing me.
Don’t get me wrong, I love that I’m needed and that my children feel confident and comfortable asking me to help them. I want to help them, and do as much as I can for them, because at some point in time, they will no longer need me and I will yearn for them to need me. But as a mum it can sometimes feel overwhelming and monotonous. Especially in lockdown.
There is a perfect saying that is ‘you can not fill from an empty glass’. So fill your glasses. Don’t run empty. You are not alone in this. Take care of you. All the emotions are real and ok. Just heightened at the moment. Reach out. Look after you. 💗