I will be honest, today was tough…
I cried on numerous occasions out of frustration and the feeling of defeat.
My very robust and super active 4 year old has been waking about 5am every morning for the past 2 weeks. I am tired.
Throughout the day he is busy, although he can play solo, he has been craving my attention and begging me to play with him. It’s not quiet play though. He wants to play superheroes or Jiu Jitsu. Both of which involve wrestling or jumping around ‘chasing bad guys’. It’s exhausting.
I try to tell myself that he is only 4 and I should relish in his want to play with me, as soon he may not want to, but – and I know there should not be a but, but there is. I’m tired.
I stay up late waiting for my husband to get home which is generally about 9:30pm. He works late most nights. By the time we chat, reconnect and have some time together, it’s about 11pm. Only to be woken at 5am if not earlier.
Running on empty and then having busy days it can get the better of me, and today it did.
I’m usually quite strong and can handle a lot. I take it in my stride, but I’m also human.
Today my little guy pushed all kinds of boundaries. As did my 18mo. They fed of each other’s energy and both were full on.
Whilst we were out at Jiu Jitsu this afternoon my little guy was just being silly and another mother passed a comment, a negative comment that hurt my feelings. I chose to ignore it but eventually it got to me and my eyes welled up. Yep in public, I was so embarrassed I tried to hold it together but the tears streamed down my face.
I had to go outside and get ‘fresh air’. It was hard.
I know he is still only 4. I also know he is pushing boundaries and I need to set some really firm ones.
Today I just wanted to ‘give in’. I had a burn inside me where I wanted to pack both my kids back into the car and drive home. Drive to my safe place where there is no one to judge me. No one to tell me how to reprimand my child. No one to snarl at me. No one to pass negative comments at me. No judging eyes. No looking down your nose at me and No looks of disgust.
I then got this post hit my mail box.
I needed it.
I know I shouldn’t feel embarrassed or threatened by my children’s behaviour, but today I did.
Tomorrow is a new day.