When friendships change after babies.
It’s a tough reality but it happens. Unfortunately when we have babies and our circle of friends don’t, things change. It’s not always the friends fault either, we as mums get busy, and the more children we have, the busier we become.
We have mothers group, early childhood visits, swimming lessons, reading class, gymbaroo, ballet, kick-a-roo’s, preschool and that’s just the start.
So we are not blaming our non parental friends at all. Well I’m not. I do however sometimes feel left out, like they are still out doing lots of amazingly fun things.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mummy more than anything ever in the whole world however I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I were single and childless?
Would I be still going out to night clubs or how would I spend my Friday and Saturday nights? I’m 35, I think that if I was to go ‘clubbing’ I’d feel like a granny facing with 18 year olds. So no I guess I wouldn’t be going out and ‘partying’ as such.
I sometimes feel like perhaps our ‘common ground’ has changed and that we no longer have similar wants and interests. Being a mother requires you to be 100% devoted to your children 100% of the time. You bought them into this world and they are reliant on you to help guide them, teach them and look after them. They are your responsibility.
So what happens when your the ‘odd’ one out now that you have children and your friends don’t?
I have many supportive friends whom I still regularly catch up with. My best friend loves my children and we often catch up and still have fun together. She is 8 years younger than I am and doesn’t have children herself. However she recently became engaged but even prior to that, we would catch up on a regular basis, easily fortnightly. We have been friends for over 9 years and I have been married 5 and have 2 children, a 2yo and a 4month old.
She loves my children and treats them as her own. I appreciate that our catch up’s no longer involve nights out drinking and dancing. But we still make the effort to see each other and we take the kids to a park or we go to a child friendly cafe or even just for a walk. My children love being outdoors and call my best friend ‘Aunty’. Which I love as she is like a sister to me. It’s a compromise. She understands my situation and is happy to do child friendly things with me to include my children.
She has also passed comment that she loves my children and enjoys seeing them and understands and appreciates that my priorities have changed since having children and respects that I’m no longer ‘into’ going out clubbing or partying.
So why is it that some friends are not so forgiving and those friendships change so much that you feel like perhaps you have the ‘plague’ or ‘ebola’ and that your single friends no longer have time for you in their busy lifestyles?
I was reading an article on this a few weeks back and the writer suggested that perhaps the friends don’t like children or could even be envious?
Yes children are hard work and myself as a mother of 2 really young ones will be the first to admit that but I wouldn’t change it for anything.
I think that true friends will always make time for you and vice versa. They will accept that your life has changed but they won’t disown you.
It’s disappointing that we sometimes loose friends when our lives evolve but there are always some wonderful new ones just waiting to meet you. Other mummies with their own children and other common ground.
We all evolve and change as people lets take the positives with us and not allow the negatives or disappointment to hang around. True friends will always make an effort for their important friendships.