Playground correctness

I just read this blog on how parents are worried about the perception from their peers about their parenting.

Fear of judgement in what they believe is good or bad parenting.

It got me thinking. So many parents mostly mothers are so worried about being judged for their parenting style or in some cases ‘lack there off’.

Some parents are helicopter parents and don’t allow their children the opportunity to make mishaps. Constantly hovering to correct the child prior to making a mishap. How can they learn if they don’t experience?

This story speaks about mothers who correct the way their children play. Not allowing them to play in dirt or throw sand or even get dirty.

I agree with the writer here. What happened to allowing our children to play and interact with others at playgrounds and parks without interfering?

Yes I believe a parent should step up and observe their child’s play tactics / antics however I also think that children should be allowed to be children and find their own boundaries. Of course to an extent without harming another.

I’m not a believer of taking your child to the park to play so that you can sit with your phone and get on social media. I think it’s very important to play and interact with your child / children however allow them to grow an be children. Remember they are only children for a short time. Let them enjoy their childhood.

I have been the mother that people snarl at or look down upon. I have a 2.5 year old boy who can be quite boisterous. He plays with dirt and uses sticks as swords and can be a little rough at times but i absolutely step in and discipline him if he decides to get too rough or if I see him beginning to get ‘too much’.

I get judged constantly but I’m used to it.

I’m also the mother who apologies to children and their parents if my child hurts or is mean to another and I do also make my child apologise. Perhaps this could be looked at from many perspectives, I could be seen as the ‘don’t care mother’ who allows their child to play freely and use their imagination and interact with the possibility of rough play or I could be seen as the mother of the ‘naughty child’.

Either way, people will always judge, they will always stare and most people will have something to say about another child be it good or bad.

I allow my children to play freely and be active and imaginative. I’m not going to ‘helicopter’ over them and correct them before they do something (unless I know it’s going to be bad) and I want my children to learn their own boundaries (within reason).

This is a great read. Well written and got me nodding whilst I read it. Go ahead – have a read.

http://blog.kinstantly.com/mommy-correctness-on-the-playground/

Sibling arrival.

Sibling arrival.

So how do we cope when number 2 arrives?

My first born is my only boy and is amazing. I never thought I could love another the way that I love him. I think the first born always has you feeling like you make never have enough love to share.

For the first 2.5 years it was he and I. We did everything together and perhaps I doted on him and spoilt him. He was my first born and the love of my life. I was and still am totally besotted by him.

Then number 2 came along. My little princess. I now have 1 of each and feel so blessed. Besotted by both. Amazing how much love you can feel for your children.

However, my little guy now seems so rough and boisterous. How do I deal with this when I have a newborn to protect?

My little man doesn’t understand that newborns require mummy’s attention whilst they are awake including breast feeding. I solely breast feed.

I’ve found these first few months were hard work trying to juggle my little mans needs and feelings while I sat to breastfeed, and my newborn needed the majority of my attention. Just as she would latched on, my little guy would ask to play, and I would find myself snapping, “can you please wait!” I feel so guilty over this but she needs to feed and she certainly doesn’t understand.

He is only 2.5 years old so how does he understand?

For the most part he is amazing. I can put a movie on and he will watch whilst I feed but the past few weeks he has became very demanding of my attention and will climb all over me whilst I’m trying to breastfeed the baby.

I’ve tried a special treat of food or a box of special toys that he is only allowed to play with whilst I breastfeed but neither of these seem to work. He simply wants my attention.

I have sat him down and asked him why he does it. His response was ‘I need my mummy’. It almost broke my heart. I know he needs me and I need him but I can’t help but find myself feeling frustrated with the situation.

I’ve read various blogs and books in dealing with sibling jealousy but am finding nothing seems to work for us.

I don’t like to snap at him and I feel terrible when I do. I can’t lock myself away to feed and when the baby is asleep, he has my undecided attention. We play anything that he wants – which is mostly pirates. I’m feeling a bit lost. What else can I do?

He is only in preschool one day per week and my husband thinks he needs to go more often but again I feel guilty as I’m a stay at home mum. I feel almost like I’m palming him off when he could be home with me?

I’m also a big holder of ‘mummy guilt’ he is the last to be dropped to preschool and the first to be picked up each week, I simply miss my buddy when he is there. I do know he has a great time whilst he is there and that it’s good for him to be social with other children and in a learning environment but I do miss him.

So how do we deal with the arrival of a new sibling?

How do we teach the older child that we still love them as much as ever?

How do we manage the jealousy?

How do we protect the newborn?

How do we time manage?

I thought I had it all under control. Seemingly not. My little man is spoilt, I will and can admit that I have and do spoil him. Perhaps it’s my fault he is lashing out and misbehaving?

Is his behaviour a jealousy thing?

When the baby is asleep he has my undivided attention. We play, we read, we watch movies, we garden, we do everything together.

Why does he feel he needs to misbehave when I’m holding the baby or showing her attention?

Because he was my only child for 2.5years and I allowed him to be the centre of my universe. Perhaps this is my reward? A child who doesn’t understand ‘sharing’ as such yet?

However at 2 years old they don’t yet understand ‘sharing’. They still play side by side at school rather than interact together or shall I say ‘play together’. They are still thinking ‘singular’ and perhaps that to some extent that they are still ‘attached’ to their mother?

All these theories but which one is correct?

It’s interesting as so many people are so quick to pass comment and judge your parenting skills and or techniques.

My thoughts to those who pass comment, especially when they are strangers who don’t know you or your situation – but then does this actually matter? Is who do you think you are to pass comment and or judgment? Are your children the most well behaved in the world?

How do we feel confident in raising our children to be well adjusted, happy, caring, considerate, loving, giving, fair, successful people if we are constantly being judged in our every move?

autism

A friend of my husbands wrote this beautiful piece about his son who has been diagnosed with autism.

It was published in The Sun Herald here in SYDNEY this past Sunday. (Which also happened to be Australia’s Father’s Day)

The writer, my husbands friend, speaks about his acceptance of his child, how he will love him no matter what and will do everything to ‘help’ rather than ‘fix’ his beautiful innocent son.

Such a touching piece of writing and very well said.

http://m.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/parenting-and-families/i-learned-to-let-go-of-the-urge-to-fix-my-son-20150904-gjfdr8.html

Being a step parent.

My husband sent me this article earlier today. He says it’s helping him to understand the ‘challenges’ of being a step parent.

Are you a step parent?

What are your thoughts on this article?

I think it’s defiantly worth a read. So many people are so quick to call step parents ‘step monsters’ and judge the situation.

I personally don’t think it’s anyone’s right to judge another’s situation.

We are all different and we all parent differently.

We all fall in love for different reasons and we all have various relationship requirements.

Some of us can’t help who we fell in love with. Others choose to be more picky with choosing their partners.

I have  friends who would never date anyone who have children to other partners and I totally respect that. Being a step parent is challenging.

Id love to hear your thoughts on this article.

Email me – noordinarymummy@gmail.com

or find me on Twitter @noordinarymummy

or Facebook www.facebook.com/noordinarymummy

http://powertochange.com/sex-love/support-stepmom/

 

Who’s right to discipline?

Who’s right to discipline?

Yet again I’ve had strangers pass comment on my children. This time however my 2 year old was being a little bossy.

Now I’m not a helicopter parent, I do allow him to play in the park or at an indoor play centre with other children and I don’t hover to ensure everything that he does is by ‘others standards’.

The other day we happened to be at an indoor play centre with some friends and my little guy was playing on a climbing thing which had slides and a ball pit and various other child friendly things.

My little guy was happily playing with other children (some we didn’t know, but hey I’d rather he make friends with other children than be shy) I was sitting approx 10 meters away watching him happily play with an older boy whom I’m guessing was approx 4 or 5 years old.

Now let’s be honest with ourselves, boys can be rough, they can be boisterous and they can be bossy. Gosh girls can be also but I find girls more bossy than boisterous. Anyway, my 2 yo was playing with this older child at the top of the climbing frame and another child was climbing up when my 2 yo said ‘you can’t come in my castle’. He and the little boy he was playing with them laughed and ran away. Now I would have thought that at some time or another any child would say such things. I didn’t see any harm in it and the older boy whom my little guy was playing with was saying the same thing. I don’t know who instigated it but they were both saying it.

I was watching from afar and could see that my little guy wasn’t being rough, nor hitting, nor pushing it being ‘hands on’ in any way.

I saw an older man approx 55 walk towards all 3 boys shaking his finger. I thought best I’d go intervene. As I was walking over the older man said to me ‘is this your kid?’ I responded yes. He then said in a quite abusive tone ‘he is being bossy, either you stop it or I will’.

My response was quite civil and I said ‘sorry, they were only playing’ I then smiled and walked away with my 2 yo. I could have reacted in a very different way and now I kinda wish I had of told this old ‘bleep’ where to go and mind his own business. If I had of reacted that way though I would only be stooping to his low inappropriate level.

Now I’m not sure what planet this guy came from but in my planet, I’d never say that to another parent nor would I threaten to discipline another child nor would I discipline someone else’s child. I find it down right rude that a stranger thought he had the right to say that to me or anyone and also think that he had the right to act upon it.

I went and got my son from the climbing thing and took him back to the table and asked him what he was doing. He said just playing, the friend that I was with and her children said he wasn’t doing anything wrong from what they could see.

What was this mans problem?

Who in their right mind would think its ok to disciple someone else’s children? Especially a strangers child?

I wonder how he would feel if the roles were reversed and I decided to act the way he did. I wonder what his reaction would be?

This is a very busy indoor play centre and I have been there previously with my children many times and have never had any issues up until this day.

Now I’m the first to admit, kids will be kids and I try not to be a helicopter parent but under no circumstances would I allow my child to be a bully or to hurt other children. I do monitor and watch my child’s every move but I certainly don’t panic and I do allow him to make his own choices. After all I do want my children to be well rounded and be able to make their own positive choices.

My child has been picked on and bullied to an extent previously but as most adults know, kids will be kids. I didn’t intervene, I simply chatted to him about it. Children push boundaries it’s their way of expressing themselves and working out each other personalities. If my son was being aggressive or hitting or touching the other child perhaps I would have been a little more cross at him and more understanding towards the grumpy man. Instead my 2yo and the older boy were simply playing and said the other child wasn’t allowed in their castle. I’m pretty sure other children have said similar if not worse.

This isn’t where it stopped though. As I was walking back, an older woman decided to say to me as I passed her table ‘your little boy is so naughty, so so naughty’. I just gave her a look of ‘mind your own business’.

So where does the issue start and stop?

Does this strange man or strange woman have the right to speak to me the way they did?

Was my 2 yo out of line?

Is it their right to discipline other people’s children?

How would you feel if you or your child were spoken to in this way?

Would you disciple another child that wasn’t yours?

Email me – I’d love to hear your stories. noordinarymummy@gmail.com