Ok, so recently I wrote a blog on cheating.
Ive has many readers contacting me and asking if my marriage is ok and if this refers to my relationship or a family members.
No it doesn’t. My marriage is wonderful, I have a very supporting and loving husband and as far as I know, my sisters hubby isn’t cheating 🙂
So I wanted to elaborate on my cheating blog. I’ve altered it below and elaborated to give more info on why this cheating came to my mind as something to write about.
Once a cheat always a cheat?
I’ve just watched the ‘true tori’ interview where Dean McDermont admits to cheating in his wife Tori Spelling.
Now I’m not sure what’s worse, the fact he has cheated on his wife whom he has 4 children with or the fact it’s on TV?
I’m a huge believer in monogamy. Call me old fashioned but I don’t believe that you take vows of forever, in sickness and in health and make promises to your partner to be faithful if that’s not what you intend on doing.
I also don’t quite understand the idea that cheating is ok? Then the ‘cheater’ blaming their partner? How is this normal?
Remember there is speculation that he cheated on his first wife with Tori Spelling.
I’ve once heard that the ‘cheater’ said they no longer felt wanted by the partner which is why they cheated. Perhaps instead of infidelity they should talk to their partner and try to resolve issues?
I guess I’m some cases it’s their ego that needs a boost? This still doesn’t make it right in my eyes or beliefs.
It also makes me think, will the ‘cheater’ ever be happy and content with the one partner?
Will they always have the inclination to stray and cheat? Are they simply deceitful people?
What would you do if you were cheated on?
I was cheated on by a long term partner and initially I blamed myself, thinking I wasn’t enough and why couldn’t I make him happy or please him?
What I soon realised is that he was the one with the issues not me. It took me a while to stop blaming myself and realise that I actually did nothing wrong and that it was him at fault.
What I’ve also learnt from my advanced diploma in counselling is that infidelity generally comes from the same inner emptiness as alcoholism, drug abuse, food addiction, gambling, over spending and so on. In case ‘s of infidelity, when the underlying reason is emptiness due to self-abandonment, the addiction is to attention, approval or sex , using another person to fill the inner emptiness and take away the inner aloneness. Instead of being the ‘bigger person’ and ending the current relationship, the ‘cheater’ takes their emptiness and aloneness with them into their next relationship. And so the cycle continues.
Someone who cheats in one relationship is almost certain to do it again unless they fulfil themselves and heal their inner brokenness.
You cannot expect to put your emptiness and aloneness into someone else. You need to fix your own problems prior to staring a new relationship.
I know that I would never date someone whom I know has previously cheated. Perhaps I have trust issues from my past or perhaps I simply wouldn’t want the continual thoughts of ‘what are they up to, or am I enough?’
My theory is simple and I’ve known many people who cheat on their partners and many who have been cheated on. In my eyes it’s a low act.
Hurting someone for your own fulfilment. How is this fair? I don’t think these people ever change and that there will always be the inclination there for them to repeat offend.
I’ve been with my now husband almost 9 years, married for over 3 years and I can wholeheartedly say that yes we argue and yes I get cranky and upset with him, I personally don’t believe any relationship is perfect but at no stage have I or would I ever contemplate seeking intimacy with someone else.
Not as I fear loosing what we have, I don’t fear much, what I would feel is loss. I would have lost my best friend, my soul partner and the man whom I adore who also is the father of our beautiful little boy. I just couldn’t bare to hurt either my husband not my beautiful son.
If I have an issue or feel insecure, low, upset or angry I talk it out and make things work. I think cheating is an easy option for weak people to escape reality.
It takes a stronger person to fix a problem than to cheat and betray for your own personal pleasure hurting those who you supposedly love and care for the most.
I understand that someone may pursue you, however you have the control to walk away and not accept. Take responsibility for your actions and know that for every action, there is a reaction and reputations are hard to change.