Through thick and through thin!

Through thick and through thin.

So the saying goes, you will stick by your partner through thick and through thin. Why is it that this saying doesn’t always ring true?

Marriage is supposed to made upon love, respect, trust and understanding. Why are something’s simply left misunderstood or unsaid?

One would assume that when standing face to face with your loved one, saying those special life combining vows, that your happily ever after will remain.

No one ever wants to hear the three little words ‘this isn’t working’ we all wish to hear ‘I love you’ or ‘we can work through this’.

Why is it so hard to always be on the same page?

Yes relationships are hard and they most always will certainly need work at some point. Weather you have been together 10 years or 10 days, no relationship is perfect and there will always be hardship right?

I think that having hardship and working together makes you stronger as a couple. For every battle there will be a make up and I think that every relationship needs some tough times, this shows the love and respect that you have for each other as a couple to get through the hard times.

No relationship is perfect 100% of the time and I personally believe that if your putting on a facade that your relationship is perfect, what are you really hiding?

Truth is and studies show that to have a 100% non fight and totally agreeable relationship one person will need to ‘bow down’ either hold their thoughts and options to themselves in order to keep the other person happy.

If this is in fact true, why are why changing our options for our partners and why shouldn’t we speak up and have our own thoughts and opinions? Why are we trying to please everyone? Are we scared of failure or scared to voice our opinion in fear of offending or hurting someone’s feelings?

Arguing can be seen as communicating and voicing or sharing issues. In a relationship where there is not even a heated conversation, it could be that one or both parties don’t feel safe enough to express themselves. They doubt whether they can be honest about their feelings and be heard, respected, and still loved.

A lack of argument can also signal a lack of commitment to each other or the relationship. If you just don’t care about the longevity of your relationship with someone, you might just keep your head down and ignore anything that comes up because, ultimately, it won’t matter in the end.

I know in my marriage vows I said ‘through good times and through bad’. Yes I occasionally don’t see eye to eye with my hubby and we do argue. I think this keeps our relationship real and I know he respects my opinions and likes that fact that if we don’t agree on a topic that I challenge him.

I’m not a shrinking person and I won’t agree in order to please or keep the peace.

We all have our own opinions and we are all very much entitled to have them. Any partner who scrutinises their significant other, for having opinion should have a look at themselves.
What are they hiding?
Are they controlling?
Do they feel insecure?
Is this why they don’t like you to speak up?
Or are they simply embarrassed or afraid that you may in fact challenge their thoughts?

If you’re arguing over small, petty day to day insignificant things just to get interaction, or to be validated, or in fact if your trying to push someone away out of fear or rejection it’s unhealthy for both you and your relationship. What you really need to do is take a good hard look at what you really want from the confrontations and find healthier ways to have your needs met.

Fact is that when blending your life with another person’s it isn’t always going to go smoothly. It takes work and there will be times when various differences come between you weather you think they are important or not.

The important thing is to learn to navigate these ‘arguments’ so that you can come out the other side feeling more secure, intimate and respected in the relationship.

No one gets taught how to argue with our significant other. There’s usually no standard instruction manual on how to deal with the possible arguments of day to day life that we might get into with someone whom we love, but knowing how to ‘argue’ well is one of the best tools for a long term relationship. It can close the divide between a love that is slowly disintegrating, and a love that is true, strong and more intimate with years gone by.

It’s very natural that you’re going to fight once in awhile. However, being frustrated or angry with your partner doesn’t have to be destructive and it doesn’t have to ‘end in tears’.

Working through issues teaches you about each other and by learning you can appreciate each other more and the love and respect can and will grow.

Talk to each other in a calm manner and never go to bed on an argument. All that will do is brew overnight and possibly neither person will sleep well. Therefore being overtired will only cause more destruction within the argument.

A great therapist once said;
“You can’t control anyone else’s behaviour. The only one in your charge is you.”

A great article on relationships and arguments is in the link below.

http://www.rachaellay.com/arguing-can-make-your-relationship-healthier/

Expectations on looking good.

We all want to look our best right?

So why do we set ourselves such high standards?

A lot of women ‘aspire’ to look like models, lately I’ve read articles on how ‘amazing’ a certain ex supermodel still looks and she is 50. What I wonder is, why do we worry about what they look like and why are we comparing ourselves to them?

Models are paid to look good it’s their job. Just as we are paid to go to work, whatever our employment may be, looking good is their employment. If they didn’t look good they wouldn’t get the ‘job’ as such and therefore would be unemployed.

What a lot of us also forget is, majority of the time their salaries exceed ours and they often have personal trainers on a daily basis, nutritionists, chefs to prepare their meals ensuring it’s to their standard and possibly calorie controlled or part of a particular eating plan which allows them to just eat and not have to plan like majority of us.

If we all had help like models have we could all look that way.

Which also brings me to another point, do we all want to look like a model? It seems like a lot of hard work to me.

Why are we not happy with the way we are?

Why do we put pressure on ourselves to look like someone who is paid to look a certain way?

Mums in the east.

Mums in the east!

For those who follow my blog you will know I live in Sydney. There are always so many things to do to prohibit boredom in this wonderful city but sometimes it can be overwhelming choosing just what to do.

Here is an amazing website that helps you to choose what best suits you and your families needs.

Very easy to navigate and comprehensive with lots of helpful tips on where to play, where to eat, what is kiddie friendly, where to shop and most important for me, where to get the best morning coffee! 🙂

Written for mums (and dads) by a mummy herself!

http://www.mumsintheeast.com.au/about.html#.U9LZa4wwH-Y.facebook

 

Easy peasy play doh!

No Cook Play Dough

2 cups plain flour
1 cup salt
1 tablespoon cooking oil
½-1 cup cold water
2 drops food colouring

Method

Combine plain flour and salt
Add water and oil.
Mix until ingredients are combined.
Knead well.
If consistency is too wet add a little plain flour.
If too dry add dribbles of water until you gain the desired consistency.

Divide the play dough into 4 large balls and make each ball a different colour using the food colour. Remember adding more colour will deepen the colour of your dough.
This is a quick and easy recipe that kids can help make as well as play with.

This can be stored wrapped in cling wrap or in an air tight container.

Play dough can dry very easily and quickly so if it does simply throw away and make some more 🙂

If you like you can also use cookie cutters and make shapes to use as trinkets or decorations.

Just remember if these are hanging decorations to add a hole at the top prior to baking so that a string or ribbon can be tied through once cooled.

To make dried decorations place your dough cut in shapes on a baking try and place in a hot oven approx 200 degrees for 20 minutes.

Have fun!

 

Guest writers wanted..!

Guest writer’s wanted 🙂

Hi all my wonderful readers!

I’ve recently had a few offers for guest writers.

I am very open to this.

Please submit your article to me at:

noordinarymummy@gmail.com

Pending the entries, I will publish one per week as they submitted.

Keep an eye out for your post on noordinarymummy.com

Thanks and I look forward to receiving your entries.

No ordinary mummy x

Ps – if you have a blog or website you would like me to write about or mention, please email me your link and I will check it out 🙂

Domestic Violence.

Domestic violence.

We all know someone or are related to someone who is or has been a victim domestic violence.

After watching 60 minutes tonight I feel I need to write about domestic violence. I’ve been watching the Gerard Baden-Clay story and I’m reeling with anger.

Weather or not you believe he murdered his wife Alison. Or weather or not you believe it was an abusive relationship and marriage domestic violence is very much a part of today’s society and it needs to stop.

Some super scary statistics show that just under half a million Australian women reported that they had experienced physical or sexual violence or sexual assault in 2005.

38% of these women who had been assaulted either sexually or physically report it was by a partner.

It’s been confirmed that one woman dies every week from domestic violence within Australia.

In NSW alone, 24 women were killed last year (2013) in domestic-related incidents.

Of all homicides in NSW, 42 per cent are domestic.

One woman is hospitalised every three hours across the country
from domestic violence.

Please remember as horrifying as these statistics are, they are the sad truth that could possibly be higher.

Unfortunately not all domestic violence cases are reported and many men and women are silent victims. They may be too scared or ashamed to speak up. To tell the truth. Perhaps fear of judgement by their peers or perhaps fear of revenge by their assaulter.

This needs to stop!

Too many women are dieing from domestic violence and it doesn’t stop there. Children are also victims which is terribly sad. Innocent and unsuspecting children at the hands of these violent disgusting people.

I’m not saying it is only men being abusive. There are many women in this world who are just as abusive both physically and mentally. Manipulating and belittling their partners. Perhaps as an act of jealously perhaps an act of low self esteem? Who really knows why these people behave in such a manner. What I know is, it should not be tolerated.

Changing laws to ensure the world is a safer place will require the courage of those victims to stand up and be brave. To speak about their abuse. We as a nation need to stop allowing abusive men to make lame excuses such as ‘Im sorry, I promise it won’t happen again’. Or ‘ I’m so stressed and anger took over, it won’t happen again’. Whatever the excuse violence is a low and criminal act.

Abusive doesn’t always mean being hit or punched or kicked, it can also be being yelled at, belittled or spoken to in a demeaning way. Sometimes the verbal abuse can be more scaring and hurtful than the physical.

Scars and bruises can be covered up with make up. Some people can be extremely mentally strong and are able to hide the emotional scaring or block out these feelings of hurt to the outside world ignoring them and pushing the aside.

It’s the emotional scaring that is so intense that it can remain for forever more haunting it’s victims. This emotional scaring is always in the minds of these victims and will always remain, no matter how hard you try to block it out or push it away, it’s happened and as a victim it can’t be change.

Australians used to regard drunken abusive behaviour by husbands as the normal. For many centuries, men have grown up in families that functioned in these violent circumstances, keeping it secret from their neighbours, friends and peers yet many remain deeply affected.

Sadly, though, many of these abusive people have claimed to be suffering mental abuse, often driven by a jealousy or low self-esteem. They try to destroy the confidence of their victim to the point where they feel like a prisoner and become dependent on the abusive person at hand.

We need to stand as a nation and stop domestic violence.

If you are a victim of domestic violence please stand up. There is help out there and you need not live in fear.

I have pasted some links below where you can get help.

If you would like to talk more to me about domestic violence, please feel free to email me on –
Noordinarymummy@gmail.com

 

http://m.police.nsw.gov.au
https://www.1800respect.org.au/workers/fact-sheets/mandatory-reporting-requirements/
http://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/subjects/domestic-and-family-violence
http://www.domesticviolence.nsw.gov.au
http://www.domesticviolence.com.au/pages/domestic-violence-statistics.php

Chicken n Veg Sausage Rolls!

Easy chicken n veg sausage rolls

Ingredients
1 cup wholemeal breadcrumbs
500g mince (chicken or beef)
2 eggs – 1 for mixture plus 1 lightly beaten for brushing on pastry
1 zucchini, finely grated
1 carrot, finely grated
1/2 onion, grated (optional)
4 sheets frozen puff pastry, just thawed

Tomato or sweet chilli or sauce, to serve
Step 1
Preheat the oven to 200°C and line 2 baking sheets with baking paper.

Step 2
Put all filling ingredients into a large bowl (not including pastry and second egg). Combine well.

Step 3
Place 1 pastry sheet on a floured surface and fold in half. Spoon approx 3 tablespoons of mixture lengthways along the end of the pastry.
Roll along until your pastry looks like a log.
Repeat with remaining pastry sheets.
Cut rolls into desired lengths and make two small incisions into each roll to prevent splitting. This lets the inside heat out which causes the pastry to split otherwise.
Place on baking sheets, cover and chill for 30 minutes.
Brush with beaten egg.

Step 4
Bake for 25-30 minutes or until the rolls are lightly browned and cooked through. Serve with sauce on the side.

Best served warm but can also be eaten cold and will keep in the fridge for a week or freeze.

These can be varied depending on the flavours your family like.

I generally use beef mince and by grating the carrot and zucchini finely they are disguised and little ones don’t and can’t pick it out 🙂 extra unknown vege yippee! 🙂

Communication etiquette

Communication etiquette

I have met some wonderful new friends lately and some of them are married to men with ex wife’s.

I guess with the Australian divorce rate at 43% many relationships have ex wife’s or husbands. In saying that though, statistics show that if you marry after the age of 30 your marriage is more likely to go the distance.

Chatting with my new friends we were discussing how their partner communicates with the ex. Most of them have children involved so they have to communicate but it interested me as to how they communicate and how often.

To my surprise the ex wife’s of most of these men are quite demanding with communication. Don’t they realise their ex has moved on and is remarried with a new family?

There is this one ex who still signs off with a ‘x’ now to me and most of my friends an ‘x’ is a kiss right? I asked my new friend if her hubby and his ex were close. Her response was ‘no, but I think the ex does it to erk me’. Now this isn’t a surprise to me as I’ve had my fair share of dealing with troublesome ex’s however my thoughts were, ‘how immature’.

Another new friend was telling me that her hubby’s ex wife will text at all hours and demand that he response and is asking for all types of things, mostly asking for money having to to pay for extras on top of her child maintenance but also complaining that she can’t get a sitter to watch the child so can he take time off from work to have him? If he says no she plays the guy card saying that the child would really like to see him and misses him and please can’t it just be in his lunch break. If my friend wasn’t as trusting and confident in her marriage and also knowing how much her hubby dis likes his ex wife, this could have ruined their relationship.

Now we all know some women can be like this however how would they feel if the tables were reversed and it was an ex wife contacting their new husband if they were to have one? My guess is they wouldn’t like it too much as must people with these personality types are generally selfish, jealous and controlling.

Statistics show that most women have a fear of being alone and also letting go. Is this why some insist on still being part of the ex hubby’s life and like to cause drama within his new family? It makes me wonder, do they enjoy being a ‘pest’?

Another new friend also told me that her hubby’s ex wife emailed him asking for a ‘one night stand’ as she wanted another child but wanted her children to have the same father. I find this very weird and asked if this was before my friend and her hubby were together. To my response she replied with ‘nope, we had been together about ) months, I’d met their children and she knew of me’.

Another says that the ex sends the child to their house wearing clothes that are either 3 sizes too small or completely ruined, knowing that it’s embarrassing for both the child and the step mother so that the step mother will go and buy new ones but then when the child wears them back to his mothers / ex wife she then doesn’t return them. Apparently this is a continuos thing and constant battle with the hubby’s new family.

Another says that her and her hubby pay the private school fees along with extra sporting activities and purchase all the school uniforms on top of child support otherwise the mother / ex wife doesn’t buy them and the child misses out. She claims she can’t afford it?

I thought that child support us 19% of the non living with parents salary paid monthly to the parent who the child lives full time with? All of this to my knowledge is what child support is supposed to pay for? Some women are getting $280 per week for 1 child whom she only has 3 day one week and 6 the next so only having the child 9 days out of 14 but insisting on being paid high child support and extra.

Where do you draw the line?

You don’t want you child to ‘miss out’ on things.

Seriously, what are some people thinking? Or are they not thinking?

Apparently these women think that any time is sufficient.

So what do you think is appropriate etiquette for contacting ex’s?

I have friends that don’t contact at crazy hours nor do my family. General consensus is common courtesy right? What time would you find appropriate for calling or texting someone?

 

Online shopping!

Favourite online shopping?

Weather your a stay at him mummy, tied to your desk or just love the online shopping experience, below I have listed a few of my favourite affordable online shopping favourites.

Let’s face it, who does like receiving a little something in the post right?

These links have something for everyone. Various styles and something for every budget! From resort wear at ASOS to evening and causal wear at nex direct, basics from cotton on. There is something for everyone. You will even find a few home wares on these websites but for artwork – that special piece, try United Artworks or even get something commissioned by a wonderful Sydney artist who is exceptional at his work. Very talented artist Alessandro LJUBICIC.

I often buy my little ones shoes from next direct and my workout gear from cotton on body which is a brand under the cotton on banner.

I’ve purchased a few evening gowns from ASOS and also work wear from next direct. Whatever your shopping needs, I hope you find something that you like in my top fav online stores